Hana's POV

After eating breakfast, I didn't really feel like doing anything, but be a vegetable. Being a vegetable can be really dangerous, since it gives you a lot of time to think. In a way I wished that Mary and Kris had woken me up for church that morning, since at least I would have something to focus on besides myself or what had happened. I decided that prayer or scripture would help refocus my mind about everything. 

"God, 

I don't know what I'm feeling right now. 

I don't understand why this happened.

I just don't feel like I know anything at all.

If you want us to stay pure in both body and mind for marriage, why have you let this happen?

I feel like you've rejected me in a way, but I know that's not true.

Who will love me as I am now? 

Who can I trust besides my close friends and family?

How can I be strong about this, when I don't feel strong myself?

Help me to forgive Matt despite what he did to me.

God, only you can see me through this all, because I know I'm too weak to get through this on my own. Help me, in your name. ~Amen'

I was crying as I finished the prayer and just let the tears flow until I had calmed myself again. I opened the scriptures to Romans 8 knowing it might help sooth me. 

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.  ~Romans 8:1-2

'I am not condemed for what happened to me, because God has set me free from the law of sin and death, plus I didn't desire do it for my own pleasure.'

For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.  But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. Romans 8:7-10

'My mind is is not hostile to God, it submits to God's law, I am not living for the flesh, the spirit dwells in me, so I belong to God - I am what God wants me to be, a forgiven sinner helpless to save myself from eternal condemnation.'

 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”  The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.   Romans 8:15-18

'We are God's children, so we do not have to fear, because the Spirit is the indicator of our status as his heirs. We must suffer with christ, so that we might be glorified with him someday.'

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:26-28

'The spirit is our helper in our weaknesses and acts as our intercessor before God, since we don't know how to pray as we should. God knows what the Spirit tells Him by groanings and without words. ALL things that happen are for the good of those that are called according to His purpose, which are all who believe in Him -some may have bigger roles than others, but they're all important.'

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or ness, or danger, or sword?Romans 8:35

 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,  nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39

'No one and nothing can keep us from God's comforting love.'

I whispered a prayer "Thank you God." for making these verses jump out to me and give me more peace about the whole situation. I still was far from okay, but I knew that would come with God's help and time. Soon after I closed my bible there was a knock on the door. 

"Hello?" I asked, since Mary usually didn't knock.

"Are you decent?" I heard Mary ask.

"Yes, come in." I called. 

Mary, Kris, and the Perry's came into our crowded dorm room bearing wonderful smelling things.

"How are you dear?" asked Ellie coming over and giving me a hug.

"Okay, as I can be at the moment."

"Let us know if you need anything okay?" Said Ellie and Carl nodding in agreement.

"Did you sleep okay after I left this morning?" asked Mary.

"Yeah, I woke up about an hour ago."

"Are you hungry?" asked Ellie.

"A little bit, but I had breakfast not too long ago."

"Okay, do you mind us being here for a dorm room picnic?" she inquired.

"Nope, I think I'd like the company."

"Oh good! I'll start getting things out then." she chirped directing the unpacking of the food and the distribution of plastic untinsils and plates.

"Kris would you like to bless the meal?" ask Carl.

"Sure, let's pray. God thank you for helping Hana get some rest this morning after her eventful night. I pray that you would help her to heal physically and mentally quickly, so she can live life to the fullest for you. Bless this food and our time together this day. In your name ~Amen."

"Amen" chorused the rest of us as they started dishing out the food. 

I silently thanked God for the wonderful people I had in my life. 

*Hello all, hope you enjoyed this chapter! I encourage you to read the whole chapter of Romans 8, since I only selected a few key snippets of the passage to share with you. This was an emotional chapter to write, not that I went through what Hana did, but emotionally at one time I was in her shoes -my world changed drastically and I felt abandoned, confused, and hurt by people that I had looked up to. Hope you all are doing well. Love in Christ! ~AA