He didn’t know how it happened. A part of him thinks that he sabotaged himself. He wouldn’t see EunJi outside of work or a secure private place. He always told himself it was for the safety of her and him. It was for him. T

hey met when she was so young. Fifteen. Did he doubt her feelings? Yes. How could a fifteen year old know how she felt. But she stayed. She wasn’t what he wanted, she was nothing like what he imagined his significant other would be like. He had never made it a secret that Lee Hyori was his ideal girl, he had said it many times on variety shows. Lee Hyori had never paid any attention to him though. She was perfection, her body, her voice, everything. He knew that she was the one he was meant to be with, but there he was with EunJi. His band mates would joke around about it. Things didn’t feel right to him.

When Hyori came up to him and started chatting to him, it made him excited. She made effort to come out of her way to see him. Everything that EunJi did now was dull compared to the radiant Hyori.

“HyunJoong, what is with you and that rookie, EunHee? EunKi?” Hyori asked him one day as they hung out at his dressing room. The words slipped out.

“Nothing.” He told himself that was the truth. Nothing was going on with them. He realized he hadn’t even corrected Hyori about EunJi’s name.

“Good,” Hyori smiled at him, putting a hand on his thigh, “just wanted to make sure. But it wouldn’t have mattered if you had said yes.” She whispered in his ear. 

After that he had gotten more sloppy. Before he made sure his excursions with Hyori was quiet, but soon rumors started popping up. He knew EunJi must have heard them being in the business as well, but she never confronted him. He felt uneasy. That’s why he did it. That was why he told EunJi what he did.

He knew it didn’t make sense.

But she accepted it. Accepted his offer to pretend date Hyori to take the rumor of him and her off the press. They both knew there were no such rumors. He half wanted EunJi to just plain break up with him, but she didn’t. He told her to move out.

She did.

After that he was happy. He got to walk around and go on dates to Hyori in public. He didn’t feel guilty. Some days he completely forgot about EunJi, he would enjoy the freedom. Before she was like a chain, making him feel guilty for not coming home or going out drinking or hanging out with Hyori. Now he didn’t have that. She didn’t text him, and when she did it irritated him usually. Except at night, sometimes he wished she would be next to him as he fell asleep. He would shake his head and wonder where that moment of insanity was.

Jaejoong was all over him. He knew his friend and EunJi’s protector, and he was watching him. But love was more important than friendship. This was fate and he wasn’t going to fight it, at least that was what he told himself.

He admitted it. He didn’t remember. He had stayed over at Hyori’s place that night, then went straight to a photo shoot and then to Hyori’s CF filming. His phone was off in his coat pocket, he didn’t need it. He remembered looking out and seeing that it was snowing and thinking that he was glad that he was inside. The day went by fast, and he barley recognized the time flying by. He had taken Hyori out to eat at her favorite restaurant. They had come back to his place, in the car she start to initiate physical contact, and by the time they reach his door they were making out, stumbling in the dark to get up to his bed. That is how he remembered the night, the . They had woken up and gone a round. He had told Hyori that he needed a drink and walked down stairs. The sun was flood through the windows as he went to the fridge and grabbed a water. That was when he saw her.  She was smiling and walking towards him. 

“Hyu…”

“Hey babe are you coming back up? We can have another round before I have to go” Hyori’s voice broke his trace.

“I’m coming” he yelled. “What are you doing here EunJi? You can’t come in and out any more randomly. You don’t live here.” That was the last time he saw her. At least could look at her without feeling guilty. She almost tripped as she ran out.

Yes.

Yes, he felt guilty. When he found out, what day it was and what happened yes he felt guilty. But in a way it made him glad, he didn’t have to deal with break up with her. This was a line that couldn’t be crossed.

She didn’t bash him on TV or come crying back. Rumors were inevitable about Hyori him and EunJi. But she stayed quiet.

As the time went on, he started to miss small things, but he always pushed it aside as stupidity, he had Lee Hyori.

All of this went through his head as he watched the last episode of the MinJi couple. He had to watch. He couldn’t stop himself. He created time in his schedule so he could hide out in his house and watch the finale. His CD was almost done and he was starting new projects so this came at an inconvenient time, but he made time for it. Something he never did for EunJi in real life, the irony was not missed on him.

He watched as EunJi smiling, met Minho. It was at Minho’s filming, because he must have not been able to leave. Hyunjoong’s gut twisted, knowing that she had to watch Minho and Sulli interact and being romantic. She dealt with it well. She had made food for all the crew and cast. He noticed that she stayed by Ki Tae Young, thinking back he remembered that she had mentioned him before. He pulled his phone out and googled it. She had worked with him in a drama before. HyunJoong felt horrid, it was during the time that they were friends, he should have remembered that. He felt angry as Sulli kept interrupting them. They couldn’t even get a proper goodbye. EunJi was doing a great job, allowing for Sulli and her interruptions. You couldn’t even notice anything was wrong. She smiled and laughed. Minho looked stiff and awkward. He always knew she was a great actress. From the first scene they had had together he knew she was going to make it. Here again she was showing her skill. Thinking back he realized he had never watched one of her dramas. Not even the drama they had done together.

He looked around his apartment. Nothing much had changed since the time she left. The couch was even in the same spot. If she were here they would have been sitting next to each other… He hit his head with his hand. These stupid thoughts had been plaguing him lately.