The Uninvited

An American Girl

 

ok...so who else is a little sad that Infinite hasn't won any awards since their comback?  Miss A is great but Commmmmmmon!!!!!

i noticed a comment on one of the videos saying how Infinite has the loudest fans and it's very true - so why aren't they winning!? ;[

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Helen had seen Hyun bleed before; it was quite normal - during fights, teammates get beat up and it was part of “daily life”.  It was her first instinct to make sure the injury wasn’t life threatening; once that had been established she moved down the checklist.  Is it his blood or someone elses. Helen immediately tried to locate the source of the blood.  Someone elses.

Hoya looked at Sungjong and then at Jungryul to see if they had noticed the blood as well.  They seemed to be focuses on whatever Hyun was talking about; Helen looked confused, like she was contemplating something – her forehead would crease and it looked like she was mouthing things to herself. 

“Here’s the food you have ordered!”  A waitress entered the private room with a cart of food.  She smiled and bowed at everyone before she began to set it on the low table. 

Helen used this opportunity to get away.  “Hyun, shall we go clean up?”

He looked at her, smiling awkwardly.  “Arraso!”  He bowed as he rose from his seat and Helen lead the way out of the room, sliding the door closed as soon as Hyun stepped across the tracks.  She glared at him as he walked past her and headed towards the back of the restaurant. 

Helen was furious as she slammed the door to the restaurant and stomped down a few concrete steps and landed in the alleyway.  Hyun had put his hands in his pockets, casually, and was looking up at the stars.  “What the…” Helen caught herself.  “What are you doing here, Hyun?”  She stood next to him, her eyes trying to decipher whatever he was hiding from her just by looking at him. 

“I’m having dinner with you and your friends.”  He turned his head to the right, looking at her with his classic cheeky smile.

“Bull.”  Helen crossed her arms over her chest. “What are you doing?”  Her voice was harsh, its soothing effects had disappeared the moment she saw the blood.  Hyun only shrugged his shoulders at her.  “Why are you doing this?”

He looked back up at the stars, “Doing what, Helen?”

His innocent act was making Helen confused.  They were teammates not enemies…so why was he playing this game with her?  “Why are you acting so friendly with everyone?”

“Wouldn't it be rude of me not to?  Considering I barged in on your play-date, I figured I should be rather respectable…don’t you think that’s best?”  By now, he had turned to face Helen but kept his hands in his pockets.

Crap.  Helen thought to herself.  Defeated, she loosened her shoulders and lowered her head.  Wait…the blood.  “Ya!”  She yelled suddenly.  “How dare you come to dinner all trashy like that!”  Helen lifted her finger at Hyun, pointing towards his shoulder.

“Mwo?”  Hyun frowned at her.  He pulled his chin in towards his chest and tried to see what she was pointing at.

“’Mwo’?!”  Helen lowered her voice a little, mocking Hyun.  “Ige mwoyo?”  She pinched the area around his shirt where the blood had soaked through.

Hyun pulled away from her grasp and pinched the shirt himself.  “Omo!  Eotteoke?!”  He began pulling at the shirt in different directions as if checking to make sure there weren’t any other spots.

“You mean…you didn’t even know?”  Helen tilted her head.

“YA!  Do you think I would just go walking around these streets with blood all over me?”  Hyun was bewildered.

Helen chuckled, “Oppa…tsk tsk…you’re getting sloppy without me.”  She motioned for him to come back into the restaurant.  “Gaja.”

“Eodie gaja?!”  Hyun yelled at Helen, who was already standing at the door.  “Where am I supposed to go with blood on me?!”

Helen pulled open the back door, “The bathroom, duh.”  She walked inside without looking back.

 

When Helen returned without Hyun the three men acted as if nothing had happened; they returned to their normal conversations and had almost forgotten about the guest…until he returned.  To Hoya, it was obvious why he had left – Hyun’s left shoulder, where the blood had been, was completely soaked and stuck to his skin.  Helen didn’t glance up but continued to scoop rice into her spoon.

“Oh!  Annyeonghasaeyo, Jin Hyun!”  Sungjong called out and Jungryul looked up from his dish, somewhat shocked the man had come back.  He had figured, when Helen and Hyun left, that there was something he needed to talk to her in person – about work – and would have left after their “conference”.  However, it seemed he was wrong; his confusion left him silent.

Hoya nodded at Hyun and motioned towards his vacant seat across from him.  When Hyun got adjusted Hoya picked up a few slices of meat from the grill and put them on Hyun’s plate.  “Oh gomawoyo.”  Hoya nodded and turned to Helen offering her the last bits of meat. 

She smiled at him, warmly, and shook her head.  “Ani, you have them.”  When Hoya hesitated Helen added, “please?”  Her eyes told him nothing except for happiness and he began to wonder what had happened when Hyun and Helen had stepped out.  When she tilted her head at him, his previous doubts dissolved; he put the last bits of meat on Sungjong’s plate.  Hoya looked back at Helen who was shaking her head and grinning; Hoya let out a small laugh as well.  Maybe this dinner wasn’t going to turn out so bad.  It could be fun.  Hoya reasoned with himself, relaxing into his seat.  Hoya also took some time to reason that Helen and Hyun were close – in a brother/sister relationship.

 

Hyun was the last to leave the restaurant as he followed Helen out of the sliding door once more.  Helen eyed him, watching him bow politely to the waitresses and the owner of the business.  As much as she enjoyed this “friendly” Hyun she couldn’t help but wonder what his other motives were.  Why was he going through all this work to impress the other guys?

It was a bad love triangle that was forming before Jungryul’s eyes.  Helen watched Hyun, but Hoya was too naive to understand the look she was dishing out to her teammate.  She wasn’t impressed with Hyun’s actions, as Hoya thought her to be, but instead Jungryul saw the suspicion in Helen’s eyes.  Jungryul watched Hoya and saw his shoulders slump in defeat; Jungryul worried about this boy because Helen was having such a lasting effect on Hoya.  Sungjong seemed to be oblivious to everyone’s emotions; Jungryul liked to believe it was just his young, innocent age but perhaps Sungjong noticed everything and had decided to keep his thoughts to himself. 

As hurt as Hoya felt, watching Helen and Hyun interact so…in-sync with one another, he stepped forward.  “Jin Hyun-si, it was fun having you along as our guest.”  Hoya spoke formally as Hyun was a year older than him.

“Ah ye, mullon!”  Hyun reached out to shake Hoya’s hand.  The two smiled at each other, Hoya was genuine – he liked Hyun…he just didn’t like the relationship he had with Helen – while Hyun put up a smile Helen recognized instantly – he was faking it. 

Helen had had enough of this act.  “Hyun, why don’t you go back to the hotel and I’ll be back later tonight?”  Her tone didn't suggest a question but a demand. 

Hoya couldn’t help but smile while Hyun was slightly take by surprise.  However, Sungjong and Hyun had been talking very comfortably in the restaurant.  “Aniyo, Helen!  Where ever we’re going, Hyun can tag along!”

“I believe we were headed back to the dorm, though.”  Jungryul nodded as Helen thanked him with her eyes.  The things she can accomplish with those eyes.  Jungryul sighed to himself.  There had been numerous occasions where Helen had ered him into getting what she wanted or needed for the situation by simply looking at Jungryul; this was one of those moments.  However, when Jungryul looked back at the memories he realized Helen never abused this “skill”; when she talked with her eyes, as she had done just now, it was always because she knew it had to be done.  There was obviously something wrong with this man and Helen didn’t want him around the boys anymore. 

Jin Hyun was at a loss for words until he finally agreed and said his good-byes.  Sungjong, however, had other intentions.  “Jin Hyun-si,” Sungjong was the last to say good-bye, “If you’re ever in the area, let Helen know and we’d be more than glad to show you both around this part of Seoul!” 

Helen watched as something flickered across Hyun’s eyes – amusement.  This was exactly what he’d been digging for since he arrived – a way in.

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kissme-minseok #1
great job!
LemonPop #2
I think it's great!!!! DragonSalt, you're doing awesome!!!
WhosThere13
#3
Also: I'm guessing that you made Hoya get moody because he was frustrated with her simple and not-completely-the-truth answers, right? Just from a writers and readers perspective, that scene may fit in a bit more if you had hinted at his annoyance building up in previous chapters, or at the beginning of this one, say how he was feeling choked or something because his manager was getting stressed and Helen wasn't saying anything and it was beginning to push him too far. It just seems a little out-of-place that you made him fairly mild mannered so far in the story, but sudden made him short tempered and quick to punching random inanimate objects in this chapter. <br />
Again, I'm trying to say this just on a writers level-sorry if I sound pushy-its just a suggestion. :)<br />
Thank you for updating~!<br />
Also: Sorry I meant Jungryul* in my other review for this chapter >>
WhosThere13
#4
Awwww Hoya, don't get violent-getting annoyed and punching walls is never a good response-plus it doesn't make people want to tell you their secrets anymore then before haha<br />
On another note: HOT DAMN HOYA, LOOK AT YOU GO HAHAHAHA XD I loved how Sungjong totally, completely, and unintentionally, ed Hoya. That was just golden. Plus that little 'making-references-to-their-makeout-and-then-giggling-to-themselves' scene with them and Sungjong and Junryul-maaaade me laugh XD It's nice, cus it shows that Helen didn't mind too much from the semi-forced kisses, and Hoya had managed to cool his temper a bit after the makeout. You also just eased the readers from a more serious and passionate scene to a funnier and lighter one without looking too cheesy or unrealistic (in the sense of the story), so good job~ <br />
To address your concern about the Chapter: This chapter didn't click all the way like the previous ones had, but overall it was pretty good-You don't need to change it-it was suppose to be about Helen informing Hoya about her background, and their little love thing going further, right? Then you did just that, as well as added a little bit of other pieces of the story here and there to act as a buffer so the story wouldn't go too off track. It was a little fast, but there's bound to be a couple of chapters in every story that seemed a little sped up, so don't worry. :)
DragonSalt24
#5
^^ i hope you look forward to finding out more about Hyun - hopefully the twist that's coming up will be an interesting surprise<br />
i'm not sure if the place where i found the information but i actally heard that Jungryul is the name of one of Infinite's managers - i wasn't sure if that's actually true but if it was i wanted to use it to make it more realistic^^<br />
i'm glad you actually noticed the different viewpoints! it's hard for me to explain everything without showing an outsider's opinion on a situation so i'm glad you like that and it doesn't bother you or give away too much information^^<br />
thank you again for the comments! i really enjoy your feedback and it's helping me stay on track with the story i wanted to write originally^^! i hope you still enjoy it after this next chapter
WhosThere13
#6
Hmmm I disliked Hyun before, but now I'm kinda wary of him...<br />
It's different to see that one character you created, Jungryul, is kinda acting as a narrator, but when I say different I mean in a good way. It kinda helps the readers since he views the love triangle from his point of view, unbiased, while with Hoya and Helen, its a bit biased since ones POV is emotional, while the other is more analyzing and on-guard with Hyun and a little unsure with Hoya. (Sorry if that sounded confusing haha)<br />
I also like how with Sungjong and Hyun's relationship, you made the former like the latter and be friendly with him, which I can see him doing in real life XD<br />
Anywhos~Thank you for updating, it was another very-well written chapter :)
DragonSalt24
#7
!!! ahh i'm so thankful!! your feedback makes me very happy!<br />
i hope i've made Hoya more realistic towards how he acts on interviews and on shows, etc.<br />
ha i really can't say thank you enough! <br />
if there's something that comes up in the future that you don't quite agree with or don't like in the story please let me know!^^ and ha, i really appreciate your comment! - it helps me know that i'm doing Something right with the story^^<br />
please enjoy!
WhosThere13
#8
Normally I have the bad habit of being a silent reader and not commenting on stories and subscribing and stuff, but I felt guilty when I realized no one had said anything in Chapter 19-and I had loved it!<br />
Hoya is so freakin' awesome in here, and I love your female lead (she's so badass!)I love your writing-It can be really hard to find someone with such good grammar and spelling here on AF, not to mention a female lead with an actual name rather then ~~~ or something, and one so likeable too.<br />
The interaction between them in Chappie 19 is perfect-I admit when I started reading that page, I was wondering if you were going to add a kiss scene-but the amount of skinship was just right-a kiss would have been too fast and would become awkward and a burden later on in the story :)It was perfect!<br />
I just finished reading Chapter 20-Gaaaaaaah I wanna know if Hoya starts a fight with Hyun (though he'd totally lose XD) It's so goooood!<br />
Thank you for updating! Sorry for not commenting sooner!
DragonSalt24
#9
thanks for the nice comments guys!!^^
LemonPop #10
DragonSalt, i'm just giving you a bad time ;) It's really great!