Chapter Thirty Four -   Life 

I statued inside Myungsoo's embrace minutes after we mutually agreed to stay in my apartment, canceling our lunch date. He my back and kept quiet despite not knowing what happened. Me, on the other hand, just couldn't believed what had happened. It felt so instant. You see, it's funny how I had build this friendship with Sunggyu for years, almost a decade, and it only took 5 minutes to ruin everything. 

"Here," Myungsoo handed me a box of tissue. 

I didn't even realize I was tearing up until Myungsoo rubbed those rivulets of waters from my cheek. He hugged me tighter and whispered, "It's going to be okay,"  

I wiped my tears and nodded subtly. It was stupid that Myungsoo had to see me crying every time. 

"I'm sorry," I cracked. 

"No, no, no," he shushed me, "It's okay," 

When my tears finally ceased down, I stood up and went to the kitchen, heating some meals in the microwave. "This is all I have," I told Myungsoo.  

He walked closer and helped me set up the plates, "Doesn't matter," 

We ate silently, and when the both of us were done, Myungsoo opened his mouth, "I'm guessing this is something about Sunggyu," 

I nodded, looking down at my empty plate with dry eyes, "He..." 

I sighed, "He left me, Myungsoo," 

The guy in front of me didn't say anything, but his eyes were telling me to elaborate. 

"He changed a lot," I scoffed and frowned, "I mean, his voice sounded different, like it wasn't  the Sunggyu I know," 

"People change," 

"Yeah, people change, like Minjae. It's not the first time I'm going through something like this, but I still thought that, hey, Sunggyu won't leave me. He wouldn't hurt me," I shook my head and looked at him, "I was wrong. I'm always," 

Myungsoo pulled my hands which were resting on the table closer to him, "People make mistakes Nara," 

"And you know, I feel so stupid-" 

"It's not your fault," he said, his voice calm, "Trusting a friend whose been with you for years isn't stupid. And it's nice when you trust someone, don't you think?" 

"But you see Myung, when you trust someone too much, it's as if you are blind," 

"Trust has a bipolar personality," he smirked a bit, thinking about his words, "It can secure you, makes you feel so comfortable and safe, but it may also shatter you into pieces," 

"It's risky," 

Myungsoo nodded, "But isn't it worth it? We all need trust," 

I wasn't so sure.

***

It was during our mid term exam week when I realized I did need help. I didn't like the idea of calling a tutor despite Hana's and Jaekyung's encouragement. But it wasn't like I had choices. My marks were going down, I almost failed my mathematics and it , really. I stayed up late every night, but my scores didn't get any better.  

So with a slightly nervous heart, I opened my drawer and took out the scrap of paper where a telephone number was written. Above the number was a name: Lee Samdong. I let out my first genuine chuckle after reading his funny name since the 'Sunggyu incident'. I shook my head, took my cell phone and dialed the number. After a few beeps, a hoarse voice answered, "Yeah?" 

I frowned, "Lee Samdong?" 

"That's me. Who's this?" His voice was more confident, but still lousy. 

"Oh, um," I was rather hesitant to tell my name, "I'm Song Nara, you might know my sis-" 

"Ah! Song Nara!" He exclaimed, his voice a little comical and way more eager than before, "Hana told me about you! When can we start?" 

"Uh, start tutoring me?" I wasn't sure since I haven't even say anything besides my name. 

"Of course, what else?" 

"Oh, yeah, uhm, we can start as soon as possible," I said. 

"Will tomorrow be okay?" 

"Sure. I finish school by four," 

"Okay, see you," 

And with that he hung up. It didn't take me that long to realize that he was very, very, extremely easy going. He didn't ask me about my address, or the tuition fee. He just said okay and hung up. I shook my head and brushed my future tuition teacher from my thoughts. After taking my cardigan, I went down for a walk. I decided to go to the minimart to buy some snacks and milk, before visiting the ahjussi (the one I met with Sungjong, remember?). 

It wasn't a surprise though, to see Sungjong there, with a stack of pillows and blankets. It was really dark, considering there was only a tiny candle, that seemed to be dying soon, at the centre of the room. Sungjong's small face couldn't be mistaken though. 

"Oh? Nara, come in," he said. 

I bowed to the ahjussi who was sitting on his left and took a seat on the floor, beside the older. It wasn't even a floor actually, just the pavement layered by a brown mat. Though weak and feeble, with bones popping under his skin, the ahjussi had beautiful eyes, I realized. It was glimmering, even in the dark. 

"I bought some milk and snacks here," I handed him the plastic bag filled with what I'd just bought from the minimart. 

"Thank you," he gave me a crooked smile, "Thank you," 

"Don't mind it," I returned his smile. 

And we sat there in silence, our face barely warmed by the heat from the candle, and I would wonder if Sungjong did this every night, and my thoughts would go back to Sunggyu, and Myungsoo, and back again to the ahjussi. 

"You seemed pre occupied, dear," the ahjussi took me out of my reverie. 

I sighed and looked down at my shoes, "A lot happened today," 

Sungjong stayed quiet, but I knew he knew. He must have realized something was wrong with me the moment I stepped in. 

"Something about Sunggyu?" Sungjong asked quietly after a several moment. 

"Yeah," I retorted, barely a whisper. 

"Who's Sunggyu, dear?" 

"Just, a friend of mine," 

"He was like a brother for Nara," Sungjong added. 

"Was," I scoffed, realizing the bitter truth. 

The ahjussi tapped on my shoulder, his thin hands rather cold, "Everything happens for a reason, and you'll just have to wait for it," 

I smiled at him and nodded, "Thank you, ahjussi," 

We talked for a little more until Sungjong said he needed to get back home. So we bid ajhussi a goodbye, and headed out, promising to visit him soon. 

Walking down the quiet street, I sighed, "You weren't really 'going home' did you?" 

Sungjong shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets, "You were zoning out," 

"Really?" 

He nodded.

"So are you going to tell me what happened, or just assume that I know what happened?" 

I gave him a little laugh and looked up, "I don't think I'll choose any of them, I don't really want to talk about it,"  

"Noted," Sungjong smiled at me.

"That ahjussi," I said, "Does he have a name?" 

He shook his head gently, "No," Sungjong's eyes were rather dreamy, "And that's the interesting part. He has no identity. A guy, as noble as him, as thankful as him, has no identity," 

I scoffed to myself, "Sometimes I don't think I deserve all of this you know, house, food, school, friends-" 

"Life,"

"Life," I sighed, "Ahjussi deserves all of that. When I die later, maybe people would remember me, maybe I'd be missed, but ahjussi... Who would remember him?" 

Sungjong tapped my shoulder and gave me a small smile, "We will." 

***

By the end of the season, I learnt a lot, including this value called acceptance. I learnt to accept the fact that people change and I couldn't fully trust on anyone. I also learnt to accept the fact that nothing lasts forever, including me and Myungsoo. We broke up several months later. Maybe it was because we were stressed up with 17 hours of school and tuition everyday, with exams. And maybe we were scared with the future. Yeah, It was supposed to hurt, but like Dongwoo and Ailee, the both of us didn't feel anything.

***

When third year came, and we were on our try outs exams, it was a pang in our heart when we heard the news that Hanseok (still that stove guy and my former seat mate) killed himself by jumping down from the balcony. Sure, it was common, especially during the third year, but it was quite a tragedy, especially that he was one of my closest friend during my second year. I found myself tearing for quite a while at home while studying physics. And the pressure was on during our final year here. I realized why Hana and Sunggyu were both so stressed up. It was hectic, and it would be a lie if I didn't feel like giving up. The fact that it was our last year in school with our friends, plus the fact that we needed to be responsible for our marks, was crap. I barely got any sleep, and we ate together less often, especially that Ailee, Sora, Raina and Dongwoo were in university already. It was sad, really. And I realized sometimes we became attached to someone just because we meet them five times a week. And I was looking forward to see if it was also true for the rest of my friends. 

Ahh... It's nice to be back here :) 

so.. Yeah, my next update would be the last one, I'm sorry if this is not up to your expectation, or if this ended too fast XD  I'm thinking of making a sequel btw. 

thanks for you reading this! For subscribing and commenting as well! I love you all! <3