The scent of alcohol lingers the air as he tried his best to keep his drunken state from stumbling down. I was in awe when I saw him struggling with his body, swaying from side to side as he kept on muttering incomprehensible words. I rushed to him and gave him the tightest hug ever then buried my face onto the crook of his neck. Then I pulled away and cupped his face with my two hands. “I missed you…” I said as tears started to flow down my cheeks once more. I know that he’s not conscious enough to understand me but I just want to tell him how much I missed him and how sorry I am for hurting him so bad.

I swung his left arm on my shoulder while my other hand landed on his waist. He’s a lot heavier than me so I literally dragged him with all my might ‘til we reached the couch and I sighed deeply when I successfully landed his back on it.

I sat beside him and wiped the sweat on his forehead. Yoochun was never the type of man who would make the spirits of alcohol overpower him cause he’s always the one with the positive outlook in life. He never let any sad thoughts sink inside his brain. But seeing him this vulnerable… adds up more pain in my heart. It feels like my heart’s going to burst from immense sorrow. I don’t deserve this kind of love. Clearly, I don’t deserve someone as kind and as loving as Yoochun. But I can’t let him go! Not when I see him like this…

“Chunnie…I’ll be right back…” I said softly then kissed the back of his hand. I stormed my way to the kitchen and get a basin with lukewarm water and a hand towel then hastily went back beside him. Slowly, I ed his shirt one by one. As I was about to loosen the last one, he placed his left hand on top of mine. “Why was he here?” He asked with his eyes still closed.

“……”

“H-He insisted to walk me home…” I answered briefly as I felt my heart beat stopped for a moment.

“Was he a good kisser?” He asked bluntly, this time his eyes partly opened staring at me intently.

“……”

“Was he good in bed?”

“……”   I couldn’t say a word as I held down my tears-soaked face.

“I wonder how loud you moaned his name.” He hissed. ‘I know he didn’t mean everything he said. He’s just drunk. Yoochun will never intentionally hurt me with his words.’

“Oppa…stop it please…” I pleaded as I buried my face onto my palms and cried the hardest.

“Did you enjoy the one night stand you had with him?” His voice got louder as if he didn’t hear my begging request. “I bet you did…cause you allowed him to walk you home…who knows you both might have done another hot sizzling before I came here!” He then flexed his knees and sat up straight. “What did you just say?” I said in a not so calm tone. My hand unconsciously made way to his already reddened face and hit his right cheek hard. “Do you really think I like everything that’s happening to me now? God! Yoochun, I’m only sixteen and I’m pregnant!” I sobbed harder. “And what’s worst is that you’re not the father of my kid!” He tried to cup my cheeks but I stubbornly brushed his hands off. “If it’s DAMN hard for you…then put yourself in my shoes and feel how much I’m hurting right now!” I yelled.

“…..”

“Since you’re too interested to know the details on how Jaejoong made me screamed his name! Why don’t we try it? Then I’ll tell who among you is much better in BED!” I wiped my tears dry and stared at him, his head hanging low. Seemed like part of what I said was able to reach his alcohol-filled brain.

“Hyun-Ae~ah…”  He mumbled, still avoiding my eyes. I didn’t give him another second to speak. I jumped onto his lap and took his lips without warning. While ferociously attacking his plump lips, I could hear him muttering something under his breath. He wants me stop but it was too late. My body’s acting otherwise though my mind kept on saying that this isn’t the right thing to do. I want to feel his warmth. If this is goodbye, can’t I be selfish for once? I want to hold my happiness in my hands even for one last time. After this, then maybe I can finally let him go.

Seconds after, he returned my kisses…giving me the same intensified feeling. It wasn’t the normal sweet, lovely kisses that we usually do. It was lust-filled, with a mixture of uncertainty, doubts, misery and there wasn’t pure LOVE in it. But we were abusing each other’s lips like there’s no tomorrow. Our bodies’ heats are battling to come out and we know exactly what we both needed.

As I gently parted our lips, I stared deep in his eyes and all I can see is a glint of sadness. A lot different from what his eyes usually shows. I closed my eyes and whispered to his mouth, “Take me…I need you now…” I don’t need to add more words to it cause I knew Yoochun wants to do the same thing I was thinking. He carried my swiftly to my room not minding the furniture he bumped into while hauling me upstairs.

He twisted the knob and I hopped off of him and undress myself in not time. We were both feeling each other’s heat as he pushed me down the mattress and kissed me with burning passion. I pay him back as I savage his lips, forcing my tongue in him. No one wants to lose. Each one desired a taste of dominance over the other. I could feel his gentle hands touching every inch of my skin…claiming what’s his for the first and probably the last time.

He pulled away from the seemed endless kiss and started trailing wet kisses down my jaw line then to my neck, it enough to leave red marks on it as if marking me as HIS. I couldn’t stifle my moans every time he it like a hungry beast wanting a piece of flesh. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him even closer. He continued to tease my neck as I planted love bites on his shoulder. Unknowingly, a tear escaped my eyes and slowly descended on his skin. The next thing I knew, he pulled himself away then sat on the edge of the bed with his back facing me.

“I can’t do this…” Yoochun said, with his voice a little shaky. He started to weep onto his palms. I lifted myself up and hugged him from behind with my chin resting on his shoulder. “Oppa…I’m sorry…” I sobbed even more, making some of my words unclear. “It’s my fault…and I would understand if you want to hurt me…just don’t be like this…cause the pain bounced back to me twice whenever I see you so vulnerable…”

“My love ain’t enough…it wasn’t enough and it will never be enough…perhaps the heavens must’ve punished me for cheating on you…and now its clearly taking its toll on me…but why, why does it have to be you? Why can’t they just ing make me suffer and not include you!” Yoochun mumbled as he wiped his tears dry. I shook my head and planted kisses on his shoulder. “Don’t say that…you’ve always been good to me…whatever happened between you and Tiffany before has nothing to do with this…it was MY fault…it was ME and not YOU…” I said, holding him tighter.

“Do you know why I can’t look straight into your eyes? Cause I can’t help but blame myself for everything that has happened to you…I’m a coward! It’s hard to admit to myself that I was the reason why you’re hurting now…It feels like I’ve broken my promise that I’d take good care of you…I’m a failure cause I wasn’t able to live to that promise…”

I stood up then crawled to his lap and cupped his face. “Shush…just stop…no one’s blaming you…NO ONE! I love you so much! But if this love will make your life so miserable then maybe I should start living a life without you…”

His lips brushed mine for the 3^rd time but this kiss was gentler than the fierce ones we had earlier. I could feel his overflowing love as we shared that passionate kiss. He still loves me and right then I could see colors from my gray shaded life. As we both lay on the bed, we stared at each other’s eyes for almost 30 minutes. No words needed to speak. The love that has never been lost but took for granted, was once revived and stronger than what he had before. He pulled my arm and put me in his embrace. My head rested on his chest, hearing his heart that beats for me. “Thank you…” I whispered softly.

“That’s not the words I want to hear from you…” His fingertips run smoothly on my black tress.

“…..”

“I Love You and I will never let you go…” He uttered, brushing his lips on my hair. “Hold on Babe…we’re gonna get through this together…YOU, ME and OUR baby…”

I snuggled onto his chest, feeling more at ease and secured. Then I slowly drifted into deep slumber underneath his arms.

***

Thoughts of what happened yesterday zapped onto my brain as sunlight hit my face. It was a good weather that greeted me ‘Hello’ early morning as compared to the non-stop drizzling last night. It was a bit cold cause we both slept in each other’s arms. Nothing happened between us but I wouldn’t mind if it actually happened. Seemed like we forgot to wear our clothes again cause all we have in our minds was to stay as close as possible like we haven’t held each other for years. Yoochun’s sleepy face was the first thing that I wanted to see. But all my cutesy plans to wake him up went down the drain as soon as I realized that half of the bed was empty. I hastily threw the blanket over me and run around my room, desperately searching for him. As I nervously trailed my steps, I looked myself from head to toe and noticed that I was wearing a pajama. Not just a normal pajama, but the “Care Bears” couple pajama that Yoochun and I bought on a year-end sale in a big department store.

‘Did he change his mind now that he’s sober? What if he does? What if he left and promised to never come back? But as far as I can recall, he said he will never let me go! Drunken people, doesn’t tell lies. Do they? And why do I keep on asking myself what if? Why don’t I just go downstairs and look for him? Gosh! Hyun-Ae! You’re too paranoid!’

As soon as I stepped outside, the aroma of delicious pancakes hit my nose. Which means someone’s cooking breakfast in the kitchen and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t my mom. ‘Yoochun! He stayed!’ A tear was about to escaped but I held it back. I don’t want to start my day crying over spilled milk. It’s painful to shed a lot of tears and my eyes are puffy, red and swollen plus the eye bags I got from those sleepless nights thinking on how to say what I have to say, make me look so awful. Everything turned out as a complete mess. The lines I rehearsed, preparing for the supposed to be ‘biggest confession’ that I’ll ever make, were totally useless now. But at least, one thing that I have proven through all these problems is Yoochun’s genuine love for me.

As I ran downstairs, I could feel my pounding heart with my mind kept on wishing it was HIM. All my doubts and fears washed away when I saw him sitting at the kitchen table, sipping his black coffee. “Goodmorning Babe!” He uttered with a wide, sweet smile. “Did you have a good night sleep?” He put the cup down and walked towards me then gave me a peck on the cheek. Tears betrayed me as I wrapped my arms around his waist. “Thank you…” I said, trying to keep more tears from falling but it didn’t stop.

“What for?” He kissed and caressed my messed up morning hair.

“For staying…even if you have all the reasons to leave…” ‘Stupid lacrimal glands! Why can’t I stop them from letting out more tears? Soon enough, I’d die from dehydration if I can’t cease from crying…’

“Uhm…you’re wrong…” I pulled myself and stared at him in confusion. “What do you mean?” He pulled me back and whispered to my ear. “I don’t need a hundred reasons to leave all I need is that one reason why I should stay…and that reason is the one I have in my arms…Oops, I mean two reasons…” He kissed my tummy. “Good morning Baby YooRim! Papa’s here…” He said softly as he pinned his ear, as if waiting for the baby to respond.

“YooRim?” I asked. He nodded then smiled back as he held my hand and accompanied me to sit on a chair. “I’ve always wanted to name my daughter YooRim…don’t you like it?”

“How sure are you that the baby’s a girl?” I asked as he walked to the kitchen counter to the get plates and utensils. “I just had this feeling when I touched your tummy that it’s a girl…” He answered briefly as he swooped the seat beside me.

“Will it make you sad if it’s a boy?” I queried, staring at his deep-set orbs. “Of course not! Why would I? Gender doesn’t matter for as long as the baby comes out safe and healthy…But for the mean time, just let me call her YooRim, okay?”  I nodded briefly. “Thank you!” I said, smiling. Then he pouted his lips cutely. “I think I deserve more than a ‘thank you’.”

“Nope…We’re going to be late for school…” I teasingly said. “Just one kiss! How can you resist someone as cute as me?” He whined like a cute baby who wants to have a red balloon, as he tugged on the sleeve of my shirt. I cupped his face and slowly brushed my lips onto his. “I thought I’d never have the chance again to kiss you like this…” I muttered as we gently part our lips. “I love you!”

“Heard that YooRim? Mommy loves Papa…” He chuckled. Then we had a decent breakfast after the lovey-dovey moments we had that morning.

***

Jaejoong’s POV

I shouldn’t have left her alone last night. Its 30 minutes past 8am but still she hasn’t arrive. Why is she late today? What if she forgot to lock the doors and someone barge in? Aish! If something bad happen to her and my baby…I will never forgive myself…

Jaejoong can’t keep still as he took alternate glances at his watch and on the classroom’s door, hoping that next person to come in is the one he’s been waiting for. Few minutes after, a blissful Yoochun opened the door. “Goodmorning everyone!” He greeted everyone as if he didn’t notice that the teacher was already on the front board writing notes on it. “Park Yoochun! Where have you been? And why are you late?” The teacher asked in annoyance. She simply hates students who take her subject for granted. “I’m sorry ma’am…we just had some problems along the way…” He bowed his head as he apologized sincerely. My eyes shifted from him to the girl standing behind him.

“Goodmorning ma’am!” She greeted her with head hanging low. ‘Does this mean Yoochun and her are back in each other’s arms?’ I clenched my fist hard on the piece of paper I have in my hand. I should be happy that she’s happy. But why am I feeling this pain whenever I see her smile for HIM? Why can’t it be me? Why does he have to come back now that I’ve finally voiced out what I truly feel for her?’ I tried to divert my attention but I couldn’t. As I stood up, I slammed my fist hard on my desk creating a loud sound that caught everyone’s attention.

“Is there any problem, Mr. Kim?” The teacher asked calmly. I let out few shallow breaths then said “Ma’am I have to use the bathroom…” Without waiting for her response, I stormed my way out of the class leaving everyone suspicious on my strange acts.

I ran hastily to the rooftop and punched the wall with all my strength ‘til my knuckles hurt. Blood starts to become visible as I continuously hit the wall. Few minutes after, someone came over and held my arm. As I swiveled around, I saw Soo Young wearing a worried look on her face. “Stop it Jaejoong! Even if you hurt yourself, it wouldn’t change anything!” She yelled as I slide my back on the wall and sat at the cold floor.

“What are you doing here?” I asked angrily. “Saving your from doing another stupid thing!” She said then occupied the space next to me.

“You like her, do you?” She asked, bluntly. “What if I say ‘YES’? Will she change her mind and choose me instead of Yoochun?” I muttered, staring at my wounded knuckle.

“Nope…but being honest will help you ease the pain…” I looked at her and asked “What do you want from me?”

“Jaejoong~sshi, I have nothing against you! Even if you’re Tiffany’s boyfriend…I know you’re a good person and I can entrust you with Hyun-Ae’s safety…If she met you first before she cross paths with Yoochun, I could probably encourage her to date you with no doubts! But she met Yoochun years before you came into her life and you know how much she loves him…”

“I know!  I don’t need another person to slap me those ing reality that she loves him and I don’t have a chance…not one bit of chance…”

“If you do know what your place in her life is, right now, then why can’t you be happy for her?”

“Easier said than done…” I hissed. “I tried! I did, a lot of times…but I failed…I couldn’t help but feel envious every time I see her smile for him…he have her heart and now he have my kid…”

“Jaejoong! The painful truth for you is that she chose him. And YOU as the biological father of her child, the least you can do to her is by backing off and watch her claim the happiness she deserves, from a distance…don’t make this too hard for her! I know it would also break your heart to see her weeping all the time…”

“Maybe we could talk for one last time…clear things out and by then, I could disappear without a trace on their lives…I just want to hear the words you said, straight from her…” I sighed.

“Fine…I’ll tell her you want to talk but please don’t do something that will make the situation even worse, okay?” I nodded weakly in response. And then she stood up, waved goodbye leaving me staring at the cloud-filled sky.

*End of Chapter*