A/N: Thank you to my newest subscribers: krungyxxi, maanchi_14, nienie11289, anthesterion, ameljidi, & skydragonforever!

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I told Little Seunghyun about the vials Youngbae left us and the fact the gangster knew all about Bottom’s Up. I didn’t tell him about the fact that the people could be totally crazy though. That would scare him and he’d shut down. The college student suggested that if YB knew more than we knew about chemistry, the vials could contain the right substances to speed up the molecules of our doubles. Now that scared me, so I’ve been reading each and every one of Youngbae’s journal entries; they seem to be in intervals of six months per book. Of course I was juggling things with helping the girls cope, Little Seunghyun’s new contract, and Bottom’s Up so I only read in my free time. Usually that meant when Seunghyun and I were alone in the recording studio or when I was visiting Big Seunghyun in the hospital. If Officer Kim was right about how long the tests took then I only had another day to figure out what was in the vials.

September 2^nd, 2011:

It’s only been a week since school started up again but people notice something different with me. Yeah, I’ve been staying long hours after school to use the chemicals in the labs and I’m applying myself to learn more during science. Everyone thinks I’ve finally clicked but that’s probably the opposite. I thought I was good but I have no idea how to get started. If anything I can’t even find the other end of the wire to click to. I’m failing all my other classes, I don’t even want to get started on Umma or Hyungbae, but the conference took too much of my time yesterday. If that happens I’m going to have to skip them. Chaerin asks me what’s wrong, sometimes Daesung asks too. Is there something wrong with me?

September 24^th, 2011:

MAJOR BREAK IN THE CASE. I finally know the ingredients I need for the drinks! Sure, I have no idea what they exactly are and I can’t pronounce half the words, but I know what they are! I have to get started on this immediately but I just wanted to remember the date I figured it out.

October 9^th, 2011:

I talked to Taeyang the other day; he’s really excited I started figuring things out. To get some of the chemicals I needed to meet with some guys, I talked to them too. As I listed my ingredients they said they could help me out gathering all of those things if I joined them. They’re in a gang. They were bandanas all the ing time. But I need these items. So I agreed. They said it would take a really long time to get everything, especially certain things that were expensive, but I told them I had all the time in the world. Some of them go to my school, they were the guys everyone avoided because they’re intimidating, but now I’m going to show up to school walking with them with a similar bandana around my neck. It’s kind of exciting, honestly, I’m so close. I just have to make the right connections. I didn’t go to church today.

October 10^th, 2011:

People were intimidated by me. It was the weirdest thing, I used to be the guy that always talked and smiled, but in order to get close with the top I managed to have a straight face throughout the whole day. I liked the feeling of people being scared for some reason. It was kinda cool. Only thing is that I can’t act the way I have been with Chaerin. They’ll kick me out no doubt; I have to keep my reputation up. So, I swear I will become a better gangster then they want me to be. I won’t be able to write in this very often. So, I’ll see you in a while.

November 24^th, 2011:

They’re starting to trust me more. I like it. They’re sending me and a bit of the upper classmen on a raid tomorrow. I’ll have to skip school and Chaerin doesn’t like me hanging out with the Shadow Gang (their name). But I have to do this. I’ll become a bigger part of the group if I do. They’re talking about the replacement for the head; he’s getting too old to be running this kind of stuff. I think I can do this. I think I can become the leader if I do well.

And that was the end of the first journal. There were still a few blank pages but the first six months of the year have passed and it was now onto the second journal. I need to relax my eyes. I didn’t realize it was late at night by the time I finished reading. “Seunghyun, you ready to go home yet?” I grumbled, wiping my eyes and patting my cheeks.

“Ne, how’s reading the journals?” he wondered and stepped out. I feel bad for not telling him about the paranoia I’m having but I feel like it’ll be easier for him if he didn’t know.

“Okay, it explains a lot about him. But it’s only been six months in, there’s still 1 ½ years left,” I sighed and tucked the book under my arm while leading him out. The studio was empty, YG probably went home a while ago, and it was just our car in the parking lot.

“It’s kinda weird isn’t it? Learning a bit about Youngbae after he nearly got Seunghyun killed…” Little Seunghyun mumbled and I shrugged. It was weird. It was very weird, but I realized that there were many things that went on in Youngbae’s life that contributed to his personality/insanity.

“But he wasn’t born messed up, he seemed pretty nice in the beginning. And then he got kind of crazy joining a gang and getting pressured.” I tried not to include the idea of the Bottom’s Up people forcing him to do all of these things, but nonetheless they were a big part of his self-consciousness. “It’s kind of sad.”

“Ne, I looked into psychology a little bit. The human mind is fragile, no matter who the person is, because you know what?” I looked over at him as I stopped at a red light, waiting for him to continue. “Sometimes we forget everyone has a heart.”

December 23^rd, 2011:

I don’t want to celebrate Christmas this year. I shot my first gun today, far too soon to the holidays, and I killed someone. Everyone was proud of me. My first bullet killed my first target. But all I felt was dead. I felt like I shot myself, in the heart. Lately I’ve forgotten I had a heart. I forgot that everyone has a heart and they’re puny, like mine is any different but still. I cried a lot when I came to the lab, when no one was around to see me spill my tears. My heart is getting weak, I knew I wasn’t cut out for this, but I had to do it. I climbed up the ranks, killing my first victim let me become a man right under the boss and apparently he was eyeing my progress as well as my ambition for those substances everyone knew about. So, in order to get to the boss I realized I should get rid of my heart. And maybe even my mind should hit the road as well.

Little Seunghyun and I made our way to the police station after a good night’s sleep. I led the way to the room Officer Kim used last time and he was there with his briefcase once more. “Officer Kim, this is Lee Seunghyun,” I told him and they shook hands before sitting back down. He sighed deeply, as if trying to look troubled, but I found a certain gleam in his eye that he liked bothering me.

“I know you won’t be pleased to hear this,” he began and I clenched my fists, preparing myself for what was coming. “But we are no longer authorized to hand over the chemicals.”

“Mwo? What for?” Seunghyun interjected.

“They seem to have a sort of reactant upon living beings. Apparently, they accelerated the molecules of the rats we tested and that’s too dangerous for us to give to the two of you.” So, he did figure it out. I was kind of awestruck, the fact that Youngbae managed to pull it all off in two years. It was amazing to just hear it worked. I felt Seunghyun grip my arm, he was going to fight for these vials.

“They’re under our possession, you had no right to take them from us in the first place, and now you have the nerve to keep it away from us?” Seunghyun glared. I think it actually intimidated the officer a bit for he cleared his throat and stood up.

“The meeting is over, we can discuss this some other time,” he mumbled and briskly walked out the door. Well someone forget everyone has a heart. The two of us slumped in our seats and we groaned in frustration.

“We need those vials. They’re the answer that Youngbae left us with,” the younger told me determinedly and I nodded, but at the same time, I didn’t want the chemicals to be with us just yet. I still have more reading to do. 

A/N: The whole thing about "us forgetting people have hearts" was something that one of my peers pointed out in class. She said that we forget that people have hearts and that they're fragile, and it's true, so I felt like I had to share that with everyone. It was something that kind of opened my eyes and I hope it'll point out some things that you didn't realize happened because you forgot people had hearts. Until next time, thank you for reading!