Chapter 6: Impossible

[Saturday March 30th, 2013]

- "Yah (hey)! Yunhee! Where's my present!?" Jackson yells at me from his living room.

- "I don't know birthday boy. You tell me," I answer, coming back from the kitchen with a can of soda.

Two days ago was Jackson's birthday.  The guys and I decided to gather together at his house today to celebrate.  We've all gotten close, the past few weeks, from the first time I met them.

- "You didn't get the king a present!? You should be ashamed of yourself!" Jackson says jokingly.

- "Well I didn't see a gift from you on my birthday," I throw back casually, taking a sit from my drink.

My friendship with Jackson turned out quite strange.  We are the type of friends who fight as a joke. But we can get along when we are serious or when we agree on something.  However, that rarely happens.

- "You actually did get him something didn't you," Mark whispers to me as he opens another bag of chips for the both of us.  I smirk and nod.

Mark and I became eating buddies.  We are the two who eat the most and we're always taking the others' leftovers.  A lot of times, we go out to restaurants together or we just order a lot of food for everyone... but we end up hogging most of it.

I stand up after taking a few chips into my mouth.  I walk towards my backpack and get Jackson's present behind it.  I head back to the living room and stop at the door frame.

- "Yah!" I shout at the 'king'.  When he looks at me, I throw him the object with a bow wrapped around it.

- "This is all you got me? I would rather want socks. But gomawo (thanks) anyway," Jackson pretends to dislike the present.  I already know he's actually thankful.

- "Woah! A basketball? Why didn't you buy me one for my birthday?" Jinyoung asks me with a pout.

- "Oppa, you're birthday was in September. We didn't meet each other yet," I answer calmly while grabbing more chips from Mark.

- "Then we should buy one for the both of us and we can play together!" he suggests happily.

When Jinyoung talks to me, he always seems to act like a little kid, even if he's older than me.  But on a few occasions, he would be very protective and serious.  We have conversations whenever we can and we agree on a lot of things.  He's a bit like... an eomma (mother)... Weird.

- "I want to join too!" Jaebum declares.  He faces me.  "It can be me and you, against Jr," he plans.

- "You can't do that! It won't be fair!" Jinyoung exclaims.  "Yunhee has to have a better partner. Like me for example," he says.  Everyone laughs, except for the JJ duo.

- "You're just saying that because you can't shoot the basketball in the hoop. We all know that Yunhee wants to be with me. Right?" JB states, looking at me again.

Jaebum is like an older brother to me now.  He defends me and protects me as much as Jr does.  Sometimes even more.  Though sometimes he teases me with Jackson's assistance, he can be a very good listener when I want to talk seriously.  He always gives me good advice and he helps me with my problems.

- "Uh... Oh Yugyeommie! What did you get Jackson?" I try to avoid JB's question.

- "Ah! Ne (yes). Hyung, I hope you like it," Yugyeom says as he hands Jackson his gift.  He opens it.

I became really close to Yugyeom now.  We always have each other's backs when the others tease one of us.  I do most of my homework and school projects with him.  And when I feel like relaxing and escaping all the craziness, I like to hang out with him.  I can calm down when I'm with him.  Though a few times, we can get pretty weird ourselves.

- "I said I wanted that hat last Christmas, Yugyeom. Why did you get it for Jackson hyung and not for me?" BamBam finally speaks up to complain.  He's talking about the snapback Jackson got.

- "Well now we know who Yugyeom appreciates better," Jackson teases as he puts the accessory on.  "Gomawo Yugyeom," he thanks the maknae.  BamBam looks at Yugyeom in disbelief, who just shrugs at him.

BamBam.  I guess I'm closest to him throughout the six boys.  I'm not sure why, but I tell him most of my thoughts.  He's just easy to communicate to.  I became comfortable talking about Youngjae to him.  I am happy because he always listens.  When I tell other people, I have a hard time explaining.  Sometimes, I go to his dance practices and he asks me to judge him.  On a few occasions, he teaches me some dance moves.  It's always fun when I hang out with him.

- "Forget about it BamBam. Hurry up and give Jackson his present. I want some ice cream cake!" I interrupt the small fight that is about to start.  They all laugh.

All of them together though, make the best team.  They are really funny and entertaining.  There is almost never a boring time with them.  That is why I like to stick around these guys.  And because of that, I was introduced to many people and I made new friends.  I'm grateful I met these boys.

[Monday April 29th, 2013]

BamBam and I are outside, just lying on the grass and being lazy.  It's silent and relaxing.  I'm staring at Youngjae's picture in the locket as BamBam looks up at the blue sky.

- "I really miss him," I allude to BamBam, referring to Youngjae.  It's been a while I haven't talked about him.  I look up to see BamBam's irritated expression.

- "Can you, for once, not mention him!?" he shouts.  I frown.

- "Mian (sorry)," I mumble as I sit up.

I'm not very surprised that BamBam answered me that way.  I was, a week ago, when it all started.  I began talking less about Youngjae but whenever I did, BamBam would get angry.  At first, I thought it was all a joke.  But it didn't seem like he was fooling around.  It kind of hurt me at that time.  But I'm okay now.

- "Yunhee!" someone calls out my name.  My friend Jooyeon comes towards me.  I met her thanks to BamBam.  She's in his class.

- "Oh, Jooyeon! Annyeong!" I greet her.

- "What happened to you?" she asks BamBam, who still seemed mad.

- "Nothing," he answers as he stands up.  "I'm gonna leave you two alone," he walks away.

- "Gomawo," Jooyeon thanks him.  She then sits beside me.  "Did something happened? Did you fight with him? What did he do?" she attacks me with questions once BamBam leaves.

- "Well, all I said to him is that I miss Youngjae. Then he started to get annoyed... I don't understand. He used to listen to me when I would talk about Youngjae," I answer her.

- "Omo (oh my)," she starts to titter. I look at her confused.  "Sounds like someone is jealous," she continues.

- "Who? BamBam?" I wonder in skepticism.  She nods with a smile.

- "He's obviously envious of that little Youngjae of yours," she remarks.

- "Wae (why)?" I interrogate.  She sighs with a smile.

- "When a girl talks to her guy friend about another boy, he gets jealous of him. He doesn't want her to blabber about someone else, because he wants her for himself," she tries to explain.

- "I still don't understand," I utter.

- "You're seriously hopeless... First of all, BamBam is jealous of your best friend. Secondly, he's always talking about you. And lastly, he smiles like an idiot when he's with you. Doesn't that ring a bell?" she tries to clarify.

- "Ani (no)," I answer as a shake my head.  She rolls her eyes and motions me to come closer.

- "He likes you," she whispers in my ear.  I jump slightly and I turn to her.

- "W-what do you mean? Th-that can't be it," I contradict as my cheeks redden.

- "Of course it can! If you don't believe me, ask him yourself," she suggests.

- "A-aniya! I'm not doing that! He doesn't like me. We're only chingus (friends)," I rebut.  Jooyeon scoffs.

- "Only chingus. They all say that," she mutters to herself.  "Unless..." she turns to stare at me.  "You're just trying to cover up," she continues.

- "Cover up what?" I inquire.

- "You like him, don't you? But you're just trying to hide the fact that you do," she guesses.  My cheeks turn into an even darker shade of red.

- "Yah!! What are you talking about!?" I shout as I stand up.  "You know I have Youngjae already!" I continue to yell as I wave around the locket.

- "Oh look! You're blushing! You do like BamBam!" she affirms, ignoring what I said, while pointing at my cheeks.  I get frustrated and stomp away.

[Tuesday April 30th, 2013]

- "Oh! Yunhee! Good morning!" Yugyeom greets me as I sit beside him at my seat.

Since last night, I've been thinking about what Jooyeon told me the day before.

"He likes you,"

"You like him, don't you? But you're just trying to hide the fact that you do,"

- "Annyeong Yugyeom," I salute in a tired tone, then lay my head on the desk.

- "How much sleep did you get this time?" he asks, uninterested, after realizing my sleepy actions.

- "Five hours... And a half," I answer after calculating it in my head.

Only five and a half hours because I couldn't fall asleep...

I was lying in bed yesterday night, thinking about what BamBam and I actually were.  Wondering what he thought of me, pondering on what I felt about him.  Is what Jooyeon said true?  Did he like me?  It couldn't be, right?

- "You should really sleep earlier. You look dead." he describes my appearance.  "And that's not a compli–"

- "Yugyeom?" I cut him off and he immediately stops speaking to listen.  I sit up straight.  "I know it's so sudden and kind of awkward to ask, but I just want to know if... If BamBam likes anyone? I was thinking that, because you're his best friend, you would have an answer," I hesitate on my words.  He chuckles.

- "Ne. He does like someone. But the problem is that he doesn't know it," he confirms.

- "Who is it though? Do I know the person?" I wonder, hoping he answers no.

- "Isn't it obvious? He likes you. I thought you'd figure it out already," Yugyeom whispers to me while smiling.  I jump back, eyes widen and cheeks red.

So it's true? But, I still don't believe it. At least, I don't want to...

- "I'm only telling you this because you have the right to know. But you can't tell anyone else, okay? The hyungs are going to kill me if others know about this," Yugyeom warns me, looking nervous.

At the moment, I'm having mixed feelings.  I'm amused at Yugyeom's honesty.  However, I don't feel that, what BamBam thinks, is good for me because I still have Youngjae.  He's the one in my heart.  But at the same time, I somehow feel a little tingle of happiness.

Now, there's a change of question: What do I feel towards BamBam?  This past week, I've been smiling and laughing with him many times, even when nothing was funny.  I've been having good times with him and I think about him a lot too.  These things seem too familiar to me.  The same situations have happened to me with Youngjae.  So what is this then?  A crush?  It can't possibly be it, right? I'm still in love with Youngjae.  I'm still waiting for him.  Just as we promise. So this is not love, nor is it a crush.  That's impossible...

Hello!! I'm back with another update (obviously)! I hope you liked reading it because I enjoyed writing it.

I've been reading your comments (thank you by the way for commenting) and some of you were mentioning Youngjae's return.  Do not worry, he's coming back soon!

Well, gotta go now! God bless you!

See ya soon~