YOUR POV

No, I can’t be like this anymore! How can I be so weak and so affected? I am a professional, aren’t I?

But this case has really driven me crazy. I’m dying to know his feeling towards me yet I don’t have any courage to face him. Why I suddenly also turn into a coward? I swear I hate myself right now. But whose fault is this? Is this his fault for making me like this? Of course not, it’s my choice. He was just born hot and well..I don’t even know what I like from him. So..Is that his parents’ fault, maybe because they gave birth to him? Of course not, a baby is from God. So…Is this God’s fault? Of course not, God is always good. So.. IS THIS MY OWN FAULT? Is falling for him my fault? Maybe it’s my fault.

I should not feel like this. This is something new and really makes me tired. I am mentally tired. Mentally tired is worse than physically tired. But hell, I can’t stop this feeling. I feel like I want to cry a thousand rivers but I can’t anymore. Today Kai is coming. And how can I face him?

I am still in a mess and there’s no way I will let him see me in this state. It will be very embarrassing.

Ready or not, now or later, I still have to face him anyways.

SO…Isn’t the sooner the better?

You heard a knock from the door. You quickly sat up nicely and said, ‘come in’ in a cool way.

Kai’s figure appeared and he awkwardly sat across the table.

“Are you ready for this session?”You formally asked.

“Why did you cry?” Instead of answering your formal question, he asked you.

“I am not paid for answering your question.”You said.

“Why did you cry?” He repeated his question once again. You felt your emotion started to be raised but you still managed to look calm. You finally lifted up your gaze and met his. His stare was firm and you knew he was expecting n answer.

“You do know why.” You said.

“No. Tell me.” He insisted.

“Because I felt so sad knowing that I have failed. You didn’t change. You ed that . And that’s really my first failure. I always think that I can change you, but I guess I am wrong. Maybe, it takes more time than I’ve expected.” You tried to explain as calm as you could.

“You are misunderstood then.” He said.

“What do you mean? All I’ve seen was clear enough. You don’t have to say anything in order to make me feel better.” You said and you realized that your tone turned cold and you swore you saw Kai flinched a little.

“No. I still have one more question before I explain the misunderstanding. Why did you fool us?” He asked.

You became confused by his question. You tried to remember what he meant but you couldn’t remember any single moment you fooled them.

You shook your head and said,” I never do.”

“Think again, you once did it and that really change everything. That is the reason why all the misunderstanding happens. Or, maybe misunderstandings happen, because honestly I don’t know how many misunderstandings there are.” He said and you really tried hard to remember.

But you still didn’t realize it which led Kai said, “Let me help you with this question. Why did you pretend that you fainted?” Kai smirked when he got you right. You didn’t expect those words as you couldn’t control your expression and your sudden reaction. Your eyes widen and your face turned pale. Your palms started to get wet and you looked like a murderer being interrogated.

“I-I…”You couldn’t find a word.

“Answer me.” You flinched when he said those two words.

You took a deep breath to control yourself before you spoke, “I know that’s my fault. I pretended because I felt so awkward to you before. You know after we did ‘that’ thing the day before the previous day.”

“And you chose to faint?” His voice sounded like he didn’t believe what you just said.

“Yes. I know I am stupid for doing that and I am sorry. Now..What’s the connection with the misunderstanding?”  You changed a bit your position and you didn’t break the eye contact. You didn’t want to read his mind at that time.

“Let me explain this then. So..Actually there are 3 misunderstandings that happen. First, EXO misunderstood that I you. I called them when you fainted in order to get some helps from them because I didn’t know what I should do at that time. And they thought that you fainted because I ed you. Then, you were brought to the hospital. I was angry with them so I tortured them. They all ran to the hospital in order to get some treatments. Even though I was angry to them, I came to the hospital because I wanted to know their conditions. On the way, I suddenly heard your voice. I was confused because I thought you were supposed to be in the room and so I eavesdropped. And that was the second misunderstanding. I was so angry when I knew you just played around. I thought that way before. So..Yeah, I went to the bar. But I swear, I went there not to girls. I didn’t even have a mood to do that. But when I suddenly saw you coming there, I got an idea. I wanted to make a revenge on you. I know that you are a smart person so soon or later you would ask the bartender about me. So..Yeah..I picked a random and asked for a room. I just asked the to play along. I didn’t really her. Then, I saw you opened the door and I was shocked to see you crying. I just expected you to be sad because you were fail, but not until crying. I seriously was very sorry. I dressed up immediately and I had already opened the door and ready to catch you but then I saw D.O and the rest. I immediately went back and for the second time, asked the to play along and fool EXO. So…Yes, there are 3 misunderstandings. All I have said here are right. I don’t talk bulls to make you feel good or whatever.” Kai explained the whole things, all the misunderstandings and you felt yourself let out a huge sigh of relief.

“So..That’s all what happen?” You asked and he nodded.

“Then, it’s clear. We are clear. So..You have changed?” You made a conclusion.

Mixed feelings you felt when Kai nodded his head. In one side, you were so happy that you finally really got to change him. You were successful once again. But on the other side, you were sad as well. Kai’s changed meant that he didn’t have to see you again which meant that you would not see him again.

“Okay. Then there’s nothing that we should do anymore. You are back to normal already, so…Good bye.” You almost dropped your tears, but you managed to shoo your tears back.

“Actually, I still have something to talk about. Hmm…The thing is….I am in love with my mate. I don’t know whether she feels the same way to me or not. I have been ignoring her for more than a month because I want to change. Now that I’ve changed, what should I do?”

Your heart dropped when you heard him said that he was in love with his mate which meant he didn’t love you back. But you covered your emotion in a blink.

“Tell her. Tell her that you have changed. And tell her that you won’t be her mate anymore. What you want her to be is your girlfriend. Yes, you want her to be your girlfriend. If she really loves you, then she will accept you. She will understand that you’ve changed. Is she a maniac too?” You were really shaking when you said that and maybe your voice has betrayed you as Kai asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m just too happy that I finally made it.”You lied.

“Okay… And well, I think she is. But she is not dangerous, at least not as dangerous as I was.” He said.

“Maybe you can bring her here. Who knows she also wants to change.”You said.

“She does want, even before me. But..Guess it hasn’t succeeded yet. I’ll bring her here in the next meeting which means Thursday. “He said.

“Okay..What’s her name?” You smiled.

“Her name is Park Min Hee.” He said and your smile vanished.

“What’s wrong?” Kai noticed it.

“There is nothing except the fact that she has been my patient since Saturday.” You said and tried hard not to break down in front of him.

“That’s good to hear. So..This is our last meeting?”

“Yes.” You tried to sound firm.

“I hope we still meet though..”He said and bid you a good bye. You fell to the floor the moment he drove off from your place. For the first time in your life, you regretted being a psychologist.

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~janeloveexo~