The Surprise

An American Girl

 

FYI:  The guy in the picture is playing Jin Hyun's character; if you'd rather imagine what he looks like yourself tell me and i'll take the picture off^^ 

Thank you 

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Dinner was going well as Helen, somewhat seductively, using her chopstick to put a small piece of bulgogi into as Park Song ranted on about the stock market.  It wasn’t hard to keep this man entertained and Helen was thankful that this particular meeting seemed to be moving along smoothly.  Jin Hyun and the man across from him were leaning in towards each other talking in whispers; each was very intrigued with what the other had to say; this had been going on for quite some time and Helen knew better than to strain herself to understand what they were saying. 

Occasionally, Helen would hear the waiters greet a new costumer at the entrance and she tried to ignore the distraction.  However, unlike the other costumers, these guests were greeted differently.  Instead of a simple “Annyeonghaseyo.” the waiters shouted “Omo!  Annyeonghaseyo!!!”  Even Park Song was temporarily distracted as Helen looked over to see who was gaining such attention. 

Jungryul was at the front of the group, bowing respectfully to all the employees.  Sunggyu was standing beside Jungryul, following his example while the rest of Infinite talked amongst themselves and rubbed their bellies.  Helen’s eyes grew wide and she whipped her head back towards Park Song, trying to turn her back towards Infinite.  Park Song caught her movement out of the corner of his eye and peered at her questionably.  She smiled up at him and asked him to continue about the stock market; he was more than happy to.

The waiters led Infinite behind Helen’s back; she grabbed her cup and pushed it to her face as they walked by hoping they wouldn’t recognize her.  Infinite took their seats in the reserved booth as Helen tried to readjust her position and lean back in her seat.  Park Song hadn’t noticed anything as he held up his empty cup of wine for Helen to refill.  She glanced at Infinite one last time, checking to make sure no one was looking before she leaned forward, picking up the bottle and pouring Park Song a glass.  When it was full she quickly set the bottle down and resumed her original position and Park Song kept talking; neither was aware of a pair of surprised eyes following their movements. 

 

Hoya had chosen to sit next to Sungjong; the booth shaped like a “C” was facing Helen’s table and left Hoya at the end of the booth and at the top of the “C”.  It was at this time when Hoya looked to his left, noticing something shimmer in the corner of his eye.  Helen’s red hair looked aflame in the romantic, dim lighting as she poured the man across from her a drink.  Hoya was taken by surprise but he didn’t…no…couldn’t bring himself to say anything.

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kissme-minseok #1
great job!
LemonPop #2
I think it's great!!!! DragonSalt, you're doing awesome!!!
WhosThere13
#3
Also: I'm guessing that you made Hoya get moody because he was frustrated with her simple and not-completely-the-truth answers, right? Just from a writers and readers perspective, that scene may fit in a bit more if you had hinted at his annoyance building up in previous chapters, or at the beginning of this one, say how he was feeling choked or something because his manager was getting stressed and Helen wasn't saying anything and it was beginning to push him too far. It just seems a little out-of-place that you made him fairly mild mannered so far in the story, but sudden made him short tempered and quick to punching random inanimate objects in this chapter. <br />
Again, I'm trying to say this just on a writers level-sorry if I sound pushy-its just a suggestion. :)<br />
Thank you for updating~!<br />
Also: Sorry I meant Jungryul* in my other review for this chapter >>
WhosThere13
#4
Awwww Hoya, don't get violent-getting annoyed and punching walls is never a good response-plus it doesn't make people want to tell you their secrets anymore then before haha<br />
On another note: HOT DAMN HOYA, LOOK AT YOU GO HAHAHAHA XD I loved how Sungjong totally, completely, and unintentionally, ed Hoya. That was just golden. Plus that little 'making-references-to-their-makeout-and-then-giggling-to-themselves' scene with them and Sungjong and Junryul-maaaade me laugh XD It's nice, cus it shows that Helen didn't mind too much from the semi-forced kisses, and Hoya had managed to cool his temper a bit after the makeout. You also just eased the readers from a more serious and passionate scene to a funnier and lighter one without looking too cheesy or unrealistic (in the sense of the story), so good job~ <br />
To address your concern about the Chapter: This chapter didn't click all the way like the previous ones had, but overall it was pretty good-You don't need to change it-it was suppose to be about Helen informing Hoya about her background, and their little love thing going further, right? Then you did just that, as well as added a little bit of other pieces of the story here and there to act as a buffer so the story wouldn't go too off track. It was a little fast, but there's bound to be a couple of chapters in every story that seemed a little sped up, so don't worry. :)
DragonSalt24
#5
^^ i hope you look forward to finding out more about Hyun - hopefully the twist that's coming up will be an interesting surprise<br />
i'm not sure if the place where i found the information but i actally heard that Jungryul is the name of one of Infinite's managers - i wasn't sure if that's actually true but if it was i wanted to use it to make it more realistic^^<br />
i'm glad you actually noticed the different viewpoints! it's hard for me to explain everything without showing an outsider's opinion on a situation so i'm glad you like that and it doesn't bother you or give away too much information^^<br />
thank you again for the comments! i really enjoy your feedback and it's helping me stay on track with the story i wanted to write originally^^! i hope you still enjoy it after this next chapter
WhosThere13
#6
Hmmm I disliked Hyun before, but now I'm kinda wary of him...<br />
It's different to see that one character you created, Jungryul, is kinda acting as a narrator, but when I say different I mean in a good way. It kinda helps the readers since he views the love triangle from his point of view, unbiased, while with Hoya and Helen, its a bit biased since ones POV is emotional, while the other is more analyzing and on-guard with Hyun and a little unsure with Hoya. (Sorry if that sounded confusing haha)<br />
I also like how with Sungjong and Hyun's relationship, you made the former like the latter and be friendly with him, which I can see him doing in real life XD<br />
Anywhos~Thank you for updating, it was another very-well written chapter :)
DragonSalt24
#7
!!! ahh i'm so thankful!! your feedback makes me very happy!<br />
i hope i've made Hoya more realistic towards how he acts on interviews and on shows, etc.<br />
ha i really can't say thank you enough! <br />
if there's something that comes up in the future that you don't quite agree with or don't like in the story please let me know!^^ and ha, i really appreciate your comment! - it helps me know that i'm doing Something right with the story^^<br />
please enjoy!
WhosThere13
#8
Normally I have the bad habit of being a silent reader and not commenting on stories and subscribing and stuff, but I felt guilty when I realized no one had said anything in Chapter 19-and I had loved it!<br />
Hoya is so freakin' awesome in here, and I love your female lead (she's so badass!)I love your writing-It can be really hard to find someone with such good grammar and spelling here on AF, not to mention a female lead with an actual name rather then ~~~ or something, and one so likeable too.<br />
The interaction between them in Chappie 19 is perfect-I admit when I started reading that page, I was wondering if you were going to add a kiss scene-but the amount of skinship was just right-a kiss would have been too fast and would become awkward and a burden later on in the story :)It was perfect!<br />
I just finished reading Chapter 20-Gaaaaaaah I wanna know if Hoya starts a fight with Hyun (though he'd totally lose XD) It's so goooood!<br />
Thank you for updating! Sorry for not commenting sooner!
DragonSalt24
#9
thanks for the nice comments guys!!^^
LemonPop #10
DragonSalt, i'm just giving you a bad time ;) It's really great!