I met you when I was twenty-six, and you were twenty-seven. There I was at the age of twenty-nine, and I've been dating you for three years. But not once had we ever spoke about getting married. I was turning thirty in six months, and I so desperately wanted to settle down with you, you had no intention in doing so.

I think somewhere deep in my heart I knew that at one point that you truly loved me, but I kept hoping I was wrong, that you still loved me. Oh yes, I was wrong. So wrong. You didn't even love me to begin with.

In the four years that I've been with you, I've never once seen you look at anyone with fear in your eyes. You always caused fear to ignite in other's hearts, but tonight, I saw it in your eyes. You looked back at me with such fear and shock. I looked back at you with dead fazed eyes, I felt powerful when I caused you to feel such a feeling, but I hated it. I hated that I had to make you fear me to love me. 

"I'm sorry." was all that you could say. We stood on our front porch, the wind was howling and threatening to pick us up and blow us away. We could easily be taken up by the wind and thrown around as if we were just trash. As you did to our fragile love, it was just trash to you. But as I stood there, on our front porch that we had painted and rebuilt together. All the sudden this porch looked old with the chipped off white paint, and the two wooden decaying rocking chairs. 

"Let's go inside, it's cold out." You said unable to touch me, you saw that I had put up my walls. My walls piled high with bricks and cement, that not even your bulldozer heart could break through. 

I sat down on our couch, as you sat across from me in the fold up chair. You twiddled your thumbs as I waited for your answer. You knew this day would come, you just didn't think it would come so soon.

"I've been with her for only four months." You said. That statement was correct, that was when I first saw the blue tie. But, only four months? Her four months were more valuable than my four years? In her four months she had managed to capture your heart, ten times more than I've  captured your heart in four years. 

"I met her at work." You said. "I really sorry." You whispered looking down at your feet. Haha. Sorry you got caught you mean?

"I've slept with her." You said, but I wish you didn't. I knew that you did, but I was hoping you wouldn't be that heartless.

"Enough." I said looking into your eyes. You feared me, you were under my control, but I was never like you, I never hurt the innocent. "I cheated on you too." I uttered. I saw that flash of relief in your eyes, you're happy that I had eased your consistence, but I was unhappy I had tainted mine. 

"You.." You had started to say when I cut you off.

"Yes, I met him at work too. He is tall and handsome, and much more rich." I lied and for once, you actually believed my lie. 

"But, how..could.." You couldn't finish your sentence, surprised that I would betray you. You thought that it wasn't fair, only you're allowed to cheat. Well, wake up Seungho, I'm your worse nightmare. 

"So, what? What do you want to do? Break up?" I said in a pompous tone, I was fearless, I was facing my worst fear.. being without you.

You sat there contemplating your answer, I knew the answer, but I didn't want you to say it. 

"No, I don't." You said, giving me hope.  "Let's see other people, but still be together. You like this guy and I like this girl. So let's just keep our relationship open." The fire in your eyes reigniting. You sensed my weakness, and you preyed on it.Your fire was burning on full fuel. How could I fight fire with fire, when mine is weak in comparison?

"Yes, let's do that." I replied, and with that I extinguished my own fire.

All of the heartache that I would have to endure in the next few months was my own fault. It was all because I said yes..