I loved this coffee store, with its exposed beams and sky lights. It looked like an old warehouse that just happened to be slap bang in the middle of Hong Dae, one of the trendy centres in Seoul where people came to shop, dine and play in general. Their coffee beans have never failed to take me back to the premium roasts of New York, and since discovering it two weeks ago, it’s always been my daily starter. 

 

“Flat white, extra shot like usual?” the barista called out from behind the counter upon seeing me enter. I perched my sunglasses on top of my head and smiled at him.

 

“Is there anything stronger?” I sighed at him.

 

“Bad day? It’s not even…” he looked up at the cute cuckoo clock just above the shop window which was exactly pointing to ten o’clock in the morning. “… It’s not even noon.”

 

“More like a bad week.”

 

“Ah… I’ll make it extra special then.” I gave him a nod in gratitude and went to my usual corner bench with my handy tablet in hand. First thing I open is Facebook of course. The opening night should’ve been yesterday and I was curious at how the final production turned out. The first couple of photos took my words away. The sets, the costumes and the lighting were absolutely beautiful. They were kept minimalistic but elegant at the same time, so the audience could focus on what the primarily came for, the dance. Kylie looked stunning, but as I saw a few short snippets of her dancing, the selfish part of my heart started to nudge me. That should’ve been you it said.  Losing your breath in the spotlight, dancing like there was no tomorrow and hearing the cheers from the crowds, that should have been you. I physically shook my head, willing those thoughts away and smiled looking at all the pictures and videos I could find. With a few ‘likes’ and a couple of congratulatory comments, I then started browsing online as usual. It’s a new start for now, there was no use looking back.

 

“A dance academy, huh?” I heard a voice say from above me. I looked up to see the barista come up with my steaming cup of coffee in his hand. My internal voice screamed in glee. Something about a fine looking man carrying my coffee pushed all the right buttons for me. Too bad he was married. 

 

“Yeah, do you know any good ones around here?” I asked.

 

“You want to learn or teach?”

 

“Teaching, performing. I just want to dance,” I tell him honestly.

 

“Hmm, let me ask around for you.”

 

“No, no, it’s alright. I didn’t mean to trouble you.”

 

“No trouble,” he said, flashing a grin of perfect white teeth. “I’ll tell you if I hear something.” I gave him a small smile in gratitude and he slipped away back to his little machine of liquid miracles. Before I took a sip of my coffee I noticed the cute smiling monkey floating on top of my drink and shook my head in amusement. They really knew how to do customer service well around here.

 

In my frustration of being bombarded with site upon site of ballet and traditional Korean dance academies for the past half hour, my phone vibrated against the table, saving me from pulling my hair out.

 

“Ya! Go Shin Ae!” a chirpy female voice called out. 

 

“Uh… hello?”

 

“This girl, you don’t recognize me do you?” I wracked my brain for a few seconds before a sudden realization came over me. No way.

 

“Song Ha Ni!?!?” I cried out.

 

“You’re horrible you know that? You don’t call, you don’t text and your sister tells me you’ve been here for a month?” 

 

“Sorry, sorry,” I said, laughing. “Life, you know.”

 

“Say no more, darling.”

 

“Honestly how long has it been though?”

 

“Since high school! How’ve you been?”

 

“Good. Great. And you?”

 

“Oh my goodness there’s so much to tell. Look, the girls and I are meeting up for dinner tomorrow night, why don’t you come?”

 

“Girls?”

 

“Ji Eun, Ah Rang, Mi Na and Jae In,” Ha Ni said, as if counting them off some imaginary list.

 

“Oh my god, they’re still around?”

 

“Where else would we be except around each other? Only you decided to run off to another country.”

 

“Uh, would blaming it on the American dream work in any way?”

 

“American dream my ,” she chided. “So, this Friday night, okay?”

 

“Text me the time and place, I’ll be there,” I told her and with that we hung up. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. Meeting my high school girlfriends would be the perfect way to end a horrible week; I needed some good news in my life at the moment. Nara hasn’t spoken to me since the Big Bang concert, I haven’t had any luck finding a decent job and… I bit my lip at an attempt to stop my thoughts from getting ahead of themselves. I wasn’t one to know but things like this though; I doubt they really ever do get easier. I finished off my coffee, packed up my things and said goodbye to the cute man behind the counter, promising to be back there the same time tomorrow morning. It was an unusually warm day today, I could survive in shorts and a long cardigan, and I stood still to let the rays dance on my skin for a moment. I wondered if her favourite cheesecake would put me back into Nara’s good graces.

 

Without a second thought I headed toward the small stand just a few blocks away eager to break down the wall that my sister had built between us. I keep telling her Seung Hyun and I were nothing more than friends, but clearly I’m a horrible liar or maybe Nara is just very sharp. I’m still refusing to tell her anything else. She’s a stubborn little thing, but I guess so was I. We both had our dad to blame for that. It’s just… I didn’t want her to see what I was like back then. All that shouting and crying, and the fool that I had become over a stupid boy; Nara was too young to understand how broken I was then and I wasn’t going to let her understand now as well. I was the big sister she could always rely on.

 

With the cake in its adorably pale pink box in my hand, I sent a quick text to Nara, with little hope of reply, telling her that she had a surprise that was pending delivery. I sighed in helplessness. I guess sisters aren’t sisters unless they have a spat though, whether it is about clothes, make up or an ex-boyfriend who had now turned into a household name in South Korea, there’s always a reason to fight. Call me strange but my heart couldn’t help but feel warmed over this ordeal. When I was lonely in New York, it was Nara’s face that popped into my head first. Strangely it wasn’t my father or Seung Hyun, it was her contagious smile and laughter over my clumsiness, her light voice searching out for me as soon as she got home from school that I missed. And things like buying her favourite dessert, had we stayed apart I wouldn’t have had the chance to do something as ordinary as this with her, and it was the ordinary things that usually matter the most. 

 

“Ahjussi!” I called out despite knowing there was no way he could hear me from inside the car. To compensate, I furiously waved my hand to grab his attention from the bus stand, until I was meet with the response of blinking lights. The long, black BMW pulled itself in front of me and I took the shot gun seat right next to the kindly middle-aged man with greying hair and droopy eyebrows. He smiled at me in welcome as always.

 

“Did you go to Hong Dae again?” he asked me.

 

“As always, I like it there.”

 

“I wish you would let me drive you, agashi.”

 

“Traffic. The subway is much faster now as well. How’s everyone at home?”

 

“Ah, it’s good that you came home early today.” I looked at him questioningly, but the beloved old man didn’t say anymore. As we drove through the quieter streets of Gangnam I told him about my lacklustre results once more on the independence front. It’s been a month, and I was running dangerously low on cash. I haven’t taken a cent from my dad since I was nineteen, and I wasn’t keen on breaking the cycle now, even if we did live under the same roof. I refused to feel indebted to him, and my pride wanted to show him that I could live just fine without his guidance. Currently though, the prospects weren’t looking too bright. 

 

It was a short drive but inappropriate to go by foot. Soon enough the gates loomed in front of us and I cringed at the sounds of the hinges creaking in protest as it opened. 

 

“That sounds horrible…” I muttered under my breath.

 

“I’ll tell the groundskeeper.”

 

“No, it’s alright. I think it’s actually quite well suited.”

 

“Agashi…” ahjusshi replied, chuckling quite amusedly however. He understood well my disdain for this house, the atmosphere it had and the neighbourhood that it was located in, because he was the only one I voiced it openly too. It’s something straight out of psychological thriller where trophy wives and millionaires played backdoor politics to one-up each other. Nothing is ever genuine and winning was the end game with pride and money as the prize. My dad revels in the competition but I turn away from it whenever I can. That’s a difficult life to live however, when your father was a renowned politician who lived off the favours from the rich and powerful. It’s always been difficult. But clearly he’s good at it, or they wouldn’t have been living so well for the past ten years.

 

As the car pulled up in front of the doors the head maid greeted me and took the cake I held so preciously in my hands. The rest of the house was empty, as it always was. How could it not be? It was much too big for the few people that lived here such that everything seemed icy and hollow. There wasn’t much change from when I left. 

 

“Where’s Nara?”

 

“She is in her room,” ahjumma said, “They’ve received a call from the hospital.” My eyes widened in surprise. That was quick, much too quick.

 

“Thank you.” I raced up to Nara’s room upstairs and would have bounded through the door had my conscience not told me to slow down and take a breath. That’s right, I reminded myself, this is why you came here. You left your dreams and life to return to this godforsaken place for this very purpose, so stay strong and don’t stuff it up. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself before knocking, only to find the door had opened itself first. A woman in her early forties looked at me forlornly; her eyes glazed red and her nose pink from crying. She was the symbol of elegance, her long black hair neatly tied back, her face still young but finely drawn with wrinkles from age and a feminine, motherly demeanour surrounded her very being I. Yet my heart froze like it was blasted with ice.

 

“You’re here,” she said, sniffling a little.

 

“Yes.” 

 

“You, maybe you can talk to her.” When I didn’t answer, she gazed back inside the room before side-stepping from the doorway and leaving. I watched her disappear down the hall and downstairs before coming in. Nara was sitting on the small bench by the window, her cell phone in her hand seemingly oblivious to what may have transpired before. One thing was certain though as I approached her, she was still mad at me. Despite knowing I was there she continued to pretend I was invisible and that whatever was on that stupid phone of hers was a thousand times more interesting.

 

“Come on…” I complained, “You can’t be serious. It’s been a week!” Nara physically turned away at me, choosing to face the window instead, and I couldn’t help but scoff at the level of immaturity which I was made witness of. Seven or thirteen, I guess Nara will just forever be Nara. 

 

“Alright, if that’s the way it is then I won’t even tell you a single thing,” I said, “I just have three keywords for you. Moonlight. Alleyway. Kiss.” I had her before I took even a single step. 

 

“I KNEW IT!!” Nara squealed, jumping up from her spot and grabbing my arm. “I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. You totally dated T.O.P oppa.”

 

“I never said that.”

 

“Whatever, you totally did. It’s so obvious.” I laughed at how convinced of herself she was but didn’t say anything else. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I gazed at Nara who was happily eating her cake that the ahjumma brought up along with a pot of tea. Her face lit up in glee as the red velvet melted in and she took another bite to keep the taste lingering on her tongue.

 

“Someone looks really happy,” I told her.

 

“I haven’t had this in ages.”

 

“You had it like two weeks ago.”

 

“My point exactly.” I wasn’t able to cave in to her chastises, forever keeping my lips sealed, but as I had hoped for the cake was another sure way back in her good graces. The scent of chamomile wandered into my nose as I took a sip of tea, washing away the sweetness of the small bite of cake Nara would allow me to have, and leaving me sighing in content. When you have nothing to do, the day goes by so slowly. I noticed from the way the skies remained so blue from the window. It wasn’t so bad, this idea of taking your time. If it was like this, being caught up in rehearsals which seemed to last longer than a day was a rhythm that I wasn’t really all too keen on returning to. Maybe life can actually start to mean something now.

 

“May 17th,” Nara suddenly said. “That’s what the doctor said. I have to be there the day before to prepare though.”

 

“Really? A whole day?” I asked, trying as swiftly as I could to put my cup down without showing her my shaking hands. It clinked silently against the saucer and I sighed in relief.

 

“I guess so. It seems really far off, but it seems really close as well. I guess the doctors must have a lot to talk about.”

 

“They’re just being extra careful. That’s a good thing right?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“And plus,” I reminded her, “It means we have just over a month of you not going to school, me having nothing to do… so we’re going to spend a whole lot of a time with each other until you get sick of me.”

 

“Who says I want to hang out with you?” she said, a sly smile now forming on her face.

 

“You really want to play that game?” I asked her, my eyebrow rising in contention. 

 

“Maybe.” 

 

“Really, after this cake I got you? And the fact I took you to the Big Bang concert?”

 

“So?”

 

“Hmm.” In a split second I reached over for her slice of cake which she was eating measurably in delicate little pieces, and picked up the plate. 

 

“Unni! What are you doing?” With quick footsteps I walked over to the humongous Big Bang poster she had up which was signed by each and every member and positioned it right near T.O.P’s rather skeletal face in the middle, posing with a red suede blazer. It was supposed to be an empty threat towards Nara, but as I see his face and the cake so near, the petty part inside of me wanted to actually smash his face with it in retribution for, well, everything. 

 

“We’re going to go out, right? You wouldn’t leave your lonely sister behind and just play with your friends, right?” I asked her.

 

“Unni! You wouldn’t!” she exclaimed, half petrified and half laughing. I inched it even closer so that the whipped cream was dangerously near his nose.

 

“You have no idea…”

 

“Stop!”

 

“Last chance, Nara.”

 

“Okay! Okay!” she cried, conceding but now clutching her stomach which was in stitches. “We’ll hang out.”

 

“Well okay then,” I replied nonchalantly, returning the sweet goodness back onto the table. I sat down with my cup of tea once more, pretending that nothing had happened while Nara was trying to calm herself down from a laughing fit. There was a sense of pleasure that I got from making her laugh so hard to the point where there were tears in her eyes, but as she wiped them away they continued to emerge. Unable to control herself any longer, Nara covered her face with her hands and her body shook with her silent cries.

 

“Oh god,” I said. Without hesitation I ran over to her side and took her in my arms, softly caressing her hair and soothing her. Nara leaned into me and continued her sobbing, this time not afraid to voice out her anxiety and sadness. She must have been so terrified, and yet she still chose to remain strong.

 

“I’m here. We’re all here. You’ll be alright Nara, you’ll be okay.” 

 

 

 

 

 

AN: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone! Hope you'll spend it with loving friends and family surrounded by warmth and good food. This is my last post for 2013 so I made it a little longer. See you all soon!