[December 2011]

I put the watch close to my left ear and closed my eyes. Still, the time was ticking. This watch was nothing different from the others here, well except for the some kind of sparkly diamonds that were stuck all over it.

‘You like it?’ I opened my eyes after I heard that voice.

‘No.’ I sighed and glanced around the vacant watch shop. The truth was I didn’t want to buy another watch anymore. I still kept the old one that Hyungsik Oppa gave me when I was in tenth grade. It’s special somehow since he gave it to me because I won the island’s drawing competition. Appa never gave me presents and when I whined it to Hyungsik Oppa, he surprisingly gave a watch to me a few days after that.

Oh, how much I missed him.

‘Jagi-ssi, can we leave this place? I already told you before that I don’t want to buy a new watch.’

‘Really? But your old watch –‘

‘It’s okay. It’s still ticking even though it’s cheap.’ He sighed at my response when I showed him my left wrist.

‘I really want to buy you something… You’re going to meet my friends soon, so I think I must buy you new clothes or jewelry or something nice. Why don’t you just accept the gifts that I gave you?’ He mumbled weakly, emphasizing the word ‘must’ with a sad look smeared all over his face.

‘The truth is, I don’t need all those expensive things.’ I finally opened up when I noticed his guilty eyes. He blinked a few times at me and soon, there’s only the two of us inside the watch shop.

‘So, what do you want? What do you need for you to be happy?’ I paused for a while at his question.

‘Company.’

Truthfully, I almost blurted the word ‘you’.

***

Maybe it’s because I was lonely and things were getting weirder because Woohyun seemed to distance himself from me. Kisses turned into pats on the head or sometimes loose hugs. Even though I didn’t feel anything special about his kisses, but when he stopped giving me, I somehow kinda missed them.

What was I thinking? Was I just feeling lonely?

Company… Yeah, maybe that’s what I was dying for. I needed someone to talk to, someone to complain to, a shoulder to lean on, not expensive watches or branded clothes. Woohyun needed to know.

That night, it was snowing and I sat at my desk staring at the clouds outside from my windows, thinking about him, weirdly. Why’s he changing? Did I do something wrong? Sighing, I took the calendar at the edge of my table.

Christmas was coming soon and that made me wondered of what I could possibly be doing at this time if I were at home and still single. For sure I would already buy or made the presents that I’d give to my parents, Andy, Uncle Park, Inna, Haneulie, Minji, Eunji, Jeongminnie, Minseokkie, basically all of my friends back in Jeju.

Hyungsik Oppa? Since he left, I made his present only once and it’s during the first Christmas without him. I thoughtlessly made his present because I was still not used to living without him at that time. Then, I never did anymore after that. In fact, I thought I still kept it now. Hoping that I