CHAPTER 37- Part 1 (KJK's POV)

 

The rough path under my feet doesn’t seem to have an end. Around us, there was only light and vast emptiness. If Jade wasn’t there, or if I haven’t known any better, I would have thought I was on my way to the afterlife.

 

My thoughts wandered back to her. I could remember so clearly, how she stood there, in pain, but she welcomed it. She was hurting, we were both hurting but it will be fine. Those words, the vows we had exchanged, will always be more than everything -- in the darkest moments, it will be the light. The unknown may be scary, unpredictable… but even from far away... the memories will continue to be my comfort and strength. I can’t deny that I am afraid and that my heart had been screaming at me to go back home to her, but I won’t.

 

I am not running away this time. I don’t know if it’s an excuse to make me feel better, but this time, it’s different. It’s not about starting anew, meeting her again and doing things right this time… it’s simply to be with her. The other things will matter, of course they will. We will face many things along the way and it will not be always okay. But just like before, we will make it, again and again.

 

The endless journey continued. No one spoke and I welcomed the silence to settle my thoughts. Physically, everything was peaceful. My body doesn’t even seem capable of exhaustion, not that I really knew how long we’ve been walking.

 

The moment felt surreal, like a dream but also almost ominous. I wondered why, but I could somehow sense that this was not just about us. There was this unexplainable feeling that I am just a pawn in a grand scheme, a chess piece manipulated by someone in this terrible game.

 

Ahead of me, the time god walked nonchalantly as if he had all the time in the world, which he does. I was just no longer sure of his role in the equation. Like me, he seemed lost and I wondered if he’s on my side.

 

 He slowed as if he could read my thoughts, “Jong kook, I can’t provide all the answers for you… but you need to know a few thing.” I nodded, feeling nervous and uncertain.

 

“When you threw the hourglass, the physical representation of the equation, it triggered a back-up plan. You were supposed to finish your mission, make your choices… and end the Equation. When you didn’t, Time tried to fix everything on its own.”

 

A surge of anger coursed through me. I hate to think everything was just for some play, that I’m really just a sacrifice. “What is my mission then? Fix myself? Find myself? Because for me it’s not any of that Jade. For me the mission you speak of, it doesn’t matter anymore. I already know what’s important to me and what I want. This is not a game to me, I’m not doing any mission or whatever.” I exhaled loudly. For a while Jade looked almost hurt, he even knows now how to make one feel guilty. “Okay… I’m sorry. Let’s say I finish the mission. I go back, that will end this equation?”

 

Jade shrugged his steps noticeably slower. It was as if he couldn’t understand what had transpired himself. “No one knows how the equation will end, Jong kook-ah. If you succeeded, the first will also end. You did something it didn’t expect.”

“So time thought I can’t do it… and it did what?” I muttered.

“When you went to the future, it was still connected to your present but after you threw away your hourglass, something was put into motion. Another dimension opened where another set of everything, including the past, present and future, were created. In that place the two of you were destined to stay beside each other.

“It tried to salvage the situation by exiling you because you are supposed to be the end. Everything in that place was made up for you. The equation will still continue, but you will be the last, and finally it would never happen again.”

 

I was right in a way and Jade’s tone confirmed it. I shuddered at the thoughts passing my mind. If I didn’t have the other memories, I would have stayed there… it will still continue, but I will be the last? I imagined myself trapped forever in the equation. Even death seemed a better option than to live in eternity imprisoned. Even if she was with me… I can’t do that to her. I can’t let them suffer an endless cycle of lies.

 

“You’re right, that place is a lie.” Jade said.

 

A lie… so what was the truth in everything?

 

“Jong kook, remember what you said before? That even among lies--"

“What we found will always be true.” I finished for him. Jade matched my pace and we walked side by side. He patted my shoulder and I know I could always trust this guy. “I… after this, I guess I wouldn’t see you again?”

 

Jade grinned. I had so many friends, met a many people… but this time god will undoubtedly be one of the most memorable. “You will miss me huh? I’m always watching kid, remember that,” he laughed, placed an arm around my neck then he pulled me into a headlock. I groaned and was about to complain when I saw Jade’s expression.

 

“Jade?” He walked faster as he laughed leaving me to watch his back. He is a god, but that time he felt so… human. I know I will miss him. And I  know I’ll be spending many moments looking up at the heavens wondering what this friend of mine is doing.

 

“Jong kook-ah!” he shouted, stopping suddenly that I bumped into his back. “Kim Jong kook, I’m sorry.”

 

I froze in my tracks. The sound of emptiness, of desperation and regret, emotions I can’t name accompanied those words. Jade was suddenly unlike Jade… not like the immortal I knew. I don’t even know how I could start to understand such kind of pain. I couldn’t even look up to see, I don’t know if I can witness someone’s sorrow that had been bottled up for a span of time that humans can’t even begin to imagine.

   

Jade continued to move forward and I followed. Then he says, “I know it is hard to understand, but I want you to know this. When the two of you were transported to that world, your memories had also been altered. You were no longer part of the world you knew. You were supposed to stay there, but when you both chose to face the truth, you had defied the future that was made for you.”

 “Jade, did you do something? Why do I have my memories then if everything was altered?”

“We all have to do our parts… besides, it was the two of you who did most of the job…

“… both of you had created something that even time can’t touch Jong kook. And I’m sure you can end this too, whatever the answer is, you already have it. It’s not a game… it’s not.”

 

We both grew silent. I searched my mind hard wondering if I already really have it. I had to find something and all I found was where I belong. I don’t belong in the future or the present, my place is only with her. “Where are we going then, Jade?”

“I’m sorry… actually there’s one more thing you should know…” his voice once again sounded so heartbreaking, regretful but at the same time, it scared me. What kind of truth could make a god act this way? “Jong kook-ah… I, I started the first equation. I am the first glitch of time and you are my equation.”

 

I was again confused. I knew I was the end… but Jade, his part is this? How?

 

“Jong kook, I really wished this was not the case. I wish I could finish it… but my equation is to find the end. You are the answer I’m seeking for, the end of what I had started…

 

“… I’m sorry...”

 

 

----------The Immortal’s Story----------

 

 

The world was once young and bare of life that we know. No living creatures, close to how human beings now, walked the earth. Only the strongest savages could thrive in the severe conditions while the gods freely roamed the lands to find something to do with their eternal time.

 

Soon the immortals got bored and deemed Earth worthless of their presence. For a while, the land was ignored, until one day, another form of life emerged in the harsh conditions. The immortals were excited and again watched the Earth carefully. Time began to exist as soon as the first death of life occurred.

 

The world continued to change. It was a very slow and complex process but to the gods who had lived infinitely it was never slow. They all took care and nourished the little ones, especially Father Time. The Earthlings grew, underwent more changes. The gods treated them like their children, providing them all they need and desire except eternity. In place for their greatest flaw, they were given another gift. Father Time made sure that though with limited life, man would never be bored like the gods.

 

Thus, man had filled the earth and the gods cherished them. The immortals became myths and legends on earth. They had fun on things such as who were more popular among the people and everyone was happy.

 

However, earth was not as perfect as time had hoped it will be, but it was better and more exciting than the life in the eternal realm. Soon the gods started to roam the land again. It was not disallowed but Father Time had to restrict them. There should never be more than mingling. They can befriend and observe the humans but the gods can’t live their ways. He understood the beings’ fascination for humans and their gift of emotions, for eternity had stripped them of those but still he was worried.

 

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Sala, a young earth princess who was unique among her kind had caught the attention of a bard, a god who sings lyrics about humans and their ways. He went to her in the form of a young handsome man and befriended her. Her defiance to the norms intrigued him and wished to learn more. He was honest and told the young princess right away what he is and why he came to her.

 

One day, as they were walking near the castle grounds, he asked her about her peculiar ways, “You had always asked me about why I do things I like sir. That’s your answer… I like them and I am not defying anything.” The god laughed. He has travelled every corners of the world and watched carefully through the years but this was a first. “And don’t go asking about the King and Queen. Your songs about obedient daughters and strict scary parents do not exist in this kingdom.”

 

He has described humans, had lived among them as an observer from the heavens and though he understands their ways, he can never truly experience it. He wondered if he could be like Sala and do something like be a human even for a while. He sighed audibly. “Why sir? Have you been prohibited to do as you wish? How terrible it must be.”

“I like you creature of this world, but it is more complex than everything in this Earth.” The young lady looked away and hid her face making him curious. He touched her reddened cheeks. “Hmm, you are warm.” The princess ran and left him but the god didn’t know why. Ever since that day, he waited days to see the princess again.

 

One day she came back and he cannot explain why something heavy seemed to be lifted from somewhere inside him. “You’re still here sir.”

“Time is of no essence to me young one.” He answered, his lips curling into a smile. His voice even sounded strange to his own ears but at that moment all that matters was she’s there.

 

“Sir, thou are really strange.” Then the princess lifted her skirts and to the god’s surprise, she was wearing pants. She raced around, running and skipping, laughing and chuckling. The god thought, the sounds she was making was even more beautiful and melodious than the songs angels sing.

 

The young girl soon grew into a beautiful princess and she would still meet with the god although not as often as before. His stories were never ending and it was all interesting to her. But one day the princess did not come back again and the god can only wait. He knows he could just find her but he promised his little friend not to do that. The princess insisted for their friendship to be a secret.

 

To the bard, time was never slow until that moment when he can’t seem to wait anymore for his friend. He began to be anxious and worried, feeling emotions that were actually unknown to him. He kept on pacing, restlessly going back and forth the different realms. Then when he felt like he couldn’t wait anymore, the princess has again appeared.

 

Again, the heavy thing inside him lifted but she looked different though he can’t place why. She was not anymore as bright and cheery as before he guessed. “What bothers you, Sala?” She smiled at him weakly. “What’s wrong, are you sick?” he tipped her face up towards him and looked at her closely, examining her like how he saw a mortal healer do. “I am only a god who creates stories and songs about heavens and earth therefore I cannot cure you of your ailment but please speak and I will try to seek a cure from my friends.” He didn’t get an answer, and the princess seemed even sicker than before.

 

He sighed audibly but to his relief the princess finally spoke. “Will you come with me and sing your stories?” Thinking that she was only bored like he was in his home, he brought her to other places and showed her things. They went to different kingdoms, danced with tribes, got lost in paradise, she was smiling the whole time and he didn’t bother ask her anymore what was wrong before.

 

“We’ve been gone for a long time according to earthly time, princess.” He prepared to take her back but she stopped him. “I don’t want to go back, yet. I know this is not my place and that this is not allowed… I am not even sure you’d understand but I…

 

“I, a mortal have fallen for an immortal my sir.”

 

The god dropped her hand, wondering if he heard it right. He tried to look at her eyes to find that sparkle, or a smile saying it was a lie, but there was none of that and he doesn’t know what to do. He sighed, feeling the heavy thing once again. “My fair princess… I have sung songs of your race. I have read and told your tales to other immortals. This cannot be. I know this thing you speak of, but I am not capable of it.”

“I love you my travelling bard. Oh how I wish I can call you with a name.”

 

The god didn’t know what to do but considered her words. He knew that love was humans’ greatest gift and poison at the same time. He doesn’t want his friend to be like the others who was destroyed because of love. “I will let you then do one thing. I can’t accept this love you say, but we are friends and I shall grant another wish of yours.” He knows it was unheard of and it was as if being branded by a mortal. He was just the bard, but to the person in front of him, he was someone and a name would only make that even stronger. The idea lifted the heavy thing inside him and at the same time, it also grew heavier. “You can give me a name, princess.”

 

A little bit of that sparkle, he missed so much returned to her eyes. She managed to at least smile weakly and he thought he did well.

 

“I want to call you Jade. Your eyes… the way you look, remind me of a polished Jade.”

“Then I’ll be Jade from now on my princess. Feeling better?” She nodded slightly, but she still hasn’t returned to her lively self.

 

“My heart is aching Jade. I know why it can’t be and I’m not a fool but still, it hurts so badly.”

 

He remembered the tales of broken humans and frowned. He walked closer to her and gathered the lady in his arms just as how a human comforts those important to them. He may not understand what it is but he knows of it. He may not have feelings but gods do know the concept of love and he knew that he should at least comfort her in any way.

 

“Please do not bring me back. Not yet Jade.” He could only nod at her sincere request. He watched her fall asleep snuggling at his chest and he felt emptiness. It was the same as when the gods had felt so tired and frustrated of eternity but this was of a different ache. He wished she would be happy and it created a big confusion and frustration in him that he couldn’t understand.

 

He touched her face and was drawn to her warmth. He wondered about how love felt as he caressed her soft pale cheeks. She was one of the most magnificent among her people, even as fair or even more than as angels in heaven.

 

She stirred and he withdrew as if caught meddling with something he shouldn’t. She reached for his hand. “Don’t stop. What were you thinking of Jade?”

“I am wondering about this thing you call love.”

“I do not know what I can do to show you, but I am willing to do anything for it, Jade. Let me show you.”

 

He let her hold his hand but her touch strayed to his face. Her warmth was burning him in a nice way. It made him feel something different. “Hold me too.” she whispered and he did, enticed by her voice. He wondered how it would feel to do it with her just how others had done in the stories he had sung before.

 

“Make love to me.” she whimpered under his touch. The god froze. “We can’t my dearest.” But then he didn’t really mean it. “Please my love… please Jade…”

 

He could have never known what has transpired in him to do the act, but he obeyed to the nameless nagging somewhere in him. He gave in to her and gave up on his vow. He held her as if everything was falling apart and she was the only one he could grab. He moaned her name and let go forgetting the barriers, forgetting time. Forgetting what he was, and for a god, that was the closest they can be to a mortal’s love.

 

“I love you. I love you.” she whispered over and over again as he lay beside her. Every time those words hit something inside him that made him smile. He didn’t know it yet but his heart was beating in tune of a man in love. All he knew was that gods has a role to perform until eternity ends. He could’ve never known that his role had suddenly changed that moment.

 

He knows he had committed a terrible mistake but it didn’t seem wrong. The princess looked happy. She was much brighter as if a heavy burden has been lifted from her heart. He closed his eyes and wished she can stay peaceful and happy like that until the end of her time and in exchange, he will suffer for eternity for their sin.

 

Heaven and earth, the immortals and the mortals’ way of life were doomed to take a drastic change. When they became one, they had become even further from each other. Their union was also their separation.

 

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