Leeteuk worried about his dongsaeng, after all Jonghyun would be meeting and had talk with his ex’s boyfriend who happened to be his precious dongsaeng. Leeteuk wanted to drag Jonghyun home or at least accompany him to meet Taemin, but one look from Jonghyun he knew he couldn’t.  Leeteuk wanted to stay near, ready to give some aid to Jonghyun if he needed it. On the other hand, he didn’t want Jonghyun to get angry at him because he intruded his privacy. Leeteuk let out a sigh. ‘I think I’ll just go to his apartment like what he said. If he want to let me know, he’ll talk to me later,’ thought Leeteuk.

~

            Jonghyun tried to keep his cool and keep his emotions at bay. Both of them were sitting side by side on a bench in a park near Jonghyun’s apartment. They were silent and the atmosphere was really tense and awkward. ‘Since when Taemin and I get awkward with each other?’ thought Jonghyun. ‘Oh yeah, since those bastard decided to cheated on me and broke up with me,’ Jonghyun said inside his mind bitterly. After five more minutes, Jonghyun couldn’t stand the silence anymore, so he decided to break it. He cleared his throat that made Taemin raised his head to look at Jonghyun. “So, Tae. What are you doing around here? I mean, your house isn’t near here and you even called me first. It almost seems like you come to see me. Waeyo? Miss me?” Jonghyun said with a dry laugh, trying to break the ice. “Ne, that’s right hyung,” answered Taemin which made Jonghyun froze and the situation became more awkward. If this kind of conversation happened a few months ago before the break up Jonghyun would just tease Taemin again and both of them would laugh, but it was different now, their relationship had changed. Jonghyun couldn’t just easily forget what happened or act like everything was fine between them.

            “Hyung, Jeongmal geuriwoyo and I was worried of you. I heard that you went missing,” continued Taemin. Jonghyun just stayed silent, didn’t want to give any respond, because honestly he didn’t know what answer he should give to Taemin, so he just kept his mouth shut and tighten his fist. “You were also sick that time and nobody knew where you are. I was worried too so I asked Jinki hyung to let me help him to look for you. Not long after that, you called him and he told me to come home. I was still worried and needed to see you myself. I just decided to randomly come today in hope that I would be able to meet you,” explained Taemin.

            “…ae..”Jonghyun whispered softly. “Huh?” Taemin couldn’t hear clearly. “W-wae?” Jonghyun stuttered. “Why did you feel worry?”asked Jonghyun, his voice wavered, trying to control his emotion. “Ummm…” Taemin thought for a moment. “Because after all you were- ani- you are still my precious hyung. I mean you always take care of me and have done many good things for me. You are one of my hyung who I look up-“ “Then why you even stabbed me from behind? Is that what you did to your hyung?”Jonghyun half-shouted, his nostrils flared up, he gripped tight onto the bench, and his eyes got teary because all the emotions he tried to keep at bay.

            Taemin bowed his head, feeling guilty. He knew he was at fault here and he didn’t deny it. “I-I am sorry hyung. I know I really hurt you and I felt guilty. I think I-“ Jonghyun shook his head, stopping Taemin’s words. “I can’t Tae. I can’t forgive you yet, not right now, not yet.” “I know you won’t forgive me easily, hyung. I did hurt you badly, didn’t I?  But hyung, all of this just happened. I love Minho and he loves me back. I know I came between you, but I also didn’t know what happened it just… it just happened, hyung. Suddenly one day we came into realization that we love each other. I don’t know what else should I do except saying I am sorry even though you won’t forgive me hy-“ “Then don’t.” “W-what?” “Don’t say you are sorry. Sorry I can’t forgive you. You just don’t know how deep my wounds are and sorry can’t healed them. You are my precious dongsaeng, I still care for you. I also want you to get happy but if your happiness mean that I should give up my happiness, I don’t know what I should do, but luckily my source of happiness gave me the answer. My own source happiness rejected me and choose you instead, so what can I do?” Jonghyun said and now his tears already escaped from his eyes. His voices were shaking and full of tears. No more strong Jonghyun, there was only broken Jonghyun who was tired of hiding his sadness and pain behind his smile.

            Taemin just stayed silent, didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have the answer for Jonghyun’s question. “I am messed up, ain’t I? Still holding on to Minho even after a few months passed. I can’t move on and I can’t even forgive you.” “No, hyung,” whispered Taemin softly but Jonghyun just kept his speech. “It just like it was happened yesterday. The pain’s still raw and fresh. You.. and you just came and rub salt on the wound. But still, I can’t hate you or even Minho. After all those good times and memories we had. So Taemin, tell me. What did I do wrong to make you and Minho did this to me? Was it because I rarely there? Was it because I am loud and annoying? Was it because I was too busy or was it because you just hate me?” “Ani, hyung. I don’t hate you. I never hate you,” Taemin immediately tried to deny Jonghyun’s last question. “Then why?” Taemin didn’t really know how to answer that. He thought for a moment, looking for the best answers. When he thought he had the answers, he let out a sigh then looked at Jonghyun. Even though looking at the broken Jonghyun made his heart swollen, he tried to not cry or hug Jonghyun, because he knew he didn’t have the right to do that.

“I.. I. I think I was blinded by love. We love each other and I think that was what really matters. I feel secure with him and happy. I also made a bubble that made me think I lived in a world that only he and I that matters. I was happy in my own world that I didn’t look around me, that I.. that I hurt you in. In my world, there was only me and Minho and I forgot that there was you who was Minho’s boyfriend. I know I am egoist, selfish, ungrateful person. Because of my selfish desires, I hurt my precious brother and best friend.  Honestly, I thought that you didn’t really care about Minho anymore because at that time you were rarely there. Minho always said he was lonely and I was there, giving him some company and it was escalated more. I d-“ “So it was really my fault, then,” said Jonghyun full of sorrow.

“I.. I can’t say anything to that hyung. I can’t judge you,” Taemin took a deep breath then continued, “After you officially broke up,” Jonghyun cringed at that, “I am lying if I say I am not happy to have Minho for myself, but deep inside there was something pulled at my heart saying that it was wrong. All of this felt so wrong yet so right. I was torn hyung. After that, I didn’t see you anymore. You avoided me and Minho, but sometime I watched you from far, I still worried for you. Then I heard that you were missing, that was the last push for me to really meet you. My conscience kept hitting my guts, making me feel guilty. I am sorry that me meeting you just made you more hurt,” “I said don’t say it,” Jonghyun said through gritted teeth, “If you just come here to say sorry to make your conscience satisfied, then don’t. Like what I said before sorry can’t heal my wounds. If that’s all I will go home,” Jonghyun wiped out his tears and stood up.

As he stood up, Taemin said something that stopped him, “One thing for sure hyung, I still care for you and still love you as my hyung.” Jonghyun didn’t turn back at Taemin as he replied. “Na do. I do too, Tae,” he said then walked away. After a few steps he seemed to remember something then stopped walking. Without turning back, he called Taemin, “Tae, will you come with me for a moment? I have something that I must return to you and Minho,” said Jonghyun.

~

Leeteuk was pacing back and forth in Jonghyun’s living room, feeling really worried. He kept looking at his watch and the door. “Aisssh, I should just stay and wait for him. What if he decided to run away again? Aissh that kid,” Leeteuk ruffled his hair in frustration. It has been almost an hour, it’s getting late and Jonghyun wasn’t home yet. Leeteuk waited for another ten minutes before finally couldn’t hold it anymore. “That’s it. I’m looking for him,” he took his jacket that he threw on the sofa and rushed to the door. But before he could reach the door or even got his shoes, the door was opened with Jonghyun behind it.

“There you are. I’m just about looking for you. You make me so worried. What took you so long?” Leeteuk immediately rambled on, but Jonghyun ignored it and just walked passed him. Leeteuk noticed tears stain on his face and knew immediately that Jonghyun just broke down. “Hey, are you okay?” Once again, Leeteuk was ignored. Jonghyun seemed to be looking for something. “What’s wrong? What are you looking for?” Jonghyun just kept looking around.

Jonghyun knew where it was, after all he didn’t really move it. The black box still there beside the green box on top of the table in front of his tv, still the same as he left before when he ran away. When he got back this morning, he had forgotten about that thing because his mind preoccupied with how to avoid Key’s rage and there was also Leeteuk hyung who always kept him company. Now he just stared at the box blankly, he could hear faintly Leeteuk hyung was asking his some questions. Jonghyun let out a sigh, ‘Better do it faster, before hyung lose his patience’, thought Jonghyun.

“YA! KIM JONGHYUN ANSWER ME!” Leeteuk lost his patience and right that time he saw Kim Jonghyun walked to the table, took a black box that he didn’t realize it was even there before, turned back to him, and walked passed him toward the door. Leeteuk opened his mouth to say something again but closed it as soon as he opened it. He wanted to scold Jonghyun and asked where was he going at that time but he lost his words when he saw who was standing on the door.

“Yah! Neo! Lee Taemin what did you do here?”asked Leeteuk with a raised voice. “Hyung, I’m the one who asked him to come here,” finally Jonghyun spoke but still without looking at his hyung. Taemin just gave Leeteuk a sorry glance. Jonghyun gave that black box to Taemin who was receiving it with questions flooded his mind. Before he could ask, Jonghyun already ask him not to ask questions. “Don’t ask questions Taemin-ya. I won’t answer them. Just give this to Minho and said I don’t need it. Also, tell this to him. ‘Thanks for your consideration but I can’t feel the sincerity. I can’t accept it.’” Taemin just nodded. “Then thank you, you can go home now, it is already late,” said Jonghyun. “Okay, hyung. Bye,” replied Taemin and he went home with a mysterious black box.

Jonghyun watched Taemin go with a heavy heart, he let out another sigh, closed the door, and turned back, ready to sleep the pain away or not. Behind him, Leeteuk was waiting with his arm crossed in front of his chest and his foot tapped the floor, a sign that he wasn’t pleased with the situation and the treatment Jonghyun gave him before. “Explain.” Jonghyun knew he couldn’t escape this.

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Hello there ^^ I hope you are happy with this update. I am sorry if it is not up to your expectation, but guess what this chapter reached 2000 words hohoho. is it too long or is it not long enough? hehehe ^^

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please let me know what you think about this chapters, okay? ^^ Once again thank you for all the readers, subscribers, and the one who left comments :)