TAEMIN'S P.O.V.

FLASHBACK TO PREVIOUS P.O.V.

"Taemin... Oh god. Can you hear me? Taeminnie?"

"Why would you do this..?"

"Please come back..."

I heard all these things, but I wasn't able to answer, my voice worn out. I blinked my eyes open and saw my hyung's scared and tired faces looking down at me.

They relaxed at the sight of me opening my eyes. Key ruffled my hair and smiled. "Where... am I?" I asked.

"The hospital, Taeminnie," He paused. "Why did you do that you yourself..?" He said, his voice suddenly becoming serious.

"Because.." I started, but the stinging in my throat my too harsh to go on.

"Yeah?" He prodded.

"It was because of.. Alina. Because I don't want to let her go," I choked out.

"...Taeminnie... we're going back to Korea as soon as you're better, I'm afraid you can't see her anymore. You already knew that though, right?" He said, sadly.

I bit the inside of my cheek so hard I tasted blood. I couldn't see because the tears were blocking my sight.

"Sorry, hyung.." Minho patted my back.

"Yeah, sorry Taeminnie," Jonghyun echoed.

"We're here for you though.." Key said, pursing his lips.

I hated being treated like this. Like the stupid child. Like the maknae.

"DON'T PITY ME," I roared, pushing them away from me.

They went quiet,  surprise flickering across their faces. I hated them all right now. Not them as people, just what they were saying, what they were doing.

I wanted to slap them. "I never ing get what I want. Not even once," I said. They didn't answer. They knew I never cursed unless something was really really wrong.

"I would do it again, you know. Cut my wrists. I don't regret it," And with that, I went silent, not talking to them no matter how much they pleaded.

I didn't even talk to them when we were back in Korea.

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Days without Alina felt like years. And I got more and more tired out everyday. 

I couldn't dance or sing anymore. It became more difficult every time I practiced, so I stopped practicing.

I didn't talk to anybody. I usually just sat around, spacing out while thinking of Alina and I. I knew I should've been practicing. SMTOWN New York was just three weeks away, and I had a feeling I would see Alina there. But I couldn't get myself to.

When Lee So Man heard about my laziness, he punished me harshly, giving me another bulging bruise on my cheek. It felt like someone had hammered my face. So, instead of not practicing, I channeled all my negative energy into it, and finally, I improved. I wanted to be good for Alina, as well, so I worked hard.

The weeks dragged by, but finally, we landed in New York. I hadn't said one word to anyone since the hospital incident, just nodding or shaking my head whenever I was asked a question. By now, my hyungs had given up on me. At first, they said some things that terrified me, like: "Maybe he should go to a doctor," and "I don't think he's mentally healthy," but Key always protected me, saying, "He's just a teenager, let him be,"

But still, I just stared blankly, expressionless, since all my tears had been cried out.

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"Ready, Taemin-ssi?" Our stage manager asked me as he placed the microphone on me. I wasn't, but I just nodded, not wanting to worry him. The countdown to the concert started giving me a pounding headache, and I peeked out into the audience nervously looking for Alina.

But as I looked out, my heart dropped. There were so many people. I would never be able to find her in this sea of people. But just in case she really was out there somewhere, I walked out onto the stage, trying to be the Taemin that she always loved, the goofy and confident, cute Taemin. Not the depressed and immature one. My real self.

As we were finishing 'Replay', I saw a flash of golden-blonde hair. Alina? I thought, looking for the source of the blonde hair.

The girl was pale, her cheeks rosy. Her hazel eyes sparkled as she looked at us, and her hair was shiny. Her eyelashes brushed against her deep double eyelids. She was gorgeous.

It was her, but it wasn't the old Alina. This Alina was scarily skinny, almost like a skeleton. I stared at her, my heart jumping out of my chest.

She looked up into my eyes for a brief moment, and I felt a shock of electricity. But when she noticed me also looking into her eyes, she looked away and covered in surprise. It was her, alright.

I missed you. I thought. I wanted to reach out to her.

Minho speaking brought me back to reality. "Now Taemin-hyung will choose a girl to serenade!" He said, patting me on the back. I nodded. I knew exactly who it was going to be.

As I walked in her direction, the lights blinding me, she looked down, avoiding any kind of eye-contact with me. But I stood in front of her, shielding my face from the light so I could properly see her, my hand reaching out for hers.

"You," I said.

She looked into my eyes, and I froze. It was definitely her. I could tell. She grabbed my hand- which sent a rush up my spine- and sat down on the chair on the stage. I serenaded her, trying my hardest to act myself. Could the millions of shawols see my smile twitching? Could they see the tears forming in my eyes? Could they see the longing in my face as I looked at her? I could tell she was upset too, because when I tried to talk to her after the performance, she wouldn't respond, running off the stage as soon as she could.

"Hyung! Go get her!" Minho encouraged, yelling from across the stage. The concert was in fact, over. I ran after her, but I couldn't find her anywhere. I asked tons of people if they had seen her, and they all said no.

But it didn't take me long to find her. As I passed the girl's bathroom, I heard sobs and her saying, "Why Taemin?"

Aish~ I really hurt her didn't I?

I ran in, suddenly seeing her sitting on the floor, her knee gashed open and blood all over her hands as she tried to stop the bleeding. I quickly grabbed the first aid kit, disinfecting the cut and wrapping it.

She looked at me, tears dropping from her eyes. "T-t-thanks..." She stuttered. I washed the crusty, dried blood off her hands until they were spotless.

I never thought I'd hear her beautiful voice ever again. Even though it was barely audible, it was enough to send butterflies shooting through my stomach.

"Alina.." I said, tucking a loose strand of her golden hair behind her ear.

She looked at me, wide eyed, tears still falling. I also shed some tears. Thank god she was okay.

But she wasn't exactly okay. "Alina... are you... eating well?" I said, touching her cheek. 

She looked down, biting her lip. I knew what that meant. "I just h-h-aven't been able to eat..."

It made me sick to think that I hurt her that much. I didn't want to ever hurt her, ever again.

But then she looked at my wrists, wide open. "TAEMIN!" She cried out, more tears falling this time.

"I'm sorry..." I said, putting my arm around her. "Shhh.." I cooed. "Shhh.."

"But.. but.. why..."

"I missed you too much, jagiya," I said. She rested her head on my shoulder, crying more.

She didn't stop crying, and I knew there was only one way to stop her. I grabbed her face gently in both my hands and kissed her. At first, she didn't kiss back, but then she finally did, wrapping her arms around my neck, her eyes squeezed shut and tears running down her cheeks. I pulled away and she looked at me like a small, hurt puppy. But at least she stopped crying.

"Alina, listen to me.." I said, and she nodded. "I was stupid. Naive. I should've fought back when he hit me. I should've yelled back when he yelled at me. I should've done it for you.. for us. I love you, and you know that. I promised you I always would. So why are you crying?"

"W-well... to be honest... I was sure you moved on... I mean, you work with such... talented, pretty, girls... that..." She stuttered.

"You think I would ever date any of them? They're all conceited, stuck up, airheads. I only have eyes for one girl, and that girl is the most amazing, most beautiful, most funny, and most sweet one of them all. I couldn't settle for anyone else," I said, really saying what my heart was telling me to say. I could tell it was the right thing when she hugged me tightly and quickly, giving me a hint of a smile.

"I missed you, oppa. Don't leave me..." She said, kissing me lightly on the cheek.

"I won't ever leave you again," I said, grabbing her hand and helping her up. But she was limping too much, so I carried her out and got in our car. 

She fell asleep quickly, probably because of all the crazy events that had happened all in about 2 hours. Her face was so peaceful. I kissed her forehead and smiled to myself. Thank god she was okay.

_____________________________________________________________________

As I walked to my room, Key patted me on the back. I was so happy. She was finally mine again.

I set her carefully down on my bed and got in next to her, wrapping my arm around her, never wanting to let go.