Of Confusions and Confessions - 1

You are so stupid! Why did you do that? You will only hurt her. Why Jong kook, how can you be so stupid? He looked at the reflection of the stranger at the mirror, was that really him? What had he done to be pitted in a situation as complicated and impossible as this? Even drama writers wouldn’t have bought this story – time travelling, an instant family and a nagging time god. No one could ever imagine that it could ever happen and to him of all people.

His dark circles peered back at him, reminding him of what he did last night. He didn’t want to regret the kiss earlier and that worried him to no end. He liked it and he knows the next time they find themselves in a similar situation as that, he won't hesitate to do it again. Why? He hoped someone could figure it out for him because no matter how hard he thought, he just couldn’t find the answer. For him, Eun hye and Ji hyo created a scary jumble of guilt, confusion and of myriad emotions that he couldn’t name. Sadly, he knows love for Ji hyo is not included in the mix. He can’t fall for her. The situation won’t allow that. He was aware of the fact that he cares not just because of the mission but more than that. Maybe it is the pity he feels for her every time she looks at him with longing. Maybe it’s the different sides of Ji hyo that never fail to surprise him. Besides, those images of her frail vulnerability are forever etched on his mind so how can he not care? He can’t fully explain that want to protect her. That irresistible urge to hold her safely in his arms and the intensity of it scares him. He sighed as he remembered agreeing to go out with her. Can he really do that? He shook his head in frustration, think of it as a friendly date Jong kook. The woman needs a break… but still the kiss earlier wasn’t a friendly one and his swollen lips are attesting to that. ! What did I do? What do I do now, should I go?

Jong kook watched the tub fill with water as he sprawled out on the cold bathroom floor. He blinked his eyes rapidly to chase away the warm liquid that threatened to fall. He raised his knees close to his chin and buried his head on his arms. His body started to shake as confusion and guilt consumed him, his cries muffled by the sound of water.

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Ji hyo wondered what was taking Jong kook so long to come out. She thought she had been the one to keep him waiting as she tried several unused dresses in her wardrobe earlier. She nervously fidgeted as thoughts of him backing down filled her mind. Today is a good day, but she isn’t so sure it would still end that way. Not after she tells him everything. The thought of him hating her again after these past blissful days made her frightened, but there was no more hiding. For a while, she should just enjoy this and no matter what happened later, she would just accept it. It had been 4 years, that’s long enough. She heard steps from behind her. With a deep breath she steeled her resolve and turned around smiling nervously. Her smile fell when she saw the ajumma instead.

“Oh, ajummeoni, what is it?” She tried to mask the disappointment in her voice but the old woman gave a little smile and a nod of understanding. That made Ji hyo stifle an embarrassed giggle. It feels like she is back in high school, waiting for her prom partner for her first dance. “I am so happy for you madam… Let me help you.” The kind ajumma showed her a pin with intricate designs. Ji hyo nodded to her as she sat down to let the ajumma fix her hair. The old woman carefully combed her hair, raising it into a style that showed off her bright face. “Child, I only wish to see you like this up to the end. I’ve always thought of all of you as my family. This is for my daughter that I’ve never had until sir took me in and I met you. He is a kind man madam, even if he rarely shows it.” Ji hyo can only nod in thanks, not daring to open because she knows her voice will betray her. What she has in plan today can be the end even if it feels like they have just started but she has to. “You look beautiful…” Both women turned to look at source of the voice. Ji hyo caught her breath at the sight of him standing meekly on the stairs. He was stunning in his simple white shirt and faded jeans with that shy pose of his. There was a bit of unease and tension around him, but his words shadowed it. The butterflies in her stomach started their wild dance as she drank in the sight of him. He is her husband, but is he hers? The ajumma quietly disappeared into the kitchen leaving the two alone.

Jong kook finally decided to go. As much worried as he was, he realized he couldn’t ditch her. His conscience would forever punish him if he did that. He cautiously peered out from on top of the stairs. His heart is beating wildly in apprehension as he brainstormed for ideas on how to date a woman from the future. Without making a noise, he came down and spotted her right away. He can only see her back while the ajumma is tying her hair up. He suddenly felt an urge to touch and run his hands through those strands. He remembered how they felt last night. He could almost imagine that intoxicating smell that stirred emotions in him that he’d rather forget. Her back view looked mysterious but still there is that alluring aura that the simple dress can’t hide. “You look beautiful,” he thought aloud without meaning to. She turned around smiling at him, making the phrase an understatement.

Because you were so pretty, because your eyes were so pretty
You stole my heart the second I saw you
Because you’re so pretty, because when you laugh, you’re so pretty
You stole my heart the instant I saw you

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“We weren’t able to go out before like normal couples do. Everything was hushed and secret.” Jong kook almost stepped on the brake hard in surprise. We never went out? He glanced at her but she was focused on the road. He can feel that she doesn’t expect him to respond to her musings so he stayed silent. “It was impossible back then. We couldn’t even go out of the front door so I gave up the idea of strolling on parks, holding your hand... even seeing you was hard. Then we got married. You were amiable and would sometimes humor me and go out but it’s not really that fun. It’s like we aren’t really together even if physically we are.” Jong kook can’t help but feel pity for her. Did he just get her pregnant without even going out then married her? Then there is that secret she is keeping from him. His gut feeling is telling him there was more than just the pregnancy but he chased the thought away as it was not important at the moment. “Where do you want to go Ji hyo-yah?” She didn’t answer for a while, and Jong kook thought of an idea that made him giddy with excitement. “If you don’t answer in the count of three… I will officially kidnap you and take you wherever I want. I am counting now, 1, 2. Yah Ji hyo-yah, if I am a kidnapper will you not even resist?”

“Why should I resist a kidnapper like you?” She looked at him playfully. Her smile grabbed his attention to her lips making him blush and look away. The atmosphere in the car made him remember his first date way back in high school when he was a noob who can only gawk at a girl. He had wanted to be cool back then, to say the right things and impress the girl he liked but now, after 14 years, he still couldn’t handle himself on dates. He is no longer an awkward boy of 16 but still not much had changed. His dream date when he was in high school was still unfulfilled and he wondered if he could do it with her. He threw another glance at her and she was beaming with excitement, like a big version of Hyo Jong. A playful and excited Ji hyo. I wonder if she looks good in uniform… gosh Jong kook! What are you thinking of? He berated himself for the inappropriate thoughts and focused his eyes on the road. “I’d love to be kidnapped by you yeobo. Take me anywhere. I don’t mind.” He grinned as all worries faded away. Without realizing it, he just forgot how earlier he had been scared because all he can think of now was to make their first date a success.

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“Why are we going down here?” Ji hyo looked around the parking lot. She was happy as long as she was with him but dating in parking lots was not something she had ever imagined. The man only smiled at her and offered his hand. Ji hyo took it without hesitation. Then she felt a gentle tug from him that pulled her closer to his side. She looked at him wondering what they’ll do. “Where are we going?”

“I told you I am kidnapping you. Kidnappers don’t tell their victims where they would go.” Ji hyo felt like she would burst laughing from his joke or whatever that cheesy line was called. “Ji hyo-yah… I can't believe this. Are you laughing at me?”

“No, I am just… pfft. It’s just too weird to be walking here in the open with you.”

“Yah, I am nervous too. I am always awkward when it comes to these kind of things… I just hope we would have fun today.” She nodded at him and she held his hand tighter. It feels good to walk in broad daylight without worrying about people, unlike before when they were active celebrities.

Jong kook felt like he was on drugs or something. His heart is beating like crazy. He blushes when their gazes meet. He had already forgotten how guilty he felt earlier. As he held her hand in his, he couldn’t think of anything but how it felt so right when it shouldn’t be.

You’re coming closer to me right now
My trembling lips aren’t opening

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They arrived at the subway station and Ji hyo looked at him curiously. “Err, Ji hyo-yah, you said you want a first date. Umm all I can think of is having a date like how I wanted my first one in high school to be. It was pretty awkward though, and a big failure.” She giggled making Jong kook catch his breath. Was he doing it wrongly? Why did he even mention his first date? She must be thinking why he was talking about other girls. He screwed it, he… “Oppa…” did she really call him oppa? He can feel his ears burning and he bet his face must have looked crimson. He swallowed hard. He knows his voice would sound a little bit off since his heart felt like it would already reach the back of his throat. “Oppa? Isn’t yeobo more appropriate?” Jong kook squeaked. Jihyo only chuckled at him, obviously pleased with his reaction. “Oppa, don’t you like it? You liked it when I called you that before. Who on earth have called each other yeobo and madura on their first date, oppa? I am just being realistic.” Jong kook can’t help a grin from spreading on his face. She is just too adorable. The way he calls her oppa makes him want to squish her as if she is a cute little bun. “Say it again… Ji hyo-yah. Say it.”

“Oppa… oppa! Oppaaaaa.” She blurted with a cute aegyo he never thought she was capable of. “Why are you so cute?” He grabbed her cheek and gave it a gentle squish, earning himself another cute giggle from her and a series of oppas that made him float in air.

The subway was very spacious at almost three in the afternoon but still both of them had to stand. He hovered behind her almost touching but not daring to. She leaned on him and that made him freeze as little bolts of electricity surged through his body. He looked at his right and it was as if fate was teasing them but most of the passengers were couples. Some are openly kissing and Jong kook frowned. What happened in this time? These kids… Jong kook looked away. He wanted to talk, to say something suave but his vocal chords seemed to have abandoned him already. He can see her reflection on the windows and she only smiled as she looked outside. He didn’t know if she was getting bored or not and it worried him because her face was not telling him anything. He then remembered the device Jade kept on insisting he bring along. Now he was thankful he brought it. He only wishes he could remember how it works.

Ji hyo was comfortably leaning on Jong kook. His hard body against her sent little tingles throughout her that was still very new to her. He was silent but it was not boring or awkward. It was as if they were shooting an MV and she liked it. She felt him rustling something behind her. An object was placed in her ear and the next thing she knows, her world was filled with his voice.

I could only keep looking at you when you were drunk
I couldn’t look away, I kept stealing glimpses of you
Many days have passed, but I keep thinking of you
I worried about what excuse to give and so another day has passed

Because you were so pretty, because your eyes were so pretty
You stole my heart the second I saw you
Because you’re so pretty, because when you laugh, you’re so pretty
You stole my heart the instant I saw you

No matter how hard I try to forget, I think of you
I can’t endure it any more
I need to meet you, but I can’t build my courage
Like this, another day has passed for me

Because you were so pretty, because your eyes were so pretty
You stole my heart the second I saw you
Because you’re so pretty, because when you laugh, you’re so pretty
You stole my heart the instant I saw you

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“Ji hyo, are you sure we are going to ride this?” Jong kook can’t help but groan as he felt the elevator rise at a very fast speed. It had been a long time since he went to an amusement park and he suddenly regretted coming here. Who would have thought that rides in the future would have evolved so much so that his stomach couldn’t even handle it?

“Oppa, are you okay? Don’t worry, we can jump together.” Her smile brought a bit of color to his now very pale face but he still can’t fight the squeamish feeling as the elevator announced 55^th floor.

“Hold on tight oppa!” Jong kook’s legs felt like they were made of jelly as he tried to not look below the platform of the bungee jump. They had been in that position of rail grabbing, floor collapsing and silent pleas to go down for the last 20 minutes, to the delight of the crew who found it funny that a man his size would be dragged by a woman. A group of tourists had already jumped but Jong kook was still trying to gather his courage. “Oppa, trust me. Come.” He looked up at her determined face and slowly nodded. If only he hadn’t lost at the shooting game earlier, he wouldn’t be standing there. He looked at Ji hyo’s face again for courage and he smiled, I guess even if I didn’t lose, I can’t say no to you…

They stood at the platform holding each other, face to face. Ji hyo placed her hand on top of his heart. “Calm down… Soon you'll know why I wanted this. Feel it... feel the freedom oppa.” Jong kook did not hear the countdown. He was looking at her eyes which were telling him to trust her. She gave a nod and Jong kook held her tighter against him. Then he felt it. The wind bursting against his face. They are falling very fast but it seems like everything slowed down that he thought it must be the time god's little trick. Ji hyo was laughing merrily. He was beginning to feel the adrenaline rush and it wasn't horrible at all. He liked that feeling of flying, of being free like she had said. His mind blanked. There was only the sound of the wind mixed with Ji hyo’s giggles and screams of excitement. He was happy and he let it out… Let the wind carry away his burdens. “Whooooooaaaaah! Ji hyo-yah!!! Waaah!”

“Open your eyes oppa! Look down!”

“No! I can’t! Aaaaah! Ji hyoooooo!!!” At that instant he ignored the magnificent view of the lake and forest that harmoniously coexisted with the manmade park. His eyes are only on her. He is only looking at her. He is only thinking of her. In a flash, the rushing feeling was over. They lay on the mat after the snickering staff had freed them from the wires. They collapsed from the thrill and excitement. Ji hyo is panting on top of him and the staff eyed them as if they had lost their screws. “Oppa! I told you it’s fun! Do you want another round?” She peeked out from his arms that were still draped around her. “Uh I really liked it… but can we take a rest first?” Ji hyo only laughed at him as she pulled him to his feet.

Jong kook grumbled like an old man while Ji hyo was just happily bouncing as she walked. She was ahead of him and he found it amusing looking at her kid-like attitude. He was looking at a carefree and young Ji hyo and he wished she would forever just be like that. He threw another look at the tower where they had just jumped from and shivered. He hadn’t known she was into extreme things. He couldn’t even name those other rides anymore. All he can remember are their bodies being thrown, lifted and swirled by different machines that seemed to be invented to drain your screams. However, it had been worth it - even if he felt like dying earlier. He knows he won’t ever ride those again, unless he is with her. Ji hyo suddenly stopped walking and turned to him with a melancholic smile. He tensed up, something is wrong with her. In a flash that look was gone, but still he can feel it was not over. “Oppa! I had fun today… This is the best first date ever. I don't know about the girl you told me earlier, but this is definitely not a failure for me." I'll be the one who'll fail you oppa. "If only we could be this happy always.”

I can’t promise you that Ji hyo… We’ll never know what could happen tomorrow. I can’t, I don’t know… I want to...

“Ji hyo-yah, we can try. I don’t know anything else but let’s try…”

"Neh. But oppa... I don't know how... but you just fulfilled a wish of mine. I'd always dreamed of doing this with you."

"I'm glad to have made you happy. You also fulfilled a dream of mine Ji hyo-yah, err that first date, you know. Let's go?" He once again claimed her hand in his as they walked together facing the sunset, the smiles on their faces wide and promising.

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“Where are we Ji hyo-yah? I didn't know this place was a bit too far.”

"I know the owner of the place..." Her voice sounded weak but something stopped him from pushing it. He looked around the restaurant. It is cozy and warmly illuminated with a few people dining. The smell inside is mouthwatering but for unknown reasons he is just not that hungry. He kept on glancing at Ji hyo and he could tell there was something wrong. Her hands are resting on the table and he noticed they are trembling. He placed his hands on top of hers and he marveled at how small her hands were. Even smaller than… He didn’t like what he was thinking. He had fun today. He only thought of Ji hyo and her adventurous side that was no match for him. Who would’ve thought that bungee jumping was her hobby? She still never fails to surprise him, but that carefree and young Ji hyo was gone. Her face is no longer blank but worried. “What’s wrong Ji hyo yah?” She looked at him, distraught and fearful. He wondered if it was about the secret she had mentioned. If he was curious before, now he doesn’t want to hear it anymore. He didn’t like seeing the toll it had on her. “Ji hyo-yah, it’s fine… I can live without knowing it.” Her hands stopped trembling. A tear slid on her cheeks and Jong kook sadly wiped them away. “We had a good time today oppa, I'm sorry.”

“Yes, we did have fun and no you don't have to apologize. Let’s end it that way… happily I mean. Would you like to go home?” She shook her head and Jong kook knew there was no stopping her now. Her strong determination was now mixed in with that worried look in her eyes. “We are at Chang Joo’s…” Her eyes are now dilated with fear and her voice sounded broken. Her hands trembled even more now and Jong kook felt angry. Who is Chang Joo? "Ji hyo, let's just go home and rest." Another shaking of her head. He was not liking this stubborn side of hers. Chang joo sounded familiar though. He sounded like someone he had read under related searches for her.

A chubby man with a greasy smile and roguish manner sauntered towards their table. He smelled of marinades and onions like a friendly cook but his face was not the kind you would have had good first impression on. He has on an apron and his face… Jong kook can now recognize him. The man is Ji hyo’s ex-boyfriend. Baek Chang Joo.

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Of Confusions and Confessions - 1

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