Chapter Thirty Three -   Cutting People out 

"Do you ever wonder where do the stars hide?" I asked, overcoming my rapid heart beat. 

Myungsoo raised up his head and stared at the sky, "Not really," he let out a small chuckle, "But still, the sky looks beautiful," 

He held up the camera which was clung on his neck and took a shot of the sky. 

"You know, Myung, you always take pictures of everything surrounding you," I said, "Don't you want someone to take picture of yourself?" 

He put his camera down and looked at me, "Do you want to take it for me?" 

I shrugged, "If you want to," 

Myungsoo handed his camera to me after taking it off from his his neck, "Be very careful okay? I don't hand my camera to anyone," 

"You can trust me," I said and took the camera from his hand as though it was something so precious (although it was for Myungsoo's case)

I brought the camera up to my face. It was the second time Myungsoo trusted me with this. The view in front of me diminished in size when I looked through the small lens on the camera. Myungsoo was gazing up. 

"Should I take a candid picture of you?" I asked. 

"You know, Nara, you shouldn't ask me that if you really want to take a candid picture of me," He said, still looking up. 

I pressed the tiny button on the top part of the camera body and it snapped the scene before me. 

"Let me see it,"

I gave him his camera and leaned closer, looking at the screen. It was nice. The azure sky as a background with Myungsoo's side portrait in the front.  

"Not bad huh," he commented. 

"You said that last time too," 

"Last time?" 

"Yeah, when we're in Jeju, in the museum," I recalled. 

His lips formed a thin smile, "I'm glad you remembered that," 

"Of course," 

He put down his camera beside him and stared down to the water. 

"You know Myung," I started, "I don't know why I am saying this, but.." I bit my lips. I didn't even realize what I would say or where was that coming from. 

"Say it Nara," Myungsoo stared at me, his gaze turning into a softer one.  

I gave a small laugh, "It's funny that I've keeping it for almost two years, and yet, I can't hold it now," I turned to him, and I tried to smile, really, but what got out were rivulets of tears from my eyes. 

Was this going to make me further from him? I looked down again to the tiny gap between us. 

"Why are you crying Nara?" He asked softly, "What are you trying to say?" 

"The truth," I wiped my tears with the back of my palm.  

"Then speak it Nara, I'll listen," 

I didn't react. 

"You have to tell me the truth," he said, caressing my wet cheeks with his thumb. 

I smiled bitterly and shook my head. His sigh could be heard. 

"Then, I'll tell you something," 

I raised up my head slowly, making my eyes met with his warm ones. 

"I like you." He admitted. 

"Is that... what you're trying to say, Nara?" Myungsoo asked quietly when I didn't say anything. 

His voice sounded as sincere as his eyes that was looking into mines. He traced his palms down my cheeks and finally pull them from my face. There was this slight disappointment in my heart when he did that. 

"Myungsoo," my voice cracked, and my eyes started to get blurry all over again, "I never thought I could feel this happy," 

"If you're happy then don't cry, Nara," he spoke as he wiped my tears with his hands. 

I probably looked awful and pathetic at that time, but it didn't matter. I couldn't believe that someone actually liked me. I couldn't believe that I wouldn't have to worry about being single forever. It felt so surreal. 

"Yah, hyung! It's time to blow the candles and cut your cake!" Monsoo shouted behind us. 

Myungsoo still had his eyes on mines, "Y-yeah, I'll be there,"  

Monsoo seemed to have went back to the their table while me and Myungsoo were still quiet. 

"Don't cry, okay?" His voice barely louder than a whisper. 

He let out a heavy exhale before retrieving his feet out of the water,  and unfolded his pants before putting his rather wet feet into his shoes.

"I'll bring you home later," he said, "I have to go now," 

Myungsoo left me feeling nothing. I know I was supposed to be happy, well I was happy, but when he walked away, it's as though I felt nothing. 

I stood up, dried my feet for a minute or two before heading back to our table. Myungsoo was already in front, cutting the cake while everyone were singing. I slipped between Sungyeol and Minjae before clapping my hand along with the others. 

"Where have you been?" Sungyeol frowned. 

I shrugged, "Washroom," 

After the cake cutting was done, Myungsoo handed them to his parents and the rest of the guests. He walked towards my direction with two plates of cake. I bit my lip and pretended to talk to Sungyeol, but he wasn't helping at all. Myungsoo handed me one of the plates, and I was wondering whether or not to make an eye contact with him. Our eyes met for a second and we both looked down on the plate which was on my hand. 

"Thanks," I said. 

He walked to Sungyeol and gave him the other plate before going back to the front. 

"That was weird," Sungyeol muttered with his stupid smirk on his stupid face, and all I could do was sigh. 

***

When Myungsoo said he would bring me home, he meant it. So Dongwoo had no choice but to walk home, he actually enjoyed it though.

"Don't you have to go home with your family?" I asked after bidding everyone goodbye. 

"No, and that's why we're going to walk," he said and shoves his hands into the pockets of his pants. 

We went down the dark street and yeah, honestly, with my shoes that I had never wore previously, it kinda . Myungsoo seemed to notice it, so he said, "Take off your shoes if you want, you seem to be hurting," 

I hesitated, but took off my shoes anyway. So I was walking barefooted to my apartment, and it was funny that I felt better. 

"Careful, you might step on a glass or something," he warned. 

"Yeah, thanks," 

We kept on walking in silence. But it didn't feel awkward anymore. I felt relieved, and even happy to know that our feelings were mutual. 

I welcomed Myungsoo into my apartment when we arrived there. After cleaning my feet and making the both of us a warm green tea, we sat down comfortably on the couch. 

"So..." I ventured. 

"Yeah," he sighed, "We need to make things clear,"

I sipped my tea before placing the mug on the table before me, "Okay," 

"I know this is a super cowardly act, but yeah, I started to be more... Confident, I guess, when I know that you... Had a thing on me," Myungsoo said. 

I wasn't even able to look at him in the eye and there were a huge bunch of things that I wanted to tell him but I just couldn't figure out what. I know, it was weird. 

"How... I mean, when did you start.. You know..." 

"Liking you?" He asked and I nodded. 

"Long time ago," he answered quietly, "It's not liking you, but more like I'm interested in you. And then in Jeju, I read your book which had... My names everywhere, and I chuckled and I thought that I was dreaming but no, you had my names scribbled on every page of the book," his voice diminished at the end of the sentence. 

He stared at me, "And that's when I realized that I was more than interested in you. And I kept on asking myself, am I falling in love with you? And I thought, oh, I might be," he chuckled quietly, "I'm a coward you see," 

I raised my head and looked at him in the eye, "For sixteen years in my life Myungsoo," My voice cracked, "I've never expected this," 

He smiled, placed his tea down on the table and held my hand. His palms were radiating a tranquil warmness, and it felt right. 

"You deserve it Nara," 

"Deserve what?" I frowned. 

He just shook his head with a small smile, "So, do you wanna go out with me?" 

I chortled a bit. The way Myungsoo asked me out was just how I wanted it to be. No flowers, no kneeling down, no love letters. Believe me, I never fancied those things. I wanted a simple one. 

"Are you going to answer me?" He asked, taking me out of my reverie. 

I smiled, "You know my answer," 

He shrugged and said, "I can't be sure if it doesn't come out from your own mouth," 

"I.." 

"Why are you hesitating now?" He gave a small laugh. 

"I don't know how am I supposed to answer you," I laughed as well. 

"Alright," he fixed his seating position, "I'll ask you again, do you wanna go out with me?" 

I took a deep breath before nodding, "Yeah, of course," I laughed, "Of course I want to,"  

He patted my shoulder, "Thank you," 

"You don't have to thank me for this," I said. 

He pulled me closer into his embrace and chuckled right beside my ear, "We're together," 

"We are," I couldn't stop smiling. 

We let go of each other and I looked into his eyes. He was staring into mines as well. I didn't know how long it lasted, but when I checked on the clock, it was almost midnight. 

"You.."

"Yeah, I probably should go back home," he was still beaming while standing up. 

I guided him towards the door, and I didn't feel like letting him go, you know. I wished he could just stay with me until... I don't know, and we would talk and chat and laugh together. But fact was, he needed to go. 

"I'll text you yeah?" He stepped out. 

"Sure," 

He took my right hand, and kissed it. I didn't know those kind of act was still valid. 

"Ah, true gentleman," I smirked, leaning on the door. 

"Oh, don't start teasing," 

"I'm not," I retorted with a laugh. 

He shook his head and smiled,  "Okay, I really have to go," 

"Okay," 

"Bye," he waved. 

"Take care," I said. 

He went towards the elevator and I was still staring at his back. When he turned his body, I smiled. 

"Go to bed, Nara," he told me with a small chuckle.

"Okay, I will," I said. 

He entered the elevator, pressed a button and before the door closed, he bid a goodbye. 

I went back into my apartment and closed the door behind me. Just when I was about to change, my phone shrilled. I grunted and answered it. 

"Hello?"

"Miss me already?" Myungsoo retorted at the end of the line. 

-***-

I woke up at about nine the next day. It was Saturday. I had nothing to do until noon, where Myungsoo promised to take me out for lunch. After taking a bath, I decided to give Sunggyu a video call, noting that it was almost midnight there. So I opened my laptop and all, waited for the connection until Sunggyu appeared on the screen. 

"Hey," he called. He was smiling, but that wouldn't hide his thick eye bags and his messy hair. 

"Stressing out lately?"  

He shrugged, "Yeah, I hate to admit, but I'm feeling homesick," 

"Dongwoo's living in your apartment," 

"So I've heard," he chortled, "Jungwoon told me," 

Jungwoon was the son of Mr. Kim, the landlord of the building. He was good looking, like really, but then I remembered Myungsoo, and realized that Jungwoon was nothing compared to him.

"Hey, Sunggyu," 

"Yeah?" 

"So me your teeth," 

"What?" 

"Your teeth, Sunggyu," I insisted. 

He frowned and laughed nervously, "What is wrong with you?" 

"You're smoking aren't you?" I asked, rather disappointedly, giving out my typical sad smile.

Sunggyu looked like a thief who had been caught burgling a house in the middle of the night by the police. And I knew that when his eyebrows furrowed even deeper, when his mouth was agape and when he was avoiding eye contact with me, it could only mean one thing. He was hiding something from me. 

I looked away and scoffed, "I'd be lying if I said I'm not hurt, you know," 

He kept quiet. 

"Even when I found out that Woohyun was taking cigs, there was already this part of me that felt like crying, you know," I said, "And I just can't believe you did this to me," 

"It's not like what you think," 

"Then what is it?"

Sunggyu sighed, "You have no single idea how stressed I am right now-" 

"Oh, so you smoke?" I cut him off, "How is going to school for 2 hours a day stressful?" 

"I don't get why are you against people who are smoking. It's their choice, I mean, it wouldn't affect you," 

"W-woah... Repeat yourself again," I scoffed, "It wouldn't affect me?" 

"No, I mean, why- You know what? We should stop this. Stop video calling me and all. We can't-" 

"What is wrong with you Kim Sunggyu?! Are you drunk?" I exclaimed. 

"Nara-" 

"I don't even know you. What is all this? For your information, it was me Sunggyu, me, who had always been with you," I yelled at the screen, "You were crying Sunggyu, crying! Remember? When we went to Jeju?" 

"Cut it off Nara," 

I shook my head, "No, you're not Sunggyu, you wouldn't say that to me,"  

"Let's not fight just because I smoke. People smoke Nara, you just have to open your eye a bit bigger," he said, a little calmer. 

"Are you even serious?" 

He didn't speak anything. 

"I bet you've been drinking too, Sunggyu," I said, "You're gone you know, the Sunggyu I know is gone. At times like this you would apologize, you wouldn't even inhale cigs or drink in the first place. You cared for me Sunggyu, you used to," 

"I..." 

"What? What more are you trying to say?" I challenged with a quieter voice. 

"And I think it's true," I scoffed again, tears threatening to fall, "When someone leaves, a better person enters. I just lost a brother and a best friend, and you know what, I just gained a boyfriend," 

"You see, I used to wish that you would see me more than a brother," he looked down, "But congrats Nara, I hope you're happy," 

With that, he cut our connection, just like how he did with our friendship. I froze there, just wondering what just happened. No, it wasn't a dream. Sunggyu was leaving me, for real. We'd fights before, quite a lot, but we would usually reconcile two minutes later. I had a bad feeling on this one though, it wasn't really pleasant.  

What wondered me the most though, was his last sentence. 

Hello guys ._. 

I'm terribly sorry that I've been very slow in updating TT

Things are just... Really making me busy, but again, me and my reasons XD 

And thank you so so, really, extremely much for reading this! You guys are awesome *flies namu hearts*