Why, you ask yourself for probably the millionth time. Why did I do that to him? I do still love him...I just...why? Why did I have to be with my ex? Maybe he put something into my drink? No, no, I barely drank half of it so I couldn’t have been that out of it. I love Jongup, don’t I? Why would I mess something so perfect up? How am I going to face him after all of this? What-

Your questions are cut short as the door to your apartment opens and closes; Jongup is home now. Seconds later, Jongup walks past you, giving you a small smile in greeting before going into the bathroom to freshen up since he’d just been at practice. He knows, he knows what I’ve done, you realize. You can only imagine what he’s going to say to you for what you’ve done. Maybe if you’d fested up to it right away, things wouldn’t be so bad...but you’ve kept it hidden, and yet Jongup found out.

You sit on your couch, silent as you think about what’s going to happen. Soon you hear the shower turn off and picture Jongup getting dressed; your time was running out. You should do something, but what? As you think it over, the bathroom door opens and Jongup walks out in his pajamas. As he towels his hair he looks at you. “Jagiya, I hope you don’t mind, but I already ate with the hyungs and Zelo.”

“O-oh, that’s fine,” you stutter with surprise. Wasn’t he going to say something?

“How about I make you something to make up for it?” He suggest and you can’t help but feel both upset and angry at the same time. Upset because you’d hurt him so badly, and yet her he was being his sweet-self; angry for the same reason.

“No, I can make something myself; you ought to rest.”

“No, it’s really nothing. I should spoil you more,” he gives you another sad smile and that’s when you break.

“Why the hell are you being this sweet?!”

Jongup blinks at you, taken aback by the outburst, and this only frustrates you more.

“I know you know, so yell at me! Scream at me for being a , do something! Why are you just being so nice when I don’t deserve it anymore?!”

“Jagiya-”

“Don’t call me that right now! YELL AT ME! TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU HATE ME”

“I don’t want to yell at you, ___________-ah,” Jongup says calmly. “I do know what you did, and yeah it hurt when I found out....but I can’t hate you. I’m not around often and you deserve constant love and attention. I wish I could give that to you, but I do love you. No matter what, I love you.” Tears are forming in his eyes as he tells you this, resulting in tears forming in your own.

He loves you, after what you did he still loves you and you can’t even love yourself. You want to disappear. A guy like Jongup deserves so much more than you; you’d always told him that and now the statement is more true than ever. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you sob and fall to the floor crying. “Find someone better,” you plead, “be happy.”

Suddenly, strong arms are around you and Jongup’s familiar scent invades your nostrils. “Jagiya, I am happy with you. We’ll get pasted this...please don’t cry. Everything is going to be alright.”

Your tears don’t stop as he holds you tightly against him. You want to believe that everything was going to be the same again, but you know you’re never going to forget what you’d done.