Taeyeon’s POV:

We were back at the dorm after another full day of schedules. I lazily laid down on my bed, being completely exhausted both mentally and physically. The day had felt so long and a headache was growing in my head. I closed my eyes and massaged my temples, an action I’ve been doing a lot lately.

Even after 7 years of schedules, my body has yet to get used to the daily routine of fatigue. Coming home day and night after working all day got quite stressful. I had learned to smile through the pain, but no matter how well I mask it, the pain is still apparent.

Whether my back is turned away from it or not, it was still there. And it stayed there like a shadow. Lingered somewhere inside my body, slowly weakened me, until feeling it in places I had never known existed. It ate every-bit of my insides, trapping me in an indescribable feeling I couldn’t seem to get away from and can’t seem to get away from even up to this day.

The idol life is somewhat like air. It is only with you for a certain amount of time, and you never know when you can no longer have it. It is something you have to take care of---something one seeks. Sometimes, it is the very thing a person needs. Something that inspires us. Something that comes to only a certain few; but to me it is so much more than that. They are something I live off of. I wake up with the need of it. It is like hating air, but knowing that having it gives you things that are so much better. To air and life, it is the experience. The very item that can kill you is the same item you need to live. It is something like that. Something so deep, I don’t think I can dig deep enough to finally understand it. But even with that knowledge, I choose to continue digging. In the end, it is worth it.

My occupation is quite complicated. I sometimes wonder why I chose this road. I sometimes wonder how I got here and whether I’d enjoy it more to be someplace else. It is an occupation that makes me start doubting myself of who I am. They are both invisible to me and that is what makes it so difficult to find when you need it.

But standing on stage takes away my doubt. It is what reminds me why I’m still here. The fact that people are willing to listen to me is enough for me to enjoy what I do and yearn to do it more. Being able to do it with my members is a bonus. They excel in the thing’s I lack and have shown me how to improve in it. They inspire me to change myself to become a better person. To try breaking out of my shell, the shell I have been trapped in since the moment I forgot I had another life.

My life as Kim Taeyeon. The little lost child who never understood what the road I took will lead to. The lost child who performed for herself. In what seems like a blink of an eye, the lost child has turned to a member of the nation’s girl group ,having it’s burden on their shoulder in every performance.

Deep inside I’m still a child; just a child who doesn’t understand their surroundings and how it is to be someone else. I am now a child who performs for others and never just a performer for myself.

But unlike other children, I am shackled down, watched, and judged for every action, every facial expression, and every mistake - mistakes even in the simplest form that others don’t get criticised for. But then again I am not considered part of “others”, I’m Girl’s Generation.

There were times I felt so empty, however, as if I was nothing like I was air itself. It was not until my members opened my mind to look into their eyes that I noticed I was not alone in this. It took me a while to realise that it was never just about me since we became a group; that it was always about us.

But I’m fine with that. They were able to pour water in my empty cup. They were able to paint in my empty canvas. They were able to write in my vacant book. They were able to make me feel like something, like nothing is actually something. They are the beginning, middle, and end of my story. I still have an endless supply of pages to go, and so does the SoshiBond.

I accepted his task because there is a tear in our book… and I was the cause of it. Like everyone else, I wish to fix it. Not because of guilt, but because of something else - something so much more.

I wanted to tell the othe