Blind Despair

Appa's gone.

They killed him.

And gorged his eyes out.

It was clinical yet cruel!

Clinical, because nothing was sadistic about it.

Appa's sweet kind face was intact apart from his eyes.

But cruel because it was done with a purpose.

It was just cold and calculative.

Because who would want parts of a 70 something year old man?

My poor lovely Appa.

What did he ever do to them?

If they had wanted her, why not come for her straight away.

Why harm her family?

I don't understand.

Do they do it for the sheer pleasure of it?

No, they just wanted her.

They said so themselves.

< We're so sorry, So-Mi. But these people are not your real family. We are. You belong with us. But we know you'll never join us as long as these people are still with you. >

Who are you!!!

How can I even join you if you don't even show yourself?

Be a man! Or even a woman!

Let yourself be known.

How am I connected to you?

Are you from my old neighbourhood?

My childhood friends?

Jung-Omma's love child perhaps?

Who?

Stop taking the people I love away from me.

First Amber, now Appa, then who?

Omma? Ahjussi?

Ahjussi, So-Mi suddenly realised.

Sitting up from her slumped position.

Where is he?

She got up from her position on the balcony floor and started looking for Tae-sik around the apartment.

It was close to 8pm.

And they have reached home for nearly an hour, after the whole day at the cremetarium.

So many relatives, she thought wildly.

A gamut of worry and despair not apparent to those around her.

Some relatives have gone home, but many were still around.

Her mother was leaving with her Uncle Jang the next day too.

The protection programme on the family now null and void with the passing of Choi-Appa.

Chi-gon was overseeing for Choi-amma's safe transfer.

< Will she be safe, Chi-gon ahjussi? >

< I promise you, she will, So-Mi. Don’t worry. It's your safety we are more worried about. >

But So-Mi did continue to worry.

She could not sleep at nights and hence spent hours on end on her PC.

Locating old acquaintances and classmates virtually, trying to see if any parts of her past was connected to the current massacre.

Many a times during the night, she wanted to reach for her lifeline and call Tae-sik.

But she did not want him to worry excessively and stopped herself every time.

Too loud.

This place is too loud.

I can't stand it.

Where's Ahjussi?

Where is he?

Has he gone home?

Has he gone to find them himself?

I can't find him.

I must find him. 

So-Mi went from room to room, from the kitchen to the foyer.

To find Tae-sik.

And when she could not locate him anywhere, she blindingly stumbled out of the house.