A cold gush of wind passed by, making Jong kook shiver. The cemetery became suddenly unsettling, as if warning him of what was to come. His gaze was trained on the man walking towards him. He looked a lot like her. He reminded Jong kook so much of Eun hye. He waited until the man had reached him before standing up.

 

“Hyung, you finally came.” Eun Shin, Eun hye’s brother, smiled warmly at him. The younger one looked relieved, as if a huge burden was lifted off his shoulders. Jong kook sensed something odd in the situation.

 

“Hyung, I-I’m really… you finally visited noona.” Eun Shin stopped, finally realizing how silent and still Jong kook was. “You haven’t read? I assumed you didn’t come here anymore because you were mad at her.” It didn’t take a long time before Jong kook realized what those words meant. Finally, visited… I haven’t visited here? Why should I be mad?

 

“I don’t understand… Eun Shin-ah, what do you mean?” Jong kook asked. The other one gently laid the flowers on the tomb and whispered a prayer before saying anything. “I know this is… it’s hard to understand. Ever since that day, I waited for you to come. I know it hurt a lot but I kept on wishing you’d come again and forgive her.” The younger one looked at him with so much sadness and guilt. Jong kook’s heart raced, sensing that the final pieces of the puzzle were falling into place. He just knew it… in the end, it still had something to do with Eun hye.

 

“Maybe I don’t have the right to say this Jong kook hyung. I didn’t say it before because I was a coward… I’m not defending her hyung, but maybe I am. I just have to… I should’ve told you that time.”

 

----------Eun Shin’s Memories----------

 

Losing her was hard. I almost lost mom too. Everyone grieved, they… you… everyone thought it was an accident. It is, but there’s a reason… there’s a secret behind noona’s death. I was one of the people who kept that secret. I did it to protect noona… I thought I did well but I was wrong.

 

The day before the wedding, noona looked so happy. She was so excited to be married, to live her life with you – her one true love. That evening, we were just talking and laughing. She was sentimental about many things but she also talked a lot about hyung. She can’t wait to be with you and I can see it in her eyes, she loves you so much. It was around 10 that night when she felt dizzy. We dismissed it and her manager said that it’s probably because of fatigue and Eun hye noona went to bed.

 

Two hours later, I found her scribbling to her diary. I was about to go back to sleep but I noticed how pale she has become. Drops of sweat beaded her forehead and she seemed out of breath. I was so worried… she looked… dying. She looked so sick that I cried and pleaded to her to go to the hospital. She didn’t want to. She said she had a wedding to attend, that her Jong kook is waiting for her.

 

I panicked. I called manager Min and she also didn’t want the media’s attention. I was so angry, noona looked so sick and all they thought of was what people would think. I threatened but noona was adamant. When noona got worse, Min noona relented and called a doctor.

 

I was so worried as I waited outside noona’s room. Only the manager and I knew about her situation. After some time, manager Min went out of the room and asked me if I love noona. Of course, I said neh. Then I found myself promising to do everything she asked. She made me swear never to tell anyone. Noona was pregnant and preparing for the wedding stressed her and the baby.

 

I didn’t see anything wrong with it. I was a little bit flustered, a bit mad like all brothers do. I trusted you hyung but then I thought you were going to get married anyway, everyone does that anyway. I know you love her and a part of me was excited to have a niece. I asked manager Min why it is a big deal. She looked sad and told me, “it’s the end for her career.” Standing outside her room… I slowly got it.

 

Eun hye noona had always been full of dreams. Today, a scandal could still end a career, but eight years ago, getting pregnant – even if you are to be wed, it’s the biggest blow that can happen to an actress. Especially to noona, she was nothing yet. She’s popular but… I knew what manager Min meant. The pregnancy will make her a homemaker. Who would want a mother as the lead when there are younger and better actresses out there? People would criticize her, she would endure it but it would be hard. She has you Jong kook hyung but even still I feared for her. I didn’t want her to suffer.

 

I was finally able to see noona.  She smiled at me weakly and I asked her, “What now?” I remember hugging her gently. I didn’t want noona to suffer. I remember noona’s sunbae who had killed herself. I was afraid. I saw how noona tried to look fine. She was throwing away everything for hyung, and I thought that maybe it could work out. Noona could just live a normal life as a mother and a wife.

 

“Why? Are you mad at me Eun shin-ah?”

I shook my head. Why would I be? I was worried for her. Part of me wanted her to be happy with you. I know you would make her happy, my niece… you’ll make a good father and husband, but a part of me was worried. I knew, I know even if she wouldn’t say it. Noona was someone who loved her job… it wasn’t a job to her but her life until you came.

 

“Eun shin-ah… I love him more than my dreams. This is not something to be sad for but it’s something to celebrate. Go now Eun Shin-ah, I don’t want to look ugly on my wedding tomorrow.” I left reluctantly and noona pretended to scold me so I left her. Frankly, her words didn’t comfort me at all.

 

The next day, I was relieved to see noona bright and happy. I was fooled. I thought my noona was a so-so actress at that time. I about it. I told that she could never fool me. I was so wrong about that. She had improved and even fooled her little brother who knew her so much. She was able to fool everyone.

 

I wanted to ride with noona to the church but my mother scolded me. Noona went alone. The next thing I knew, I was at the hospital… mourning for her.

 

Noona loved you so much hyung, but maybe she wasn’t prepared. I know everything but manager Min told me to keep it a secret. Even mom doesn’t know. I told myself, for noona, I would carry the burden of her secret. I don’t want her to become a bad woman in front of anyone.

 

We were able to convince mom not to let the public know about my niece. But there’s more to that. We told the police not to investigate anymore on how noona ended in that lake. And you, you never once doubted it but I know that even if you had never questioned it… I know you had always wondered why. We told them it was a special place and that noona just wanted to say good-bye to it. We lied, me, manager and some people from the company knew Eun hye noona wanted out.

 

Noona loved you so much. I know in my heart it wasn’t like that. She didn’t escape to abandon you but to think or so I hope. She might have thought of escaping, she might have had to choose but I know she’d come back in the end. She’d choose you. She was only human hyung, I still believed she would’ve come that day if not for that accident… I am not defending noona, but I know her heart better than anyone does. She would’ve come… I know she would but she couldn’t because… because she was gone.

 

The company, they suffered huge losses because she was gone but manager told me if the public knew about it, not only noona’s image would suffer. People would come after us, even the company would so I was silenced forever. Even at her death, those sharks… It was still business. They told me they suffered but I know the company got bigger. The sympathy they got from noona’s death made their artists popularity soar. I forgave them and moved on but it was hard.

 

For years, I kept it in. Until that time… until I found her diary. I know I had to let you know… that you had the right to know and that she wants that but I couldn’t. Remember the diary’s cover? It says that it was for you. Somehow… I don’t know why but it felt like she knew that she would be taken away.

 

Even before I found her diary, I had watched you. I would stay the whole day during her birthday, her death anniversary… even those special days for you two. I watched you come here. You got married and I found that diary later on. I thought you had moved on and that you shouldn’t know anymore that my noona... that she wanted to escape, that there was a time she almost chose her dreams over you.

 

It took me a lot before I was able to decide to give it to you but every time I get the chance, I’d slink back to the shadows. I really wished she would just remain the woman you loved and not the runaway bride that she is. Yes, even acknowledging that she tried to run was painful. I know it tore her to pieces to even think of it. My poor noona.

 

I was surprised when you showed up here the day you were to be wed. I felt so… so guilty, sad, I pitied Ji hyo-ssi. I thought you shouldn’t be here. I wanted to tell you but I was scared. I was trapped. I had to protect noona but I couldn’t let you live like that either. I know noona was sad because you hadn’t let go of her and you already had your family.

 

For the two years after your wedding, I carried another burden. I finally read the last entry in noona’s diary and found out why she ran, why she was at that lake. Let her tell you. If you haven’t read it hyung, please do and please understand. She loved you… but just maybe… it’s not… it was just not meant to be. You weren’t meant for each another.

 

 Two years ago, it was a dark day. I waited right here at her tomb instead of hiding somewhere like I used to do. I handed you the diary and ran away. I guess I should’ve talked to you back then. But I couldn’t look at you. I didn’t want to see your face when you finally learned the truth. That she ran away. That if she hadn’t got scared, you two would be happily married and living together today. I didn’t want to see my sister like that… I didn’t want her to become the bad woman. But I also know if you think of her like that… it’s not your fault… I’m sorry. Noona was sorry hyung.

 

I might just be selfish that’s why I am here saying this. I wanted my sister to be the woman who loved you so much and noona, the one you loved but I know it is unfair. You can’t keep coming here anymore. I should’ve told you before… just go back next time as her old friend or when you are ready to forgive her.

 

-----------End of Flashback----------

 

Jong kook felt his knees weaken. He looked at his hand and was surprised to find drops of liquid on them. He was crying but he didn’t even know the exact reason. Was he crying because of the reason he lost Eun hye… or was it because for years, the old man, and Eun hye - they kept him from loving Ji hyo, from admitting what he really felt?

 

“Hyung…” Jong kook didn’t want to hear it. He let the tears fall. He let himself half sit down, half collapse on the ground. It was too much already. The confusion, the emotions… everything was too much. He couldn’t breathe. He just doesn’t know what to do.

 

“I am s-sorry, she’s sorry.” Eun shin knelt beside him, not knowing whether to touch Jong kook, talk to him or let him be. He stood up and awkwardly stooped down before finally deciding to just stand and watch the other man stare at the nothingness. Eun shin hesitated and decided that he was done there.

“I’m sorry.” Eun Shin left and Jong kook finally knew what it was that he needed to do. Forgiveness…

 

“J-Jade…” Jong kook felt a little bit of comfort seeing the time god sitting beside him. For years, the other Jong kook had faithfully stayed by Eun hye’s side… but his heart had been with Ji hyo in the latter years. For a long time, the future Jong kook felt compelled to hold on to Eun hye. For years, the other him hurt himself… hurt the woman he loved… and held on to the past.

 

“Why was I born stupid? Why?” His hands found Jade’s robe. He clung to him weakly, thankful that for a while, he could lean on someone. “J-Jong kook… the other me, Jade… he was not bad… he was just stupid. Eun hye wasn't bad either... she was scared.” He gripped the time god’s clothes. His eyes shut tight, his breathing ragged.

 

“Kid… it’s okay. You don’t have to hold it in.” That was Jong kook’s undoing. He let out an anguished cry, his tears and frustrations spilling. For a while, they stayed like that… his sobs louder than the wind. He let out everything. He felt so frustrated, pitied Ji hyo, pitied Jong kook, pitied Eun hye and the baby. He had always been stubborn... he always kept to himself. He was strong but he couldn’t anymore. He just can’t anymore… for Eun hye, for Ji hyo, for Hyo Jong, for the other Jong kook… he cried for them. He just felt so sorry. He felt so sad for their stories that were all tangled up and untold.

 

“It’s not your fault kid.”

“I know but that fool… how could he hold on to a woman who's gone already. How could he… and all the while Ji hyo and Hyo Jong was there.” Jade draped an arm around Jong kook. Had it been a normal circumstance, he would’ve pulled away but at that time, Jade was his only friend.

 

“For years you weren’t able to get over her death. You really believed that it was her for you. When you felt your heart beat again for Ji hyo, you thought you had betrayed Eun hye. Then the old man came and the doubts. You stayed by the other woman’s side, coming here to her grave and seeking comfort. But you couldn’t let go of Ji hyo … no matter what you do you are drawn to her despite the other forces keeping you from fully loving her. You unknowingly gave your heart to her but you were tied to a lot of things.”

“I know… that’s why I am a fool. And when I learned about Eun hye… I forgave her right? Without a doubt, I never doubted Eun hye but Ji hyo… I doubted her and even Hyo Jong.” Jade nodded. A handkerchief magically appeared in his hand and he wiped Jong kook’s tears away.

 

“You forgave her… but you had never forgiven yourself. Ji hyo had forgiven you already about the old man… it was you who wasn’t able to let go –”

“– For years I had hurt Ji hyo… Jong kook felt like he didn’t deserve her… he wished she would go but he wasn’t able to let go of her either. Now… how could I tell her that I even went here the day of our wedding? What was I doing here?”

“Jong kook-ah… Eun hye had a choice, to come or not to come.”

“But she died… she wasn’t able to choose because someone made that decision for her!”

“Jong kook was also given the choice to come or not to come… he came because he loved her.”

“But it doesn’t change the fact that I was here the day of our wedding.” Jade gave him a look intended for a child who didn’t get things right away. “I was able to come back… then we were married.”

“Bingo… some things were meant to happen for a reason. Why don’t you follow that young chap’s advice and do a little research? The answers you seek, you’ll find them.”

 

Jong kook weakly straightened up, using his arms to support himself but he only ended up falling against Jade. The time god had a body of a young man but he stood up and effortlessly lifted the mortal to his feet. “Kid… you know everything now… what matters is how you are going to handle this. The next few days would be rough.” Jong kook absent-mindedly looked at Jade. He was looking at him but his mind couldn’t think straightly.

 

“The end is near… isn’t it?”

“Yes Jong kook-ah. You shouldn’t be here now. Find the place where you belong.” The time god vanished, leaving Jong kook in the silence of the graveyard.

 

Forgiveness… I have no one to forgive… it’s I, me. I’m the one who is sorry.

 

He turned around and looked at Eun hye’s tomb. He didn’t feel any hatred. He understood that it had been hard. It hurt that he wasn’t enough but wasn’t that what he wanted for Ji hyo? He didn’t want to be the cause of Ji hyo and Eun hye giving up their dreams… like Ji hyo. He also took away Eun hye’s dream. It was his fault.

 

“I-I… did you really run away? I’m sorry… if not…” but he couldn’t say it because if she was alive… there would be no Hyo Jong and Ji hyo in his life. He didn't want her dead and the baby, but... he wished she didn't run away but... he doesn't want to think of it. It ached to think of it, but it was impossible not to. If Eun hye wasn’t gone… Ji hyo would not be there… and it hurt. It pained him so much, because he knew he could only have one.

 

“It’s me you should forgive… I am sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough, no… I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry that you had to go through that.” 

 

He walked to her grave and felt the cold stone. He shivered. Jong kook thought of the cold lake, he pictured Eun hye crying alone. She must’ve hurt so much to think of leaving, she must’ve suffered so much. 

 

“I forgive you… Eun hye-yah…”

 

--------------------

 

A loud sound of blowing horns woke him from his trance. A police officer knocked and he lowered the windows. “I-I…” His throat was so dry that it was hard to speak. He can’t even tell where he is right now.

 

“Ajusshi, yah…” the young officer said something but he could only nod. His eyesight was bleary and he realized it was tears blurring his vision. “Ajusshi? Are you okay? Yah!”

 

--------------------

 

“Jong kook-ah! What happened –" A tall police officer blocked Gap Jin before he can reach Jong kook. Gap Jin helplessly went with the officer to answer some question but he can’t get his eyes off Jong kook. His friend and charge seemed so down, that the word felt like an understatement. The man looked shattered beyond repair.

 

“Jong kook-ah, what happened? How did you end up here in Incheon?” asked Gap Jin as they went inside the car.

“The police… media.”

“I took care of it… that’s not what matters. Why… you look soulless.”

“I do?” Jong kook let out a laugh that made Gap Jin cringe. “Gap Jin hyung, please… not my home.”

 

The older one hesitated. He wanted nothing but to ask Jong kook. He sighed and decided to swallow his questions for the meantime. “Where do you want to go then?”

“Omma…” that was all he said and until they arrived at the Kim’s, Jong kook never said another word.

 

--------------------

 

“I’m going now…” Gap Jin turned to leave but Jong kook stopped him. “Ji hyo will worry… take the car hyung and tell her… I am okay. I just need to talk to mom.” Gap Jin nodded but Jong kook could sense his hesitation. “I’ll be fine hyung. Tell her we can’t call from here and hyung… don’t tell her about… about what happened.”

“Neh… Jong kook-ah… whatever it is, it will be fine.” Jong kook only smiled but failed. Gap Jin patted his shoulder and walked away.

 

He opened the gate and stepped inside their old house. Her mom was sitting on the porch. Her smile inspired a fresh wave of tears from Jong kook and he let the hot liquid race down his face. It was as if she was waiting for him, as if she knew he was coming.

 

He walked to her, almost stumbling in the way. He sat beside her and hugged her tight, burying his face in her arms. Drowning his sorrows with her scent. It was quiet but solemn, as if the heavens were mourning. There was only the wind and leaves rustling. He felt her hand his back. She was humming that song she used to sing to lull him to sleep. He was being into unconsciousness, he felt himself drift off. Her mother’s hands and voice did him miracles and for a while, he forgot the suffocating pain in his heart.

 

Jong kook woke up and he was in his old room. His mother was knitting quietly beside him. He can hear Jong Myung’s voice outside. The smell, the sound… he was home. It was as if he was a kid again but he wasn’t and the temporary numbness wore off. He stood up cringing, reeling from the pain of yesterday’s revelations.

 

“Jong kook-ah… come here nae adeul.” He quietly sat up and inched closer to her mother. “Nae adeul…  I can feel your pain.” Jong kook wanted to cry but he has cried enough and no more tears would come out his swollen eyes.

 

“Omma… it has been hard. I was tired.” He didn’t even know that he was tired. He didn’t even realize how much he wanted to crawl away and hide from all the pains and the truth. He was so exhausted of thinking of what ifs and buts. “I hurt them.” He expected his mom to tell him he didn’t but the older woman only looked at him worriedly.

 

“I hurt them omma. I destroyed their dreams… I k-ki…kill… if not for me… if I didn’t. She would’ve been alive.” Still the old woman said nothing and only watched her youngest. “Omma, I am a bad person… everyone suffered because of me. And now she… I feel so guilty. I am not happy but I can’t wish her back… my family. I have my family now.” He couldn’t even cry anymore. He felt his head spin, his stomach ached and he realized he couldn’t remember the last time he had a meal.

 

Jong Myung entered the room and smiled timidly to his younger brother. A tray was placed in front of Jong kook and he stared blankly to his hyung.  The older man placed the spoon in his hand and pointed to the food. “I’d be hurt if you don’t eat this Jong kook-ah… I carried you all the way here and I made you food. Now eat.” He tried to voice out a hello and a thank you but instead croaked one and they grinned. Jong kook managed a weak smile but it was enough already to relieve the oldest Kim.

 

The soup warmed his body and eased his dizziness. Jong Myung had left them and his mom only watched him eat. “My boy, you might be wondering why I haven’t spoken… I had raised you well. You know what you need to do Jong kook-ah, omma is here to listen to you but I can’t tell you what to do.” She placed a hand knitted scarf beside him.

 

“This scarf look’s beautiful don’t you think? It would be winter soon.” Jong kook only nodded and watched his mom fumble for something in a small box. Jong kook was surprised to see balls of yarn looking all tangled and used. “This thing… it looks ugly but when weaved like this, it looks beautiful. There is no bad person my son… only people who chooses to be bad.” He nodded. It was the only thing he could do. His throat hurt, his heart felt tired, his body was weak. He envied Ji hyo and wished she were there. She was so strong while he only knew how to run away and cry. It was always like that, he’d discover something… run and cry. Now there’s no Ji hyo here, there’s only him.

 

“What are you going to do now son?” That was his question too.

“I miss my family…”

“That’s good… you aren’t needed here son… but they need you there.” He gently placed his spoon down. He may not be able to look at Ji hyo without feeling guilty but Jade and his mom was right. He needed to be in the place where he belonged, where he was needed. “Can I go now omma?”

“You should’ve not come here in the first place nae adeul… take care on your way.”

“I love you omma… Thank you for understanding.” He gave her another hug, as if he was recharging for the long day ahead of him. It felt wonderful to be with the person who knew everything about him… about the time travel. He could just be him. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know or if what he says doesn’t make sense… but he still needed more, needed Ji hyo.

 

“I love you too son, but do me a favor and love yourself too.”

 

--------------------

 

Jong kook hadn’t taken public transport for years but it was refreshing. People looked at him weirdly but he thought he looked so odd that people might’ve mistaken him for a look alike. He kept on opening and closing his phone and ten minutes before he arrived at his stop, he pressed the call button. “Where are they hyung?”

 

--------------------

 

Ji hyo woke up in a room and saw only white. She blinked her eyes and saw a familiar man. “What took you so long…? I was waiting… waiting and waiting… and our baby.”

“I’m sorry, I am here now. I’m so sorry.” Ji hyo smiled weakly, tears raced down her pale cheeks. The man stooped down and placed a gentle kiss on her eye, willing the tears to stop. “Don’t cry anymore my love… I’m sorry.”

“I-I was just… just… happy… finally you came, I waited for so long.”