"It goes one, two, three and then side step to four," I said, demonstrating the appropriate movements for every count. The elementary school kids who tried to follow my reflection had determined looks in their eyes, attempting to translate what they saw into their own bodies. 

"Alright, from the top," I said and then counted again for what seemed to be the umpteenth time. There was a marked improvement from what I had seen just over an hour ago, each sway of the hand and step of the feet more confident and sure. I couldn't help but smile. 

"Awesome!" I cried, genuinely elated. That fourth count which most of them always appeared to trip on was successfuly cleared by all except one, a tiny kid, the youngest of the class, who could use a whole lot in the coordination department. I'm usually a when I lead the company as the main dancer, if it wasn't perfect it was unacceptable, but it's different this time. These were kids who carved out time from their insanely busy school schedule to find a life outside books and the chalk board. I was here to help them grow up and find themselves, free themselves, through dance. The aim here wasn't perfection, they've had enough of that pressure elsewhere. It was enjoyment, laughter and fun. It sounds like something you would read straight out of a YA fiction, but it's true. 

"You'll have it in no time Si Young-ah." I walked up to the fourth grader with her hair tightly pulled back in a bun when the class was finally dismissed. God, if I could keep her in my little pocket I would.

"Yes.." she said in her automated voice, bowing a little in respect to her dance teacher.

"Nop, try it again and look at me this time," I said. She did, maybe a little taken aback to my response. Usually this would be when teachers would accept a humble 'Yes' and be on their way.

"Yes!" she shouted.

"You sure?" I asked, mock teasing her. 

"Yes!" she shouted a little louder.

"Alright, alright. Have a good night's rest and I'll see you next week." I gave her a little nudgie on the head and with a smile she left me on my own in the empty dance studio. It was so familiar and yet not really being here. This was my second week as a dance instructor here at a dance studio specifically catered to students who were looking for extra curricular activities. There was a vast genre of dance being taught here, ranging from ballet, tap, jazz and now modern dance which they had let me open up a class for. The students weren't that many, only five or so, so most of the time I was still helping out with the ballet side of things since it was where my own career started after all. I stepped towards the speakers which had my ipod attached to them and put on 'Do I Wanna Know?' by the Arctic Monkeys and let the music guide me as if I were the puppet and it were the pupeteer, each note pulling on my strings. I missed this feeling. It was the perfect moment to get lost and not think about what I had to do in a few short hours, come face to face with an undeniable truth. I didn't want to see sympathy in his eyes. It would break me, but how else was Seung Hyun supposed to take the news? That girlfriend which he claimed to have left behind for the better, that he claimed to be weighing down, she wasn't perched up high on some holy pedestal like he had thought. No, she was a cold and bitter woman barely trying to survive a war with life itself.

I tried to look at anything and everything around the library cafe with a slight peek of a view of the many briges crossing the river. My right leg was shaking from a nervous tick and I played with the condensation that was building up on the side of my glass of ice coffee. Damn Ji Yong. He was lighting a fire on my , just coming short of threatening me to tell his beloved hyung everything. He was the one that stuck his nose into my business anyway, and now since he doesn't have the balls to lie he makes me cover for him. Stupid, stupid, stupid...

"Shin Ae." His voice made me jerk my head up and I threw something that looked like a smile at him.

"Hey, uh, thanks for coming," I said, removing my dance bag from the only chair that shared this small table. He sat down with me and together we looked out at the small terrace in front of us. I'm glad I wasn't stupid enough to want to meet at a bar, I suddenly thought. The only way I would ease this awkward tension in the air would be for me to drink, and drink and drink once more, which I was doing with my coffee. At least instead of a hangover I would only be left with some form of caffeine-induced insomnia tonight. 

"Gym?" Seung Hyun asked me, pointing to my bag and attire. I was in black leggings with a loosely fitted white top.

"Work." He raised his eyebrows questioningly, clearly wondering what type of work it entailed.

"Personal trainer?" he guessed, not hiding his smile. I glared at him and his clearly joking mood.

"I was considering it but," I flexed my arms to show him my lackluster biceps, "I didn't pass their muscle mass test." I could've slapped myself then and there. It's not the bloody time for jokes, but somehow his lightheartedness gets to me. It's contagious. I groaned to myself and he clearly heard it because the shift in tone was noticable.

"What?" he asked me.

"Why do you think I'm here, back in Seoul?" I searched his eyes, trying to get some honesty out of him. 

"Because you've forgiven me." My heart broke at his reply. 

"I forgave you a long time ago. It's not your fault, I know that." It was my fault, for being part of this family. If anything I should be the one apologising to him and how I tainted his naivety and his youthful courage. I'm glad he pushed me away.

"Wrong place, wrong time. I'm still sorry though," he said. 

"It didn't feel wrong back then did it?" I reminisced, the corners of my lips curling up a little.

"Not one bit," Seung Hyun returned my smile and leaned back on his chair. "If you take out all the drama that came in between, it's a fond memory I'll always keep. First loves, you know? It'll always be a part of me."

That's when I knew. Memory and first love, he talked about me as if I were someone he treasured dearly, something fragile that he would forever keep in a box, lock away, think of from time to time as he progresses through the course of life but never to reopen. I have turned into nothing but a distant memory. I thought back to that glimmer of hope a few weeks ago when he left me to ride off in a taxi, Seung Hyun was confused then, but he clearly wasn't now. I had to accept that. Taking a deep breath, I suddenly wasn't scared anymore. At least now I was no longer grasping at straws that didn't exist, it was clean cut and black and white. There was nothing left between us anymore.

"Thank you," I said. "I needed that." I leaned down to grab my bag from where it pitifully slumped on the floor then stood up.

"Where are you going?"

"I actually did mean what I said when I saw you that first time at your concert. I did come to say goodbye, it was just a little hard letting go." Seung Hyun stared at me, genuinely confused.

"You never told me the answer to your question," he said. "Why are you here?"

"Ah," I almost forgot the promise I made to Ji Yong. "I thought I should tell you, I mean you were close to her at one point in time. Nara is sick."

"What?" he asked, bewildered. He stood up to meet with me.

"I came back because I found out my baby sister has a tumour in her brain."

"Are you kidding me right now!?" He instantly shut his mouth shocked at the words that came out of it. It wasn't something to kid about it, but if I'd ever seen someone in shock, this was it. Seung Hyun looked around, runing his fingers through his hair a little lost at how to react to the news.

"Can I see her?" he finally asked.

"Under what pretense? I'm not telling her about us."

"She's not an idiot, she knows. That was mostly my fault," Seung Hyun admitted, looking back at the public scene he made backstage of the ALIVE tour concert when he basically dragged me with the entire staff watching.

"No I mean, she knows we had a fling. She doesn't know anything else."

"Why?"

"What good will it do?"

"A lot. You can't shield from everything. She needs to grow up."

"She's twelve with her life hanging in the balance, the last thing on my mind will be her 'growing up' and finding out how twisted her life really is," I said sternly. This was my sister. I was the one who was going to protect her and no one else had the right to tell me how. Not even Seung Hyun. I could tell he didn't agree with me, but after a moment he conceded. In the end I was family and he was someone she no recollection of even loving. Yes, I knew she loved him back then. With my dad never home, Seung Hyun became that father figure every little girl needed. The protector and the hero, someone who she thought was unbreakable. And Nara had lost him and me in the span of one month. I couldn't deny how strong and resilient she had turned, even if we were the ones inflicting her pain and taking it away. She had still welcomed me back with open arms.

"I want to see her," Seung Hyun said again. This time it was a statement, not a request.

"You know I can't."

"I'll find a way. I promise I won't say anything you don't want me to. You know how much I cared for her. Please." He looked at me as if I had just denied him the biggest gift in the world. 

"I'll think about it," I told him.

"What's happening to her?" he asked before I took another step.

"She has an operation coming up soon, June 17th." 

"Darn," he said, shaking his head. "I'm in Japan, the next tour stop."

"Go," I told him. "Your well-wishes are enough." He was devastated, I could tell from his posture and the dead look in his eyes. That girl who giggled and followed him around, calling him both brother and dad, she would be lying on a cold hosptial bed, smelling sickly of sterlization whilst he was standing up on stage supposed to be having fun, trying to make girls fall all over him. It was an impossible decision to make. My heart hurt imagining him go through that. I'm going to kill Ji Yong and his idealism. He wasn't the one who saw a man visibly be torn apart in front of him. Cautiously I reached up to him and gave his arm a gentle squeeze.

"See her when she's better," I lied. Only God knew if she could get better. I left Seung Hyun at that cafe alone with his thoughts with a heavy heart. There was nothing more I could do for him except send him my silent apologies for constantly making his life difficult. It wasn't me that was high up on that pedestal now, it was him. I was the devil that was shaking his reserve and bringing him down.

AN: Wow, I wasn't kidding when I said I would take my time with this. I suddenly had the urge to write and thus this happened. Enjoy and thanks a million once again!