Chapter 17: Yesterday

[Saturday June 29th, 2013]

I lay in bed.

What is wrong with me!?

I woke up 20 minutes ago, but I can't seem to get out of bed.  I just keep on thinking about last night.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.  I am feeling slightly hungry, but my appetite is somehow not convincing me to get up.

[Friday June 28th, 2013]

- "Is this another confession from the great BamBam?" I tease, though I can feel blood rush up to my cheeks.

- "If it is, would you tell me what you feel?" he inquires.  His smile disappeared.

I back away, still holding his hands.  I don't look at him.  I think hard about my next words.

"BamBam..." I begin after a long silence.

A door opens, a bell suddenly ringing, and voices are heard.  I recognize them immediately.

- "BamBam, Yunhee! Where are you guys?"

- "Come on, we're ready to leave,"

Jackson and Yugyeom call.  Surely, Jinyoung, Jaebum and Mark are with them.  I look up at BamBam.

"I want you to know that I think you're a really great guy," I say with a big, fake smile.

I let go of his hands and I start to walk away.

Being interrupted is a good excuse for not telling him the truth, right?

"Yunhee," BamBam takes my hand again, stopping me from leaving.  "Please. Just tell me,"

Should I make BamBam happy? Or should I relieve Youngjae?

I sigh.  I don't turn around to face him.

"I like you too, BamBam," I murmur, hoping he doesn't hear me.

I quickly leave the alley we were in, revealing myself to the others.

- "I'm here," I walk towards the boys.  I stand next to Yugyeom.

- "Um... Where's BamBam?" Jr. asks.

- "Coming," BamBam comes out of the alleyway.

- "What were the two of you doing in there?" Mark eyes BamBam and I.

- "Nothing," I answer with a shrug.  "Since we are all here, should we head home now?" I add before things become awkward.

They all nod and start to leave.  I can see, in the corner of my eye, BamBam looking at me.  It wouldn't be a good idea to stay beside him.  Deciding to walk with Yugyeom instead, I wrap my arm around his waist —seeing that I'm way too short to reach for his shoulders.  In return, Yugyeom rests his arm on my shoulders.  We follow the others, Jackson and BamBam trailing behind us.  I can feel the Thai boy's stare burn holes in my back.

- "Hey Yugyeommie," I look up at the tall boy.

- "Mh?" he responds, not talking his eyes off of the path in front of us.

- "Thanks for not telling BamBam how I felt. You really are a good friend," I compliment.  He glances at me.

- "Yeah I know," he nods, a big cocky grin on his face.

- "Yah, don't do that with your face. I might have called you a good friend but you still made me wait for twenty minutes on the roof of school," I lightly punch his side.

- "Ah... my bad. I kind of got caught up talking to my friends. I almost forgot about you. Mian," he apologizes while rubbing the back of his neck.

- "Whatever," I scoff and roll my eyes.

[Saturday June 29th, 2013]

Was it best that I revealed my feelings to BamBam?

I lay motionless on my bed.  After a moment, I flinch.  I cover my face with my hands.  I scream into my palms, muffling the yelling.

When I finish screaming, I uncover my face and I keep my eyes closed.  A thought pops in my head.

[Friday June 28th, 2013]

How this happened? I have no idea.

I watch in disbelief and in rejection as they all walk away, waving at us.  They try hiding smiled, some of them covering laughs.

Just a few moments ago, I was peacefully walking with Yugyeom.  The oppas in front of us, BamBam and Jackson behind.  We were nearing my street.  And in the blink of an eye, Yugyeom disappeared from beside me.  He had been pulled away from me by Jackson.  The two joined the older ones.  But BamBam still stood behind me, just as confused as I was.  They started walking away, in a different direction from where I needed to go.

- "Where are you guys going?" I finally speak up.

- "Dorms," Jr. answers.

- "They're in this direction," Mark adds.

- "Okay, but you guys said that you'd walk me home," I remind.

- "BamBam is with you, isn't he? He will go with you," JB replies.

- "Anyways, the two of you made us sleepy. The whole 'hang out time' made us tired," Jackson yawns.

No one asked you to come.

They continue walking away.

"Wait! You guys can't leave me here! Not with..." I stop, realizing my mistake.  I can't mention someone when the person is right behind me.

They stop, and then turn to look at me.

"... without saying goodbye," I correct myself, although it's not really what I want to say.

I walk up to them, ready to give them hugs.  When I get to Yugyeom, I pull him down, making sure I level my face with his.

"Help me, please!" I whisper in his ear.

When we pull away, I look at him with pleading eyes.  But he only shrugs, a smile on his face.

They head off once again, but I already gave up bringing them back.  I face BamBam.

- "I guess you don't want me to be here, right?" BamBam asks.

- "A-a-ani. That's not what I meant–"

- "Then that means that I can stay with you?" BamBam inquires, with a smirk on his face.

- "W-well yeah... B-but you can join them... If that's what you want," I tell him slowly, hoping he actually leaves.

- "Aniyo. I don't want you to walk alone," he insists.

- "But you'll have to walk alone later." I add.

- "Gwaenchanha. I don't mind," BamBam says.

- "But–" I try to reason.

- "Yunhee," he cuts me off.  He takes hold of my arms, making me hold my breath.  He chuckles.  "You're fine with me walking with you, and I'm fine with myself walking with you. So that means, there's no problem in walking with you. Am I not right?"

I stay silent.  One reason is because I lost him at his first sentence.  The other reason is because I'm still holding my breath.  He just smiles.  He takes my hand and starts walking.  I follow, drawing breath every now and then.

We walk in silence.  I glance at the boy a few times.  I notice the smile still plastered on his face.  He sighs.

What are you thinking about, Kunpimook? Did you hear me when I told you that I liked you?

"What do I do now?" BamBam says, out of the blue.

I look at him confusingly, forgetting to hold my breath.  He looks at me too, as we continue to move forward.

"Should I fight against Youngjae hyung?"

My eyes widen because of his insane thoughts.  I quickly shake my head, telling him no.  He looks in front.

- "'Cause you see, it feels good when someone likes you. Especially when you like them back. But when there's someone else in that person's heart as well, you feel hurt. If only you knew how I'm feeling, then you'd understand why I'm against Youngjae hyung so much," he explains.  "He has already stolen your heart completely before.  Why can't it be the same for me now?"

- "P-please don't. I-I don't want the two of you to fight," I stutter.

He doesn't say anything else.  We continue to move, getting closer to my house.

[Saturday June 29th, 2013]

I really do hope that BamBam doesn't join in the argument with Youngjae; no matter how much he dislikes him.

Sometimes, I just wish I never met these two.  For their sake.  Their lives might have been easier.

[Friday June 28th, 2013]

BamBam is still holding my hand.  I want him to let go.  Not only because I still feel the awkwardness surrounding us, but also because my parents are able to see us.  You never know what can come from them if they see me like this.

However, at the same time, I like the feeling of his soft hand in mine.  It's warm, and I enjoy it.

We stop right in front of my front yard.  He faces me, a smile on his face.

"I had an absolute fun time today. I really hope that we can do this again someday." he suggests.

I glance and nod.  I smile, not looking at him.  My feet play with the concrete underneath them.

"Good night," he smiles.

Feeling the weight of his hands on my shoulders, I look up at the boy.  BamBam leans in closer.  He kisses my forehead, and my eyes close instinctively.  When I open them, I can only look at him for a second.

"Yunhee?"

I turn my head to the side, and BamBam does the same.  My eyes widen.  Youngjae glances at BamBam before looking my way.

- "O-oppa," I stutter.  "What are you doing here?"

- "I'm here to see you. I just came from the park.  Where did you go?" Youngjae speaks slowly.

My mouth opens but nothing comes out.  One of BamBam's hands lets go of me, while the other slides down from my shoulder to take my hand.

- "The two of us went on a date. Do you have a problem with that, hyung?" BamBam replies in my place.  Though, it's not exactly what I wanted to say.

- "Yah," I whisper to him while I very lightly pull his hand.

BamBam turns to me and I look away, staring down.  I shake my head, telling him to stop.  I feel BamBam's hand squeeze mine.

"I'm leaving," BamBam says.

And without another word from any of us, he leaves.  Again, none of us speaks.

"Is it true? What he said?" Youngjae inquires.  "Was it really... a date?"

I don't say anything.  In the corner of my eye, I can see him brush his hair back in frustration from my quietness.

"Do you know how long I waited for you?... I wanted to show you the dance I've been working on. I wanted you to be the first to see the outcome of all the hard work."

I look at Youngjae, but he's looking away.  I want to say I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I made him wait.  I know how long he's been practicing on that dance.  Trying to perfect his moves, so he can reach the level of his future members.  I've watch him struggle, almost give up.  But he finally finished and I wasn't there to see his proud self.

But I stay still.  I stay mute.

"So, I waited there. I waited for someone who wasn't going to come."

I can tell that he was sad.  I felt it in his presence.  But he didn't show it anywhere else.  Not in his expression, not in his voice, not in his actions.  He was good at hiding his feelings.  Although I knew Youngjae for a while now, I'm not always able to read him.  It's like reading a locked diary.  Impossible.  Unless you have the key, it won't let you see the inside.  And I had the chance to have that key... But now I lost it.

"And then I come here, and I see you with him. Then he tells me you two were on a date?"

I look down at my feet.

- "You're out there having fun while I waited for you? Do you know how that feels?" Youngjae points in the direction BamBam left.

- "You're jealous." I mumble without thinking.

There was silence until Youngjae started chuckling.  He obviously was not pleased.  I wasn't happy of myself either.  I don't know why those words left my lips.  They just did.

"Okay... Fine. I admit it. I'm jealous. So what? How would you like it if I was supposed to come and see you for lunch, but instead I went to eat with Jooyeon?" Youngjae gives an example.

My brows furrow.  Sudden anger starts to slowly builds up inside me.

- "But that's not the same!" I look up and raise my voice at him.  "You never asked me to come see you!"

- "But you knew I was there didn't you!?" Youngjae yells, soft enough so we don't wake anyone up on the street.

My face softens.  He was right.  I did know.  I felt it.  That bitter feeling I got; it was because I knew Youngjae was at the park.  But I chose to ignore it.  To think it was not the case.  To pretend I didn't know.

[Saturday June 29th, 2013]

I managed to get up.  I ate breakfast and washed up.  But now I don't know what to do.  My mind is still lost and wandering in yesterday.  So, to make up for what had happened, I grab the phone and dial the number I had memorized.

"Yeoboseyo?" I hear on the other end.

Hello wonderful people of the earth! I have returned with another chapter! I have also come with and apology that —I suggest— you do not accept. Reason being that I've apologized countless times in this same story and I feel like I am a burden whenever I ask for forgiveness. However I'm still saying sorry just because I should.

ANYWAY, I still hope that you'd continue reading this fanfic because, hopefully, it will make all of us (you and me) happy. And like always, I hope that you can comment because I like that :)

God bless!

From your confused author *~*