I was sitting on my bed in my apartment staring at my phone for about two hours now. It was almost midnight and I had promised Hangeng and Heechul that I would call Kyuhyun within today, otherwise they wouldn´t have let me go home tonight. But I couldn´t do this phone call in front of them. Well, I didn´t even know if I was able to do this call by myself as well. The courage that I had before was almost completely gone again. Still I had to do it. If I don´t do it, my friends will know and they would be angry because I promised to do it. Come on Hyukkie, you can do it. Slowly I pulled the piece of paper with two phone numbers out that I received from Sungmin. With shaking hands I dialed Kyuhyun´s number and pressed the call button. I still had shaking hands when I took my mobile to my ear. But it went straight to voicemail. I couldn´t just leave a message. That just... no... So I ended the call again. What should I do now? I could just tell my friends that I tried to get a hold of Kyu but he had his phone turned off the whole time. But then I would really need to call him in front of those two because they still might think that I lied. Should I call Sungmin´s number? Aish, why did he have to have his phone turned off now? Or was he already sleeping? I mean it was pretty late already and... Oh well, at least try it once, Hyukjae! So I dialed the second number on my little piece of paper and this call actually went through. My heartbeat also started to get faster. I was so nervous.

"Yoboseo?", I could hear a person on the other end of the line.

"S-sungmin-sshi?", I stuttered.

"Dae, who is there?", he asked. He still sounded as nice and calm as he did when we first met and he stayed behind to talk to me.

"It´s Hyukjae, K-kyu`s..."

"Oh Hyukjae-sshi. I´m happy that you called. Are you alright? Is the first shock over after meeting your ex-boyfriend for the first time after a few years?"

"D-dae I..."

"I´m happy to hear that. You know Kangin and I shouldn´t have come with Kyuhyun back then. I´m sorry if this made you feel uncomfortable or anything, okay? We really didn´t mean any harm by that but he asked us to come with him and all." I knew that he talked this much to make me relax and he actually kind of succeeded in that.

"I know, thank you Sungmin-sshi. D-do you maybe know where he is? I-I tried calling him but his phone is turned off and I-I..."

"Oh right, his battery died a few minutes ago. He is practising with me right now because I will debut in the beginning of next year and I don´t feel too secure about my voice and you know that he is a really great singer so he offered to help me. Oh sorry, you don´t want to hear this for sure. Just a second and I will hand the phone over to him. I´m really glad that you called." Now the nervousity was back. Soon Kyuhyun would take the phone and then...

"Hyuk-ah..." Kyuhyun. My heart started to beat too fast again and my head didn´t seem to function well anymore. "Hyuk-ah?"

"D-dae, it´s me."

"I´m so happy to hear your voice." He sounded sincere although it was still hard for me to believe his words after everything that has happened. But I know that I wanted to trust him. This was crazy. Just crazy.

"D-do you m-maybe have time to meet me?"

"Yes, of course! Do you want to meet right now? I would be so happy if we could meet and talk everything through because there is a lot of explaining that I have to do and I know that and I´ve been waiting for your call and..." Woah, he was excited. And it was hard to make him talk nonstop like that. I didn´t know why but it made me smile.

"Kyu-ah..."

"Oh mianhae, I was blabbering, right? I´m just... sorry..."

"If you are busy now because you want to practise some more with Sungmin-sshi, it´s okay, you know? We can meet tomorrow or some other time or..."

"No, I can explain and Sungmin will surely understand why I will leave right now. Where do you want to meet? Should I come to your company once more?"

"Yes, let´s meet there first. When could you be there?"

"Give me 20 minutes and I´ll be there."

"Arraseo, so I´ll see you in 20 minutes then." Just when I wanted to end the call, Kyuhyun started to talk quietly once more.

"I´m really so happy that you called, Hyukkie. I really am. See you in a bit." Then he ended the call. I could feel how I blushed. After over three years that we haven´t seen each other, he was still able to make me feel like this. He didn´t even do anything for that matter. It was just a normal call but now I was so excited. I should be mad and not feel excited about meeting him. But I just wanted to hear his reasons for once. Still, should I trust him or Donghae´s words about what has happened or not happened between them? Well, I still needed to give him a real chance to explain, right? Eomma, I still don´t know what is right and what is wrong when it comes to Kyuhyun and me. I sighed heavily. This talk would help me to see more clearly again, wouldn´t it?

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About 20 minutes later, I arrived at TSE and Kyuhyun was already standing there, nervously looking around until he saw me. He came forward immediately and smiled. It was such a warm smile. It was almost like back then. No, Hyukjae, don´t even think like that! You need to stay strong and don´t give in so easily.

"Hyukkie..."

"Should we go inside?" Kyuhyun just nodded while he kept on smiling warmly. I lead the way to my dance practice studio and we sat down on the floor. What should I do now? I really didn´t know how to start this conversation and it didn´t make it easier that my ex-boyfriend was just sitting there in front of me smiling. "Kyuhyun..."

"It´s so good to see you and hear your voice. I can´t believe that this is really happening. I´ve been dreaming about the day that we would finally sit together and talk about everything. There is a lot of explaining that I have to do and I know that."

"Yes, you do have to explain a lot. But before we talk about our past, I actually want to know what is happening between you and Donghae at the moment." Now his smile faded a bit.

"Hyukkie, you have to believe me that there really is nothing between Donghae and me. Of course we are friends and yes, I kept looking for him because I thought that he would be able to tell me about you, you know? I thought that I would be able to keep on living without knowing what you are doing and so on... but when Donghae joined SME and started to open up to me a bit after a few months, I couldn´t stop asking so many questions about you and I... Hyukkie, he told me almost nothing about your life that seems to have been true. And then about six months ago, he suddenly told me that you would have stopped talking to him without any reason and that he wouldn´t be able to tell me anything anymore as well..." Donghae told him that I stopped talking to him? What the hell was going on here? All of this still didn´t make any sense. Why would Donghae do this to me? He has been my best friend forever. "Hyukkie, I could never have any feelings for anyone else but you. I mean that." He sounded so sincere and it felt like heaven to hear those words. But it also felt like he would put more salt into my wound. I could feel how I got teary eyes already.

"Then why did you leave me? Do you even know what I went through? Do you know how much I suffered because of what you did to me? I wasn´t able to be myself anymore for about half a year and when I finally thought that everything might turn better or I at least tried to convince myself of this, my eomma..." He looked at me shocked. Didn´t he know anything about my eomma as well? Didn´t Donghae at least tell him that?

"What happened to your eomma? I hope she is okay? Please tell me that she is okay." He sounded so worried. Now I really started crying again. I just shook my head. "Hyuk-ah, what is it? What happened to her?"

"Kyu... she passed away about half a year after you left..."

"Hyuk-ah..." I could tell that he wanted to come forward but stopped himself while holding back tears. His eyes were watery. Back then he had loved my mum like his own mother. It must have been a shock on him to discover the truth about what happened to my eomma. "Hyukkie, can I take you in my arms?" No, I couldn´t handle this right now. Not when I was as weak as I was at this moment. I was weak and vulnerable although I wanted to stay firm in front of my ex-boyfriend. Maybe this talk was still too soon like I was fearing. "Arraseo, Hyukkie. I know why you don´t want me to come close to you... I shouldn´t have left you alone like this without any contact to me as I knew how much you depended on me but as I told you last time, I also depended a lot on you. I was afraid that I wouldn´t be able to go the path of an idol if I would have stayed in contact with you. I missed you already as it was but if I would have talked to you constantly, I wouldn´t have been able to stay away from you for more than a month as I knew that you wouldn´t be able to come to Seoul while you still were with your mum... if I would have just known that you... Hyukkie, I should have been there... I should have been there for you to make it a bit more bearable for you... I will never be able to forgive myself for this... never..." It was hard to see Kyuhyun break down in tears now. I almost couldn´t take it that he was like this. Without even noticing what I did, I moved forward and took him in my arms, holding him tightly.

"Kyuhyun, it´s all in the past now. We can´t change what happened in the past and I will never understand your motives fully because I always thought that we would go to Seoul together one day and not separately at different times like we did now. But you can´t expect me to just forgive you, open up to you and let you back into my life. I´ve been living through hell because you weren´t there for me when I needed you the most." He just nodded in my embrace. I could feel how he started to calm down a bit again and I let go of him again. It broke my heart to see Kyuhyun with red and puffy eyes. He really looked weak and sorry.

"Mianhae about this breakdown right now..." I just shook my head to show him that it was okay. "Trust me, I get it that you can´t forgive me so easily and I also don´t want you to do it right now or anytime soon because I know that I will have to show you that you can trust me again. It´s not easy to make you believe in me after everything that has happened but I would like to ask you to give me a chance to show you once more that I want to be by your side. Please give me a chance to become your friend again and let me be there for you. After I couldn´t be there for you when you were feeling really down, I want to be there for you again starting this day. No matter what others might think about this, no matter what I will have to do to convince you, I will give my everything. Would this be okay?" Kyuhyun looked at me with a pleading expression.  Of course I wanted him to be a part of my life once more. I couldn´t lie to myself about this. But should I give in so easily. I mean it wasn´t really giving in right? It was just a maybe that we could be at least friends again, right? Although it was stupid or even crazy, I knew that he was part of the future that I was still dreaming about. Why was I still acting like this?

"Okay, but you will really need to give me time to adjust to everything. It has to happen at a pace that I decide."

"Of course, this is your decision and I will submit to it. I just want to have the chance to show you how much I still care about you." I wanted to trust him. I wanted to trust him so badly and I wanted to have him back in my life. Kyuhyun seemed so excited that I would give him another chance to get close to me again. Altough I was kind of happy about this, it also scared me. Would I be able to stay strong and firm for a while until I could be sure that we could be friends or more again? I guess this fear would never leave me. "Can we talk a bit about you? About your job here?" I nodded slowly. There are going to be a lot of talks starting tonight. This will take a lot of energy from me. Eomma, please give me strength and show me the right way because I really didn´t know what to do. Maybe I should just go with the flow of things?

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So you guys, here is the next chapter ^.^ Hyukkie decided to give Kyu a chance to keep explaining himself and to show him that he cares about him. Do you think this was a good choice? Do you understand Kyu? kkk Looking forward to reading your thoughts about everything.

As always, please leave a comment and a big thank you to everyone that is reading my story! Love you all~~