Kevin's POV

I was checking in on Hana every day in some way. My thoughts were consumed with thinking about her and her baby. The guys teased me that I was worse than an expectant dad. 

I still really wanted to see Hana, but I knew that wasn't possible at this time -without God's intervention that is. Maybe God wanted us to stay apart for another reason at this time, but when will us mere mortals ever learn patience for His timing?

I got an email from Hana that day.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: mail

Hey Kev!

Just giving you the heads up that I'll mailing you something soon, but I don't know exactly when yet. 

Love in Christ,

~Hana

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: mail

Hi Hana, 

You don't need to send me anything, but I'll be looking forward to seeing whatever it is, whenever it gets here. How have things been going?

Love, 

Kevin

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: mail

Hey Kev!

It's really nothing big, but I think you'll like it. You could consider it part of your belated birthday present? Things have been going okay. I've been a little more sensitive to smells and food because of the baby lately, so that's been interesting -I can't eat chocolate. :P

School is going fine and I can't wait for the semester to be over -I really want to be home, and I'm not sure if I'll skip next semester or not yet. The baby is due in June, so technically that shouldn't be an issue, but if something were to happen it would be nice to be at home. However, the Perry's did offer for me and Mary to rent/stay with them next semester, so that would be a solution for that -"our home away from home" per say. I guess I'll talk it over with my parents when I go home for winter break.

I'm also a little uneasy attending school where Matt is attending also. I know he's got a restraining order, but it would have been nice if they would have kicked him out of school completely -I heard he was cut from the basketball team due to what transpired. I've also thought about transferring to the University of ia or one of the more local colleges for the remainder of my studies. Pray for me for wisdom and God's direction on all of this. Do you have any thoughts?

How are things for you?

-Hana

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: mail 

Things are going okay Hana. It's a little frustrating that some of the other guys are getting less and less work, while I've been getting busier and busier every day. I wonder if this is their way of trying to keep me here? 

Again I'll be looking forward to whatever it is Hana. :) I haven't had time to mail your birthday present yet. :'(

Ugh not being able to eat chocolate would be hard hard. :( At least you can still eat pizza, so far right?! I would die if I couldn't eat pizza. 

As far as school goes. I'm glad things are going okay. I can understand it being hard for you being away from home though. :( I'd want to be by my parents if I had a big life changing experience like you did. 

I guess the bigger question about staying there or transferring would be- do you feel comfortable attending the same school as Matt even with the restraining order? If you had any problems with the pregnancy would you want to be so far from home, even with Mary, Kris, and the Perrys' there with you? Would you want to be home and get things ready for the baby sooner than your semester ends? Would you want to be away from your baby even if Rob and Jae adopted it? Definitely talk things over with your parents' though! 

Love,

-Kevin

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: mail

*hugs* Kev,

I'm sorry that things are so busy with work and that you feel unfairly burdened. :( I know what it's like to be forced to do more than everyone else from group projects at school. I'll be praying things change for the better soon!

Don't worry about not sending me anything for my birthday yet, you really don't need to send me anything at all. I'm happy enough just getting to talk with you. :)

Hahahaha you and your love of pizza. XD You should name your first child after it -JK that would be a really strange name. O_O

Those are all very good questions to consider, and I will definitely talk things over with my parents. It's hard to know what would be best at this time for me and the baby. :P

-Hana

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: mail

Thanks for the prayers Hana! I've been praying for you and the baby whenever I get a chance, so I'm sure you'll make the best decision about school for everyone involved. 

I promise I'll get you some kind of present by christmas-time for sure though! I love giving you presents even though you say talking is enough of a present.  ;)

Look who's being "cheesy" now?! :O Well, if I named my kid after a pizza or topping, besides it being a strange name, I think my mother would kill me over my foolishness. I'd much rather die another way than that! 

Love,

-Kevin

Hana's POV

Other leaning on God, Kevin was really a breath of fresh air in my life and a step away from reality. Otherwise, the stress of everything was really hard to bear. Mary knew I was struggling, but I don't think she knew how much I was. 

I sometimes would sit when I was alone and just cry. Nothing was any more wrong than usual, but everything was so different than how I had carefully planned. The key word in that sentance is "I". That was my plan, but not God's -His would ultimately be better even if it was harder right now. 

This all reminded me of how blessed I was though -I had friends, family, a place to sleep, food to eat, and a loving God to help me through this all. I could be in a much worse situation for sure. 

I had my first ultrasound checkup during this time. It was exciting and sad at the same time to see my baby for the first time. Exciting because this baby would be a blessing for Jae and Rob. Sad because of the circumstances the baby had come about by. 

Yet, I couldn't help but smile at the little hands and feet on the little screen. So small and yet I was entrusted to care for such a thing by God. 

I had Mary video tape the ultrasound for my parents, Jae, Rob, and Kevin. I knew they all wished they could be there with me, but that way I could share this special time with all of them. 

Kevin's POV

I got something from Hana a couple weeks after we had talked about presents for our birthday and Christmas. I was so excited about it, and the guys couldn't help but laugh at me. 

I opened the padded envelope in my room and pulled out the contents -a letter, a disc, an envelope, and a T-Shirt with a Pepperoni Pizza slice on it that said "The real food pyramid." I slit the letter open. 

Dear Kevin, 

Happy belated birthday and perhaps and early merry christmas as well! I hope you enjoy your presents. I don't want to spoil the surprise, so open the envelope and then watch the DVD.

Love, 

-Hana

I opened the envelope curious as to what it could be. I pulled out photos -photos of the baby from an ultrasound! There was a note tucked in there with them from Hana "Isn't the baby precious? I can't wait for it to make Jae and Rob have some extra joy in their life. Enjoy the video Kevin!!"

I popped the DVD into my laptop. The movie popped up and started playing. 

"Say hi to the camera!" Said a cheery voice from behind the camera (Mary as I would later find out). 

"Hi camera." Said Hana sassily yet seemingly a little embarassed. 

"Where are we going today?" asked the voice.

"We're going to the doctor to see the baby for the first time." said Hana. 

"We're walking, and walking, and walking." Narrated the voice.

"Mary! We don't need to film every step of the trip there." said Hana sounding a little exasperated.

"Okay, I'll turn it off. This was your idea though!" Mary pointed out.

"I know, but it's kinda embarassing." said Hana.

"Say bye to the camera for now." said Mary. 

"Bye camera."

"Okay, We're at the Doctor now." said Mary's voice.

"Stop filming Mary. People are staring at us." begged Hana looking around uncomfortably.

"So?! This is for everyone that is near and dear to your heart that couldn't be here today." reminded Mary. 

"Yeah, but what am I supposed to talk about now?" asked Hana.

"Are you nervous or excited?" asked Mary. 

"Both." Hana replied. 

"Why?" asked Mary. 

"I'm excited to see the baby for the first time, but I'm nervous about them finding something wrong with it and what all is going to happen."

"Are you finding out the gender?" asked Mary. 

"I think it's too soon for that, but Jae and Rob don't want to know anyways." said Hana. 

"So the baby is going to be a mystery baby until the end?" asked Mary. 

"Yes." said Hana. 

"What do you hope you'll have if you had a choice?" asked Mary. 

"I don't know. Either would be fine, but I guess like most girls, I'd want a girl." said Hana.

"Hana Lee" called a voice in the background. 

"Signing off, we'll be back on soon." said Mary quietly.

"Okay, so what are we going to do now?" asked Mary when the video turned back on.

"We're going to listen to the baby's heartbeat." said the doctor placing a special probe on Hana's abdomen. A small thumping sound was soon heard. "Can you hear that?" asked the doctor.

Hana nodded and smiled "Yeah." 

"Everything sounds good and looks good so far today." said the doctor. 

"Good." said Hana. 

"Let's get the ultrasound on and see the baby." said the Doctor. 

"Okay."

"Roll up your shirt and I'm going to squirt some of this gel all over your abdomen."

"Brrrrrr that's cold!" exclaimed Hana as the doctor put the gel on. 

"I know, but it is necessary." said the doctor. "All right. Here we go. There's your bladder." the doctor pointed out a dark area on the screen.

"No wonder I feel like It's going to explode." Hana said. 

"I'm sorry, but that's necessary too." chuckled the doctor "And up here, is your uterus and there is the baby." she said pointing to the screen. 

"Awwwww it's so little." said Hana. 

"Yes it is. It won't be little for long though. They grow fast inside and outside of you." She said. 

"That is true." said Mary. 

"Okay, now it's time for me to capture some still shots of our little friend and then you can get rid of that full bladder." said the Doctor. 

"Any abnormalities?" asked Hana

"No, so far so good." said the Doctor pausing the screen and typing some notations. "Did you want to find out the gender?" 

"No, my sister and her husband want it to be a surprise and I'd probably spill the truth if I knew."

"Oh okay. Were you going to have a gender reveal party? Those seem to be popular nowadays." said the Doctor. 

"I don't think so, but I'll ask Jae if she had wanted to do that for the baby shower." Hana replied.

"Do you want your frind to know the truth just in case?" asked the Doctor.

"Mary?" asked Hana.

"I think I can keep the secret, but only if you don't get mad if I accidentally would slip up." said Mary. 

"Okay, go ahead and give her the secret." said Hana.

"All right. I'll put the results in a sealed envelope and then if you do have a reveal party. Your friend Mary here can be in charge of revealing the truth." said the Doctor. 

"That sounds good." said Hana.

"Okay, I think we're done here today. The baby looks healthy from what I can see and hear today, so I think you can clean up and go get rid of that full bladder."

"Thank you Doctor." said Hana as the doctor scraped the gel off of her abdomen and wiped her with a towel. 

"I'll turn this off now and then we can do a post ultrasound portion too." said Mary. 

"Do we have to?" asked Hana.

"Of course! People will want the debrief of today from your mouth." said Mary. 

"Fine." said Hana getting up. 

"We'll be back later again." said Mary.

"All right. So we're on our way back. How do you think things went?" asked Mary. 

"Good since everything is okay with the baby." said Hana. 

"What didn't you like about the visit today?" asked Mary.

"Having to have such a full bladder for so long." said Hana wrinkling her nose

"I bet!" sympathized Mary. "How do you feel about things going forward?"

"Pretty good, but still a little nervous about everything since I've never done this before." said Hana.

"Understandable. Any last comments?" asked Mary.

"Mmmmmm not really. Thanks everyone for watching this and I love you all a lot. Hope I can see you soon." said Hana making a heart with her hands. 

"Okay, say goodbye to the Camera." said Mary. 

"Bye Camera, bye everyone!" said Hana waving. 

I was so overwhelmed with the emotions of seeing Hana's appointment. I was happy the baby was fine. I was sad I couldn't be there. I was worried about Hana and the baby staying healthy. I was angry that she had to go through this in this way -having a baby should be a very happy time, not the result of violence. I was disappointed that Hana's first baby wasn't ours. 

That's when I really knew that I loved Hana more than a best friend, but as someone special. 

**Hello all, thank you for the patience again. I've been dealing with a lot at the end of summer -heartbreak, being ill again, and buying a pony of my own at last. It definitely hasn't been easy, but when is life easy? God has a purpose for everything we go through -I know how to look out for warning signs in a relationship, I was able to decide to stay in the States for now until my health stays a little more stable, and I get to experience horse ownership for the first time. I hope all of you are doing well and I pray that you would allow God to guide and direct your lives. Love in Christ ~AA