http://youtubeonrepeat.com/watch/?v=37_MSiXAZAY

How could I ever be foolish to think that I could ever be without you? Ivan had none of the qualities I loved. He wasn't manly and he couldn't make his own decisions. He didn't make me feel safe , I always felt like the man. But all the qualities he has , you don't. He is a perfect gentleman, he truly cares about me, and is willing to wait for me as long as it takes. 

His patience only reminded me of my own patience. My own mistakes.

I first met you or I first spotted you with your family in our church on a Sunday morning. I spent every Sunday admiring you from afar. I spent every Sunday daydreaming about the moment you would notice me. I spent every Sunday until you went off to college debating if I should just say hi to you. I didn't, I was too shy.

I spotted you on campus of our local community college one evening, you had come back from Boston University because it was too expensive and you missed your family. From then on every Tuesday and Thursday evening at that time I would sit in the shade of a dogwood tree and watch you pass by. I didn't say a word, I was too shy. 

"Egan, please be nice to this guy. I really like him. As my best friend I just want you to tell me what you think of him okay?" My friend Kelly had said as she plopped down in the seat beside me. She has been talking about this guy for months. She had finally gained enough courage to break up with her boyfriend a month ago, now she was ready to give this guy a chance. 

"I'll try, if he is rude and annoying, don't blame me for acting the same." I replied taking a bite of my bagel. She clung to my arm and laid her beautiful burgundy head onto my arm.

"He's a nice guy, you'll like him." She was right, I did like him.

You came walking in through those cherry wood double doors, all 180 centimeters of you, striding towards my table. It was a sight I thought I'd never get to see, you walking towards me. You glanced at me, but your eyes were immediately glued onto Kelly's. 

You introduced yourself as Seungho, and I introduced myself as Megan, or Egan. I acted as though I hadn't secretly been in love with you for the past two years. You spent only thirty minutes with us in the cafe because you had Economics class at two o'clock. When you had greeted me goodbye at the end of our meeting, I had seriously fallen deeper for you. I was jealous, the way you looked at Kelly, the way you asked her if she was hungry, the way you politely asked if I was hungry so I wouldn't feel left out. I met you first, it wasn't fair that she had possessed your heart. It wasn't fair, but I didn't say anything, I was invisible to you. 

But a year later Kelly came crying into my arms, she told me that you had transferred to a school in Arizona, I knew this was my chance. But my beloved Kelly, my best friend. How can I steal you away from her? Ha.Ha.Ha. More like, how could I steal you away from her? You were so madly in love with her that even if I was iest woman alive, I wouldn't be able to steal you away from her. 

I transferred to Arizona University the same time that you did. I still kept in touch with Kelly and she would tell me to spy on you for her. I would tell her the truth, you did nothing but stay in your dorm and go to your classes. Every time a girl would approach you, you would tell them you were in a long distance relationship with someone you loved. I loathe the way you called her "someone you loved". You barely even knew her, you've known her for only two years. I've been by your side for four years, what about me? I was tired of being invisible and shy, and even to this day I don't regret telling Kelly that you cheated on her with a gay guy.

What's wrong with it? She is happily engaged now to man ten times better than you, she didn't miss out. If anything she owes me, I gave her what she has today. She could live without you, she has been living without you, but I can't. I've been by your side for a total of eight years, and not once did you give me the love I deserved. I wanted what Kelly possessed, your true love.

But now I'm too tired, I don't want to play games, I don't want to keep fighting for your love. I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn't have lied to you and Kelly. I understand that I get what I deserve, but I've learned my lesson. Can't you just love me again? Can't we just go back to when I first kissed you on Christmas eve?