I swept my finger through my hair as I waited for Ji Yong outside of my house gate after having given him my address. This was going to be a little tough to get through; a couple of hours of Ji Yong’s lectures were enough to turn your heart into ice. His words were direct and sharp, striking you where it hurt most. It’s a work habit that he had never been able to throw off, what being a leader of a world wide band since he was young. Having to take care of five boys could have been no easy feat. Pacing around, the sight of bright headlights blinded my eyes momentarily until the white Lamborghini pulls up beside me. The passenger door pulled up revealing plush black leather interior with technology seemingly beyond its time. I bent over and saw Ji Yong on the other side wearing denim on denim with enough jewellery for an entire collection.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hai,” he said in return, a seemingly warm smile on his face. Just as I was about to climb in another set of headlights appear from behind and I turned to look at an incoming black van skidding to a stop. The back door slides open with a bang and Seung Hyun comes out, his face less than pleased.

“Crap,” Ji Yong muttered as he gets out of the car to face the oldest hyung.

“What the hell Ji Yong?” he said.

“Hyung, it’s not what you think.”

“You told me you weren’t going to do anything.”

“I’m not, we were just going to talk. As friends.”

“The two of you, friends?” Seung Hyun said quizzically. “That’s against the laws of nature.”

“Global warming? Everything’s weird now,” I reasoned, shrugging.

“Funny.”

“I’ll have her back before bed time hyung, don’t worry,” Ji Yong said.

“You don’t have to go,” Seung Hyun told me.

“I’m not bullying her, I promise,” Ji Yong said, both arms raised as if a sign of harmlessness.

“What in the world is going on?” I asked.

“I’m trying to stop history from repeating itself,” Seung Hyun explained. “I don’t want another war.”

“I come in peace, I swear.”

“Seung Hyun?” I don’t know why I’m asking him for permission, but it just felt wrong to leave like this. He stared at the most of us, genuinely bewildered at the sight in front of him. Ji Yong and I don’t do talks or dinners, we get ready for spats and side glares, cursing one another internally and yet here we were, going out like normal friends.

“Go then,” he said in defeat, and he turned to walk back to his ride. “See what that rascal wants.” As he slowly moved further away from me my steps unconsciously follow after him. Seung Hyun’s here. After what he said yesterday I couldn’t just let him walk off, I needed an answer now. Then Ji Yong’s hand on my arm takes me away from my trance.

“Nara.” he whispered just loud enough for me to hear. My eyes widen in realization at the reason behind our meeting. He knows something. I follow Ji Yong back to his car and take my seat, but my gaze doesn’t break from Seung Hyun’s figure as it disappears into the van.

“What’s going on with you two?” I asked as the silent purr of the engine takes us towards our destination.

“A small misunderstanding. Hyung thinks I’m your enemy. I’m not, am I?”

“You want the truth?”

“No. Not particularly.”

“Then don’t ask,” I said, smirking and Ji Yong shakes his head in amusement.

“You know why we don’t get along?”

“I don’t think I want to know.”

“We’re too similar,” he said, ignoring me.

“Urgh,” I grimaced. Now I definitely don’t want to know. I sighed and looked at the beautiful black interior of this car, looking like it was much too expensive for me to even consider touching. Leaning back into the low leather seat, I looked at my reflection against the car window. Somehow, I can’t shake away the sight of Seung Hyun’s back as he walked away and the way it unnerved me so much unsettled me. He looked so… lonely. I was worried about him, honestly, but I couldn’t shake away the heavy weight on my chest right now. Ji Yong knows about Nara and I knew what was going to come.

“You don’t have to feel guilty,” I told him, as we settled down into our small room at the restaurant. It was a modest seafood place nearby that had homemade sauces and dishes that complimented well with their fresh fish and other foods.

“I’m still sorry nonetheless for the other day.”

“Oh?” I wondered, smiling. “So you do know you were an .”

“That’s a little harsh.”

“Not really,” I said. We stared at each other, a noticeable tension in the air. I was looking for an apology for something that happened a few weeks before, and Ji Yong knew it. He just wasn’t as willing to give it.

“I’m sorry,” he said a moment later. “It was rude of me.”

“So am I,” I returned. “I shouldn’t have shown up so freely.”

“Let’s just say I’m thankful you came after the concert ended.” Ji Yong let out a deep sigh and took a hand to his nose as if battling a huge migraine. “What am I going to do with the two of you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You and hyung. You guys are a disaster waiting to happen. Then tie your sister into all this and we have a nice makjang plot for a 50 episode weekend drama.” At this I couldn’t help but smile. That’s one way to look at my life.

“How much do you know?” I asked.

“Not much, really. I just know she’s very sick. Nara, right? How bad is it?”

“They found these lesions in her brain late last year. She was complaining about her eyesight for a while and I just told her off for playing on the computer so much. A few months later, it turns out to be tumours.”

“Is she doing an operation?”

“Yeah, in May. Lots of pre-op preparation apparently, as if we weren’t all jittery already,” I explain as I fiddle with my wooden chopsticks.

“She’ll be okay,” Ji Yong said. It’s a bunch of bull that anyone would say, and it doesn’t make me feel better. I know how damaging clinging onto false hope can be. The food comes and our conversation halts for a minute or two.

“You’re going to tell Seung Hyun.” I said it as a statement more than a question because I know that it’s a fact. It was the right thing to do, so Ji Yong was going to do it.

“Yeah.”

“Can I tell him? I want the words to come out of my own mouth.”

“When exactly are going to do that?”

“This week. I promise.” I look up at Ji Yong and try my best to convey my honesty to him. Seung Hyun was going to play hero once he knew because he simply didn’t know how else to act. That big man had a soft and boyish heart who would never turn from people in trouble and I needed to stop him from doing that. I could easily be the most distressed damsel he had ever come across, but he needed to leave me alone. My heart is vulnerable, my mind is weak and my defences are down, and I can’t have him here to catch my fall. If he comes to my rescue there was a huge chance that I’ll grab onto him and never let him go, and the last time that happened I was abandoned and left with a huge gaping hole that was my chest.

“Do you want to get back together with him?” Ji Yong asked me. I shrugged my shoulders.

“I can’t do it all over again,” I replied. “But Ji Yong-ah… I need him. I tried to say goodbye, in fact I did that evening after the concert. I thought I was finally free…” I took a sip of water and tried to stop myself from getting worked up.

“But I saw him by accident two nights ago and I realised that not much has changed. God, who was I kidding?” I shook my head in dismay. “He’s still got me in the palm of his hands.”

“Give it more time. You can’t quit cold turkey.”

“What if I don’t want to quit though? What if I want him by my side?”

“How’s that going to happen?”

“I don’t know. Too put it as blatantly as I can, it to not be around him. Except, it’s just so terrifying; Our history, my drama, that spotlight.” I shuddered despite feeling the warm tea slide down my throat. “I don’t want to be anywhere near it.” Ji Yong looks at me a little to register what I said and then it dawns on him.

“No one will know,” he said seriously. “The years have long gone by.”

“Really? Then why does it feel like yesterday?”

“Shin Ae, it isn’t even your burden to bare… it’s your dad’s.”

“Oh but it is… and it’s an immensely heavy burden.”

“We all make mistakes. I made one of my own and people just learn how to forgive and move on.”

“No. They forgave you Ji Yong because you’re young and you were stupid. They can even forgive Daesung-ie since he’s just a good kid stuck in an extremely bad situation. But they won’t forgive my dad. He’s a greedy man, plain and simple.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“I know because I haven’t forgiven him. How can others? The public trusted him with a position of power and he done and gone taken advantage of them.”

“Your father was acquitted.”

“Even you know that’s a bull verdict. A slap on the wrist is it. Look… I don’t want to talk about it. It’s a slow process is all, one day I know I’ll look back and somehow just think of it as a bad memory. One day I’ll come to terms with the fact that I’m a corrupt politician’s daughter and embrace it in my own way. It’s just not today.”

I lay in bed that night looking mindlessly at the ceiling above my bed. Nara had made her way into my bed, she’s been doing that at least two to three nights a week lately but if anything I like the fact that I had someone to share my bed with. It’s comforting knowing you’re sleeping next to someone. Her light snores were like a little lullaby and it slowly eased my breathing and racing thoughts. I told Ji Yong I was going to explain everything to his beloved hyung, but how on earth was I supposed to start a conversation like that. We were in that awkward situation where updating each other on our lives wasn’t necessary but neither was it unnecessary. I put my arm over my eyes trying to force my eyes shut. Why do things have to be so complicated?

A smile however crept over my face as I thought about what Ji Yong told me as he dropped me off earlier.

“After the concert when you left, I’d never seen him so angry. You know him, he’s never angry. He’s the epitome of Mr. Happy. Told me that I didn’t know . Oh, he swore as well. Did you know hyung swears? He never swears,” Ji Yong had babbled. All I did was nod in sympathy and ask him for a little forgiveness on my part for basically whirling into their lives like a bloody tornado.

“F**k,” Seung Hyun says. He is leaning against the park bench with a bunch of his colleagues that run the same hip-hop undergrounds, just talking. A pool of white smoke is gathering around them and the ground is littered with cigarette butts, charring the coloured asphalt. At least one of them is his. A half burnt stub is resting between his middle and index finger as he stands frozen and petrified at the sight of me from afar. I swear silently under my breath. I’m killing him today. I’m going to strangle his beautiful face and pull on his braids until they fall off his head, but not here. Silently I turn around and walk away, and soon enough I hear his footsteps trail after me like a little puppy.

“Shin Ae. Wait. Come on, stop,” he pleads, trying to grab a hold of my arm.

“What a lying bastard,” I say.

“I couldn’t help it. You saw what it was like, everyone was smoking. I couldn’t just stand there and do nothing.”

“Of course not. So you choose to kill yourself instead. I get it.”

“I never did it before then, I swear.”

“I’m sure you didn’t. Let go.” I shrug off his grip and keep on walking.

“Look I’ve been really stressed lately as well, so I needed to take the edge off.”

“Clearly. I’m done here.”

“You know how it’s been.”

“Doesn’t mean anything. Leave me alone.”

“F**king hell woman! Stop walking, shut up and listen,” he grabs my hand and whirls me around. I’ve stopped dead in my tracks anyway because his words catch me off guard. I’ve never seen him filled with this much anger before. “I’ve put up with all your weird s**t for the past few months, I am not breaking up over something so stupid.”

“Are you going to stop?” I say, staring him in the eye. He isn’t pulling another one over me.

“No.”

“I don’t know whether to be thankful for your honesty or punch you for your answer.”

“I like it ok? I’m not an addict, I won’t die from it.”

“That’s so reassuring.”

“Stop with the sarcasm, seriously,” Seung Hyun warns.

“You’re hurting me,” I say. “I don’t want to be forty and have to live alone because my husband decided to burn away decades off his life.”

“We’re going to be together until we’re forty?” Seung Hyun says, a smile lighting up on his face.

“Seriously? Forty? That’s your aim?”

“You want to marry me~” Seung Hyun teases. I turn a bright red. Oh my god, what on earth did I just say?

“I’m going home,” I mutter, trying to cover my embarrassment.

“We’re going to live in a pink mansion and have lots of babies and raise ponies and build a roller coaster.” He grabs a hold of my hand and starts swinging it back and forth like a little kid.

“Sounds like Michael Jackson’s house.”

“Michael Jackson’s house is awesome.”

“It is, isn’t it?” I sigh.

“I’ll try,” Seung Hyun finally says. “Bit by bit. I want to see you grow old and wrinkly before I have to leave you.”

“Nah… we’ll go together.”

"Only around me does it happen," I said to myself, chuckling a little. "God, we're so not good for each other."

AN: Happy Easter for those of you who celebrate! For those who aren't, enjoy a few days of break!