Divorce… her words echoed in Jong kook’s mind. It was not his fault, he can’t understand it at all. He felt so frustrated at his future. He was scared before, but now he loathed it. It was so unfair. He doesn’t even know what he did, or what happened. Yes, he felt sorry because the future him is a bastard, but he is a good person and it pains him to see people hurt because of him.

 

“Wait Ji hyo… okay, I am really confused. I mean, I honestly…” his words were cut by her mocking laugh. She looked at him intently, her sharp gaze piercing through him, making him flinch. There was anger, hurt and something he can’t point his finger into, but it made him regret whatever his future self did. “You crazy son of a …” she said those words in a strong but slow manner and Jong kook had never thought saying them calmly would hurt more than if she had just shouted it at him. “Did you really think I was naïve enough to not know about your affairs? Everyone in entertainment knows about how you around with those idol wannabes even in your office, and of course they were too scared to rattle you off and tarnish your sweet shy, won’t even touch a girl’s finger image… what  bull. Did you really think I cut off all my connections? I’m tired of having people gossip about you. If not for Hyo Jong I would have already left you a long time ago.” She heaved, her chest rising and falling rapidly as if those words had been kept for a long time and took her great effort to not slap in his face. Jong kook could only bit his lower lip. He was getting angry and frustrated too, but he didn’t know a thing so he held back his words.

 

“Aren’t you going to hit me? Like how you beat me when I first told you about the divorce? Didn’t you say that you hated me? That if I hadn’t been pregnant you would’ve never married me. That you don’t love me… it’s still her in your heart right? You still want her back after all these years… but why do you do those things? Sleeping around won’t bring her back bastard! For 4 years, I had waited. I was patient and I was thankful that you took me in. I never asked you to love me back… I only ask you to be a good father. It pains me every time that child asks me where her father is and I had to lie when the truth is, you are just with some woman. I really hate you Jong kook, I hate you…” He can feel her hatred at every word, her piercing stare burning his soul and those eyes… those are the eyes that reminded Jong kook of someone. Those were the eyes of his own mom when his father left them.

 

He can only feel sorry now. He doesn’t even have the right to be annoyed. Jong kook finally realized, he was so sure of it, that his mission is to make things right. He gingerly walked towards her, slowly measuring her reaction. He doesn’t love her of course, but he was guilty as charge of those words, it’s still her in your heart… it is still Eun hye he longs for… but the woman in front of him is just like his mom so he can’t just stand there and watch. Like his mom, he wanted to comfort her. At last, he reached her seat and placed his hand on her shoulder. He didn’t speak, he doesn’t even deserve to say sorry. “And what’s with this show Jong kook? Why are you being good to us? Are you scared that your reputation will be tarnished? Don’t you worry because I won’t make a scandal… we will just move away quietly.” She cried under his touch and he can only pat her back as she sobbed.

 

Ji hyo cried, like how she did every night. She prayed and wished hard that someday she can smile again, that someday she won’t hate herself for loving someone who never loved her. She was selfish, she wanted him but she hadn’t known the consequence would be this kind of life. She felt bitter, cheated by her blind love. She spat those hateful words expecting him to get mad at her so she could finally tell herself that her decision to leave him was right, but he just stood there, unmoving, he was so sincere that her resolve was wearing thin. She realized that she still loved him so much despite everything. She was willing to leave but he was making it hard. Amazingly, she felt comforted by the very person who made her suffer at the first place.

 

_______________________

 

Jong kook lied down on his bed staring at the ceiling. Earlier he watched her silently go to her room. He doesn’t even know anymore what he is feeling. Last week he was very happy and was to be married, then he was mourning for his bride, and now he was facing a side of him he didn’t know.

He turned to his side but the chain on his neck got tangled, making its presence known. He remembered what Jade said. The hourglass will tell him if he was doing his mission right and earlier he was so sure that his mission is about his future family.

 

He sat down and looked at the hourglass. He almost dropped it in surprise when he saw that now only one end of the hourglass has sand and the other end is empty. “Well commander, it was about time you discovered it. You truly are the commander.” Jong kook didn’t need to look up to know that it was Jade. He was busy examining the thing in his hand. “So does this mean I have started? And why do you keep on calling me commander?”

“You know what kid? I actually thought you are a fast thinker, but how can you not get it? You wanted to know what happened to you guys right? I am giving you a clue, Sparta. You two started there.” Jong kook only looked at him quizzically and jade only shrugged. “Hey Jade wait a minute. You brought me here and I was wondering… eyy don’t vanish yet.”

“Okay, so what do I do?”

“This is too hard for me. I am successful, but my family is a wreck and now this mission is starting… why do I have to fix this future if I can just avoid doing this in my present?” he shook his head in frustration. Jade already took the liberty to occupy the space Jong kook left on the bed, as if a kid waiting for storytelling.

 

“Did you know how I feel when she looked at me like that? I felt like I stabbed my own mother! When I was a kid, my father always hurt her, she would cry but she always pretended that it was nothing. I hated my dad and I told myself I wouldn’t be like him... but look at me… I am worse than that monster. She and Hyo Jong… wouldn’t it be better if I just avoided it? I could just choose… I know I-I will be sad because Hyo Jong is such a little angel… but I am scared. I don’t want them to get hurt.”

“Yah, I know you are sad and a lot of this doesn’t make sense at all. But do you believe in destiny?”

“You mean this is my destiny? I could always do otherwise… this Running Man, I can just not do it. I’ll avoid my fate.” Jade snickered and Jong kook knew he is hiding something, but he didn’t ask. The glint in Jade’s eye told him it’s not his business.

“I won’t try to explain how things work here but this is the least I can do. Currently you are solving the equation of time and the rules are simple I ask for one and I get one, you try to give me two but still you’ll end up giving me one. Yeah you could choose but you have to satisfy the equation or else it won’t be balanced and it would be best to not even think of what could happen. Yes you can choose… your options lead to fate kid, but remember after the equals sign there is an answer... and in math everything is absolute… there can be no other answer.”

“Equation of time? So it even has a name but you know what? I actually regret talking to you… you only made it more complicated.” Jade only smirked before he vanished.

 

_______________________

 

Jong kook woke up, it was his 2^nd day on the future. Before he fell asleep last night, he told himself that he couldn’t just stay home without doing anything since the problem won’t fix itself. He stood up and paced back and forth in his room.

 

I am here in the future… it is 8 years ahead of my time. I own a large entertainment agency, I am retired from showbiz. I am married to Song Ji hyo an actress, we have a child, Hyo Jong…  I also discovered bad things about my future self… I am a monster, so I have to know where everything started to get wrong.

 

According to my wife, I accidentally made her pregnant? He blushed at the thought. Then I married her and took responsibility. Judging from Hyo Jong’s actions around me, it is true that I never really noticed her. I met Ji hyo on Running Man as written in the articles, but that show is now defunct. So did we get close on the show? How did we start seeing each other? How did Hyo Jong appear in the picture?

 

“I see you are starting to figure out some things.” Said Jade peeking from behind him. “Seriously, will you stop appearing like that? You’ll give me a heart attack before I can even go back to the present!”

“Cranky aren’t we? But, I never really disappear since I am time, I’m always here. Anyway, as your guide, I’m telling you to focus on your personal problems.” Jong kook only looked at jade in confusion. “It’s because of the mission okay? Focus on it kid.”

“Yah sometimes I really think you are just playing with me… and now you are acting like a guide when before you always ignore my questions.”

“It’s different now kid.”

“Why?”

“Because… you are doing the mission now.”

 

_______________________

 

Jong kook couldn’t believe that the place didn’t change at all. It was just like how it looked the day he left his own time.  He walked slowly. It was another perfect day just like the day he proposed to her. Spring time, Eun hye’s favorite season. The air is a bit chilly and Jong kook pulled his jacket tighter around himself. When he reached her, he tried to smile, but instead tears raced down his face.

 

“Eun hye-yah… how have you been? Here in this world it’s been eight years since you left but for me it was just a week ago and even if years pass by, it would always be like yesterday. I will not forget you and I always love you... but I need to fix this mess. I came here to tell you this because I don’t want you to think I had forgotten. They need me right now Eun hye-yah, that is why even if it hurts and even if it is lonely… I have to take responsibility… you won’t get mad or jealous right? I love you my sweet Eun hye…” Jong kook placed the tulips in her tomb and prayed. The pain is still raw, his heart is bleeding and the current situation he was threw in hurts. What can he do, but face it. He tried to smile but failed… maybe another time.

 

_______________________

 

“Omma!” Jong kook felt relieved to find out that their old family house still existed and his mom was right there. He felt a little happy as if he was back in his time again.

 

“Omma I really missed you…” her mom cried as soon as their eyes met, she was sprawled in the floor unable to stand up. With her little strength, she tried to get closer to him. Jong kook obliged and went to her, held her tight as if it was really eight years since they last saw each other. He missed her warm embrace, the only thing that can comfort his troubles. She looked older now, but she still felt like the omma from the present. “Jong kook you are back! I waited for you for a long time… don’t leave me again neh?”

“Omma … why are you like this?” Jong kook cried as he realized that his mother couldn’t stand, her leg condition seemed bad and Jong kook couldn’t even look at them. “Jong kook-ah my son! I’m so happy you are here… nae adeul…” His brother appeared and Jong kook smiled at him. “Jong Myung hyung…” Jong kook stood up to embrace his brother, but the older one pushed him away. It was not a strong push, but it sent a thousand messages.

 

He watched as his brother take care of their omma. He felt out of place, as if he was not needed. “Omma, Jong Myung will talk to Jong kook after you eat neh?”

“Can’t he eat with us? I want to talk to him too… I haven’t seen him for a long time, Jong Myung…”

“No omma… we don’t need him.” Jong kook didn’t need any explanation either, his hyung’s words already pierced his heart. He knows, he also did something bad to them. Sure, they weren’t too friendly growing up, they fought as little kids do, but they love each other. He would be gladly hit for his hyung. He was the rebel son, but he had always listened to his omma and he never wanted to hurt her. He went outside and sat in the front yard.

 

The place filled him of their childhood memories. It was in that very place where his omma would punish them when they do wrong. It brought a little smile on his face when he remembered how they used to kneel on the dirt with their hands up, carrying a pot of cold water, if they don’t endure they’ll be showered with the icy water so they always tried to hold it until their mother tells them to stop. It was my first arm muscle work out… Jong kook chuckled at the thought.

 

“Jong kook-ah!” Jong Myung came running, his broken glasses clasped tightly in his bruised hand. His face filled with horror when he saw his little brother’s hunched form in the middle of the road. He ran as fast as his swollen ankle would allow. “Jong kook-ah…”

“Are you fine hyung? Those bastards…” his little brother had a cut lip, he can’t even open his eyes properly, there was a long gash in his shirt and blood trickled on his front. “Jong kook-ah I told you not to do that… I told you to hold in everything.”

“I can’t, not when they call you and omma bad names… I can’t.”

 

“Jong kook!” it was the same voice in his past, his hyung’s voice that always sounded warm, but not anymore, that voice now scared him. He was afraid to look around, he was afraid to see what he was in his hyung’s eyes, like the Jong kook he saw in Ji hyo’s eyes.

 

“What are you doing here Jong kook?”

“It was just that…I- I missed you.”

“Miss? You said you never wanted to see us again. You said that we were living because of your money… do you know how hurt omma was? I tried to swallow it since it was your money that got me my college degree, but omma… she always looked for you … until that incident occurred.”

“What incident? Why…”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know… I know all your little brother. I know that the day she was hit by a car, she was going to see you... but remember what you said? ‘Now she won’t bother me again’… yes, I held it in, we just quietly left.  I know that you are fooling around and hurting your wife… I can’t even look at you now Jong kook… you are not my dongsaeng so go away.”

 

I really did that? My omma… I swore to myself never to do that… I said I‘d never make girls cry, that I will always stand by my principles… so where did it go wrong? How can I do that to them? To my hyung and omma, how was I able to do that?

 

Jong Myung pushed him out and shut the gate hard in his face, Jong kook was left there staring at nothingness.

 

“Yah, I really want to die now… why is this future so bleak? There is nothing to even look forward to. I can’t even think of anything that lead me to this…” he can feel Jade standing there beside him, he can hear him clicking his tongue. “Then create something to look forward to… didn’t you humans always prepare for you future? It was those habits like insurance…”

“How? I need to know why these people are like this. Why I did that to my omma or why I said that to hyung. I need to know.”

“Forget your bad future neh? You are you, the present… just do it like yourself… Jong kook you are not a monster. And I know you want to know how or why it happened, but I’m telling you now, it’s only because of your choices.”

“My future self is a monster. And how do I fix this if I don’t know why I did that stuff?”

“Yeah I know, but you”, Jade poked him hard in the chest, “You are you, get it? You are not the future, you are the present Kim Jong kook, and you know the problems now so start fixing it. Why you became like that is not what you should try to solve. When the time comes you’ll know and at that time you’ll make the right choices.”

“So I have to focus on… hey wait I had been here for days, but what happened to the future me? I mean I am from the present so where did I go? And about my job, those people in the entertainment world my friends… aren’t they wondering why.”

“Tsk, tsk… you are being talkative again… did you really think I brought you here to hang out with Cha Tae hyun or talk with Yoo Jae suk? And about the other details let me take care of it… after all I am the guide. I fix the glitches, so you focus on that mission or else we won’t be able to go home anytime soon.”

“But if…” the wind blew and Jade had gone with it, “of course I knew he’ll run away again.”

 

 

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I’m tired of the angst so wait for the next chapter… it will be really, really cute haha thanks for reading ^^