Chapter 1: Her life 

After much struggling from him, Jessica manages to support the drunken Donghae, whose body is stench with alcohol back to his room located at the far end. She has to hold her breathe for brief seconds due to the smell which disgusted her. She tries to quiet him down when he is making a ruckus as she doesn’t want to alarm the rest and disturb their sleep since it is already midnight.

After putting him on bed and helping him to change into a clean set of cloth, she sits by his side. She feels a sudden blissful feeling to be able to watch him sleep. How he looks so innocent and boy-like while sleeping. After ensuring he is soundly asleep, she timidly extends her hand and gently lands on his cheek. Then, she begins to caress him and a sad smile forms on her face. Even with such simple act, she has to do it secretly. How distressing can it be when the one you love loved someone else?

Sensing his body shifts, she quickly removes his hand and about to leave when she feels a pull from him, he whispers, “Don’t go.” Her heart races and she bites her lip, slowly she turns back and realize he is sleeping still. She feels a spark ignite within her thinking that maybe a part of him is slowly opening up to her.

She his jaw and says, “I won’t go.” He seems like has acknowledge it as he grabs her hand and snuggles it close to his heart, she bends forward awkwardly. With the position, she has no choice but to hop onto his bed and sleeps next to him. She couldn’t stop smiling at how her hand fitted nicely on his and her heart just wouldn’t stop accelerating with such a close physical contact they ever had. She snuggles close to him, feeling him, smelling him. Unknowingly, she cries.

They have married for almost a year now and they have never once shared a room or have any intimate contacts or exchange any words at all unless they attend families event, they will try to act lovely in front of their families members. When they are alone, they behave like complete stranger. No matter how Jessica tried to start a small conversation, he will ignore her, be cold to her, avoids her like as though she is a plague. All she wanted is that Donghae can let go the past and moves on, a future with her. But she knows deep down, no matter how hard she tried, she can never even hold a minor part of his heart and it is near impossible to replace her in his heart. It really upset Jessica; she just wishes that they could be like in the past. If everything can rewind back…

Flashback…

Jessica, Yoona and Donghae are childhood friends. Both Jessica and Yoona had fallen in love with the same guy and he is none other than Donghae. Jessica has always treated Yoona like her own sister as she is the only child of Jung family and she values their relationship. When she finds out that Yoona loves Donghae and knows that latter loves Yoona too, to be honest, she is upset but still she backs off and wishes them the best. She then buries all her feelings for Donghae deep down.

Sometimes, Jessica is jealous about Yoona because she can own his heart and get his full attention. Last time, Donghae used to be attentive to Jessica and it was then she was attracted by him. But now, she has to witness them being lovey dovey with each other. She knows she shouldn’t be jealous but she just can’t help it.

And then, not long after, Yoona was sent to abroad to further studies for 3 years and she had also specifically request Jessica to look after Donghae on her behalf. Jessica couldn’t be more than agree to do it. Jessica did what Yoona had asked, she looked after him and then they began to become so close again. It was then all her buried feeling for him re-burns again and she feels strongly attracted to him.

Mrs Lee noticed it and asked Jessica is person if she loves Donghae. She purses her lip and nods shyly. She never had expects the reaction from Mrs Lee, she was grinning from ears to ears and clasps her hand together. “I always knew you love him. I personally think that you and him made a good match together.”

“But Mrs Lee, he is with Yoona,” she gave a bitter smile.  

“Just answer me truthfully, you love him?” she nods.

“Do you want to be with him?” she nods again.

“That’s all I need. I will make sure you become my daughter in law,” Mrs Lee is excited.

“But…” Jessica hesitated.

“No buts and no worry, I will make sure he marries you because I really prefer you than Yoona,” Mrs Lee assured.

This is shocking news to Jessica because in any ways, Yoona is always better than her and everyone loves her but not Mrs Lee. Jung and Lee families have been in a close ties and the Lees favored Jessica more than Yoona.

So during one of the dinners, both Jung and Lee families were presence on the dining area when the Lee suddenly announced happily that both Donghae and Jessica will get married. Donghae was surprised and rejected straightly. Jessica was hurt and shocked that Mrs Lee really did what she said.

“Mum, I opposed to the marriage plan. You know that I and Yoona have been together for so long and I plan to propose to her once she returns.” Donghae is a sentimental man and is faithful, he will never betray Yoona. He had made a promise to Yoona that when she returns, he will propose to her. And most importantly, he doesn’t share the mutual feelings for Jessica. He only treats her like his sister.

“To be honest to you, you and Jessica had been arranged to married. This is a promise made between me and late Mrs Jung,” It is like a joke to him, how can he be involved in a marriage that is planned beforehand and why did his parents just have to let him know it now when he is in relationship with Yoona.

He looked at Jessica who looks down and said nothing. Jessica mother had passed away when she is young. “Do you not like Jessica?” Mrs Lee probes.

“No mum…” Jessica was happy as her eyes glistened. But her heart sank when he continued, “I only treats her like my own sister and nothing else. I only love Yoona and I won’t agree to this arrangement,” Donghae was persistent.

Suddenly, Mrs Lee gets agitated and she clung tightly on her chest area. Mr Lee then adds pressure to Donghae, “Hae, just say yes. You know that your mum has heart problem, she cannot take shock.”

Jessica immediately knows that it was an act from the Lees. Donghae sighed and agreed reluctantly.  And on their wedding day, Donghae told her that he doesn’t love her and hopes that they can just pretend to be married couple because once Yoona back and that his mum is in a good health, he will divorce with her. He even requested her not to tell Yoona about it.  She agreed and tried to hold back her tears. And when Yoona learnt that Donghae and Jessica are married behind her back, she was devastated and angry. And the month later after their marriage, Donghae received shocking news and that he learnt the death of Yoona. According to Yoona close mates abroad, Yoona went to a pub and drank a lot because she learnt that her boyfriend is cheating on her and that he is married. And she met with a mishap while driving with drunken state.

And ever since, he puts on all blame on Jessica because he thinks that it was her who had told Yoona about their marriage and that Jessica is a wicked person because she did so just to own his heart. If it is not for her, Yoona won’t be dead. He swore to himself that he will never ever forgive Jessica. Jessica was equally sad when her sister passed away. She knows that even thought they are married, he has no feelings for her and he still longs for Yoona.

***

The next morning, Donghae feels heavy on his chest. He diverts his eyes downwards and realizes it is Jessica. He quickly sits up which alerts Jessica who then sleepily rubs her eyes. “What are you doing here?!” he hiss.

Jessica then become wide awake and stands up. She bows and apologizes to him even she is no wrong? “Sorry, yesterday you are drunk so I helped you in and I.. you…”

“Get out! You hypocrite!” he throws a pillow at her. Seeing her reminds him of Yoona and the hurt and guilt rises within him. Hurt, that Yoona is forever gone, his first love is gone. Guilt, that he married Jessica and broke his promise made to Yoona.

Tears rolls down her cheek and she looks down. “Sorry. There’s painkiller on the desk in case you had a hangover,” she says softly before she exits the room. She makes her way back to her room and cries silently to herself. 

***

Author note:

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