warning: read the previous chapter first. this is the second half of the double update. i'm sorry to those who were confused.: end warning.

There were a lot of things that I feared when I was with Luhan. I always feared that one day he would come into my home, breaking up with me for no reason. He would have this look of shame and disgust on his face that would always appear in my dreams.

It’s funny how sometimes dreams become reality.

What I feared the most happened the day after I had gone over to Luhan’s apartment.

I was at home with papers on my lap and a pen in my hand. I had my glasses on because I wanted to feel like I was doing something interesting rather than just reading the same page over and over again looking for some mistakes. I was pacing myself with the story in front of me when I heard a frantic knock on my door.

I wasn’t expecting Luhan to rush into my house and stare at me with wide and teary eyes. He blinked before water spilled out of his eyes and he slumped down to the ground, his face facing the floor. He covered his face and shook his head. I reached out to him but he flinched away from my touch.  

 “Lu?” I called out, worried and slightly scared.

“Minseok, hate me,” he said and I felt my world crash instantly. He kept his face down. “Please just hate me.”

I squatted to meet with his face and smiled softly. “I can never hate you.”

He looked up, looking at me with a startled expression. “God damnnit Minseok, just hate me!” he screamed and shook my head.

“I can’t hate you on command you know,” I said with another smile. “I have to know the reason why I’m hating you.”

His eyes turned glassy once more. “Please,” he pleaded with a crack in his voice.

I sighed and sat on the floor. He didn’t move but he shifted his eyes to look back down to the ground. He had his bottom lip in between in teeth which looked swollen.

“Why am I hating you?”

He kept his gaze away from me. “I thought that I could love you like I did Sehun but I can’t. He’s still there in my heart and I don’t want to let him go. I thought that if I could push him away and force you in there, then maybe I would give up and forget Sehun once and for all.”

I in a breath, my worst fears finally coming true. With a sad smile, I reached out to touch Luhan’s face before I let it my hand drop. “I know,” I whispered. “And I foolishly thought that everything would change. You would love me like I love you but I knew that I was wrong. You would never love me like you love him.”

Luhan covered his mouth and choked back a sob. “I’m so sorry Minseok.”

I shook my head, fighting the tears that wanted to come. “What are you saying sorry for? It’s not like you can pick who you fall in love with,” I said with once again another smile, standing up. “I’ll make you some calming tea. You look like you need it.”

With that I walked into the kitchen leaving Luhan sitting on the floor. I knew he was crying but I didn’t want to look back.

Did I know that this day was coming?

I did.

Was I ready for this?

No.

Was it over between us?

It was.

With shaky hands, I looked for the tea and remembered that I had none. It was the one thing that I kept forgetting that I needed to get. With my eyes teary and my teeth nibbling on my tongue, I walked over to him and watched as silent sobs racked through his body. It my heart broke even more but there was a part of me that didn’t feel anything for the crying man on the floor.

“T-there’s no more tea. I’m going to go get some.” I said rushing my words out and quickly leaving, trying so hard not to let Luhan see my tears rolling down my cheeks.

When I was a good distance away from my house, I stopped running causing my legs to almost give out. I squatted to the ground with big fat tears rolling down my cheeks. I wanted nothing more than to run back and hold Luhan back in my arms, I wanted to fight for him but I knew that I would lose. Sobs tore through my throat as I sat there on the sidewalk, crying my eyes out.

There was a distinct sound up ahead I heard after my sobs died down some. I smiled angrily and stood up, wiping the water from my face. Marching over to the cage in front of me, I paid for a few rounds. I was never good at baseball but I felt like swinging the bat would help me release the anger that was welling up in me.

With each swing, I could feel the anger and sadness slowly start to fade away. Tears started to fill my vision with each swing suddenly and I in another breath, missing the ball completely. Another sob broke through my lips as I swung at the next ball, once again missing the small white object.

I couldn’t help it and once again broke down inside the batting cage, swinging the bat when a baseball came flying at me. Of course, each time I missed but I didn’t care. I just needed to do something before I screamed at the top of my lungs.

It was a soft “Minseok” that halted my movements and tears.

The balls stopped coming and brushed away my tears, hoping that they would stop for the time being. in a breath I turned around to face Luhan who now had red eyes, hair against his forehead and no shoes on his feet.

“Yeah?”

He hesitated for a second before wincing and reaching down to his foot. I sighed and exited the cage, leaving the bat inside and rushed to the boy that I loved dearly.

“Why did you come out here with no shoes? There’s dirt and gravel everywhere.” I scolded. “You’re going to get blisters and other nasty things on the bottom of your feet.”

“Minseok,” he called out again, his voice sounding broken.

I shook my head and forced a smile. “You should get your shoes before you head home.”

“Minseok.”

“Come on, Luhan.”

He flinched when I said his name and I looked away. Luhan slowly stood up and I walked away, moving a pace that he could follow. I wanted to reach out and grab his hand but I held myself from doing so. He fiddled with his fingers and limped slightly. I bit my lip and pushed everything aside to help the hurt boy beside me.

I stopped him and squatted in front of him. “Get on. You’re hurting your feet more and you can barely walk.”

I could feel his eyes on my back before I heard a soft reply. He held my neck and I held his thighs gently. As I walked, I could feel his silent tears on my shirt and soft sniffles coming from behind me.

“And this is why you shouldn’t run outside without your shoes.” I said. “And now you know.”

A soft giggle could be heard and once again I felt my heart break some. Why my heart broke at the sound of Luhan’s giggle, I wouldn’t know. It just did.

Once we made it to the house, I set him on the couch and moved away to get him ice.

“Minseok.” He called out and I stopped. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“Bu-“

“But nothing, Luhan. There’s nothing to be sorry about. You still love Sehun, I know that. I’ve always known that.”

“I-“

“You’re going to have to give me time.” I said cutting him off. I really didn’t want to hear his voice at the moment. I just wanted to cry and wallow in self pity, cursing at myself for falling even more in love with him. “It’s going to be hard to go from lover to friend, so wait okay?” I asked, choking on my words.

Did I want to go back as a friend?

I didn’t.

I felt like I got hit by a bullet when I said those words.

I really wanted to sleep and pretend that this day wasn’t happening and that everything was okay between me and the man that I loved dearly. It was the next words out of Luhan’s mouth that stopped me from leaving.

“He’s alive.”

miki says: fun fact, i wrote this over a year ago when i first started this story. i tend to write the ending first and then continue with everything else. strange right? oh well. i'm pretty sure that the blonde haired man is obivious now, if not then wait for tomorrow, mmkay? ^^ also, if you read something about a dog, i'm sorry. please tell me. that was acutally part of the original story line but i decided against it and when i was looking it over just now, i didn't see anything. OTL