Chapter 8: The same feeling

[Sunday May 12th, 2013]

BamBam is walking me home on this warm afternoon.  It's silent, but the quietness isn't awkward.  We are moving at a slow pace, not bothering the time wasted.

We just came from a fast food restaurant that we went to after watching a movie at the cinema.  Don't get me wrong, this wasn't a date.  Just a time for BamBam and I to hang out.  But I have to admit, it kind of felt like one.  We shared our food —surprisingly I was able to— like couples would and he was also being a perfect gentleman.  Whenever BamBam would look into my eyes, I would stare back for a bit.  And when our hands would touch slightly, my heart would beat a little faster.  Recently, that would happen occasionally, when we were alone.  So I've been thinking: What do I actually feel? Do I actually like him? Do I have a crush on him? Did I break my promise with Youngjae? Did I just move on without realizing it? My answers are still uncertain.

And about the rumor; it's still going on, even if BamBam and I keep on telling the crowd that we're not dating.  That's because Jr and Yugyeom are saying that it's true, behind our backs.  I always get mad at them but they continue.  And I didn't get my revenge on Jackson yet because BamBam didn't get as mad as I did.  But despite the rumor and the fact that we are barely together at school, out of school, BamBam and I still hang out.  Just like now.

- "Did you have fun today?" BamBam asks out of the blue, breaking the silence.

- "Uh..." I hesitate then nod.

- "I did too," he agrees while smiling sweetly.  To be honest, I feel quite shy.  "We should do this again," he suggests.

I nod with a smile, gazing at the ground.  I look up to find out that we are at my house.  We walk to my door and I press the doorbell.  A few seconds later, my eomma answers.

- "Yunhee! BamBam! You're back already?" she questions sarcastically, as if she didn't want us there.  And yes, my eomeoni met BamBam before.

- "Ye (yes) Mrs. Kyoh," BamBam answers for the both of us.

- "Come in!" she pulls us inside.  We go in the living room, where my appa is sitting.

- "Annyeonghaseyo (hello) Mr. Kyoh," BamBam greets my abeoji with a bow.  Appa smiles at him.

- "Hey kid!" he says as he ruffles BamBam's hair.

- "Annyeonghaseyo appa," I kiss my abeoji's cheek and we all sit down.

My eomeoni and abeoji start a conversation with BamBam.  I, on the other hand, am lost in thought, not hearing anything around me.

Why is BamBam sitting so close to me? He could have sat a little further. Oh my heart, my heart is racing! It's beating faster! What does this mean? I like him? It's all because of that baby face of his. And his cute personality.  Why!? Okay, okay! Calm down. Think about something else. Like food.... Ah, food! I wish I had something to eat!

DING-DONG~

The sound of the doorbell snaps me out of my thoughts.

- "I'll get it," I tell them as I get up.

I run to the door —that is on the other side of the house—, rushing to not keep the person waiting.  When I open the door, my eyes widen.  I can't believe the sight in front of me.

No! I'm seeing wrong! That's not possible!

- "Y-Youngjae?" I stutter in surprise.

- "Yunhee," the boy says with a smile. Youngjae stands in front of me, two bouquets of flowers in his hand.

- "Youngjae!!" I shout happily as I jump towards him to give him a hug.  He catches me and twirls me around.  When he puts me down, he gives me one bouquet.  "Yah! Do you know how much I missed you!?" I yell as I playfully punch his arm.

- "Ow... You became stronger within a few months. Have you been working out?" he says jokingly.  We laugh.

- "Yunhee! Who's at the door?" my eomma interrogates as she approaches the entrance.

- "Mrs. Kyoh! Annyeonghaseyo! It has been a while!" Youngjae says as he bows.

- "Youngjae? Is that really you? Oh! You've changed a bit from the last time I saw you. You look more handsome than before," she admires his features.

- "Gamsahabnida Mrs. Kyoh! You look different too. You seem younger than I remember," he compliments my eomma and hands her the other flowers.

- "Oh stop it! You know that's not true," she says.

- "Youngjae!" my appa calls him.  "It's good to see you again" he shakes Youngjae's hand.

- "Ye Mr. Kyoh. Annyeonghaseyo!" he greets my abeoji.

RING RING! RING RING!

The telephone starts ringing and my parents excuse themselves to pick it up.  It must be for work.  I invite Youngjae inside.

- "Yunhee," I hear my name be called.  I turn to see BamBam.

For a second, I forgot he was here. Is that a bad thing?

- "Oh right! Um... BamBam, this is Choi Youngjae. The guy I told you about," I inform him.  "And Youngjae, this is Kunpimook Bhuwakul, or just BamBam.  He's my friend from school," I explain.

- "Annyeonghaseyo!" Youngjae bows at BamBam and smiles.  The Thai boy also bows, but he has an expression of uncertainty.

[Monday May 13th, 2013]

- "Did that really happen?" I question Youngjae while laughing.  He nods.

- "My voice seonsaeng-nim (teacher) just slipped and ripped his pants! It was hilarious! And I don't think he knows that it was my spilled drink he slipped on!" he reveals through laughs.

Youngjae arrived at my doorstep early this morning so we can walk to school together.  After getting dressed, we headed out and he started telling me about his training as we walk.

- "I forgot to ask; why did you come back early from training? I thought you were not coming home until next year," I recall what he said before he left.

- "I actually came back because I didn't like it there. The people weren't all that nice and their training wasn't very great," he says honestly.  "So how about you, Miss? What's been happening to you?" he asks.

- "Well... Not very much I guess," I lie.  I don't want to tell him about what I feel about BamBam or the rumors that has been passing around or even almost giving up on us.

- "I see you've made new friends though. You learned to meet new people without me here," he jokes.  I stop walking and stand on tiptoe to reach his level.

- "Of course I have! I'm not a baby! I can approach people easily! I made a bunch of friends without your help! I bet you didn't make new friends," I tell him back jokingly, as I poke his chest.

- "I also see that you learned how to say comebacks," he says with a chuckle as he pinches my nose.  "You've grown so much!" he pats my head and continues to stroll along the sidewalk.  "And I have made friends, by the way," he says over his shoulder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ah! End of the day is finally here! I can go home now! Oh wait, that’s right... I have to find Youngjae first.  We're supposed to leave together.

- "Eh! Why can't I find it?" I hear Jr mumble in disgust as he searches in his locker.

- "Jinyoung oppa. What's wrong?" I ask as I go near him.  A displeasing scent then fills my nose.  "And what's that smell?"

- "I don't know. Since this morning, my locker has been stinking like crazy and I don't know what's causing the stench," he explains to me, still digging through his things.  "Oh wait! I think I found something!" his face lightens up.

He withdraws his hand and pull out the source of the scent.

- "A rotten banana?" I interrogate, confused.  I pinch my nose to keep the smell from entering.

- "I knew I was smelling banana in my locker last week!" he murmurs to himself while throwing the fruit in a nearby garbage can.

- "What was that doing in your locker?" I question.

- "I'm not even sure. I never brought a banana to school this whole spring term," he answers   "Someone must have put it there," he supposes.

I then recall what BamBam told me last week.

"If it's because of Jinyoung hyung's locker, I didn't do it! Please don't hurt me!"

That boy can't keep his own identity a secret.

I turn to the victim of this prank to find him sniffing his locker.  I'm guessing it still stinks because he makes disgusted faces.

- "I think I know who it is," I inform Jinyoung.

- "Really!? Who!? That person is gonna have to pay for what they did," he says evilly as he cracks his knuckles.

- "Jackson," I lie, because I plan on finally getting my vengeance on Jackson.  See, while Jr does whatever to him, I just sit back and secretly watch as I enjoy the show.

- "Jackson? How?" he asks because the guy doesn't attend our school.

- "I saw him last week at your locker when you didn't arrive yet. He was doing something but I wasn't really sure what. I was wondering what he was doing here" I continue to mislead.

- "I had a feeling that it was him," he hits his hand against his fist.

- "Yunhee!" I hear a voice call out forme behind.  I turn around to see Youngjae.

- "Annyeong Youngjae!" I shout back happily as I wave my hand.

- "Yah, I was looking for you! Where did you go?" he asks me and hits my head lightly and playfully.

- "I was trying to find you! And anyway, I–" I start but get cut off by Jr's interrupting cough.  "Oh, right.  Youngjae, you know Jinyoung oppa already, right?" I introduce him.

- "Ne, actually. We've met already.  Jinyoung hyung, it's good to see you again," Youngjae says and sticks out his hand for a handshake.  Jr takes it and smiles.

- "It's nice to know you're back," Jinyoung says.

- "Oh! It's because they both attended this school last year! Right, right. That makes sense," I whisper with my finger on my chin.  They both hear me and chuckle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Youngjae and I got out of the school building already and we're walking back home.

- "Yah! Where are you going!?" I shout as he runs in another direction.

- "To the park!" he yells back as he continues running.  I smile and start to follow.

- "Wait for me!" I try to catch up.

He arrives and sits at his usual spot on the bench.  I get there a little after him and start to clap.

- "Great job! You've arrived before me for once, Youngjae-ah," I say sarcastically.  He stands up and takes hold of my shoulders. 

- "I don't want you to call me that anymore. I don't want you to call me 'Youngjae-ah'. I want you to call me oppa. I heard you call Jinyoung that and I want to be called that too," he tells me seriously.  I smile, noticing that he got jealous.

- "Arraseo (okay) oppa," I kind of struggle saying this because I'm not use to it.

He smiles and lets go of my shoulders.  Instead, he takes my hand and makes me sit on the bench.  I feel a slight spark at the gentle touch.  He kneels down to looks at the carved letters.

- "I'm guessing you saw this already?" he asks referring to the 'CYJ+KYH=<3' he wrote, because he thought I didn't see him carve those letters.  I nod.  He sits next to me.  "Can I ask you something?"

- "Go ahead," I answer.

- "D-Did you keep our promise?" he stutters.  I pause and gulp.

"Promise me you'll wait for me. I know I sound greedy, but I need you to promise me you'll hold onto your feelings for me. Promise me you'll still love me when I come back. That I'll be the only one in your heart,"

- "Ne (yes)," I lie, and try to smile.

I know I didn't keep the promise.  Yes, I did still have feelings for him.  I did still love him.  But I didn't wait for him. He didn't stay the only one in my heart.  And I feel terrible about that.

- "Does that mean you still like me?" he asks.  I nod.  I'm not lying.  As I said before, I still like him.

- "Is it the same for you? Towards me, that is. Do you still like me?" I wonder.

- "Mh," he answers with a slight nod.  Okay, now I feel really ashamed.  He's been waiting all this time and I just broke the promise without him knowing.

He turns to me and stares at me.  I stare back.  It's not awkward.  It's actually the opposite; it's very comfortable.  He suddenly starts to lean in as he reaches for my neck, all at a slow pace. 

Omo (oh my)! Is he gonna... k-kiss me?

I don't turn away, I can't move.  Although it probably took a few seconds, it feels like an eternity to get closer.  But as he does, my heart beats faster.  My breathing completely stops when his hand makes contact with my skin.  I close my eyes, getting ready for what's about to come.

- "You kept it," Youngjae says.  I open my eyes.

- "Huh?" I question, very confused.

- "The locket," he tells me with a chuckle.  I look down and realize that the necklace is around my neck.  He was holding it with his fingers.

That's why he did that....

- "Oh! Ne," I answer him with a uneasy laugh, feeling embarrassed that I thought he was actually going to kiss me.

[Tuesday May 14th, 2013]

- "Ahh!" Youngjae says as he brings the chopsticks to my lips.  I open my mouth and take the piece of beef.  "How is it?" he questions.

- "It's delicious," I answer while chewing the food.  He smiles at me and I do as well.

Youngjae and I are eating our lunch in the cafeteria.  We're sitting on a table in the corner, next to a window.  We're chatting and laughing about random things, while enjoying each other’s company.  It's reminding me a lot of the past, before Youngjae left.  We would talk and my heart would flutter.  And everytime our hands would touch —even the slightest brush of the fingers— I would feel a small spark inside of me.  And seeing him smile gave me a happy feeling inside.

- "About yesterday," Youngjae starts.  I look at him, shocked at his unexpected serious tone.  "You know how we found out about each other’s feelings," he explains and I nod.

Where is this leading to?

- "Well, I know it's sudden but since we both felt that way for a while, I really wanted to know if... If you would go out with me," he reveals, looking straight into my eyes now.  "I know this is not a romantic place, or even special for that matter but–"

- "Don't worry.  This is very nice and it's a really cute way to ask me out," I reassure him then I pause.  "But I don't think I'm ready to start dating. Miahne (I'm sorry)" I apologize.  His expression turns disappointed and he looks down at his food.

- "I-I understand your decision," he mumbles to me.

I don't know why I lied.  For a long time, I've been waiting for this day to come.  When we, Youngjae and I, could officially be more than just friends.  But something in me was preventing me from accepting.  Something was telling me to say no.  And I cannot pinpoint what it is...

Or maybe, who it is...

Hello hello hello! I'm back with the update! I was supposed to post this yesterday but I couldn't because I wasn't finished writing it.  Sorry.... Well at least it's up now!  I hope you liked it and that I didn't disappoint you.

Please comment on what you thought of this.  I want to know how I'm doing on this story!  I'm gonna go now!

God bless you! See you soon!!