Chapter Nineteen - Leaving 

"So..." He ventured as I tensed at my seat, "I'm sorry Nara,"

I fiddled with my phone while my eyes were gazing down at the dusty black converse shoes I was wearing. 

Myungsoo sighed, "Are you not going to say anything?" 

I gulped down my saliva, feeling extremely queasy with the whole situation. 

"Umm," I even almost choked at my hum. 

"Okay, then at least will you listen to me?" 

I nodded twice. There were a lot of things that I really wanted to tell him, but it's like that my tongue had been twisted and I wasn't able to throw anything out of my mouth.

"I am... So sorry for opening that book without your permission," he started, "I... uh... I was very curious about it because every time I see you, you will always have it above your palms. Either you were reading it or writing on it.

"I also want to confess something," he paused and bit his lips. 

Confess? My heart was hammering against my chest like crazy. But still, I tried to not get my hopes too high.

"I... Often stand behind you when you're alone. I observe people much actually because that's my trick of being able to take beautiful candid pictures," he chuckled nervously, "You know, when people be their true selves, without posing or being fake in front of the camera. But that's not my point. 

"What I'm trying to say is that, whenever I look at you, when you're alone, with that book, it's like... You're in your own world. Sometimes you would giggle by yourself or maybe you would tilt your head and sigh. And it got me a little curious. This small curiosity piled up and turned into a huge one. That's the reason why, I took the book from your bag," his voice diminished in the end.

I wasn't able to react to his explanation. First of all... He was what? Observing me. Kim Myungsoo was observing me without me knowing. It was pretty much like a creepy stalker. Only difference was, he's my crush. Okay, I get it when he said that his purpose was to actually take beautiful candid pictures but still, I couldn't help but feel a little flattered. 

It was embarrassing though, to realize that he had been behind me when I was going through my book. He might even see me doodling his name and giggling to myself like an idiot. 

"But... Are you that curious?" I asked quietly, still not daring to make an eye contact with him. 

He took a moment or two before answering me, "Uh.. I was actually curious what made you so happy," 

Made me so happy?

"You know, when you grin or smile, I want to know what's the reason," he elaborated. 

"So... Do you know the reason?" I couldn't help but project out my curiosity in a rather sheepish manner. 

He nodded. "And I'm... glad of that," 

What? 

Was he blind to not see the scribbles of his name?

I pinched myself secretly and I wondered if I should be happy or sad with the fact that I wasn't in a dream. 

"So..." He sighed and rubbed his palms, "Can we be friends?" 

I was about to frown, but I didn't- or I couldn't. It was like I was not able to twitch a single muscle in my body. Damn, I was confused. 

"I guess..." I answered him finally, uncomfortable with his eyes that were staring at mines eagerly. 

He beamed and nodded, his eyes turning into a bit of an upside down 'u', "That's great!" He looked at his watch, "Uhm... Since it's almost late, can I take you to dinner?" 

I opened my mouth as another surprise stood in front of me. 

"Come on, it's to pay for my mistake," he said and stood up. 

"Oh... Okay," I spoke and followed him. 

-***-

Without me knowing it, I was gradually getting less awkward with Myungsoo. He had brought me to this beautiful restaurant. I complained that my hoodie and sweat pants wasn't fulfilling the dress code but he didn't listen. So there I was, a little bit awkward with all the chandeliers and waiters who even wore a neater outfit as compared to me.

"You sure you don't want to get anything else?" He asked, pointing to my Caesar salad with the silver fork.

I shook my head, "No, I'm fine with this," 

"Don't hesitate to order again alright?" 

"Okay," I nodded, although I wasn't planning to order anything else. 

Sunggyu was right. I had tried to control my eating since Ailee started her diet. It made me realize that it was already time for me to act like the other girls, even though I didn't want to. Now, I understood how those highschool girls felt. When I was younger, I would usually gossip about our seniors with Minjae about them dieting. I would always say that beauty isn't everything. However, now that I was in their position, I understood everything. It was like, people prioritize physical beauty over intelligence or a beautiful heart. It had always been like that, I was the one too late realizing it. If Ailee who had a beautiful curvy body was controlling her eating, than me, the one with a rather failed figure should do more than her. 

"You should at least tell me that Jaeryul's here," he chuckled lightly as he cut his sirloin.  

"How did you know he was here?" I cocked my eyebrows. 

Myungsoo shrugged, "It seems that news travels fast," he slid a slice of the meat into his mouth, "Me and the others, would want to play basket ball with him," 

I laughed silently, "Alright, sorry for not informing," I rolled my eyes, "He's like jobless here, so it will be great if you guys can play basket with him," I said and finished my salad. 

"Sure," he smiled, "I'll tell the others," 

After dinner, he insisted on walking me home. I told him I can go up by myself when we arrived in front of my apartment but when Kim Myungsoo insists on something, nothing is able to stop him.

We rode the elevator up and walked down the hallway until we stood in front of the brown door of my apartment. I inserted the card inside the slot and a tiny green light was seen, I opened it, but before I stepped in, Myungsoo held my shoulder.

"Is there anything wrong?" I turned to him, still holding the silver handle. 

"We're friends right, Nara?" He asked again. 

I nodded and smiled, "Yes, we are," 

He sighed with relief. Before he wanted to bid me goodbye though, the door suddenly jerked open, causing me to almost stumble forward to Jaeryul, who was apparently the one pulling it. 

"Nara, what are yo- Oh! Myungsoo!" 

I rolled my eyes as my brother stepped out and hug Myungsoo. The younger hugged him back with a chuckle.

"Man, you're almost taller than me!" Jaeryul exclaimed. 

"Yeah, that's because you're short," Hana shouted from the living room, her eyes still pinned on the gag show airing at the tv screen in front of her. 

Jaeryul made a face but shrugged her comment off, "Do you want to come in Myungsoo?" 

"Ah... No thanks, my brother's waiting for me, I was just planning to drop Nara home," the younger answered as he scratched the back of his head.

"Oh," Jaeryul frowned, "That's too bad. Anyways, I should hang out and play basket with you guys," 

"Of course! We should, I'll tell the others," Myungsoo grinned, "For now, I need to go home hyung, see you," he bowed down. 

"Alright, bye," my brother nodded.

I waved him a goodbye too and he returned it with a smile before leaving. I went to my bedroom and took a nice bath before joining Hana on the couch. 

"I didn't know you were with Myungsoo," Hana said. 

"I'm not with him," Well, I wish I was.

"Why don't you consider Sunggyu?" Jaeryul joined as he plopped beside me.

"Yeah, I consider Sunggyu as my brother,"

"Come on, you know that's not what I mean," he nudged my elbow. 

"You mean me dating him?" I laughed dryly, "That's like a huge NO," 

"The both of you are really close," he argued.

"And that's why it would be really weird if we start dating. Just imagine us dating, see, even imagining it made me want to vomit," 

Jaeryul pursed his lips, unable to say anything. I stood up after the comedy show was over. 

"I'm going to sleep," I informed, half yawning. 

The both of them nodded and I went inside my room. I dropped myself into the bed after packing my books for tomorrow, when I remembered that tomorrow was Sunday and I started unpacking it again. I closed my eyes and couldn't thank God enough for my encounter with Myungsoo. It didn't turn out to be what I fear, instead, it was the complete opposite of what I had expected.  

That night I slept amazingly well. I felt like all my problems were gone, and I realized that it was the moment that my roller coaster of life was heading upwards. 

-***-

"Nara, wake up," Hana shook my body, "Wake up, Jaeryul's meeting the guys," 

I groaned and turned my back to her, "Then let him meet. I want to sleep," 

"They want to meet you too," 

"Why?" 

Hana hit me with the pillow and I grunted. "Can't you just wake up? It's 8 already-"

"I wake up at 9," 

"Oh come on! You're spoiled," she nagged. 

"FINE! I'll wake up okay?" I exclaimed and sat. 

I rubbed my eyes and hopped down the bed and took a bath. After we were all ready, I went out and knocked on Sunggyu's door, telling him to go with us.

The four of us went down the elevator together and hopped into Sunggyu's car. I was about to enter the back seat when Jaeryul insisted that I sit in front, beside Sunggyu. I glared at him but didn't say anything. I wasn't stupid that I didn't know Jaeryul was trying to set me up, but no, it wasn't working. And it won't work. Like, NO. 

Just like old times, the guys, plus Raina, went for basket in the school's basket ball court, while me, Hana, Ailee and Sora sat on the first row of the bleachers cheering aimlessly.

"Go Dongwoo!!" Ailee screamed for her boyfriend who waved at her with a grin. 

Woohyun threw hearts at Sora who just smiled and nod at him. Jaeryul tossed him a ball to which he caught at that instant. Their team was leading one point. 

Hana leaned closer to me, "Minjae... I don't see her here," she said, slightly whispering.

I shook my head and didn't say anything while my eyes were still fixated on Myungsoo who was grabbing the ball from Woohyun. I grinned when he succeed. 

"Sunggyu hyung!" He shouted and threw the ball to him. Sunggyu caught it in a blink of an eye and sprinted to the net across. I clapped my hands when he scored. They were even now. I felt even better when I realized that the game had disappear the small awkwardness between Myungsoo and Sunggyu. 

"I see that you will pin your eyes to either Myungsoo or Sunggyu," Hana commented. 

"Hm," I hummed, still grinning because of the point Sunggyu's team earned. 

"It's Myungsoo right?" Hana wiggled her eyebrows.

I turned to her, "I'm not gonna tell you that," 

From the corner of my eyes, I caught the scene of Raina trying to grab the orange ball from Hoya, and as expected, Hoya let his guard down. 

"Ah !" He cursed as Raina dribbled the ball across the court. 

I smiled when Raina shoot. I always adored her leg muscles. 

The game ended with the victory from Sunggyu's team. We grabbed lunch and went to a mal after they took a bath and changed their clothes. 

"Hyung, you should come to the art festival," Dongwoo said as we ate. 

It was weird to see Jaeryul and Hana sitting next to me, a little bit ruining our seat order. Like, something wasn't balanced you know. 

"Yeah, and Hana unnie can help us," Ailee smiled. 

Ah! The arts festival, right. It was a tradition in my school to have students open up a stall, selling their own hand made products, for a week. My class did haunted house last year. Sungyeol and Minjae became one of the ghost while I was outside on the ticket booth. 

This year though, we haven't had any idea of what to do.

"When is the arts festival?" Sungyeol asked. 

"It's in two weeks right?" Woohyun spoke. 

"Uh-huh, just a week before the finals," Sunggyu said. 

I grunted silently. Arts festival also meant that finals were approaching. We students never get why the school board planned it that why. It was absurd. Nonetheless, I was still excited for the arts week. 

 
"Make sure you do well on your finals, Nara," Hana nagged. 

Oh please, I didn't need a nag from my sister right now, in front of my friends. It wasn't like I would fail my tests. Okay, physics was an exception. But still, I still tried my best.

"I know, I know," I rolled my eyes. 

"This is your last finals isn't it Sunggyu?" Jaeryul inquired, and I realized that it indeed was Sunggyu's last finals.

"Yes hyung," he nodded. 

"Ah... Yes, it's Sunggyu hyung's last year," Dongwoo sighed. 

"You'll be graduating! Where are you going?" Jaeryul asked as he chewed. 

I was damn hungry, but I lied to them that I had already eaten. I stole a french fry from Hana's plate, and oh, since when did food taste this good?

"Ehm... There's this university offering good music major," Sunggyu answered uncertainly. 

My eyes gleamed when he said he would be taking a music major. He actually didn't give up on his dreams. I made a mental note to ask him if he had talked about this to his parents once we were alone. 

"Oh really? Where is the university?" I asked, a little to excited. 

That was when I saw his smile fading away, "It's at the state," 

"State? You mean like a different state in Korea?" I asked, not wanting the bitter truth. 

He shook his head, "No, states as in America," 

America? 
Did he mean the America which is miles away from Seoul?

4th September, 6:05, above my bed.

Kim Sunggyu... Can you not go?
I'm happy for you, you see. 
I'm happy that you didn't give up. 

I know that I'm such an arrogant person. 
But... Can you not leave us?
I don't know whom should I rely on when you leave. 

I don't know who would let me barge into their apartment when you go. 
I don't know whom should I copy physics from. 
I don't know who would lend me rides to school. 

But most of all, 
I don't know who would sing for me
I don't know who I should come to when I'm carrying a heavy burden
I don't know whom I could talk to in the way we usually do

I will miss you a lot Sunggyu. 
I don't have the face to say this directly to you but,
I love you Sunggyu. 

I love you in the way I love my brother. 
It's like a deja vu. 
I cried and wept when my brother left for the states. 

And maybe for you, I would cry and weep even harder.
A quarter of them would be tears of happiness
Three quarter of them would be tears of sadness

Hola readers! Thank you for reading up to now :)

Hope you have a great valentine's day yes? <3

Namu hearts from me ^^

*and oh! I changed my username because of well.... some... weird reasons (?) idek LOL*