http://youtubeonrepeat.com/watch/?v=v-8UaTbq0sc

It has been a month since I've left you, and Ivan asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday. I told him to give me some time, I could see that he was disappointed. 

I hate lying to you Seungho, you know that I hate it so much. I wish I could tell you that I wasn't happy, I'm just lying to myself. It was as though I've been hypnotizing myself into falling for Ivan, but my love for you is too strong, I can't hypnotize myself. I hate lying to you, Seungho, so I will tell you the truth. I couldn't say yes to Ivan because I miss you. 

"Megan, would it be alright if I kissed you?" Ivan asked as his car idled in front of my new apartment. The heat in the car was full blast to fight against the harsh winter air. We were both wrapped in our winter clothes. His neck was wrapped in a handmade scarf by me. It was a red scarf  I had finished making for you months ago. I was afraid to give it to you, I was afraid to find you coming home with a blue scarf from her instead of my red one around your neck.

I found it adorable that a thirty year old man would still ask to kiss me, but that moment made me remember something we experienced when we started dating long ago.

You drove me around in your friend's beat up old silver Camery, but I didn't mind. It was around three in the morning when you stopped in front of my dorm and smiled over at me. You didn't ask me if you could touch my face, you just reached your hand across the space between us and kissed me on the lips. I was left speechless and grinning like I had just seen a beautiful sight. I was mesmerized by the feeling of your kiss, it made me wonder how anyone could ever go on in life without experiencing your kiss.

So when Ivan looked at me and asked if he could kiss me I denied him. I couldn't be his girlfriend, I couldn't kiss him, and you know the reason why. I couldn't wholeheartedly love Ivan when my heart still had your name etched deeply into it.  I still felt guilty when I looked at Ivan, but I had one thing on my mind. I couldn't move on without trying this once. I wanted to see if you would choose me or the other girl if I kissed you in front of her. I think I already know the answer but I need to know for sure. I need to move on, and this is my chance , and your last chance to prove you love me.