Taemin pressed his elbow down against the sheets, struggling to get his upper half to tilt upwards. He gave a grunt, wincing as he leaned away from his injured leg. "Hyung?" Taemin called out breathlessly, eyeing the entrance where the members were now coming in. "Jinki hyung?" he asked again, clarifying his words. Jinki hid behind Minho's wide back nervously, keeping hidden by bowing lower over his crutch. He held his breath, too nervous to reply.
 

"Hyung," the other members hissed. "Hyung, Taemin's calling you." Minho stepped away from view, and suddenly Jinki felt completely exposed. He dodged his head downwards, hiding his flushed red face. He heard a soft chuckle from the members and someone pat him on the shoulder.

"We'll leave you to talk." Kibum announced, though albeit spitefully. He was still upset about what Taemin had said - Jinki was sure of it. But right now, Jinki had his own problems to solve with the youngest. Kibum turned and stalked out the room, and Minho chased after quickly. Jinki could already hear how the rapper was trying to keep rational as he told Kibum to calm the hell down. Jonghyun lingered for a second longer, watching as Taemin stared at the whole bunch of them in slight confusion.

"Have a good talk with him. We'll be waiting outside," Jonghyun murmured at Jinki, giving him an assuring arm squeeze before leaving the room as well.

"Onew hyung?" Taemin's voice called out again. "Are you mad at me?"
 

"No!" Jinki blurted out immediately, his head snapping up in alarm. "I-I mean...Why should I be...?" he repeated in a mellower tone, dipping his head down again.

"Well, I don't know?" Taemin replied sarcastically, releasing his elbow from holding him up as he flopped down on the sheets with a heavy huff. "Because I was being very disrespectful and rude? Because I ignored the other members and you? Because I was acting like a moody teenager?"

"No, no, that was not..."

"You left the room, don't try and tell me I was not being an ," Taemin injected.

"It's not your fault, I was just being-"

"Overly sensitive?" Taemin finished for Jinki before letting out a soft sigh. "Have you forgotten who you're talking to? I know exactly what you're thinking, but this isn't you being overly sensitive - it's me being not sensitive enough towards all of your feelings; and I'm sorry," Taemin point forth firmly and sincerely.

"I'm sorry too," Jinki muttered.

"Whatever for?" Taemin questioned, trying to pull himself up again.

"For... For so many things, Tae. For being the root cause of landing you here-"

"But that's not-!" Taemin tried to stop the elder but Jinki just raised his volume and continued.

"For not being there for you when you needed someone to listen to you, for being this emotional wreck, and for being this cowardly person who can't even explain to our fans what exactly happened that day," Jinki ranted in a rush, his words slurring together. When he was done, he breathed heavily, and the silence captured it clearly. He felt that maybe Taemin could see how hopelessly pathetic he had been, and was about to utter the two dreaded words, 'you see?’ when Taemin spoke up again.

"You have no idea..." Taemin whispered lowly. "Hyung, you have no idea what really happened that day." Jinki could hear the soft trembling in Taemin's voice, frightened and small.

"Of course I know what happened. I was there. You put on my seat belt for me when you could have done it for yourself, and the next thing I knew, I wasn't even sure if you were alive just because you saved me. You saved me, Taemin, and I just... I can't... This whole thing was my fault and no one believes me when I say so. All they say is that it was an accident, it was an accident - it wasn't just goddamn accident! That person who is supposed to be in that bed right now was me, not you!" Jinki shrieked, his flood gates opening once again and frustrated tears pooled out his eyes.

"Hyung, sit down," Taemin instructed calmly. Jinki shook his head, not feeling up to it to sit so close to Taemin right this moment. "Hyung, you’re injured. You need to sit down. I'm not going to bite you, and I just want to tell you my side of the story. Can you hear me out?" Jinki sobbed miserably for a few more seconds before giving a messy nod. Taemin pat the edge of his bed, signaling to the leader to settle there. Jinki hopped over to the bedside uneasily. He laid his crutch down on the floor, and used his now free hand to wipe away the tears on his face as he straightened up and leaned against the edge of the bed, not really seated firmly. Taemin reached an arm out and took away Jinki's hand, lacing his fingers together with the leader.

"Just listen to me alright? It's going to sound like I'm crazy, but you of all people deserve to know about what had happened that day and how I knew I had to make sure you were safe," Taemin whispered softly, soothing Jinki by rubbing a thumb over the back of his tensed palm. Jinki gave a tight nod, not looking Taemin in the eye. He kept his head downcast as he stared at the ground. Kibum's words from earlier circled his mind and told him to lift his head up high, but there was no one to show that to - there was only Taemin who would have read his thoughts anyway. Taemin took a deep breath before he started his story.

"You said that you should have been the one laying here in this bed instead of me. But if I had strapped myself down instead of you... You wouldn't be here," Taemin stated shakily. "Not in the hospital, not recovering from your wounds hyung… You wouldn’t have been here…” Taemin insisted, his hands growing clammy and shaking lightly as he squeezed into Jinki’s palm.

“You would have been in the cemetery by now," Taemin whispered. Jinki's eyes widened at Taemin's bluntness, and was about to lecture the boy on not spurting nonsense out his mouth and the limits of a joke. How could Taemin even say that? There was a limit to exaggerating things.

"Listen to me. I have my reasons for saying that," Taemin hurried to add in before Jinki could give his input. "I had a vision that day," Taemin closed his eyes, a frown on his forehead as if he was having one right then. "I...I knew the fan's car was coming. I knew the accident was going to happen. And I saw... I saw exactly how it was supposed to go." Taemin lifted his other arm to massage his nose bridge in obvious distress. Jinki was staring earnestly at Taemin by now, intrigued by his words.

"It was just right before it happened that I saw it. Jonghyun hyung and Kibum hyung, they were singing off the stereo; Minho hyung was eating his breakfast, you were fast asleep, and I was just daydreaming into space. And when the impact came, none of us knew what to do. Just imagine this. Kibum hyung is screaming at the top of his lungs, trying to hang on to his seat because seatbelts at the back are practically unused. Minho hyung slams into the side with another cry. Then, you slid across the seats right into me, and the both of us slam against the window because the van is overturning, not to mention that must have been a really bad way to wake up. The van overturns, Jonghyun hyung slams his head against the window and when it hits the ground, the glass shatters. They fly and pierce into everyone's skin. But the van is still in momentum. It takes another turn and lands on the roof. Screams, cries, it was like a horror movie brought to life. And when it took its last flip, I happened to land directly onto you, hyung. I could literally hear the bones breaking in your ribs, and the loud cracks that emitted from them, but nothing. You gave not one reaction to that. No screams, no gasps, nothing. You just... You laid there motionless... Not breathing, not choking for air. You just... laid there... And Kibum hyung... I don't even know if Kibum hyung was alive as well. Minho hyung was trying to slap his awake but he didn't. He didn't wake, didn't move, and as much as I wanted to help, I couldn't. It hurt just as much as the actual thing and I just couldn't do anything to help." Taemin's hand trembled around Jinki's clutching tightly at the horrid memories. He took labored breaths, having preferred not to go back into those thoughts.

"Do you know how it feels to watch helplessly while you live your last seconds so terrifyingly? Or how it feels to watch Kibum hyung fall unconscious without knowing how he really was? And looking at Jonghyun hyung with blood running down his face, glass shards in his skin? Or how Minho hyung was so desperately trying to revive us, and all you can do is watch unmoving and useless? Hyung, do you understand how that feels?" Taemin prodded after a few agonizing seconds of processing that gory story.

"...Taemin..." Jinki whispered, his voice shaking in fear. "When it happened... I... I woke up to see you laying on the ground beside me, hacking up your lungs and blood pooling out your mouth and I was... I was so scared... I was..."

"You were dead, hyung. Motionless, dead," Taemin reminded the difference in the impact of the event. "How could you even ask of me to... How could I even leave you to die knowingly after seeing all that? I can't do that, I'm not heartless. You, our dubu leader, my mentor, my friend and practically my family, how could I have even harbored that thought to leave you for dead? I did it on instinct. I just knew I couldn't leave you unstrapped and vulnerable. I... I know... I know better than anyone how much I want to recover, to stand on my own two feet and feel the cold winter ground beneath my toes. I want to dance, to sing, not to feel this burning sore throat whenever I speak a single word. But all these injuries, it can't compare to a life - your life. I would have done the same thing if time was reversed. I would have still chosen to strap you down first, and save you or any of the members," Taemin injected firmly, slipping his eyes open to look earnestly at Jinki.

"So for once and for all, please stop saying that this is your fault, because I know it's not. I live with my own decisions, and this is one I don't regret making." Jinki choked out a sob. It was as if a weight was lifted off his shoulders, and set him free from bounds. The times he felt that the other members had been lying to him, telling him that Taemin had chosen to save him on his own accord, the times they repeatedly told him it was just an accident, they all came back to him that same moment. How he had dismissed them as lies of comfort, how he refused to acknowledge them, but now it all made sense. It made clear sense because Taemin said it himself - that he made that choice and did not regret it. His heart clouded with guilt over the times he doubted the other members, refuted them time and time again, but now it was clear. The dark clouds seemed to have cleared off his heart and he felt... He felt light and free with the tears choking up with regrets and happiness. Jinki leaned over Taemin gently, sobbing harshly into the younger's chest. His body shook as he released Taemin's hand only to wrap his arm around the younger's neck carefully and pulling him into a grateful hug. Taemin pat the elder's back gently, soothing out his tears as Jinki hiccupped and choked out sobs of tears.

"I-I-I'm so sorry," Jinki choked out, and Taemin couldn't help but shake his head.

"What for?" Taemin questioned. "Did I not just clarify that you did nothing wrong, hyung?"

“You could… could have saved yourself… if only I…” Jinki hiccupped, because deep in his core he still felt bad for what Taemin had to go through, and there was no denying that Taemin could have saved himself instead.

"Shush... It's okay, it's okay. It's not your fault, you don't have to cry," Taemin chanted the few words over and over again into Jinki's ears hoping to sooth those sobs. His hand moved up and down rhythmically against the leader's quivering back, feeling each heavily intake of breath, each hiccup and each sob that rack through the elder's chest.

"Th-thank you..." Jinki whispered as an alternative, finally finding the tongue to utter the right words. "I should thank you instead; I owe you... I owe you this life of mine."

"You would have done the same, hyung… You would have done so much more that it scares me to think about it…” Taemin paused for a second, thinking things over in his mind. “But hyung… I think I do need your help with something.”

Don't know if you guys can see, but I actually reached 300 pages in word. I have never used word so much before fanfics. I wonder if there is some kind of limit. xD

Somehow, I'm not very satisfied with this chapter after reading it over a few more times, but everytime I say that, I end up posting the same thing up again. So to save all that time waiting, here it is.