The Dorm

An American Girl

 

While Hoya informed the boys of what he had seen, the manager was showing the girl around the dorm; picking clothes and food off the ground as they went along.  He was embarrassed to bring her to such a disgusting place but he knew she would be safe here; that’s what she had asked for in the first place.  He opened the door to Myungsoo’s and Dongwoo’s room; because there were only two of them sleeping in the one room it would be easiest for them to sleep elsewhere for a few days.  The manager didn’t need to ask how long she would need a place; in fact she hadn’t asked to stay at the dorm.  She had asked where a good hotel was; she had plenty of money but she didn’t remember her way around this part of Seoul.  The manager, an old “acquaintance” of hers was the only person whose phone number still worked.  Even if her work caused her to stay longer than she had planned she would most likely not be in the dorm in two days…max.  In her line of work she moved around…a lot.

                The manager watched her from the corner of his eye as she helped him organize the room.  She never touched the boys’ personal things like bags and food but she did fold some of the clothes and threw away trash.  The manager began changing the sheets of the bed while the girl left the room to tackle the dirty dishes in the kitchen.  She had given up trying to dissuade him from letting her stay in the dorm much earlier in the day and had grown tired of being told “No.”  She kept quiet and did what she could to show her appreciation.  The two continued to work in harmony and silence until eventually the main rooms were cleaner. 

                “I hope this’ll do, Helen.”  The manager approached her in the kitchen where she was placing clean dishes back in the cupboards.  She was on her tiptoes, grunting in frustration as the shelf was just barely out of her reach.  He reached up and pushed the plate in for her.

                As he stepped back into the living room she responded, “Thank you very much, Jungryul appa.”  She pushed her hair over her shoulder and pulled a hair pin from her pocket.  She tucked her bangs up on the top of her head as she continued to work.  He shook his head.  It seemed like an eternity since he’d seen this girl. 

He began to think of the first time they met; she was nine years younger then.  Aigoo…she was only ten years old!  She’d run up to him at the airport pulling on his shirt and smiling broadly.  He looked behind her, expecting a man in a suit to be bringing her luggage.  But as he glanced around, no one stood out; no one came forward.  He’d been told an old friend was arriving at this airport through a blocked phone number; it was before Infinite had even existed; the idea was still a little odd…absurd even.  Nine years ago, though, no one knew his name or his phone number. 

                “Appa!”  The little girl caught his attention; her hair was auburn red and her skin didn’t look Asian at all.  She was still tugging on his shirt trying to get him to notice her. She smiled up at him and held out a sealed envelope to him; before he could open it she pulled on his arm to sit somewhere.  He remembered how confused he was at the moment in the airport; and then he remembered opening the letter. 

 

“Appa?”  Helen called to him from the kitchen.  He blinked and shook the thoughts from his head.  She was watching him from the sink; concern was etched into her forehead.

“Hajima…” Jungryul waved in the air, “you’ll look like an ahjumma if you keep that up.”  He used his thumb and pretended to erase the wrinkles.

“Ne!”  She smiled happily.  She turned around to finish the rest of the dishes.  

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kissme-minseok #1
great job!
LemonPop #2
I think it's great!!!! DragonSalt, you're doing awesome!!!
WhosThere13
#3
Also: I'm guessing that you made Hoya get moody because he was frustrated with her simple and not-completely-the-truth answers, right? Just from a writers and readers perspective, that scene may fit in a bit more if you had hinted at his annoyance building up in previous chapters, or at the beginning of this one, say how he was feeling choked or something because his manager was getting stressed and Helen wasn't saying anything and it was beginning to push him too far. It just seems a little out-of-place that you made him fairly mild mannered so far in the story, but sudden made him short tempered and quick to punching random inanimate objects in this chapter. <br />
Again, I'm trying to say this just on a writers level-sorry if I sound pushy-its just a suggestion. :)<br />
Thank you for updating~!<br />
Also: Sorry I meant Jungryul* in my other review for this chapter >>
WhosThere13
#4
Awwww Hoya, don't get violent-getting annoyed and punching walls is never a good response-plus it doesn't make people want to tell you their secrets anymore then before haha<br />
On another note: HOT DAMN HOYA, LOOK AT YOU GO HAHAHAHA XD I loved how Sungjong totally, completely, and unintentionally, ed Hoya. That was just golden. Plus that little 'making-references-to-their-makeout-and-then-giggling-to-themselves' scene with them and Sungjong and Junryul-maaaade me laugh XD It's nice, cus it shows that Helen didn't mind too much from the semi-forced kisses, and Hoya had managed to cool his temper a bit after the makeout. You also just eased the readers from a more serious and passionate scene to a funnier and lighter one without looking too cheesy or unrealistic (in the sense of the story), so good job~ <br />
To address your concern about the Chapter: This chapter didn't click all the way like the previous ones had, but overall it was pretty good-You don't need to change it-it was suppose to be about Helen informing Hoya about her background, and their little love thing going further, right? Then you did just that, as well as added a little bit of other pieces of the story here and there to act as a buffer so the story wouldn't go too off track. It was a little fast, but there's bound to be a couple of chapters in every story that seemed a little sped up, so don't worry. :)
DragonSalt24
#5
^^ i hope you look forward to finding out more about Hyun - hopefully the twist that's coming up will be an interesting surprise<br />
i'm not sure if the place where i found the information but i actally heard that Jungryul is the name of one of Infinite's managers - i wasn't sure if that's actually true but if it was i wanted to use it to make it more realistic^^<br />
i'm glad you actually noticed the different viewpoints! it's hard for me to explain everything without showing an outsider's opinion on a situation so i'm glad you like that and it doesn't bother you or give away too much information^^<br />
thank you again for the comments! i really enjoy your feedback and it's helping me stay on track with the story i wanted to write originally^^! i hope you still enjoy it after this next chapter
WhosThere13
#6
Hmmm I disliked Hyun before, but now I'm kinda wary of him...<br />
It's different to see that one character you created, Jungryul, is kinda acting as a narrator, but when I say different I mean in a good way. It kinda helps the readers since he views the love triangle from his point of view, unbiased, while with Hoya and Helen, its a bit biased since ones POV is emotional, while the other is more analyzing and on-guard with Hyun and a little unsure with Hoya. (Sorry if that sounded confusing haha)<br />
I also like how with Sungjong and Hyun's relationship, you made the former like the latter and be friendly with him, which I can see him doing in real life XD<br />
Anywhos~Thank you for updating, it was another very-well written chapter :)
DragonSalt24
#7
!!! ahh i'm so thankful!! your feedback makes me very happy!<br />
i hope i've made Hoya more realistic towards how he acts on interviews and on shows, etc.<br />
ha i really can't say thank you enough! <br />
if there's something that comes up in the future that you don't quite agree with or don't like in the story please let me know!^^ and ha, i really appreciate your comment! - it helps me know that i'm doing Something right with the story^^<br />
please enjoy!
WhosThere13
#8
Normally I have the bad habit of being a silent reader and not commenting on stories and subscribing and stuff, but I felt guilty when I realized no one had said anything in Chapter 19-and I had loved it!<br />
Hoya is so freakin' awesome in here, and I love your female lead (she's so badass!)I love your writing-It can be really hard to find someone with such good grammar and spelling here on AF, not to mention a female lead with an actual name rather then ~~~ or something, and one so likeable too.<br />
The interaction between them in Chappie 19 is perfect-I admit when I started reading that page, I was wondering if you were going to add a kiss scene-but the amount of skinship was just right-a kiss would have been too fast and would become awkward and a burden later on in the story :)It was perfect!<br />
I just finished reading Chapter 20-Gaaaaaaah I wanna know if Hoya starts a fight with Hyun (though he'd totally lose XD) It's so goooood!<br />
Thank you for updating! Sorry for not commenting sooner!
DragonSalt24
#9
thanks for the nice comments guys!!^^
LemonPop #10
DragonSalt, i'm just giving you a bad time ;) It's really great!