I called in sick today at work, so I spent the day taking things slow. I ate a good, traditional breakfast, took a nice long shower and expected my body to simply pass out as soon as it reached my pillow, but I couldn't. I was physically and mentally exhausted but for the life off me I couldn't sleep, as if my mind refused to shut down. Stray thoughts kept on appearing, strangely nothing to do with the incident from yesterday. I thought of my instructor back at New York who acted like a to me, then told me it was all part of the hazing process. Then I wondered what the bagelman I bought lunch from every Thursday was doing. Random people that I've met over the years who I've exchanged pleasantries with suddenly took over my thought, and then I realized I didn't want to be alone. 

It was past noon when I reached an antique little Chinese restaurant at Seoul's china town complete with it's good luck charms and waving cats. My girls were all waiting for me, each in their own work attire. The came in a moment's notice, dropped their things and just came without a second thought. Friends I hadn't seen in years, who resepcted my privacy but were supporting me quietly from behind. There was a gift that lay in front of me, and yet I chose to isolate myself and to be lonely. How stupid.

"You guys..." I started, but I couldn't even say anymore. My mouth was twisted as I tried to hold back a cry and tears had started streaming down my face. Gosh I must've been a sight, standing like that in the middle of the doorway. Nothing like a wailing twenty-odd year-old girl to ruin your lunch. They came running to me like a flock of birds, hugging me, soothing me, wiping my tears away not even knowing what in the world was going on. Sitting on those uncomfortable wooden benches with five pairs of eyes filled with worry and the smell of sesame oil in the air, I told them everything. About Nara, about Seung Hyun... and why I came flying all the way across the world to come here. I just had to let it go and they all took it in, every word. 

I couldn't even taste the food, I doubt anyone at my table did. We were all an emotional mess. 

"I'm so sorry" Jae In said. "That you went through all that all alone." I wiped a stray tear from my cheek and shook my head.

"I mean, you just gradually got distant towards the end of high school, and then that news about your dad exploded so we just kind of did the math ourselves. We didn't want to pry, but now all this about T.O.P and Nara...." Ah Rang explained. She took a finger to her head and started massaging her temples as if she was fighting a horrible headache. Sympathy pains, I gathered.

"So what's happening with you and him now?" Ha Ni asked. "Are you back together?" I shook my head. Complicated would be an understatement if I used it to describe our relationship. 

"We're not, but he wants to stick around. For Nara, he says."

"Was he and Nara really close? I mean I doubt she even remembers him," Mi Na pointed out.

"She was six, if they were close back then she might not remember who he was, but Nara would remember his presence," Jae In explained. "Memory typically starts developing around the age of three to four years old."

"Yeah, but how awkward would that introduction be. Nara, you might not remember him but this is my ex-boyfriend who used to love you to bits and now that you're sick he wants to hang out with you. But most likely he's just trying to use you to get into my pants," Ah Rang acted out.

"YA!" Ha Ni cried. "Don't taint T.O.P's name. Plus you heard what Shin Ae said, they're over. Maybe he genuinely does care for Nara." Ah Rang just shrugged.

"Yeah, maybe he does," Jae In countered, "But without a doubt it's also because of some lingering attachment to you."

"Don't kill me, I actually got a little interested, I asked my boyfriend about that racer model, her name's Kim Ha Yul. Ya. I looked her up and you're way better looking than her Shin Ae. Don't worry about it," Mi Na said. 

"Yes, Mi Na. Clearly that's what's going on in T.O.P's head when he's trying to find the love of his life. Who's hotter?" Ha Ni said, rolling her eyes. "Ignore her, Shin Ae. What are you going to do?"

"What else is there to do?" I sighed, leaning back on my chair. "I mean, I'll think of it as Nara gaining one more person that'll love and adore her. I mean, that's really what it is, isn't it?"

"And you're okay with putting aside the past?" Jae In asked, worried.

"Yeah. We're leading new lives now, our paths have forked and it's better for me to realise that sooner than later."

"Saying it and actually acting on it are two different things you know," Ha Ni told me. "If what you told us is true, in the end the person you loved doesn't love you anymore, and it'll still hurt."

"It already does," I admitted, "I mean the number of 'What if?'s and Why?'s that go through my head each day, it's countless. But only an idiot would linger on something that happened so long ago."

"You gotta focus on Nara," Ah Rang said.

"Yeah, that's what important."

I took another overnight shift at the hospital that night, after having to literally pry Imo away from her daughter. She had calmed down alot though, the tears had finally stopped but there was still a lingering glaze over her eyes that threatened to make them fall again. Dad only came to take Imo home, I don't think he spent more than five minutes in Nara's room. It wasn't that he didn't care, more like it was his defence mechanism, his way of denying the situation, taking the words 'out of sight, out of mind' literally. When they left I wiped Nara's body with a wet cloth and massaged her arms and legs so that at least her muscles weren't frozen in place for too long. It shocked me how thin she was, I could quite easily wrap my hand around her calves as I put pressure on them. I promised to take her out to eat more often as soon as she woke up, provided they let her out of the house. My phone buzzed on the lowboy as I prepared my bedding for the night and picked ot up quickly, recognising the number on the text message after it left about 20 missed calls from the other night. Seung Hyun obviously hasn't grasped the concept of IM apps yet.

Did she wake up?

No, I'm staying over another night.

You're going to pass out at this rate.

I'm sleeping quite well. Don't worry.

I'm flying back tonight with the kids. Do you want anything?

No thanks. Have a safe flight.

Ok.

Huh. Maybe I can do this after all. That was a suprisingly normal and platonic conversation. albeit through text but it was still a pretty decent conversation. The hospital couch wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep in, but after I had turned the light off, I curled into a ball and almost instantly fell to a restless sleep. I was dead tired, after being awake for more than 24 hours. There were no dreams to occupy that night, my head was clouded with a wall of black that I happily embraced. It felt so long since my head was so empty. 

I kid you not, birds chirping woke me up. It's like it came right out of a Disney movie. Some lost bird decided to perch on the window sill and trill its heart away right near where I was sleeping. Annoyed, I gave it a good glare but did little to make it stop doing whatever it was doing.

"It's so annoying," a soft voice said from the room. "Make it shut up." My eyes widened and I immediately turned around to see Nara still lying flat on the bed, her eyes clearly tired but at least they were open. She was awake. I think I smiled, I'm not sure, it may have came out as more like a scowl because I was trying to fight back tears. I might have looked like a madwoman, someone who couldn't even control her own emotions.

"A bird woke you up, are you kidding me?" I joked.

"No actually, unni, your snoring did." I laughed, and so did Nara with what little energy she had. But in the middle of it all tears did end up falling on my face anyway. I've never been so grateful in my life. My baby sister was back. I touched her hair and caressed her cheek, just taking her in.

"You must've been so scared..."

"I'm so embarrassed. It happened right in front of everyone. I just lost control."

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Not a single thing."

"Where's mum?" 

"At home, I'll call her." Nara shook her head. 

"I want a little peace for a minute before she attaches herself to me 24/7."

"She loves you, so does dad."

"I know, I know. They love you too." I could only smile. I'm not that good an actress though. I called the doctor after a while, then called the house to tell them that Nara was up and being her normal, sassy self. I had no idea that it was possible to cut the time to take from the house to the hospital in half, especially considering it was rush hour traffic. Both Imo and Dad came, huffing and puffing at Nara's room before coddling her like a little baby and I took it as my cue to leave; the two of us had bantered enough already and I was feeling a little misplaced. 

Nara's awake.

Really!? How's she feeling?

A little scared, but she's okay.

That's good. I got her presents.

You can come by tomorrow.

It must be a good day, you're being exceptionally nice.

'Good' is an understatement.

I'm glad everything turned out okay.

Me too.

"I've been offered an audition," I told my lovely barista as I looked at the phone in my hand. An email had appeared on my phon from YG, it was the invite to the audititon from Young Bae's manager. There was lessthan two weeks time, and it required an original choreography piece based loosely on RnB music.

"Oh really? Congratulations!" he said, flashing me a smile filled with perfect teeth.

"I'm nervous. I feel like an athlete that's out of practice."

"Hmm? You need a place to practice?"

"You have one?"

"Maybe." I looked at him expectantly. The dance school was an option, but it was a facility that really wasn't open for private use. Call it a grey area if you must, and being a new employee, I wasn't really keen on pushing my luck.

"Where?"

"I want something in return."

"I promise I'll be your loyal customer until the point my body refuses to take in anymore caffeine," I said, puting my hand up in pledge. "Oh, who am I kidding? I'll just switch to decaf." Happy and handsome barista guy laughed and shook his head.

"I was think about something with a little less commitment. Dinner?"

"Dinner. Dinner!?" I blinked my eyes in disbelief. His wife who was standing next to him at the coffee machine also stared in surprise."A-Aren't you married?"

"To who?"

"Her..." I pointed the lady who I think was cracking up by now. She was bent over in what looked like stitches.

"Yeah, she's my sister-in-law." The sister-in-law nodded in agreement then walked away after giving hot barista a pat on the shoulder. "So, dinner?"

"Uh..." I thought about how inappropriate it was given the timing. I wasn't exactly in a position to be going out on dates and finding love. Then another part of me was saying, why not? If i wanted Nara to live a full life, I should be living one as well. 

"How could I say no?" I finally said returning his smile, and I think I might have skipped away out of there, after failing horribly at hiding my giggles. That jittery feeling you get all over when you find out someone is keen for you, it never gets old 

AN: I'm pretty sure you all have heard about the tragic incident with Ladies' Code, it pains me to be reminded of how cruel the world sometimes is. Here's to hoping that those two beautiful women are together in a better place. Once again, thanks for the support all you readers.