Silent and steady, time went on unnoticed by everyone. Without warning—or already disregarded, perhaps—they were left with only 3 days until the scheduled departure. Nobody got better, nor did anyone make up. As they were playing strong in front of everyone else, time kept slipping through their fingers. Too many hours were wasted, while actually every second counted.

Chief saw again tonight how Siyoung and Jaeyeon had to drag their youngest sister back from the center lounge. It wasn’t because she was too drunk to walk, actually it was the opposite. She was too sober for someone who had taken in that much of rounds. If they didn’t pull her away from the bar, she’d lose a kidney in the morning.

While taking a walk for some air, an exact scene from 3 years ago was replaying in Chief’s mind. It got his thoughts preoccupied until he saw a young man coming from the opposite direction, whose mind was wandering elsewhere.

“Jaejoong-ah,” Chief called for his attention. The called person as slightly startled but immediately bowed once he saw the chief.

“Can’t sleep?” Chief asked which was answered with a nod and a sad chuckle. “I could use a company. Come on,” Chief motioned him to come along, and he gladly did. At least tonight wouldn’t be hell like few before.

They entered the center lounge. No one was there except for Ed, of course, and a couple on the table by the window who Jaejoong recognized as actress Lee Yeon Hee and actor So Ji Sub. Since Yeon Hee used to be his junior and labelmate, she smiled at him first and waved. Her partner looked back and also greeted, to which Jaejoong replied by bowing and smiling at the two.

Jaejoong took a seat next to the chief at the bar. “So, how are you holding up?” Chief initiated the talk.

Half-jokingly, Jaejoong let out a louder sigh than necessary. “I can manage,” he chuckled, though it sounded sad.

“Well, I wouldn’t wonder if you went like a mad cow. A past girlfriend with a baby in her belly showing up on your door can do that much. And we haven’t even started the talk about your own heart yet,” Chief drank in his scotch at the end of his sentence.

“It’s better me than her,” he said which made the chief turned to him. “I think I’d hate it more seeing her suffering the hurt I’m feeling now. At least she is doing just fine,” he uttered.

It was quiet for a while since both of them were wrapped up in their own thoughts.

“I visited one of my nieces in the hospital a week ago,” Chief broke the silent while taking a photo of two little girls from his wallet. “She got leukemia. That’s her and her friend. Her friend just recovered from surgery,” he handed the picture to Jaejoong, who was mentally thanking the chief for being so considerate to change the topic. He looked at the two thin, little girls—probably 8 years old—one with colorless face and dimmed eyes was lying on the bed while the other was standing at her side, smiling cheerfully.

“They both are beautiful girls. Ah yes, can you tell which one is my niece?” Chief casually asked while remembering those silly things his niece used to do.

Jaejoong paused to think then pointed the one on the bed. “This one?”

Chief smiled. “She looks sick, doesn’t she?” from the corner of his eyes, he saw Jaejoong nodded while gently touching the girl on the picture. “But that’s her friend.”

Shocked, Jaejoong abruptly looked at the chief. The latter sensed the guilty feeling immediately, so he patted the younger one on the shoulder to calm him.

“No, it’s okay, really. I already thought you’d choose her. Logically speaking, since my niece  is the one with leukemia, she’s supposed to be on the bed looking all pale, right?” the chief said, earning an apologetical look from Jaejoong.

“That’s my point, son. Some people choose to keep the pain to themselves, because they don’t want to worry anyone. Just because they look fine, it doesn’t mean they really are. They could be the ones hurting the most. I think you of all people should understand that well, right?” Chief smiled fatherly, giving Jaejoong the feeling of home and comfort. He felt his eyes were getting warmer and his vision was getting blur.

“Haejin… has been drinking a lot lately. Ever since she entered this house, only once, once,” Chief emphasized, “had she been in a state like this. It was three years ago. I even stopped supplying gin in our bars for a while that time, otherwise she would’ve needed kidney transplantation.” Chief recalled the dreaded scene when she suddenly fainted while driving, due to several consecutive days of hangover and insomnia.

The gathered tears in Jaejoong’s eyes drained as he was trying to digest the far-fetched story. “But… why did she?” he was too bewildered that he couldn’t finish his question.

“That one we still don’t know, even until now. She never tells,” Chief uttered.

That statement made Jaejoong even more lost in confuse. Or wonder. What on earth could hit her like that? Or who? He couldn’t even picture the form of that particular, unknown reason. While the picture Haejin intoxicating herself because of the unbearable pain in her heart torn his own even even worse. The urge to see her face aroused in all of a sudden.

“Chief, I have to see her. Please,” he said almost in a whisper. It was pretty unexpected for him to see the chief smiling upon hearing his request.

“Finally. I thought you wouldn’t ask,” he chuckled while getting up. After saying goodbye to Ed, they both went to the main house.

Chief led him upstairs, to the rooms of the girls. “You still remember what I said about her getting home drunk lately, have you?”

“I know. I don’t mind at all, Sir,” Jaejoong answered shortly. Chief casually nodded without looking at him, for he was actually hiding a meaningful smile.

One of the best things about befriending a chief at times like this: he knew the codes of the girls’ rooms. He pressed Haejin’s code and slowly opened the door. But instead of bringing Jaejoong along in to the room, Chief only looked at him encouragingly and went downstairs leaving the door still opened.

Not wanting to wake her, Jaejoong sneaked in to the dimmed lit room. He watched every step cautiously as he didn’t want to make any sound. Finally reaching the side her bed, he knelt down and gazed at her face. He missed her, painfully. His heart constricted at the sight of her dark circles and dry lips. She looked tired even in her sleep.

He reached out his hand and moved some strands on her face. The tip of his fingers lightly grazed her skin, making her head slightly moved upon the touch. At that moment, he wanted nothing but to hold her close. And the thought of folding around her through the night and waking up to her eyes didn’t make it any easier for him.

Giving in to the gush of emotions that suffocated him, he took her hand into his and entwined their fingers. His agonized gaze paused at their hands for it amazed him just how her hand fit his. She stirred slowly to the side, facing him. Jaejoong carefully moved closer to her and kissed her forehead. He stayed like that for a while, letting her scent filled his nostrils down to his lungs. Though it was mixed with the smell alcohol, he could still nose out her signature floral musk. Slowly, he pulled away and inched toward her ear.

He whispered.

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