“What do you want?"

"I don't know..."

"Shim Changmin, what does your heart want?”

She was crying. She pounded her fists along his chest as tears fell along her cheeks, her voice barely audible from her constant painful sobs.

Shim Changmin woke up barely hanging on the side of his bed; another night mare he thought.

Although a king size, his long body found itself placed perfect at the edge. Still dressed messily in last night’s attire, he reeked of alcohol from head to toe. He had grown accustomed to the headache that would welcome him early the next day just as it did.

He no longer felt it

-

He drew his hand back down from his ear.

It had been awhile since he had last heard her voice. Counting til that exact minute, it had been a total of ninety six hours now ---a good four days since he had last heard the delicate tone of her voice. It was strange though, it was missing something that was always there. He wondered where it went. She would always sing out cheerfully the ending, saying the words that meant the world to him,

"I LOVE YOU~"

But this time, it was no longer there. He stared at his phone. It was a voice mail. He had forgotten that he had been missing her calls; or rather he had been avoiding them. He didn't want to hear the dreaded departing sentences, or the cliche final words that he he expected would occur.

They broke up.

The reality of it all finally sunk in. All of his curiosity didn’t mean a thing anymore as there were reasons as to why everything was missing. Yes, her tone was delicate, but it wasn’t because she was shy. Instead, it was because she didn’t know what to say to him. Her voice it seemed was one that kept itself reserved, as if not wanting to say anything more than what was necessary.

It was hard for him to get up that day, but somehow he found enough strength to do so. It was the mere fact that hours from then he would see her again that allowed him to stand. Four days…that was a record. A record in which he had not seen her. He wondered how she’d look like---what kind of outfit would she wear, how would she display her hair?

He picked up the box that sat lifelessly at the counter. Within it, small contents of evidence that she once stood next to him, living their life together as a pair. It was strange now staring at it…how full and heavy it was when he placed it in his weak arms. Somehow it reflected the same state of his heart…full and heavy.