Waiting for My Heart to Speak

"You look tired Min-sung ssi."

"Chincha? Maybe a little," he said rubbing the back of his neck.

They were sitting on a park bench admiring the giant Christmas tree in the centre of the park.

Hot coffee in a paper cups warming their palms.

There were many other couples there, families too.

And So-Mi actually felt like a normal girl.

At times she felt like she was living in multiple universes.

A student in the mornings.

Entrepreneur in the afternoons.

Family girl at nights.

All normal, in acual fact.

Save the fact that she fights street thugs when they accost her.

Take secret pictures when she thought necesary.

And...  indulge in another secret activity she has yet shared with anybody.

So, going out, having dinner and walking in parks holding hands with a handsome man, sure felt like being normal to her.

"Work ok?"

"Yes, ok," he smiled at her concern. "Just a lot of it."

"I know how passionate you are with your work. Just be careful, ok," she said giving him a cute worried frown. "Make sure you take enough rest."

"I'm happy that you are concerned," Min-sung confessed in surprise.

Wooing So-Mi has not been an easy task.

At times, she could be as elusive as the Yeti and as unreadable as her Ahjussi.

"Of course I'm concerned. You are a dear friend."

"Dear enough to call me oppa now," he teased, making the most of her unexpected concern.

"Ermm.. not yet," she gave a little laugh.

Still she could not bear to totally put him down.

"Min-sung oppa, perhaps," she smiled.

She knew what he wanted.

And that was to accept him as a special someone in her heart.

In a way, he was.

She felt comfortable around him and enjoy his company.

In fact, in any other circumstances, she would not have thought twice about receiving and reciprocating his affections.

What she could not fathom was the niggling guilt she always had, each time she saw or went out with Lee.

And the fact that her mind would always wander a certain expressionless someone.

Sigh...

Seriously, if I get a won each time I sigh, when I am out with Lee, I'd be a millionaire by now, she thought. OK, I'm exaggerating. Make that a thousand-aire.

Still, So-Mi was not a hypocrite.

And until she can really sort her feelings out, she cannot freely return Lee's love as how the latter wanted.

Then, why are you going out with him?

Leading him on?

Her inner voice asked yet again.

I don't know, she silently screamed.

Maybe because in a lot of ways, I do like him.

Maybe it was because I do like his company.

Maybe because I do want to make it a possibility with him.

Or maybe because I am basically running away...

Well, young lady, if it is really the last reason, then you are not really being fair to him.

And...

You are not being honest to yourself.

"Min-sung Oppa... hmm, I can live with that," Lee smiled.

For now, he added silently.

What's stopping you, pretty girl?

To be with me?

I know you like me, I can feel it.

Nope, actually I know.

I know the reason.

He is.

He's making your heart torn.

But he's not for you, So-Mi.

No matter how great he is in your eyes.

He is not for you.

I am.

We fit.

I can feel that too.

And I know you will feel the same way too.

One day.