[January 2012]

No one was speaking but the sound of Super Junior’s SKY from the radio as I fixed my gaze onto the road in front of me. I never tried to talk to Jihyun after all that happened because I didn’t want to have another tiring fight with her. It hurt me hearing her yelling and I was sure that she was hurt more than I did from what I had done.

Taking her away would probably soften her heart. Maybe, maybe this was the best choice.

‘I can’t accept your leave, son. You won’t resign but I’ll leave your position vacant until you decided to return.’

‘Do as you please but it’ll take a long time. I won’t come back in a few days or weeks from now. Maybe Jihyun and I will be back after years…’ I answered without looking into his eyes. I practically knew Jihyun won’t forgive me in such a short time. But soon, I could feel his hands on my shoulders that I flinched.

‘Maybe you should go see your doctor –‘

‘No. I’m feeling better. Don’t-don’t you know?’ I quickly looked up to his eyes and took his hands on one of my shoulders.

He just sighed and pulled me into his warm arms. It’s been so long… And it felt so nice.

‘Just take care of yourself. And Jihyun as well.’

I squeezed the steering wheel when I thought of my father’s words and actions earlier. Now I realized that he still didn’t know.

He knew nothing about me.

***/***

‘I heard about you and my son’s vacation.’

I sat quiet, had nothing to say. She’s just too intimidating for me to even look into the eyes. The carpet here’s much nicer to look at compared to anywhere in this house. Sometimes, I felt like shouting at her about her son’s doings but no, I still had respect.

But if I did, then what? For sure I’d be the one who would be at most lost.

After some time, I suddenly could feel her sitting beside me on the couch that I felt a little surprised. She never stayed close to me since all these while that I bravely looked up to face her.

‘I hate seeing your hair.’ She spoke and unexpectedly put her hands on my head, brushing it slowly that I almost stood up in wonder at her actions. Soon, she tied up my hair and made a nice ponytail.

‘There. Now you won’t look like a bumpkin anymore. Use that ribbon. I bought it especially for you. It’s expensive, so don’t lose it.’

I could only blink a few times at her tender affections towards me.

Why?

‘It’s just a New Year’s gift, for God’s sake… Just.’ She answered the question inside my head and sighed.

‘Just keep doing what you’re doing to Woohyun now. Seeing him happy because of someone, it makes me happy. For once, thank you.’

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The incident which happened when we visited his parents earlier gave odd feeling into my chest. Amazed because seeing my mother in law acting all nice like that and also her words, I felt a bit guilty and mad after hearing her.

Because I’d never want to make him happy. Not after what he had did to me.

‘Are you taking me to some kind of prison?’ I uttered question just to make him mad but he just kept quiet. I knew he listened after looking at his face.

Didn’t want to stay in this sick atmosphere anymore, I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep.

Super Junior’s SKY was still playing that sadness slowly crept into my chest.  

[March 1999]

I breathed in the smell of spring which I always loved and ran towards the group of people who seemed like they’re circling over something not far from where I was.

‘Oh, Soyu-ya! Come! Look what my father bought me…!’

‘Uwa, Minji-ya. That’s so pretty.’ I could only awe at the sight before me like my any other friends. A bicycle, how nice…Inside my mind