" KARA’s Gyuri calls to say happy early birthday to her Seungho oppa." The news article was titled.

I skimmed through the page catching words like close, best friends, rumored, girlfriend. I felt jealously boil from within my diaphragm. I let out an angry sigh and shut the laptop.

"She is so pretty and they have known each other for years.. she is actually famous." I said talking to myself. I felt so furious with myself I started stalking her and looking at her pictures and feeling even more down about myself. 
“Ughhh!!" I let out another sigh and closed the tab. “Mblaq" I type into the search bar looking for any fan cams of yesterday’s performance. I scroll through the photos of each member until I found his handsome face staring back at me. His hair freshly dyed bleach blond again, in a casual black v-neck, singing passionately. I squealed at that cute smiled he did when he finished singing his line. Still a fan girl, I laughed to myself.

My phone buzzes on the desk beside me. I look over at the screen. “Seungie" I rolled my eyes and threw myself onto my bed. “Probably thinking about Gyuri and how cute she is. Blah blah blah." I stuffed my face into my pillow. My phone buzzed on my desk again. “I swear, some times he just wants me to punch him or something." I forced myself off the bed and slid the phone into my pocket as I walked down the stairs to get myself some food.

Buzz. My phone vibrated violently in my pocket causing me to jump. I set my phone on the table and glared at it. “I will NOT read it." I made myself walk back up the stairs and forget about food.

"I will check my email and not think of he who shall not be thought of ." I said completely satisfied with myself. I scrolled through my messages and clicked on the first one. “Why havent you updated?!?! What happens when you meet Joon at the cafe?" One by one , I read all the comments made on my fanfiction. I was happy that my story was being recognized but I was sadden by the thought of real Joon not speaking to me.

"Knock, knock! Im coming in." Sharon, my roommate said as she placed my phone on the table and plunged herself onto my bed with a copy of a glossy magazine. “You left your phone downstairs. Thought you might have needed it. Youre welcome." She said literally patting herself on the back while flipping through some pages. I groaned and placed my head onto the desk.

My phone vibrated again on the table. “I give up!" I screamed at the phone causing Sharon to shoot me dirty looks. “I dont wanna know." She said disappearing out of my room. I clicked on the text messages box. My heart began to race reading Seungho’s text.

"Hannahh! I come home tomorrow! I can see you in two days (:" I smiled to myself hearing his voice as I read it in my mind.

"Oh! I got you something from our trip in Brazil! And I learned a new dance, prepared to be blown away!" I rolled my eyes and laughed out loud. What a dork.

I scroll down my messages and my eyes land on Joon's name. I can choose to read this message and be saddened by it or ignore it and be happy.. "What do you think, laptop? Ignore?" I nod at it's answer and placed the phone faced down on my desk.

"Sharon! I need to go shopping."
"Date with your baby?" She replied from somewhere down the hall.

I blush at the thought of calling him baby. We have been dating for five months now and we are taking it slow, really slow. I don't mind that, it is just that I see him maybe once a week, maybe twice if im lucky. In a month I get to spend four days with him ,maybe, the rest are all webcam chats and phone calls. The things I took for granted in a relationship was being able to hold hands and go places freely. Every time we see each other it is when it's close to midnight when he is done with his schedules and when no one is around, or at my house. I had to admit, it was getting hard to deal with, but all I could do was understand. He was risking his career to be with me.

-----------------------
(One day later) 
It was November and freezing cold as I sat on the couch wrapped in my blanket watching Seungho on TV. "My Seungho, he is so handsome. I see you girl in the red! Stop looking at him." I said to the TV. Sharon slapped my leg as she placed two mugs of steaming hot chocolate down. "So focused on Seungho you didn't even hear the door." She said walking over to the door.

"Oh. Seungho Oppa.." she said still star struck after meeting him already.

"Who is at the do.. Seungho oppa!" I smiled widely, jumped into his arms,and hooked my arms around his neck. He smelled as wonderful as he always did, an undescribable scent of colgne. Despite his hands being cold against my skin he was still warm.

He rocked me back and forth and said "You've never been so excited to see me that you just run into my arms, Hannah."

Embarrassed, I took my hands off his neck and looked down at the ground with a shy smile. "Hey, where do you think youre going?" He placed my hands around his neck. "It is time." He said in a husky voice. He put his hands back on my waist closed the door with his foot and began some intricate foot work and led me into a dance with him. "That's right, relax" He said when he spun me and I fell back into his arms. We laughed and stumbled around the living room until our movement was in unison and we moved in fluid motion. "Dont worry your next." Seungho said to Sharon as we danced past her. I turned and shook my head. "Keep dreaming." We danced around until we got tired and rested on the couch. "Why are you here?" I said watching him take off his heavy coat. 

"Why? You don't want me here?" He said throwing me smile.

I handed him a cup of hot chocolate and slapped his leg. "You're annoying." I said with a smile on my face that confirmed what I said wasn't true.

He sprawled out onto the couch with his feet on my lap. "You're watching this too?" He said pointing to the screen. I was too happy to see him that I forgot to change the channel. He poked me with his feet, "I knew you loved to stalk me." 

"No.." I said rolling my eyes thinking of a reason. He startled me by sitting up and leaning his face very close to mine.

"Why then? Maybe another reason like.. you miss me?" He said getting closer. I block his face with my hand and push it away. 

"Keep dreaming." I answered.

"I'll take that as a yes." He said laying back down and smiling to himself. We continued watching TV as we often did until he grabbed my hand and his jacket and without a reason told me to put on a jacket and shoes.

"I'm in my PJ's!" I whined of embarrassment.

"And you look lovely, let's go." He said tugging my hand. We walked down the driveway to his parked car. He opens the door for me and say thank you, pulling my jacket closer to me blocking the harsh winds. He gets into the car and leans over to seat belt for me with his cheeks brushing against mine. I felt my cheeks burn as he clicks it in and then clicks his in. 

"Where are we going?" I asked staring at Seungho who looked so manly as he placed his hand behind my head rest and backs up the car with one hand in a fluid movement. 

"Don't you worry about it." He said shifting the gears and driving down the street. I watch the street lights illuminate his face and highlight his chiseled jaw.  "If you stare too much you'll go blind." He said parking the car in front of the coffee shop we were originally suppose to meet at for my flashlight.  I open the door and follow him inside and stand beside him as he ordered drinks.

"Hello sir, what would you like?" the girl behind the counter asked eyeing Seungho. I hooked my arm around Seungho's arm showing her he was taken.

"I would like a cup of caramel cappuccino. How about you?" He said smiling sweetly down at me.

"Americano." I said to the girl. She nodded and smiled at Seungho and your name? 

"Seungho." He said getting his wallet out. I push his hand back in his pocket.

"I'll get it." I said reaching in my pocket, but then I remembered I didn't have my purse with me. "You did that on purpose!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He said smiling, clearly proud of his genius plan to rush me out of the house so I would forget my wallet. He knew I wouldn't let him pay for me.

We sit down with our drinks by the window. "Guess what I got you?" He suddenly asked as I sipped my coffee.

"A cell phone charm." I said excitedly.

"No." He said frowning. "Guess again."

"A dress?" I said still excited.

"In the winter? Really?" He said leaning back in his chair.  I tucked my legs underneath me and placed them on the chair. 

"What is it?" I said frowning now. He laughs loudly and shakes his head.

"You're so ugly." He leans forward and taps my nose and places a flashlight on the table. I stare at it for a while. It wasn't mine, mine was yellow with poporo. 

"What?" I said taking it off the table and staring at it.

"Ahh. Hannah. You're so.. I have your flashlight, so I'm giving you mine now. Couple flashlights." He  said smiling at the object in my hands. I smile back at him.

"You think you're smart?" I said placing the flashlight in my sweater pocket.

"I am." He said satisfied at his answer.I roll my eyes and look out the front window at the cars passing by. A man stood by the door about to come in but then just walked away. I only caught his tall figure and black hat under the light. I turn back to Seungho and took in everything about him. It was rare that we were out in public and sitting together with no one to rush us. We enjoyed each others company until it was time for him to leave.  

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Seungho asked me. 

"I have classes tomorrow."

"What time are you done?"

"About 5pm."

"We have schedules until 7, but would you like to drop by our dorm?"

I look over at him and questioning his sanity. Meeting s and managers? Declaring our relationship?

"Don't worry, Thunder's girlfriend will be there too." He said gently. I nodded and looked out the window thinking of ways to get out of this. I felt my fingers intertwining with his. I looked over at our hands delicately laced around each other, his hands warm and safe. I look over at him smiling slightly his eyes still on the road. I smile to myself and enjoyed the feeling of our hands together.

"I'll call you tomorrow." He said rolling down the window. I nod and walk up the drive way, I wave to him when I got the door open. He waves and drives away as I watch his black car disappear down the street. 

I trudge into the living room , take off my coat, and hang it in the closet. My eyes caught Joon's red scarf again, making me think about his unread text in my phone. I walk up the stairs and tell Sharon I'm home.

Should I? I kept looking over at the phone on my desk and the blinking light indicating that I have an unanswered text. I gave up and walked over to grab the phone and flopped back on my bed. 

"We should meet tonight at the cafe. I need to tell you something." 

"I see. You don't answer my text, let me show up at the cafe while you and Seungho are there. I get it, you're happier without me, but you should have considered my feelings. That was just rude." 

As if things weren't complicated enough, Joon thinks im rubbing it in his face. I throw my head into my pillow and make weird noises. 

"AH! Why can't I just erase all his feelings for me?" I sit straight up and talk to myself again.