The Abandoned

An American Girl

 

Dinner at the restaurant had finally finished and Infinite returned to their dorm.  Jungryul had hoped he could just drop the boys off, outside, and deal with Hoya’s new found knowledge another time.  But because of poor planning, Hoya was the last to exit the van.  In a low growl Hoya demanded that Jungryul turn off the car and speak with him, right now.

 

Helen had taken four hours to recover in Madacorp’s “basic”, “temporary” medical bay.  In reality it looked just as efficient as any hospital and upon closer inspection, was actually much more advanced.

She sat upright in the now sweat-soaked cot; the nightmare was like sunspots to her memory as every time she blinked they would flash by.  Jin Hyun sat in a chair beside her bed; he was used to seeing Helen wake up this way and had even come to expect it soon after they began missions together.  He was used to seeing this type of reaction but it didn’t mean he liked it or enjoyed the sight of her panic-stricken face when she woke up.  Years ago he had insisted and even demanded that she applied for a session with Madacorp’s psychiatrist but the topic made her irritated; she would throw her hands in the air and shout, “Absolutely not!”

Jin Hyun watched her, patiently, knowing she just needed a little time to adjust, to understand her situation.  Helen rubbed her eyes like a small child squinting as she adapted to the bright lights.  She checked her surroundings – right…then left – it was a common habit many agents in this particular field had.  It had been everyone’s first and most basic concept to grasp during their trainee years.  Jin Hyun could still hear their sergeant’s voice echoing through his brain, “How many times do I have to tell you?  The first rule of survival: safety!”

Helen had finished her routine check and stared at Hyun as he slowly held up four fingers.  Helen sighed, rolling her eyes and swinging her legs over the edge of the bed.  Who in the world could be unconscious for four hours?!  Helen yelled at herself.  Jin Hyun stopped her, his hand on her knee as he motioned for her to stay in bed.  She tilted her head, confused.

“They can wait.”  Jin Hyun winked at Helen.  Both knew the standard procedure: immediate debrief after every mission…whether it was a success or failure but Hyun could tell Helen needed a few minutes to at least recall all the small details the agent was going to ask her.  Hyun also knew she needed to get the nightmare out of her thoughts and focus on the current task at hand.  Helen smiled in return but kept her current position.

 

Jin Hyun let time pass by as he made small talk with Helen; eventually she caught on and hopped off of the bed, landing on a twisted ankle.  “Ya, where are you going?”  Jin Hyun watched as she limped towards a large metal door.

She didn’t turn to face him as she yanked it open and called over her shoulder, “I need to get this out of my head; everything I did wrong just keeps replaying over and over again.”

Jin Hyun frowned.  Helen was experiencing another habit from basic training – the photographic memory course.  Originally the talent was supposed to aid in the debriefing process as well as during an outnumbered fight, however, Helen was using it to criticize herself and her actions.  Sighing, Jin Hyun pushed himself out of his seat and followed after her. 

She’s quick for a gimp.  Hyun thought to himself as he entered the base’s temporary debriefing sector.  The lobby was empty and the only sound was Helen typing on a computer.  He stepped up next to her as they entered agent ID numbers, full names and mission numbers to enter the mission archives database.  This was all basically so that the agent, whom played the general roll of a secretary in the next room over, could research their particular mission, determine what the outcome was and log it on a digit file.  This file would then be sent to a upper-ranked officer; this agent would then ask Helen and Jin Hyun to enter his office and the debriefing session would begin.  Together they would tell the whole and true story of the mission while the agent logged every single word; personal feelings were to be kept at bay unless they played a major role in the mission outcome.  At the beginning of Helen’s and Jin Hyun’s pairing, it had been awkward for them to speak of their opinions in front of one another; both had been shy and worried of contradictions.  However, as time carried on they became more loyal and trusting of one another and their bond grew much stronger than many other teams at Madacorp. 

Helen had finished submitting her information and took a seat in the lobby; before Hyun could sit with her a “Carrier” burst into the room, frantically searching for someone.  He was obviously looking for them and handed Helen a small, typed note.  Hyun read it over her shoulder; the bold red ink stated that they retire to their mission supervisor’s office for a personal session.  People who received “personal” debriefing understood that their mission had been a failure; Hyun winced, expecting the worst form of punishment – dropped “vacation”.  

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kissme-minseok #1
great job!
LemonPop #2
I think it's great!!!! DragonSalt, you're doing awesome!!!
WhosThere13
#3
Also: I'm guessing that you made Hoya get moody because he was frustrated with her simple and not-completely-the-truth answers, right? Just from a writers and readers perspective, that scene may fit in a bit more if you had hinted at his annoyance building up in previous chapters, or at the beginning of this one, say how he was feeling choked or something because his manager was getting stressed and Helen wasn't saying anything and it was beginning to push him too far. It just seems a little out-of-place that you made him fairly mild mannered so far in the story, but sudden made him short tempered and quick to punching random inanimate objects in this chapter. <br />
Again, I'm trying to say this just on a writers level-sorry if I sound pushy-its just a suggestion. :)<br />
Thank you for updating~!<br />
Also: Sorry I meant Jungryul* in my other review for this chapter >>
WhosThere13
#4
Awwww Hoya, don't get violent-getting annoyed and punching walls is never a good response-plus it doesn't make people want to tell you their secrets anymore then before haha<br />
On another note: HOT DAMN HOYA, LOOK AT YOU GO HAHAHAHA XD I loved how Sungjong totally, completely, and unintentionally, ed Hoya. That was just golden. Plus that little 'making-references-to-their-makeout-and-then-giggling-to-themselves' scene with them and Sungjong and Junryul-maaaade me laugh XD It's nice, cus it shows that Helen didn't mind too much from the semi-forced kisses, and Hoya had managed to cool his temper a bit after the makeout. You also just eased the readers from a more serious and passionate scene to a funnier and lighter one without looking too cheesy or unrealistic (in the sense of the story), so good job~ <br />
To address your concern about the Chapter: This chapter didn't click all the way like the previous ones had, but overall it was pretty good-You don't need to change it-it was suppose to be about Helen informing Hoya about her background, and their little love thing going further, right? Then you did just that, as well as added a little bit of other pieces of the story here and there to act as a buffer so the story wouldn't go too off track. It was a little fast, but there's bound to be a couple of chapters in every story that seemed a little sped up, so don't worry. :)
DragonSalt24
#5
^^ i hope you look forward to finding out more about Hyun - hopefully the twist that's coming up will be an interesting surprise<br />
i'm not sure if the place where i found the information but i actally heard that Jungryul is the name of one of Infinite's managers - i wasn't sure if that's actually true but if it was i wanted to use it to make it more realistic^^<br />
i'm glad you actually noticed the different viewpoints! it's hard for me to explain everything without showing an outsider's opinion on a situation so i'm glad you like that and it doesn't bother you or give away too much information^^<br />
thank you again for the comments! i really enjoy your feedback and it's helping me stay on track with the story i wanted to write originally^^! i hope you still enjoy it after this next chapter
WhosThere13
#6
Hmmm I disliked Hyun before, but now I'm kinda wary of him...<br />
It's different to see that one character you created, Jungryul, is kinda acting as a narrator, but when I say different I mean in a good way. It kinda helps the readers since he views the love triangle from his point of view, unbiased, while with Hoya and Helen, its a bit biased since ones POV is emotional, while the other is more analyzing and on-guard with Hyun and a little unsure with Hoya. (Sorry if that sounded confusing haha)<br />
I also like how with Sungjong and Hyun's relationship, you made the former like the latter and be friendly with him, which I can see him doing in real life XD<br />
Anywhos~Thank you for updating, it was another very-well written chapter :)
DragonSalt24
#7
!!! ahh i'm so thankful!! your feedback makes me very happy!<br />
i hope i've made Hoya more realistic towards how he acts on interviews and on shows, etc.<br />
ha i really can't say thank you enough! <br />
if there's something that comes up in the future that you don't quite agree with or don't like in the story please let me know!^^ and ha, i really appreciate your comment! - it helps me know that i'm doing Something right with the story^^<br />
please enjoy!
WhosThere13
#8
Normally I have the bad habit of being a silent reader and not commenting on stories and subscribing and stuff, but I felt guilty when I realized no one had said anything in Chapter 19-and I had loved it!<br />
Hoya is so freakin' awesome in here, and I love your female lead (she's so badass!)I love your writing-It can be really hard to find someone with such good grammar and spelling here on AF, not to mention a female lead with an actual name rather then ~~~ or something, and one so likeable too.<br />
The interaction between them in Chappie 19 is perfect-I admit when I started reading that page, I was wondering if you were going to add a kiss scene-but the amount of skinship was just right-a kiss would have been too fast and would become awkward and a burden later on in the story :)It was perfect!<br />
I just finished reading Chapter 20-Gaaaaaaah I wanna know if Hoya starts a fight with Hyun (though he'd totally lose XD) It's so goooood!<br />
Thank you for updating! Sorry for not commenting sooner!
DragonSalt24
#9
thanks for the nice comments guys!!^^
LemonPop #10
DragonSalt, i'm just giving you a bad time ;) It's really great!