The sheets were damp from my hair. From where I lay on my side, I could see the dark patches on the satin where the water had absorbed itself. I turned my head to face Seung Hyun who just lay there, looking up into nothing, a lost look in his eyes. He’s barely got any clothes off, we were both so hungry and needy, due process wasn’t really what we thought about. We lay there, silent and breathless, my entire back touching his side, and I turned my head back so that I had a clear view of the television at the foot of the bed. There was nothing covering my bare body, yet strangely I wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed. We just continued to lie there, letting time slip by us. Neither of us knew what to say.

It was probably late afternoon, but the drawn curtains in Seung Hyun’s bedroom made it seem like the whole world outside was dark. He was the one that moved first. I felt his two hands move underneath me, and he carefully sat me up. Like a lifeless doll, I followed his commands and waited as he grabbed a white towel from the closet and dried my hair. I watched him, his expression as he took his time moving the towel in full concentration, like I did for him a few nights before. Then I don’t know why but seeing him, seeing me vulnerable like this before him, I started to cry. It was one tear at first, I wiped it away and sniffled but they kept falling until Seung Hyun had to help me. The pained look in his eyes made me cry even more.

“You hurt me. You broke me,” I said. All he could do was embrace me.

“I know.”

“But you got hurt yourself.” Those words he wrote in his lyric book spin round and round in my head. I imagined him alone, I imagined him struggling and it hurt a thousand times more than my pain.

“I don’t care about me," he said.

“But I do, so much. And I don't know how to stop." Seung Hyun froze and then knelt down on the floor beside me. He put his forehead to mine and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply before exhaling in staggering breaths.

"Then don't stop." I have no strength to say anything but nod, and I continued to cry for the sake of old, pained memories. I cried for lost time and I cried for an uncertain future. He just sat there and continued to take care of me, dressing me, holding me, kissing me from time to time.

We were on the sofa in his living room, watching the city slowly darken around us, sometimes looking at each other, sometimes exchanging sweet words and sometimes caressing each other's skin. He sat down while I lay across, my head on his thighs, my eyes turned towards the scenery from his windows.

"Move in with me," he said as I we watched the orange glow of the sky turn to purple. Seung Hyun tucked my hair behind my ears before his fingers trailed down my jaw and his thumb slid across my bottom lip.

"Okay," I replied. And that was me taking a leap of faith. Nara told me to keep things simple and to be true to myself, and the truth was that I wanted to be with him. I was tired of finding reasons not to. 

Seung Hyun sat me down at the kitchen counter on the stools for dinner as he tried to make something edible with the ingredients I had originally bought for my breakfast. I watched as he bustled around, trying to find his measly store of pans for a good size. I mindlessly sat there until I couldn’t stand watching him anymore and grabbed the pan off him.

“I can do it,” he told me.

“I know. But I want to eat today, not next week.” I smiled when he gave me a peck on the lips, but had to shoo him out of the kitchen as he continued to hover around trying to help out. He just wasn’t really helpful. The pancakes were an easy fix, and I substituted maple syrup for honey, cutting up some fresh fruit as well to add some sourness to the meal. Something about breakfast for dinner seemed like the best thing ever for me and I inhaled the scent of all the food. I could see Seung Hyun watching me from across the counter, sometimes catching his gaze, but he remained unfazed and continued to look at me fondly.

“I did well by coming back,” he said as we sat down to eat.

“What about work?”

“Just a couple of interviews here and there, but the members said they would take care of it. It’s not like I can speak Japanese well anyway.”

“You shouldn’t do that. It’s work.”

“Work is work, you are you. You’re the most important thing to me right now.” I focused on my food, not knowing how to respond to that. Seung Hyun’s phone vibrated on the kitchen counter and he reached for it, only to chuckle a few seconds later. He gave it to me and I couldn’t help but laugh. They prepared a life-size cardboard cut-out of Seung Hyun to carry around with them on their Japanese schedules to replace his presence. Seung Ri sent a picture of them recording a show with it and put down a caption underneath it.

‘I see no difference’

“He got funnier,” I said.

“I’m sure he did.”

“Oh, come on. That was a good one. Look everyone else is laughing.” I showed him the members and their responses on the group chat. It was filled with emoticons of them laughing out loud and keeling over, Ji Young telling him to just not bother coming back. 

“I should thank them, for letting you come to me,” I said.

"Why would you thank them? They don't own me, you do." He gave me his boyish grin and I returned it, rolling my eyes as well.

"Geez, the things you say."

We cleared the table and did the dishes together, and everything seemed so natural, our rhythm in sync as if we've been doing this for years. It felt so odd yet it felt so easy.

"Shin Ae," he called me from the living room as I stayed in the kitchen, trying to figure out what else we might need to fill up his cupboards. I have a pen and a pad of paper in my hand as I try to wrack my brain for ideas. I approached him, biting the end of my pen. He's going through his music collection and trying to find something to put on to suit his mood.

"You've really got to stop doing that," he said. Seung Hyun took the pen from me and put it in his back pocket.

"Habit."

"I know."

"What is it?" He went to the coffee table where his wallet was and took out a credit card, and he gave it to me.

"It's for you. I don't want you to think about anything else, this is just me telling you that everything I have is yours. There's no other meaning." I looked at him.

"I know," I said, taking it from him. If it was anyone else but Seung Hyun I would have been offended. I didn't want to rely on anyone. I've made it a principle in my life since I moved to America that the only way I can separate myself from my dad was to stop relying on him. So I did. I didn't take a single cent since I moved. All the money he transferred monthly over to me just built up in a single bank account that I never touched. I didn't want to touch it, that dirty money. This was different. I turned the plastic card around and around in my hand.

"So what can I buy with this? A car? Some land?" I asked.

"If you want us to be broke by next year, go ahead."

"I'll think about it." I walked off to put it in my wallet and turned back towards him. It wasn't necessary, but I just thought it was the right thing to do.

"Thanks," I said. It wasn't about the money, it was only that I became aware of how much he trusted me that he could hand me over a black card. Yes, black. My man turned himself into a highroller. Maybe I should buy that piece of land after all, it's better than wasting it on those bottles of wine he buys all the time, where he puts $300 down the drain with each pop. At least land makes money.

"I need to leave tomorrow morning," he said as we started to get ready to go to sleep. It was just past midnight. I sat on the bed and looked up at him, a disappointed feeling sinking into me. With some strength I tried to turn it into a smile but Seung Hyun saw through it in an instant. He cupped my face and kissed me.

"Come with me?" he asked.

"I can't," I said, shaking my head. "There's too much here, and there's nothing I could do over there for you."

"I need you. That's not enough?"

"Unfortunately you're not the only one that does," I said, smiling. I grabbed his hand and patted it as if I was comforting a small child. "Can you handle that?"

"I'll try," he said, shrugging. "Honestly, where else can you find a guy like me? Such patience and understanding..."

"For the sake of society, I think one of you should be enough." Seung Hyun laughed but his smile slowly began to disappear and a more serious demeanour took over. Carefully he sat next to me, then grabbed my hands and kissed them lovingly.

"Can you stay by my side from now on?" he asked me. "Don't leave."

"This is my home. You're my family. I have nowhere else to go."

"That's right. This is where you beling," he reiterated, I'm not sure whether it was to convince me or himself.

"I'm not going to disappear," I told him. "Not as long as you're here. I promise."

"Good."

"So what happens now?" I ask him.

"You get your stuff and you bring it here and we live happily ever after."

"Aren't there rules that you have? Like no cohabitating?"

"And if there is?" he asked. I looked at him cautiously but then grinned.

"Who cares...?" I wondered. Instantly Seung Hyun matched my grin.

"Exactly. There's no way I'm letting a few rules get in the way. Not after everything."

"Of course you're not." In my happy mood I wrapped my hands around his neck and touched our noses together. Seung Hyun closed his eyes and sighed in content. It was as if the world was all perfectly right that it seemed impossible to think of it any other way. 

I tried to stifle my yawns as we lay in bed facing each other but I think after a night on a couch and all this pent up tension finally gone my body has finally decided to give out.

"Sleep," Seung Hyun said.

"I'm not..." And another yawn cut my protests short.

"Yes, yes. I know." He covered my eyes with his hands and I immediately succumbed to the darkness.

I felt a rustle near me and my eyes fluttered open in the early morning. I couldn't see anything about me in the pink and grey light except for the moving shadows of Seung Hyun walking around as he tried to find clothes to wear. He's been in Seoul less than 24 hours, a difficult trip he made just to see me, and now he had to go again. He did that for me. The images of yesterday flashed in my mind; his longing eyes that I saw as I broke the surface of the water, the feel of his hands on my bare skin. Yesterday seemed like a dream. Had he not been here, right before my eyes, mumbling to himself as he decided on which coat to wear, I would've decided that it could only be a dream.

"You're going already?" I asked in a sleepy voice. Seung Hyun looked at me and gently tapped my nose.

"You're always a disaster in the morning," he said. I groaned and pulled the covers over me.

"Shut up."

"It's not too late for you to come you know."

"I can last a few days without you," I mumbled. I could sense his amusement as he continued to pack and I drifted out of consciousness again with the warm assurance of Seung Hyun's presence in the room. The silence which welcomed me when my eyes opened once agained was almost painful. The room was cold and dark. He's probably left already.

Slowly I clambered out of bed and walked out of the bedroom, surprised to find that the entire apartment was lit up. The sun still hadn't completely risen yet, but the lights fought away any lingering darkness. I didn't like this feeling of early morning where it seemed as if the entire world wasn't awake yet and I was left on my own. The cold marble floor sent chills up my body and I rubbed my arms for some warmth. Seung Hyun's pajamas were a little large, but I'm glad they were still wearable. I really needed to move my stuff here quickly.

The sound of feet walking down the wooden stairs surprised me and I turned around to see Seung Hyun, all dressed, with his headphones around his neck.

"I thought you left," I said, not being able to hide my smile.

"Not yet."

"I'm glad." Seung Hyun hugged me and led me to the kitchen where we settled down with our cups of coffee.

"I'm going to bring everything here today. Is that alright?" I asked him.

"It's your home too. Do whatever you want."

"Oh, thank god, because I'm thinking we need to completely redecorate. Starting with the furniture." Seung Hyun's deadpan face and complete silence almost made me lose my facade, but before I could break out into laughter I took my coffee and walked away from him. I didn't get far though, he pulled me back and I squealed, trying to put down my mug down before we made a mess. 

The doorbell rang as we were joking around, and Seung Hyun went to open it while I put the cups away. Byung Young's voice entered the apartment as they conversed, trying to get their luggage and transportation settled. I peeked around the corner to greet Seung Hyun's manager, and the dumbfounded expression which appeared on his face almost made me feel uncomfortable. Almost. It seemed that after everything had registered in his brain a soft smile appeared, breaking his rather cold exterior. I returned it.

"It's good to see you Shin Ae-ssi," he said.

"Same here. Thank you, for bringing him home," I told him. Byung Young just nodded in acknowledgement. Without a doubt he was the one that had to bear the brunt of the responsibilities when his artist went A-wall, but I was thankful that Seung Hyun had good people by his side, because I wasn't one of them. He took Seung Hyun's luggage and gave us some time to ourselves, in which Seung Hyun immediately used that chance to pull me in for a kiss.

"Last chance," he offered

"I'll be right here, just like this, when you return," I assured him.

"This next week's going to be the death of me," Seung Hyun muttered. I couldn't help but laugh neverthelss and quickly turned him round so I could push him out. It's only a few more days he'll be gone, that's what I told myself as I waved to him from the front door. That's nothing compared to the time we would have there on after. We could wait.

AN: It brings an enormous smile to my face when I see that you all love reading it as much as I love writing it. Thanks a bunch!