Chapter 2: Secret feelings

[Sunday, March 18th, 2012]

I don't know why I think something is going to happen today.  It's thrilling me crazily.  Nevertheless, I have a feeling I'm missing a very important fact that I must know. But I don't recall anything I have to remember.  And I sense that someone knows the answers to all these emotions I have.  So, I quickly go to the living room to search for my eomma and appa.  However, no one is here.  There's not even the slightest trace that they came in this part of the house this morning. I suddenly recount what my eomma told me late last night.

That's right!  She said they had an emergency call from their jobs saying they were needed.  That's why they aren't here...

That means I have to go with my second choice: Youngjae. I return to my room to change into other clothes.  Once all dress up and out of the house, I start to walk to the park.  That place is our personal hangout now since we're the only ones that go there.  When I get to our usual spot —the bench, to be more specific—, I'm not surprise to find out that he is not here yet.  He usually arrives a little after me.

I'll just wait a bit...

A while later, warm hands cover my eyes, stopping my stare on the environment around me.  The pleasing scent of the person fills my nose as he comes closer.

- "Guess who," he whispers with his melodic voice.

- "Mh... Let's see.  My eomma?" I joke.  He slowly slips his fingers off my face.

- "Do I sound like a woman to you?" he questions with a chuckle.  I laugh at his comment and nod.

- "What took you so long to come here?" I inquire him, not even looking at his face.

- "I was getting a gift for someone very special," he answers, emphasizing the word «very» in his sentence.

- "Who?" I ask, not actually caring.  

After not hearing a response from the boy beside me, I turn to look at him.  I see the one and only Youngjae smiling brightly at me.

- "Happy birthday, Yunhee!" he says with a wrapped present in his hands.  I gawk at the gift with much bewilderment.

- "What? MY birthday?" I ask more confuse than ever.  He sighs at my lack of intelligence and shakes his head.

- "Pabo!  How can you forget your own birthday!?" he says while lightly slapping the back of my head.

- "Ow!" I yelp at the sudden contact.  "But... my birthday is the 18th. That's not today," I state.  He closes his eyes, probably thinking about how stupid I am at this moment.

- "Just open it," he tells me, not even bothering to look at my face.

- "Okay!" I say with a smile.

I look down at the big blue box in front of me.   A nice red ribbon wraps around the object.  I neatly start to undo the knot of the soft strip of fabric.  When I remove the lid of the cardboard container, a colorful card catches my eye.  I take it to start reading.

{To my dearest Yunhee,

Now is the start of a new beginning.  Look forward to a new year, new people, new adventures and new memories you'll keep forever.  And if ever you face hardship, know that there are people around you to comfort you.  But for now, smile and be proud that you're a little older than yesterday.  Hope you have a delightful day full of fun and laughter!  I wish you the best on your special day!

Happy birthday to a person who is smart, good-looking, funny and reminds me a lot of myself! XD

From the AWESOME and COOL Youngjae}

I laugh at how Youngjae can act so cocky sometimes.  He smiles slightly at my actions but still not looking in my direction.  I put down the card and start to explore through all the gift tissue paper.  My fingers finally reach for something solid and rectangular.  I slowly slip the object out, only to find myself wide eyed.  I read the words written in gold.  Legend of 2pm.  I let out a loud squeal and turn to face a groaning Youngjae.

- "Gomawo (Thanks) Youngjae-ya!!!!" I thank him cheerfully.  I hug him tightly as he tries to free himself from my strong hold, searching for air.

- "There's more," he says with a tint of annoyance in his voice after I let him go.

My eyes light up and I quickly return to my quest in the box.  Within a minute, I find a bunch of 2pm merchandise with a beautiful poster of their handsome faces.  I don't know why I'm not angry with him for buying all these goods for me.  I can buy these with my own money if I want to.

Is it because he looks up to 2pm? He does repeat their name many times. He probably originally bought these things for himself...

Even if he did, I'm still glad I have them.  I mean, how can you decline such a thing?

- "Gomawo!" I turn to thank him once more.  "I'd like to stay longer but I got to go. Annyeong!" I salute then leave instantly.

Before losing sight of my friend, I wave goodbye with a bright smile.  He does the same and yells a 'Happy Birthday' to me one last time this year.

[Saturday, July 28th, 2012]

The walk to the park is short today.  It just seems like it takes less time to reach my destination.  Like usual, I sit down on the cold bench under the shadows.  I patiently wait for Youngjae to arrive, feeling boredom fill me up.  After a really long time, I see him stop in front of the fence.  As soon as he spots me, he smiles, making me die for a second at his flawlessness.  The sun's light beams down on his skin, making it shine. While he comes closer, the heat in my surroundings start to accumulate and I feel hot, like I am near a fire.  But in reality, I'm not even expose to the sun.  So why do I feel this way?

Because of you, Youngjae-ya...

You didn't hear me wrong.  It's all his fault.  For being the way he is, for acting the way he does.  He makes my heart feel good, but then my head explodes for thinking too much about him.  You might be wondering how these feelings started.  Simple.  It began exactly one month ago...

[Thursday, June 28th, 2012]

- "Is that all they think of me as?" I ask Youngjae.  "A straight A student that does their homework for them?"

- "Come on Yunhee. I'm sure they don't see you that way," he reassures me.

- "Of course they do! The only times they ever talk to me is when they don't understand something the teacher CLEARLY explained," I confirm to make it clear that the girls and boys at school would not befriend me.

- "Hey, at least you still have me, right?" he says more as a statement than a question.  

I glare at the boy, expressing my seriousness towards this subject.  I stand up from my seat and start to walk around in circles, frustration building up inside of me.  He watches me while I begin to feel dizzy.  He unexpectedly gets up and takes hold of my shoulders, trying to upright my position.

- "Stop! Okay? Stop it! Don't you realize that they're blind? Look at you! You're perfect! You're smart, you're funny, you're pretty and any guy would be lucky to have you more than a friend! So quit being insecure!" he shouts.

He releases my arms and silently sits back down.  I stare at the now calm teenager, not really believing what was just said.  Though it is funny seeing him mad at me when I really didn't do anything wrong.

Does he really mean that? Is that how he sees me?

I repeat his actions with a small chuckle.  He looks up at me, confusion taking over from my quick change of expression.

- "You're pretty perfect yourself, Mr. Handsome," I tell him unexpectedly, taking him aback.   I have to admit, I'm surprising myself as well.

- "What do you mean?" he asks perplex by my sudden compliment.  I let out a small laugh at the thought of my next words.

- "Your grades are high, your jokes are funny and, if you haven't noticed yet, lots of girls drool over you every time you past by," I quip, catching him off guard.

- "Really? Then how would you feel if I dated one of those girls?" he jokes.  Somehow, I feel a huge pain in my chest after hearing those things.

- "Why would I care? And anyway, it's about time you get yourself a girlfriend," I say after trying hard to push away the feeling of suffering.  He pouts, making me melt inside.

- "That wasn't the response I was waiting for," he mumbles.  "You're suppose to stop me from dating anyone," he tells me.

I keep my lips close together, but place small curves at both ends.  I examine him for a while as silence starts to get heavy.

- "Do you really think of me that way? Smart, funny and... Good-looking?" he asks, breaking the quietness between us.

- "I should be asking you the same thing," I say trying to avoid replying because, seriously, I don't know what my answer is.

- "Then... yes. Because it's the truth. You're smart, you're funny and most of all..." he faces me.  "You're beautiful," he confirms with a smirk.  I quickly turn away as blood rushes up to my cheeks, making them appear red.  I think about Youngjae's question for a bit.

- "I guess I do think of you that way too," I mumble softly.

- "Sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you. Please tell me again," he says, though I know he obviously heard me.

- "I said I do think of you like that," I repeat a little louder this time.

- "One more time," he says, coming closer to hear better.

- "Forget it! I take it back! You're stupid, annoying and ugly!" I yell irritated.

- "I'm only kidding! You don't have to insult me," he tries to calm me down.

I get up once more and walk away from this annoying person.  However, I stop walking from a certain voice shouting "Annyeong Beautiful!" very happily.  I secretly smile at his actions, even though it is kind of awkward.

[Saturday, July 28th, 2012]

And since then I've been thinking of Youngjae most of the time.  Thinking of that moment when he said I was perfect.  Thinking of all the other times he was so nice to me.  Thinking of everything he's done for my sake.  So with this repetitive evidence, I came to a conclusion that I actually like him.

- "Yunhee!" he greets as he walks in my direction.  Just seeing him makes my heart race.  I wave to him with a smile plastered on my face.

- "You finally made it!" I say joyfully.

- "Yeah, sorry I'm late.  I met up with someone.  She talked for a really long time," he explains.  Wait a minute...

- "I-it was a girl?" I ask sadly.  At this rate, it is certain that I fell in love for this dude.

- "Yup.  Why are you down all of a sudden?" he wonders.

- "Um... Well, you went on a date. And you said that I'm suppose to stop you from dating anyone," I say as an excuse.  He laughs, leaving me to stare at him confusingly.

- "I think you're misunderstanding. I went to talk to my cousin," he clarifies.

- "Oh... So what did you talk about?" I ask curiously, already back to my normal tone.

- "Nothing really. I just asked her a few questions then she answered them," he replies, not giving much information.

- "Well I could have answered you much better than her," I postulate, kind of jealous.  "What did you ask anyway?" I wonder again, using different words.

- "Secret," he whispers with his pointer finger over his lips.  

[Saturday, December 29th, 2012]

It's been five days since I've seen Youngjae and I miss him.  He is visiting his grandparents for Christmas and we don't really get to talk much.  Hopefully, he is coming back today.  I'm suppose to go to the park this afternoon so we can meet up.

- "Yunhee! Someone is at the door for you!" my eomma calls happily from our main entrance.

- "Who?" I shout while running downstairs.

She just smiles at me and steps into the kitchen.  I stare oddly at the empty space where she stood.  Seconds later, I open the door and my eyes widen.  The person in front of me lets out a small "Hey!"as a joyful expression places itself on my face.

- "Youngjae-ya!! I missed you," I jump to wrap my arms around the boy's neck.  He chuckles as he hugs back.  We stay in that position for a bit to cherish the moment.

- "I like your new style," he teases me after we pull away.  I frown after realizing that I am still wearing my pajamas.  "Go change into something else. I need to talk to you," he says as he tries to hide his laugh.  I nod understandingly and bring him inside.

I head back to my bedroom and hurriedly change into new clothes.  When I come back down, I find Youngjae and my eomma chatting together.  I'm glad they get along.  I would have thought my parents wouldn't accept him as my chingu (friend).

- "Ah, Yunhee! You're ready! Come here," my eomma motions me to join their conversation.

- "Eomma, Youngjae and I have to go," I inform her.  I pull Youngjae towards the door.  "Annyeong Eomma!" I bid her quickly.

- "Annyeonghigyeseyo Mrs. Kyoh," Youngjae says his farewell to my eomma.

When he's out of the house, I jump on his back and give him another hug.  I hold tight hoping I won't fall.

- "So what was that you needed to tell me?" I ask him, still on his back.

- "Let's go to the park first," he delays his news.

- "Okay then, carry me there please," I whisper the last part in his ear.

- "No way! You're too heavy!" he tries to shake me off but fails.

- "Please! This is how you can repay me for making me miss you too much," I reason.

- "Well I missed you a lot too," he defends himself.

- "Really? You missed me too?" I doubt and he nods.  "You make me feel loved! I love you too!" I tighten my grip then swiftly jump off his back to run away.

Recently, I've been saying those words to him and he hopefully thinks of them only as love for a friend.  I don't want him to find out about my feelings just yet.  When I get to our destination, I patiently wait for the boy to arrive as well.  After a moment, he sits beside me.

- "Tell me now. I'm getting impatient," I order.  He stays quiet for a moment.

- "I'm leaving tomorrow," he says finally.  My eyes widen in shock.

- "Again?" I downheartedly ask.  He sighs and nods.

- "I'll be gone for a year," he continues.  I stare at him in disappointment.

We have a long and calm talk, mostly because of the silence that comes up now and then.  He's apparently leaving the country to pursue his dream: becoming a singer.  I'm not mad or anything, I totally understand him.  But, being apart for a week is already long enough, a year of separation would take forever.  And to top it all, we won't be able keep in touch often.  I sigh as I set aside these thoughts.  I force a smile and clap my hands once.

- "So since it's your last day, shouldn't we be spending it a nice way?" I say, trying to change the mood by sounding happy.  But my expression soon becomes real after seeing Youngjae's smile.  He immediately nods and stands up, only to kneel down on front of the seat.  He takes out a key and turns to me.

- "I've always wanted to do this," he tells me.  He makes the sharp tip of the key glide on the material of the bench as he carves it.

- "Yah! What are you doing!" I shout at him making him jump.

- "I'm only writing our initials on what belongs to us. No one ever comes here anyway, so they won't see it," he reassures me.

- "But this is technically not ours.  It still is public proper-" I start to say until he cuts me in the middle of my word.

- "Like I said, no one ever comes here except us. So the 'public' isn't exactly in this supposedly 'public property'," he reasons.

I stare at him, not knowing what to say.  He only smiles and resumes to what he was doing.  I watch as he carves in the wood.  He didn't remove his hand but I could clearly see what he wrote.  My eyes widen at the letters he carved.

CYJ+KYH=<3

The little heart at the end of the equation surprises me.  Let alone the actual addition of our names.  I open my mouth to say something but Youngjae beats me to it.

- "There! Done!" he says with a huge smile.  He puts away the key and stands up.  He takes my hand and pulls me out of the park.

- "Where are we going?" I ask somehow afraid.

- "We are going somewhere fun! Like you said, we should be spending this day nicely," he reminds me.

We end up going down town, exploring a bit.  We start our adventure by eating a little snack.  It takes us about thirty minutes to actually finish because we keep on messing around.  For three hours, we go from store to store looking for something interesting to buy.  And being the very hungry people we are, we stopped to eat a delicious lunch that we gobble up like pigs.  Then, we have a not so smart idea to go to the arcade right across the street.  I almost puke after playing the first few games because we just ate.  In the end, I lose in most of them because Youngjae keeps on winning.  And our day goes on and on and on... It was wonderful.

It is nice to spend your whole day with the one person you love.  But it all has to come to an end.  Like a movie, it has to finish.  But the ending is here way too soon.  If only I could rewind time and play everything all over again.  However, that is impossible.  So here I am, the last scene of the day.  Walking back home by Youngjae's side.  I stop further away from my house to face him.  He needs to know about my feelings, whether he likes it or not.

- "I need to tell you something Youngjae," I say my voice shaky.  He nods saying I should continue.  I gaze at the ground and stay silent for a while.  I sigh as I gather all my courage to finally admit my emotions.  "CHOI YOUNGJAE, I LIKE YOU! I LIKE YOU MORE THAN A CHINGU!!" I shout with my eyes shut and my ears covered.  I don't care if half of the people on this street are asleep.  I stay in that position, waiting for a laugh to come out of him.  But there is only the quiet of the night.  I open my eyes to see him smiling at me.

- "I'm happy to hear that Yunhee. But..." he leans down to my level, his face so close to mine.  I am just about sure he is going to say he doesn't like me.  "I was suppose to tell you that first," he whispers.  Is that a confession?

He plants a soft kiss on my forehead.  My eyes widen at this.  He then takes my hand and intertwines our fingers as we walk towards my house.  I stare at his smiling face as I find myself smile as well.  It's good to know that the person you like, likes you back.

[Sunday, December 30th, 2012]

I almost forgot that Youngjae is leaving today.  But luckily, my eomma reminded me that we're going to the airport.  I put on a jacket, I take Youngjae's present —a collage of a bunch of pictures of us— and seat myself inside the car.  When my eomma and I arrive, I find Youngjae and his family already there.  I greet them respectfully with a bow.  Youngjae and I then talk privately as the parents chat.

- "Here, so you won't forget me," I say, handing him the box.

- "I don't think I will, but okay. Gomawo!" he says with a laugh.

He gives me a big hug as the mood then becomes gloomy.  I soon hear sniffles coming from Youngjae.  It doesn't surprise me that he's crying before me since I learned how to hold in my tears from all the fights my parents have.

- "Come on, don't cry.  You're leaving for a good cause.  And soon you'll be living the life you've always dreamt of," I console him, still in the same position.

- "Mh. Though, promise me you'll wait for me. I know I sound greedy, but i need you to promise me you'll hold onto your feelings for me. Promise me you'll still love me when I come back. That I'll be the only one in your heart," he whispers, tears continuously falling.  I pull back with a smile, thinking of how cheesy he is.  I lock my little finger with his and make our thumbs touch.

- "I promise," I say.  We both chuckle as we get back into the hug.  "I'm going to miss you," I continue.

- "Me too," he agrees.  "Here. You're going to like it," he hands me a small box.  I smile.

- "Gomawo," I thank him.

Like if on cue, Youngjae tells me he needs to leave.  We say our fair wells to each other as my sadness suddenly gets the best of me.  The airplane leaves and my sniffles get louder as he gets further.  I open my present to find a note and a locket inside.

{Dear Yunhee,

When you're reading this, I'm probably already on the plane, leaving to another country far from Korea.  But don't worry, because I'm coming back as you know.  And if you ever miss me, I put a picture of me in the locket I gave you.  You can stare at it all you want but make sure no one catches you, or else you'll seem like a creeper!  But seriously don't miss me too much, okay?  Continue to live a good life, make new friends and be happy.  Then I'll be back sooner than you know it.  But don't forget me either!  Because I know I won't forget you.  You're too special to forget.  I knew the first day we met, you would be that kind of friend to hold on to.  And that's exactly what happened. When we got closer to each other, you kept on getting more and more special in my eyes.  You're different from others, you stand out a lot.  That's one reason why I've come to like you.  And plus, you're pretty.  The way you try to hide your feelings from me is so cute!  And yes I knew about your feelings a LONG time ago.  I was planning on confessing to you but I didn't know if you were ready.  But now you know about my feelings towards you.  So I don't think you'd mind if I say... Saranghaeyo (I love you)!!  I'll be missing you!

From the greatest most handsomest guy in the world, Youngjae.

P.S: That time when I was talking to my cousin, we were talking about you. I was asking for advice on how I was going to confess to you. But I guess I didn't really need it :) }

I smile at the small note that Youngjae wrote at the end, remembering that moment I was jealous.  I open the heart shaped locket to find Youngjae's picture in it.

I look back out the glass window and up at the sky.

"Annyeong Youngjae-ah," I bid one last time even if he can't hear me.  "Come back soon... I'll be waiting," I hold the necklace close to my heart, keeping it safe as I walk away.

Hello there!! I'm finally back after a while!  Here's another chapter for you fellow readers!  I'm actually not sure if you like what I write... Please comment so I know that people actually read this story.  Tell me what you think about this fanfic; is it good? Bad?  I hope that you enjoy reading because I like writing for you!

So about the story, these first two chapters were mostly about Youngjae and what relation he has with our OC, Yunhee.  In the future, I will be adding BamBam so those who came here for him please bear with me, he's going to come :) .  But yeah, I hope this is a good enough chapter!! Sorry for any mistakes. Enjoy still! God bless you!

Peace out~

I do not own the picture in the story nor the links