Skip back to the tenth month in our relationship. 

It was a irrational decision based on the phone call that we had just the night before. "I wish you could come here, I just want to be able to hold you in my arms. I miss you so much, Kelly." You said through the phone. I was in bed, dead tired. It was one in the morning in Massachusetts, but in Arizona it was only ten at night. "I'm saving up my money to fly over for winter break." You said as a yawn escaped your lips. 

You came from a rich family,but your parents were not like the others. They didn't treat you and your siblings with luxuries that the upper class children had. They didn't want you to think that just because your family had money, you should rely on it. As a result you became humble, down-to-earth, and responsible. They paid for your tuition and books, but you were struggling to pay the rent and put food on the table with your minimum wage salary.  I was making one hundred sixty an hour with extra to spare. Hearing your voice, and how much you missed me, I decided to take the next plane to Tucson, Arizona. 

I didn't even bother changing out of my pajamas, I just drove to the airport with as much clothes and essentials I could stuff into a luggage bag and backpack. I had to work the next day, but I left a message on my boss' phone about how I had to take an emergency leave for the next two weeks, I came up with some lousy excuse about a family member dying.

But all of it was worth it when I saw your mad face. You tried to look like you were angry that I had done this without even thinking, but there was a smile on your lips. You raised you hand up and pointed a finger at me as if saying, "How dare you!". I silenced you as I dropped my bags and ran toward you. My arms wrapping around your neck, you swinging me around in circles, and kissing my cheeks without a hesitation. I stood on my tippy toes and kissed your lips, those lips that I've waited for so long to kiss. You kissed me back gently, holding onto my waist. My hand shook violently from happiness as I reached for your hand. I still remember that feeling, even to this day. It was the closest I ever got to heaven on earth. 

"Can't believe you're really here." You said lifting my bag up the stairs as we climbed onto the bus. You didn't have a car, and the taxi was too expensive for a college student. We picked the seat in the back of the bus. You nestled my bag in between the seats and sat right by my side. The bus was empty, except for a few older people who were on their way to work. I looked over at the window where the sun was rising behind the highest mountain peaks.

"Isn't it beautiful? This is something you don't see in Massachusetts very often." You said taking my hand. I smiled over at you and nodded. 

Skip to the next few weeks we spent together. Those two weeks were perfect, but then we had three more years apart. But what's three years apart after two weeks like that together?

 Every moment, every second was etched into my mind. When I went back to Massachusetts, it was the only thing that kept going, the thought of being with you again.The thought of one day being able to spend everyday for the rest of our lives like that. Even today, I still feel butterflies in my stomach when I think about those two weeks with you. Do you still remember?

Do you remember those nights we spent laying together on your cramped twin sized bed? We couldn't both lay on our backs so we had hug each other tightly. 

Do you remember when I first arrived in Arizona and I was dead tired from jet lag and you were tired because you didn't get a chance to sleep. You had a test in four hours and you had to study. I laid on your bed, wrapped in your warm blanket that smelt just like you. You sat at your wooden desk,  flipping through pages of your Calculus textbook, under the dim lamp. I fell asleep watching you run your fingers through your hair as you solved difficult math problems. That morning when I woke up, I found you curled up in a ball,sleeping on the floor with only a pillow. I asked you why you didn't just lay on the bed with me. You said because I looked so happy sleeping that you didn't want to ruin my dreams.

Do you remember when we walked side by side down the street holding hands? I don't think anyone could understand the feeling I felt that day. It was as if I've never held anyone's hand before. It was as if every molecule in my body was jolting to life at just the simple touch of your hand. 

Do you remember our kisses? I still do. Even to this day, my fiance cannot kiss me the way that you do. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but you.. words could not explain how it felt when your lips would touch my skin. You were a Greek god and with one simple kiss you would make my skin glisten with a golden glow. I was a goddess when you kissed me. 

Do you miss the way we use to joke around? Our whole relationship was playful and fun, and though I've dated men after you, I could not find any relationship that was even comparable to ours. 

So why would I get married to a man who doesn't make me happy? Why be with a man who doesn't even know that every time he says he loves me I struggle to say the same to him? Because.. because, I love you. Because I try so hard to forget you. Because I try so hard to pretend that you never existed.  Because I know he won't hurt me.Because our love was just fiction.