“Omma! Appa!” Hyo Jong ran to her parents in excitement. Jong kook lovingly scooped her into his arms, carefully hugging her tight without crushing her little body. Ji hyo joined them, throwing her arms as far as she could around the two. Hyo Jong alternately cupped her parents’ faces, kissing them everywhere making everyone laugh, including the people watching them.

 

“I really, really missed you omma, appa. I’ve been a good girl, really, really good! Even ask samchon, I been good. And I got something, come.” She wiggled out of Jong kook’s arms and then ran to the house. Ji hyo followed her and Jong kook was left alone with Shi Yoon. He eyed the younger man, sensing something different about him. “Shi Yoon, thank you for taking care of Hyo Jong… but why was she with you instead of my in-laws?”

“Hyungnim, I’m sorry for not telling you beforehand but actually Hyo Jong was ...” he paused and shifted. Jong kook realized Shi Yoon was staring at the girl who was with him. “I was about to tell halmeoni, hyung but I heard she was not feeling well so I decided to take care of Hyo Jong instead. In case you’re wondering why I had a babysitter instead of ajumma is because I didn’t anticipate the change of plans. Ajumma had a little vacation too.”

“Ah, so it was like that. Anyway thanks Shi Yoon, umm for the nice vacation.”

“I have my planner to thank for that. I guess she can keep her job.”

“It was certainly good. I think your planner is waiting for you, you two should also plan something.” Jong kook tried but failed to stifle a smile as Shi Yoon reddened, a feat Jong kook didn’t know was possible.

 

“She’s my secretary hyung and she also watched over Hyo Jong these past two days. My babysitter left me so it sort of happened that way...”

“Oh, then have your planner plan for you two.” The younger one awkwardly said goodbye after setting up a meeting with Jong kook for Ji hyo’s comeback. He walked to his car followed by the woman. Shi Yoon might not have noticed, but Jong kook could tell that their feelings were mutual.

 

“Yeobo, why are you smiling there alone?” Ji hyo asked, finding Jong kook still standing outside. “Nothing, I was just saying goodbye to Shi Yoon and his secretary.”

“Those two are a good match. That dongsaeng finally found someone who could stand him and his quirks.”

“You noticed too?”

“I’m a woman yeobo I have a good intuition.”

“That’s scary…”

“It’s not if you’re not doing anything weird…” Jong kook stared at her, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “I know that look too… yeobo.” Jong kook mouthed ‘what’ and furrowed his brows innocently.

“You still can’t get enough don’t you? Hyo Jong missed us so hurry up and drag your inside.” Jong kook reddened and Ji hyo laughed triumphantly as they walked inside the house.

 

“Happy, happy mother’s day omma!” Hyo Jong pulled Ji hyo to sit on a chair, then she pressed a button and the television came to life. The screen showed Hyo Jong smiling at the camera. The background music was familiar. Hyo Jong in the video started to dance then stopped as she sang in a clear voice the song Loveable. She was making cute faces into the camera as she belted out the lyrics. Jong kook and Ji hyo clapped all throughout the little show, proud of their little angel. It was all sorts of touching, adorable and more, making the house alive and full of laughter.

 

When the video ended, Hyo Jong clambered over to Ji hyo and hugged her tight before showering her mother with kisses. “I love you omma, happy mother’s day!” Ji hyo could only hug Hyo Jong tight, thankful for having such a perfect daughter. After everything that had happened, and her growing up without seeing Jong kook a lot, she was perfect and Ji hyo would do anything to protect that innocence as long as she could.

 

“Did you not like it omma?” Hyo Jong asked, her eyes wide with worry. Ji hyo shook her head no and pinched Hyo Jong’s cheeks.

 

“Silly, of course omma likes it. Really, really likes it. Thank you my angel,” she said her voice a pitch higher and tight and painful. She stood up with Hyo Jong in her arms then thick arms enveloped her. She felt herself being lifted up, making both girls chuckle.

 

“Happy mother’s day Ji hyo-yah…” Jong kook said and pulled her even closer to him crushing Hyo Jong between them. “Appa! Can’t breathe!” Jong kook chuckled and kissed the two ignoring the pang of sadness he felt at the memory of his own mom.

 

Jong kook slipped inside his room leaving Hyo Jong and Ji hyo to catch up with each other. He was not surprised to see Jade inside playing games while lying down on the bed. He looked up to Jong kook and feigned surprise.

 

“Yo! Kid, how’s Jeju? You got a nice tan.” Jong kook ignored the time god and sat on the edge of the bed, fiddling with his phone. “I don’t even know how to contact her. I can't even greet her on mother's day.” He looked up at the ceiling and let himself fall to the bed, making Jade scram to avoid being crushed. "I’m a worthless son, I failed her again. Like always, I’m a disappointment.”

“Geez, hey muscle man what’s with the sudden drama? Yah! Are you crying? Hey…” Jong kook rolled away from Jade and closed his eyes tight willing the warm liquid to go away. He didn’t want Ji hyo to see him like this but the thought of his mother crippled because of him, his hyung telling him that he called them a burden left an aching regret and guilt because there was a point in his life that those thoughts were real but he had never voiced them out. He was young and many things didn’t make sense. His idol days had been cruel. He wasn’t immune to life and troubles. It may be the future him who voiced out those words but the thoughts had been his a long time ago. Time had thought him to change – he was not like that anymore. He had long ago accepted that guilt but now it was haunting him again.

 

“It’s not really like that Jade right? Something happened for Jong kook to act like that. Like how that old man made him like that to Ji hyo, there must be a reason. Help me out Jade.”

“From my understanding of humans, mothers love their children unconditionally. Jong kook do you remember when you were 16 years old?”

 

Jong kook stared at the ceiling his thoughts swirling in his head. How could he forget that time in his life?

 

----------Fragments of Memories: 16 ----------

 

Jong kook stared at his report card. The boy across him smirked and he cursed as his eyes glinted with anger. He could hear still hear laughter. They were mocking him. He had long ago accepted that studying is not for him but he can’t stand hearing the others make fun of him. Jong kook turned around and glared at the boys laughing behind him. Some whispered the word stupid and he almost lunged at them if not for the teacher calling his attention.

 

It was a snowy afternoon when Jong kook found himself in a deserted alley with his friends. They were a wild bunch of kids known for beating up anyone who crossed them. He smiled at the irony of how he ran away from a gang but still ended up leading one.

 

Jong kook swung his fist smirking as it made contact with warm flesh. The stocky boy almost toppled but he came to Jong kook shouting, his fist raised. Around them, the others had already broken into a frenzied fight. Legs kicking and fists swinging, everyone tried to outmatch each other. Jong kook beat up the stocky boy until the other couldn’t stand anymore. A boy caught him unguarded and he felt a burning pain in his face. He coughed and wiped his nose, cursing as he saw blood smeared in his hand. “You !” He jumped the taller boy pinning him to the ground with his hips. He hit him as much as he can until he saw red. Someone pulled him away but he didn’t relent. He continued to swing his fist until he heard sirens blaring. He got up to run when something hard hit his head and he passed out.

 

Jong kook winced. The garish lights blinded him for a moment, until he saw his hyung peering at him. The older boy’s face was dark. “Hyung…”

“Jong kook-ah, what is it this time?” His hyung’s voice sounded tired and it was because of him. He can’t even detect any anger in it. Had he not been hit, most likely they would be having that conversation at the police station. He didn’t really want this but he didn’t know how to escape.

 

“Four years ago when appa left you promised nae dongsaeng, we promised.” Jong Myung sounded desperate. Jong kook knew his hyung only wanted to reach out but it’s so hard for him. He feels so alone, that no one would understand. He himself can’t even start to understand why. He at school. He is a fight magnet... a delinquent.

“When can I go out?”

“Jong kook-ah...” His hyung started to cry to his surprise. The older boy sobbed openly despite the nurse and the other patients watching. “I don’t know what to do anymore Jong kook-ah. I don’t know anymore… I don’t want to give up on you. But, but I can’t, I don’t know… please, it’s so hard.” His hyung sounded so helpless that his heart ached. He wanted to put his arms around his hyung as he used to when he was younger, but his arms just lay there uselessly. He wished he was ten again when hugging, sorry and thanks were easier to give. He wanted to be the ten-year-old Jong kook who never made his omma cry. Instead, he was a troublesome 16 year old.

“Don’t tell omma, hyung.” He only watched Jong Myung shed helpless tears in the middle of the ward.

 

“Jong kook-ah, here.” Jong kook stared at the suede jacket in his hands, the material soft and shiny. It was very popular among youngsters, one he knows he won’t ever have. “Omma?” Then he noticed under the wane light how his mother limped. She was wearing loose clothes but then he realized those clothes once clung to her mother’s body like second skin. He felt his throat tighten at the sight of his poor mother. He could only bow his head as he stared at the jacket until his eyesight blurred. He wished he could also give her something valuable. He wanted to give her the son she wanted.

 

“Omma…” Jong kook the report card to his mom. It wasn’t much but he managed to increase his ranking in class. "I-I’ll do better. Next time, I’ll do better,” he whispered, his voice cracking and low. He lowered his gaze even more. “My promise before, broke it… s-so, s-so-rry –” he felt his mother’s calloused but warm hands cup his face. She pulled him to her and held him in her bony arms. Jong kook hated himself more. He willed the tears to go away but they didn’t listen.

“Hush my child. It’s all okay. Thank you nae adeul.” Jong kook cried as he clung to her. He promised himself that he wouldn’t make his mother cry again. He buried himself to her, his troubles a distant memory. He hugged his mother tight, promising himself to never forget that moment.

 

--------------------

 

“Jade… I’m not a child anymore. I don’t even know what happened. It’s… these past few days had been more than a rollercoaster ride.” He clenched his fist and let out a deep breath. “There’s too much and… I don’t know, the old man, the secrets… omma had always been at the corner of my mind but Ji hyo came first. I don’t know, it’s making me feel so guilty after all the things we went through before, my mom… I forgot for a while, was too absorbed with everything. I… I’m just so lost.”

“Jong kook-ah… for mothers their children are neither adult nor kids. You’re the human, you should know better. Besides, if you can show your mom that you are happy and you have a loving family, don’t you think she’ll be happy for you? If you came to her with your life messed up what will you tell her? She’ll just be hurt and she’d probably blame herself for not raising you well. If you went to her first she'll just send you back. Now is a good time to show her that she had raised a good son.” Jong kook fought the tightness in his chest, wiped the tears away and stood up to leave the room. “It’s not that simple Jade –”

“You really make it a habit to complicate simple things don’t you? Jong kook-ah… I had a mom too before.” Jong kook stared at Jade incredulously and the time god gave a faint smile. “I know you want to just tell them everything and I’m sorry you can’t. I know you'd try to challenge time and I wouldn’t be able to stop you. I know this is hard but trust me, you are doing better than expected.” The time god waved and something appeared in his hands. “I really wish I could help but for now this is the only thing I can do for you.” Jade tossed the thick brown envelope at his feet. Jong kook picked it up and when he stood up, Jade was gone.

 

Jong kook opened the familiar envelope and felt sick when he saw a picture of him in front of a coffee shop talking to one of the RecCo girls. Her hand was in his. They looked like couples in a secret rendezvous. He hadn’t asked Shi Yoon yet about those girls but all he wanted was to get rid of them and never see them again. The photo was taken from a distance and he can’t make out his own expression. Then something in the background made him reel. Across the street was his omma, looking at him and everything suddenly became clear to him. Looking at the date, it was when his mom had the accident.

 

It all came to him. It was the same thing he did during his rebellious years. He was called all sorts of names and he made it true, he became his image. It was unintended until he found himself hurting everyone and himself but he was too stubborn and prideful to stop. He knew he was letting his family down but it had been hard. The image his mother saw was of Jong kook hitting on girls and he became one by letting her see him that way. He acted as a coward again. Instead of talking or asking his mother, he pushed her away.

 

Future Jong kook had many worries. His wife, his mother seeing him like that, his hyung asking him about the rumors, the blackmail, he burst. The darkness in him, the him that he suppressed for a long time… he reached the edge and he said things he hadn’t mean. He said things he regretted but like the rebellious Jong kook who was trying to piece himself together – he was too broken to mend anyone’s heart. He fell into the abyss, lost and had no one. He probably figured that he was much better alone with everyone hating him instead of sharing the pain and have them pity him. He just couldn’t bear to come out, he had always been stubborn… always suppressed until he couldn’t take it anymore. 

 

--------------------

 

“Omma, where is my baby brother?” asked Hyo Jong innocently. “Yoon samchon said you were making me one? I really, really want one,” she said as she parted her food, segregating the greens from the others. “Appa? Appa!”

“H-Hyo Jong-ah baby, what?” Jong kook sputtered but was unable to escape the fits of coughs as he accidentally bit into a chili. Ji hyo had to tap his back furiously, filling his glass with water every time he set it down.

“Aigoo, what’s wrong with you yeobo? Let’s talk about it later, you’ve been weird since you came out from your room,” she whispered then turned back to the little girl. “Hyo Jong-ah, don’t worry about your baby brother neh? Babies need time to grow so you have to wait patiently okay?”

“How long omma?”

“It’s like as long as your school time… from first day to the last day of classes.”

“Wow that’s really, really long.”

“The baby needs to grow really well so it will be inside omma until he is big enough to meet you.”

“Really omma? Will he like me?”

“Of course baby, he will like you because you like him too. Siblings will always love each other no matter what. Just like how much we love you whatever happens.” Hyo Jong smiled in contentment. She glanced at her appa, wondering why she was not scolded for not eating her vegetables but she only smiled and ate her food quietly. Ji hyo observed Jong kook spacing out and worried about him.

 

“Yeobo, what’s wrong?” He didn’t speak and it relieved Ji hyo. The silence was more comforting than a direct no. He was standing silently in the balcony, his gaze far and troubled. Ji hyo walked closer to him, hugging him from behind. She rested her head on his broad back enjoying his warmth in contrast with the cool breeze. “Tell me yeobo… you said nothing will change between us even after Jeju. What is it?”

“Of course nothing will change. I’m just a bit down. It’s mother’s day… I-I, my mom.” Ji hyo felt the longing in his voice and she wished she could do something for him. Soon his sighs turned into gentle sobs. “I-I’m sorry, I can’t help it Ji hyo-yah.” He turned around and pulled her to him. She felt his head rest on top of hers. For a while, he let his tears flow and she whispered all the soothing words she can think of.

 

“Yeobo, let’s visit your mother tomorrow.”

“I can’t, there’s something I need to tell you…” Ji hyo’s heart ached for him seeing him so tormented. When he learned about the old man’s deception and how it lead him to doubts - he had looked so broken and hurt but now, her Jong kook looked like a lost child. “I’m the reason why mom was like that, she saw me and that girl. I caused her accident and I didn’t even know.” Ji hyo could only hold him tight. She could feel his pain and suffering. She had seen how he was with his mom before she came into his life. Ji hyo felt a pang of guilt realizing she brought the troubles into his life. She knew about his family and his sad past, and couldn’t even begin to imagine how much pain it is causing him.  

 

“Ji hyo-yah, I-I was guilty of hurtful thoughts… I burst. I said things I regret… I called them a burden. But don't look at me like that, it's not your fault Ji hyo.” He spilled all his pains, his burdens, his past, how he tried to change but still ended up messing everything up. “They’re not a burden but once I thought they were. I can’t deal with some things, I’m not perfect. I’m not always... the good man people think I am. Even to you… I-I… I ed up everything.” Ji hyo can already imagine Jong kook shutting down everyone. Making the people who matter see only what he wanted to show them just like what he did to her. All those things bottled up were too much to bear and she hates it when he thinks no one would understand. She hates it when he thinks he could just hide everything and it’d be fine.

 

“You always do the noble idiocy thing Jong kook-ah. You don’t suffer for anyone, because no matter how hard you try to keep it in, it just wouldn’t work that way. I told you to stop thinking it's all your fault.” She looked at her man fighting his tears away. He was being an idiot again but this time it was different. This time she wouldn’t let him push away anyone anymore.  “You were going through a lot yeobo. The ugly things made you say that… I understand, you’re human too. Why would you want to suffer for all the mistakes you didn’t even mean?” She his back, relieved when she felt him relax to her touch.

 

“Yeobo, imagine this, what if Hyo Jong burned down this house? Destroy your car? Or lose something of yours that’s very important?” Jong kook only stared at her. “Yeobo, do you know what would be the first words I’ll tell her? I’ll say, ‘Hyo Jong-ah, are you okay? Thank heavens you’re fine.’ That’s what I am going to tell her. Because I love her, I’m her mother and I’ll always love her no matter what. All parents are like that yeobo, your omma in no different.”

 

Jong kook stared at the woman before him, loving her more for every moment that passed. He already couldn’t imagine a world without her. He clasped her hands in his and kissed it gently, and whispered a broken thank you. Although it was hard, she made him see things in a different light. Ji hyo smiled at him and it felt like his world got a lot lighter.

 

--------------------

 

Ji hyo held his hand, his grip tightening as they walked around his hometown. Jong kook smiled to her and her to him while Hyo Jong happily enjoyed riding his neck.

“Appa, do you look like halmeoni?”

“Of course Hyo Jong-ah, appa looks like halmeoni very much,” he answered his heart racing in nervousness. He was thankful when Ji hyo rubbed his knuckles willing them to relax.

“Did you grow up here? Where’s haraboji?”

“Appa used to run around this neighborhood baby. See that mountain? Appa used to race up there with the other kids and then climb trees. Appa can climb trees faster than everyone else.”

“Haraboji? Does Hyo Jong have one?” Jong kook sighed and smiled sadly, his voice stern and cold. “Haraboji left Hyo Jong-ah. He went to a far place and until now appa hasn’t seen him.”

“Do you miss him appa? I’ll miss you really, really much if you go away.”

“Yes baby, all children miss their appa and omma.” Ji hyo ached for him hearing the truthfulness in his words. He might be all grown up but a part of him still yearned for his parents like a little child.

 

They reached the gate and Jong kook took a deep breath. He was about to knock when the door opened. A boy stared at them. “Samchon…” Jong kook felt a hard to explain fondness over the boy, he knew him. He was the spitting image of his hyung.

 

“Jong Moon-ah, you’ve grown a lot…” Jong kook put down Hyo Jong who was eyeing her cousin with excitement. “Hyo Jong this is your cousin, Jong Moon, call him oppa.”

“Oppa,” she said and giggled. “Oppa, oppa, anyeohaseyo.” She shyly waved her hands and the boy smiled sheepishly. He awkwardly led them inside. Just like before, the traditional house was warm and neat. He could almost see his childhood vividly playing before him. It was home, sad and happy memories, it's still home.

 

“Samchon, abeoji, umm. He said not to… I’m sorry”

“I know, let me see omma. I’ll talk to your father later.” The four of them went inside the house. Jong kook automatically lowered his gaze as he met the eyes of his mom who immediately called out to him. He fought the emotions trying to overpower him, he felt so embarrassed, unworthy. It took him a long time to find his voice. At that time he felt that everyone were looking at him, waiting patiently.

 

“Omma, I brought my wife and Hyo Jong…” The older woman struggled to stand, Jong kook was beside her in a flash. She looked at him through teary eyes. It killed Jong kook to see how happy she was. There was no hatred in the older ones eyes. It was just like when he was 16. He felt so loved, accepted… even if what he deserved was the opposite. “Nae adeul… you have a beautiful family, thank you.” She motioned for Hyo Jong to come and the child was happy to oblige.

 

“Aigoo so big already, halmeoni missed you my dear Hyo Jong.”

“Really, really? I missed halmeoni too.” The little girl gave her grandmother a kiss. “From now on Hyo Jong will come often to visit halmeoni. I can right?”

“Of course you can baby. But first help omma prepare the food we brought for halmeoni, neh? We’ll talk again later,” said Ji hyo. Hyo Jong eagerly nodded and followed Jong moon to the kitchen. Ji hyo made a little bow, smiling to her mother-in-law before she followed the children.

 

“Omma… I’m home, I –”

“Nae adeul, let me hug you.” Jong kook carefully let her sit on the ground before gently closing the space between them. “Omma had been fine nae adeul. Don’t worry, about me and forget that incident. I’d recovered really well and I could even visit you in Seoul, Hyo Jong doesn’t need to get tired coming here.”

“Omma, I failed. Again,” he croaked, his voice thick with emotions. The old woman held him with a strength that surprised him. “No, nae adeul… I understand. I had always known. Let me look at you.” He broke their embrace and he sat on his heels staring at his mother. The years weren't so kind to her and she looked older but wiser. It was just a month after he last saw her although it felt much longer. He felt peaceful but then even when he was 16, his omma’s eyes had always been understanding, full of warmth and comfort he couldn’t explain.

 

“Jong kook-ah, how is this possible? You don’t really know what happened so why are you so sorry? My child I know you even better than I know myself.”

“Omma, what are you saying…” Jong kook looked at her, puzzled when it felt as if she knew he was not him. Not the Jong kook that was supposed to be there. “My son, I don’t really believe in mystical things but I know. I can see through you so clearly. Why?”

“I don’t understand.”

“You are not the Jong kook that was there when I had this unfortunate accident. Your gaze, you’re the Jong kook that had just lost Eun hye. The pain is clouded with love but Eun Hye’s shadow is still present, still raw. That was 8 years ago, I can’t be mistaken… I can see through you nae adeul…”

 

He grew silent. He lowered his gaze, feeling cornered and trapped. Then he felt a tingling sensation. Time seemed to have stopped and he felt the coolness of the hourglass biting into his skin. He was scared to open his eyes, scared to find out the consequence of someone finally knowing what or what he really was.

 

 

Jong kook open your eyes…

 

Jong kook…

 

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Because there was no Spartace on the last chap here's another update. Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it... this chap made me emotional hahaha I hope you guys have a good relationship with your parents :)