Raindrops started to halt and the sun peeked a little on the darkened clouds up above us. I stood up then I realized that I have to bid farewell on the man sitting at the other side of the bench with his head hanging low. He was staring at the water-drenched floor, without moving a bit. I took his coat off my shoulders and handed it back to him.

“I’d better leave first…thank you!” I uttered calmly. He looked up and gazed at my orbs intently, seemed digging deep into my eyes searching for something that even I couldn’t comprehend. I turned my back against him and said “Bye!” That single word that grate onto my throat. It would be easier to say goodbye when you never said hello. That compassionate side of me is slowly vanishing into the air. Having him this close to me makes me hurt him even more. As much as I don’t want to hurt him and his one-sided feelings, I’ve unintentionally done it a couple of times and I couldn’t bear seeing pain in his eyes again because of me. Two broken hearted people is enough. Adding up another person to this dilemma is unbearable.

“I said I’ll walk you home…” He grabbed my wrist which made me stop momentarily. “Jaejoong~sshi, please don’t do this…” I pleaded without turning back to look at him. “You don’t have to do this…I’m all grown-up, I can take care of myself…I’m not a baby…” I added. I gave up and my body surely knows that I gave up from all the arguments that I’ve had for the day. It’s hard to grasp the thought, that every fears that I have, happened in just a span of hours. And now everything’s so twisted and turned upside down. I’m dead tired! Sleep and rest is what I definitely need.

I pried my wrist off his grip but then he held it again and this time it’s tighter than the first one. “Just let me leave please…” Exhaustion exuded as I let out a sigh. “This is all I ask from you…I want to make sure you come home safe…you’re not a baby but you’re carrying one…” That instant my mind drifted far away. I slowly trailed my steps to the school gate with Jaejoong walking alongside me. He did maintained a distance between us just like what he assured to me, few minutes back. He was walking slowly, making sure that I wasn’t left behind or he wasn’t walking too fast though I know it kind of pisses him off cause there were few times that I’ve seen him run and walk fast around the campus. He was not used to move in a slow motion but he did whenever we’re together.

-----------------

Soo Young paced back and forth as Junsu tried to calm her down. “Babe, take it easy…I’m sure they’re alright…you don’t have to worry so much…” Junsu whispered as he rested his hand onto the anxious girl’s shoulder. “You don’t understand…this is more complicated than you are probably pondering right now…” Her voice trembled from anxiety building up. “Hyun-Ae and Yoochun wouldn’t purposely skip classes. My gut feel tells me that something’s not right…something happened and I have to find out what that ‘something’ is!” Soo Young was in the verge of crying but she held back her tears so as not to make Junsu worry. “Why don’t you just give her a call?” Junsu suggested, as he himself was starting to become uneasy on his girl’s unusual aura. “I’ve tried calling her more than 10 times already…but she’s not picking her phone up…” Her lips together with her hands started to shake from the troubled feeling she’s been keeping inside. Junsu took his phone and dialed Yoochun’s number. But the latter’s phone was out of reach too. He flipped shut his phone and shook his head. “I think he turned his phone off…” Soo Young’s heart pounded hard onto her rib cage. She couldn’t just stand there and wait forever. She took a step forward as her eyes roamed around eyeing on every corner. “Wait! Where are you going?” Junsu asked worriedly. “I have to find her and check if she’s okay…” Soo Young replied briefly in response. “Care to tell me, what is going on here?” Junsu asked curiously. “I’m sorry…but I can’t…” Junsu’s face saddened as he heard those words from her. He couldn’t believe that his girlfriend couldn’t trust him completely. Yes, they were officially dating for almost a month now. He wanted to help but how could he comfort her if he doesn’t have even the slightest idea of what was happening around…moreso, to the two closest people to them. Soo Young noticed Junsu’s change of expressions. She held his hand “Don’t you ever think that I don’t trust you…I’ve given you my complete trust since we started dating. But then there are some things that I just couldn’t tell you now…in time you’ll know…” Junsu stretched his lips and faked a smile. “C’mon let’s go find them…” He kissed the back of Soo Young’s hand. The girl smiled back. Somehow, her boyfriend’s smile gave her warmth and comfort which she needed most.

--------------

Panting hard, the couple stopped for awhile. “Maybe they went home early…” Junsu uttered in between shallow breaths. “But they wouldn’t leave their bags inside the classroom…I know they’re still here…” Soo Young said as she wiped the sweat on her forehead. “OH! Is that Hyun-Ae?” Junsu asked, squinting his eyes to see it clearly. “Where?” Junsu pointed a finger to two people walking side by side towards the school gate. Soo Young’s eyebrows furrowed. *Where is Yoochun? And why is she with Jaejoong? What is going on here?* Soo Young’s clouded thoughts seemed to be more confused as she never took her eyes off you and Jaejoong. *Don’t tell me she told them about the pregnancy and Yoochun ditched her because of that? Oh no! This can’t be happening.* Questions start to overpower Soo Young’s sane mind. “Babe, you alright?” Junsu asked, staring at the stiff body of his girlfriend. “Babe…” He waved a hand right in front of her face. She blinked twice then nodded as soon as she realized that she was spacing out. “Yeah…” Junsu seemed unsatisfied. He held her hand and started to walk towards Hyun-Ae’s direction. But Soo Young stopped him and said “Let’s go back to the classroom and get their bags…” Junsu’s face showed confusion. “Why? I thought you wanted to talk to them…” He said calmly. “I changed my mind…besides, now that I’ve seen her in good hands, I can finally breathe normally…” She gave him a reassuring smile but her mind didn’t stop worrying and questioning. Junsu just nodded and they both walked back to the classroom.

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*Jaejoong’s POV*

It was an awkward silence. The trees planted on both sides of the pathway, which normally emit swishing sound as the air hit its branches and leaves, were weirdly quiet. Birds weren’t chirping and all I could hear is her soft sobs. I couldn’t help but pretend that I wasn’t there. That I wasn’t existing…Cause the moment I made myself present in her eyes, I know she would run and push me away again. I was walking straight with my eyes glued on the road before me. That was the time were I wish I have an extra eye on the side of my head. Creepy! Yes it is! But I want to look at her and check on her every single second I have. There was a stinging pain that my heart receives every time she shed a tear. It was my fault! If only I controlled myself that night then this unfortunate thing wouldn’t happen. If only I could bring back the time, I would wish we never met each other. I’ve blamed myself countless times but it still wasn’t enough. I know she doesn’t need me and she already made herself clear that she doesn’t want anything to do with me. Am I doing the wrong thing? Yoochun walked away and I left my girlfriend alone and now I’m staying by Hyun-Ae’s side, giving her the comfort and security she needs. I was drowning in deep thoughts when I didn’t notice that there was a palm-sized rock on the pathway. I tripped over and my knees landed hard on the asphalted ground. “Ouch!” I yelped in pain. “You okay?” She whispered softly. As soon as I heard her voice, all the pain washed away. At least I know that she cares for me. I looked up and saw her emotionless face. Her eyes were puffy, red, swollen from the river she cried. “Jaejoong~sshi, are you okay?” She asked again. “Oh! Yeah!” I nodded fast and pulled myself up. I felt the pain again as I stood up. A tiny dot of blood stain can be seen on my pants, as I was so sure that I got wounded from stumbling down. *It’s just a shallow cut! I can trip over and over just to hear her voice again…yeah! I know, I’m getting crazy doing foolish things!* I poked my head hard. Little did I know that there were two eyes staring at me. I heard her chuckling. I was too stunned but then I turned my head towards her and make sure I wasn’t having hallucinations. *She’s chuckling! She smiled! What a beautiful scenery!* Then she stopped and looked away as if nothing happened.

“Y-Y-You smiled…” I stuttered. Why was I stuttering? My heart skipped beats then pound mercilessly on my chest. I wanted to start a conversation but at the same time I was scared that she might reject me again. “I didn’t…” She stubbornly said, still avoiding my gaze. A smile crept my cheeks as I eyed on her. *I know her eyes were red but when did those cheeks start to turn red too? She’s embarrassed. * “You did! I saw it clearly!” I continued to .

“Did NOT!” She crossed her arms on her chest.

“Did TOO!” I insisted.

She raised an eyebrow. “Fine! I did! That’s because you’re too clumsy!” She chuckled once more. Her smile becomes a drug to me. And I wouldn’t mind if got overdose to it! It was overwhelming that I was able to make her smile.

***

“Thanks for walking me home…” She said, shyly. “No problem…” I smiled back. “You can leave now…” She went down on her knees and checked on the nearby pot on the left side of the front door. I know I’m not supposed to meddle on her personal life but I asked her out of nowhere, “Are you looking for something? Maybe I could help you…” ‘Yes, I ! Why don’t you just admit to her that you don’t want to leave her alone!’  “It’s okay…you can go now…” She mumbled without turning back. I knelt down beside her and stared at her face. When she noticed that I was eyeing on her, I immediately shifted my eyes on the flower pot and said, “I know you don’t want me here but I promise I’ll leave when you find what you’re looking for…” Then there’s dead air. “Found it…” She held a key on her hand. “My parents and my younger brother went to Japan to settle some problems with Dad’s business…so I’m home alone!” She forced a smile and pulled herself up. “For how long?” I asked her, bluntly. “I mean…for how long are you going to live alone?”

“Maybe a week or two…” She answered back.

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” I asked her worriedly. She looked down on her feet and nodded briefly. “What makes you think that I won’t be okay?” She chuckled but her voice was telling me otherwise. That’s what her mind tells her to say so, but her voice betrayed her as she herself couldn’t keep the overflowing pain in her heart right now. “I’m done with the drama! I have more important things to focus on…” She sighed deeply.

“Hyun-Ae~ah, if you need some help or someone you want to beat hard when you are really upset or maybe someone who can become your shock absorber…I’m just around the corner…Just give me a call or text me a frowning smiley and I’ll come to see you as quickly as possible…” ‘What did I just say? Is there such thing as a frowning smiley? Crap! Great job Jaejoong! You’re totally messed up!’

“Jaejoong~sshi…” She paused then breathed deeply. ‘How I wish she could drop that ~sshi whenever she say my name…I know we’re are not that close to each other but we do have that one precious kid inside her tummy that bonds us together…’

“You don’t have to do this…If you’re feeling guilty about what happened...let it go…I’m okay…Uhm, I’m not that okay for now, as you can see, but I’ll be fine for sure…” She bit her lower lip and by judging her looks, she seemed struggling to fill up the missing words of the message she wanted to convey. “Look, I’m sorry if I yelled at you or hit you accidentally…U-Uhm, I can be really violent at times…” She smiled then continued. “…but those rude words I’ve said…it was way out of line and I think I overreacted so I apologize sincerely for that…”

“You have all the right to yell at me or hit me…I’ll be more at ease if you do that than say or do nothing…” I uttered seriously.

 “Jaejoong~sshi, I won’t do something stupid to harm this baby or OUR baby…that I promise you…” Right then and there I felt the urge to give her a hug but I know exactly what the aftermath would be if I pursued it. “Take care of Tiffany! She maybe y at times but I can sense that she really loves you…maybe she’s not just that vocal to what she truly feels for you but I know what she have for you is something real…” ‘Is this goodbye for us? Why do I feel like a child weeping on his sleeves and suddenly someone offered me a lollipop and feel like I have no other choice but to accept it…I couldn’t help but ask myself ‘WHY’…Why can’t she let me be a part of her life? Now that Yoochun’s out of the picture…or maybe he’s not yet totally out but he’s nowhere to find…Why can’t she look at me as a ‘MAN’ who’s been trying to take his responsibility as a father of her child! I never denied that child…and I would never do that…Why can’t she let me carry the burden for her?’ All of a sudden, my mind was vastly filled with ‘WHY’ and the answers to those questions are just right in front of me. It’s too near but beyond my grasps.

“I’ll go in…” She broke the dead air and bowed her head before she walked towards the main door. She turned the knob and went in. I stood there perfectly still, feeling the cold breeze. “It’s getting dark…maybe you should go back home before the night falls completely…Bye!” She waved her hand and closed the door behind her.

*End of Jaejoong’s POV*

*Your POV*

I laid my back lifelessly on the couch as I stared at the ceiling. Memories of, what seemed to be my worst day ever as a 16 year old girl, flashbacked whenever I close my eyes. Thinking of Yoochun makes me heart hurt badly. Whenever I see his face, his smile…a tear unconsciously trickled down my cheek. I couldn’t stop my lacrimal glands from shedding tears. If it would only speak up, then it’ll probably curse me a hundred times for using it more than I should. “I’m sorry Oppa…I’m really sorry…” I placed my tears soaked face again onto my palms and cried the hardest I could. Ten minutes later, my eyes finally reached its limit. I walked to the bathroom, had a quick shower and prepared dinner then slouched back to the couch and turned the TV on. My favorite TV show, Star King, flashed as I switched the channel. Wooyoung (a member of 2pm) did his weird but cute and hilarious dance steps that never failed to make me laugh so hard ‘til I couldn’t catch my breath anymore. Then I instantly remember that Yoochun often do those cute dance steps whenever I feel upset. Sometimes he imitates Kang Ho Dong and I end up laughing like crazy. It was just hours since the last time we talked…but why do I feel like he’s been gone for years! God, I miss him so much! It could have been better if he was sent to the military camp to render his service…atleast I know where he is or when is he coming back. I’m a FOOL! Though I tried to convince myself to let go…I still hold onto a tiny dot of hope that he’s going to knock on my door and say he loves me still…But as people says, not everyone is given the chance of a lifetime to have a happy ending. And I’m one of those pathetic fool who still wait though I know what kind of future lies ahead of me. And that’s the future without Yoochun.

Three knocks brought me back to reality. I lousily stood up and asked, “Who is it?” I barely have visitors especially around 10pm. Soo Young always make sure to give a call before she drop by my house. *OMO! I forgot to turn my phone ON! She must be really worried about me!* I hurriedly opened the door, but no one’s outside. Then I spotted a bottle of fresh milk on the floor. I looked around and eyed suspiciously on the bottle then picked it up after few minutes of wondering who could’ve leave that bottle at this late hour.

The milk was still cold. As soon as I held it, I checked the expiration date. See how insane I am? I checked the expiration date first than the card on it. When I finally satisfied my paranoid mind, I flipped the card open and read the message out loud.

“BEFORE YOU THROW THIS AWAY, HERE ME OUT FIRST…THIS ISN’T FOR YOU! IT’S FOR THE BABY, OKAY? DON’T STARVE YOURSELF, ARASO?! IF YOU WANT ANOTHER BOTTLE FOR YOURSELF THEN BUY ONE! IT’S FOR THE BABY, ARE WE CLEAR? CHECK THE LOCKS OF YOUR WINDOWS AND DOORS BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP! GOODNIGHT!” – JAEJOONG~SSHI

“AISH! Heard that baby?” I my tummy gently. “Your father is too stubborn! I told him to go back home but he never listened! When you grow up, I don’t want you to inherit that kind of attitude, okay?” I chuckled at my silly-self. “But he gave something for you…he loves you so much! I’m sorry baby if mommy’s weak…someday I’ll explain to you why mom and dad didn’t end up together…” I walked towards the kitchen and poured the milk onto a glass until it was half-full. I stored the bottle onto the fridge then went back to the living room. I drank the milk slowly and savored its taste. I don’t usually drink milk but since I promised to take good care of my baby then I might as well drink every kind of milk available in store just to ensure the baby comes out of this world safe and healthy.

Few minutes after, I finished the half-filled glass of milk and wiped my lips dry. Suddenly, three loud knocks banged at my door and it was LOUDER than the knocks I’ve had earlier. “Nu gu se yo?” *Who is this?* No one answered. *AISH! It’s Jaejoong again!*

I opened the door feeling a bit annoyed and said, “YAH! JAEJOONG~SSHI, I TOLD YOU TO GO BACK HOME! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?” I yelled without lifting my head up.

“JAEJOONG~SSHI? H-He was h-here?” He half vomited his words.*that voice, please tell me it’s him!*

*End of Chapter*