Taemin listened to the constant beeping of the machines that synchronized his heartbeats, his eyes were closed comfortably, his chest rising only by the slightest. He slid his eyes open, lifting the heavy lids only a few millimetres. The bright room glared into that small slit and he let his eyes close shut again, a white line of distorted light forming in the back of his eyelids. He slowly blinked his eyes open again, finally taking in a sight in god-knows how long. With his hardly opened eyes, he couldn't even see pass the huge oxygen mask that covered half his face. He watched the steam form and dissolve against the mask for a long while, grateful to even be breathing. His own breathing was fascinating to him even when it was so minute since most of his breathing was facilitated by the tube that led directly to his lungs. He listened to the beeping of his heart rate, listened to his almost non-existent breathing, feel the numbness that coursed through his parts of his body, and the pain in the other parts, but he still thanked god for allowing him to live.

With all his concentration centred on his hearing, he heard a sleepy grunt before the edge of his bed dipped and sprung back up slightly. It took a while longer before he heard the sound of a cup being placed on a table, the sound of water pouring into the cup and finally a sigh. He darted his eyes around but failed to see anything other than blurs of someone's hand. That same hand ran itself over his forehead and combed his fringe backwards. The hand had pretty manicured fingernails, long pale slender fingers that were cold at touch. The hand left his hair and drew back to comb it again, this time stopping abruptly.

"Min?" a female's voice called out with anxiety. A face towered over his face the next second, staring at him at close proximity. "Min? Are...are you..." Taemin's mother's eyes pooled with incoming tears as she dared not to complete her sentence. Taemin shut his eyes slowly, painfully as a burning sensation smeared his dry corneas. He let them rest for a second before pulling them open again.

"Oh my gosh; Min! Taemin! I-I... I have to call the doctor!" his mother frantically looked at the surroundings, trying to find the button to call for assistance; her panic only aiding in making her look over the button many more times. "I-it's okay, Min; I'm calling the doctor," his mom assured, finally pressing the small red button. Taemin wanted to tell her that she was the one who needed assurance. The doctors pushed the door open in a forceful swing, rushing in with nurses by his side.

"What's wrong?" the doctor asked urgently but in a calm manner, already shining a torch in Taemin's eye, making him cringe internally; while the nurses were checking the machines for his vital signs.

"He... I think he's awake," hope was rising in his mother's voice. "He opened his eyes," she explained. The doctor turned off the torch and Taemin sealed his eyes shut, colourful batches of spots dancing behind his lids.

"Yes, he is probably awake," the doctor explain, a smile could even be heard in his voice. "He is recovering extremely well if he could open his eyes. He is getting stronger. I will book a schedule for an X-ray for him soon so that I can estimate the operation to remove the heart regulator. It wouldn't be anytime soon. Looking at his condition, I'd say about a week or two before the operation. We want to make sure he is strong enough to survive without the machine before we do anything."

"Are... are there any risks... of the operation?" Taemin's mother's voice trembled under the question; while all that swam in Taemin's mind was operation. They weren't even sure he could survive.

"Every operation has its own risks, but this one is relatively safe," the doctor assured with a firm voice. "Since this is only a temporary pacemaker, we just have to remove the wires and dress him back up. In fact, we can even do this while he is awake."

"No," his mother answered sharply, mimicking his thoughts. "Don't let him have to see through that awake. He has lived through enough. What are the risks that you said would be involved?"

"Infection," the doctor answered simply. "Just like any other wound, there will be a risk of infection. There is also the risk of a vein or heart tearing, which would lead to... well, death; but it is only a 0.5% possibility. But trust me, of all the surgeries that i have done for this, there has never been such a case. There is little to worry about; we just have to monitor him closely after the surgery to make sure no signs of infection shows up. Looking at how his body is reacting now, our biggest concern should be his hips. I trust it must be mighty painful around his hip and groin area right now, but once his heart starts to regulate properly, we will give him another drug that would numb his nerves so that he would not feel it. The thing is, your hip bone is very thick; it takes a long time to recover. He would require physical therapy in order to get walking again." Taemin felt his heart skip a beat; an irregularity showed in the beeping of his heart. His mother squeezed his hand lightly. "Since he is still young, his muscles and bone will be able to repair itself unlike the usual elderly patients that are more prone to hip fractures."

"He...he'll be able to walk again... isn't that so?" His mother asked, choking out her words.

"That depends from individuals to individuals.  There has been some patients that got bedridden because of their hip fracture; but as I said, since he is still young, there is a high probability for his recovery. There is a chance that he may walk with a small limp even after therapy, but that depends from individual to individual as well," the doctor answered in a professional manner; but that did little to calm Taemin's pulsing heart.

"Dancing... Will he be able to...?" his mother clutched onto his hand tightly, shaking ever so slightly.

"In due time, possibly, yes. He should be able to. But his bone would never be the same again. It will be weaker than before and there is a high possibility of him suffering from arthritis in the future."

Taemin couldn't handle his overwhelming emotions anymore. Even though the doctor said that he could dance in the future, the word that stuck to him was "possibly". There was a possibility that he could never dance again. There was a possibility that he could never walk again. There was a possibility that he could be bedridden. There was a possibility that his whole life could crumble after this accident. He let his tears pour out of his eyes, his heart pounding against his chest in sorrow. What would he do if he couldn't dance? What could be waiting for him in the future if he couldn't even walk? He left his slightly blinking eyelids just fall shut, the tears falling ever so gracefully. They slipped off the sides of his features, damping his sideburns when they fell. Words were running through his mind on repeat - surgery, bedridden, walk, dance, long time, therapy, infection, death. All he could think of was the negativity of the entire situation. He couldn't see any positive light that could ever arise from possibly being handicapped - for life. Any grateful thoughts of living from earlier had dissolved into nothing; what was the point of living if it only meant that he could be stuck in bed, where he would only be a burden to his loved ones? He could feel the snot running up his throat and to his nose, his heart racing in line with his thoughts. The beeping increased immensely and the sound of any other voices were blocked out of his ears. He just sobbed brokenly until a sharp pierce penetrated his skin at the inner portion of his elbow. It wasn't long before he out into a more peaceful alternative of his painful reality.

"Hyung, what's wrong?" Jonghyun asked with concern laced in his voice. Onew just stared ahead with a dazed expression, thoughts running in a tangled mess in his mind. Jonghyun waved a hand in front of the elder's eyes with a small frown. "Yah, hyung," Jonghyun slapped Onew's cheek lightly, shaking the latter from his trance. Onew turned to look at Jonghyun sadly, already expecting the incoming question. Without waiting for Jonghyun to ask again, he spoke up.

"Taemin's mother called," he claimed, turning his phone idly with his nervous fingers. "She asked us to try and talk to him. The doctor did a full body scan for him this morning. His physical body is recovering but the PET scan showed early signs of depression."

"Depression? Why would he suddenly get depression? Are they sure it's not some head injury he incurred that they had not found earlier?" Jonghyun's brows kneaded tighter together in worry.

"I asked her the same thing... Apparently they talked about his condition in front of him. He found out about his hip injury... And I don't think he is taking it too well," Onew swallowed at the growing lump in his throat. "She's positive that that is the reason; because he broke down and had to be sedated before his heart went crazy the day they talked about it." Onew paused and let out a heavy sigh.

"Our schedules have been crazy since we got back because of our short hiatus. There's no way we'll have any time to go visit right now..." Onew gave Jonghyun a pleading look. "You're the only one still having therapy; will you talk to him the next time you're there?"

"Of course, hyung. There was no need for you to even ask. I'll try and talk to manager hyung about it." Jonghyun placed his palm on Onew's shoulder in a comforting manner and squeezed out an assuring smile.

"Don't tell Key about it first; it hasn't been long since he started acting right again. I don't want to see him all crushed again. If Taemin is really under depression... just one would be enough; I don't want Key to get depressed as well," Onew whispered in an almost regretful tone. Jonghyun faked a chuckle.

"He would have to know eventually..."

"I know," Onew sighed again. "Just wait till his emotions are more... stable." Jonghyun's eyes softened a little.

"Are your emotions stable, hyung?" Onew paused at his question. He shut his eyes tightly for a long second before breathing out his held breath.

"I don't know," he confessed honestly. "But I'm your leader; I don't really have a choice now, do I?" he slid his eyes open with a sad smile. Jonghyun scrunched his face up at his reply. Any news of Taemin inevitably went to Onew first since he was first person expected to convey the message to the rest of the team.

"Don't you think it's unfair sometimes? To yourself?" Jonghyun asked, daring the leader to open up to him a little.

"I have had enough of getting troubled about it. All of you are my precious brothers; I don't mind doing any of this anymore. In the first 2 years, maybe - I was resentful for why I had to have more responsibilities than others; but after all these years, I should say that I'm glad to be leading the bunch of you," Onew smiled gently at the other. Jonghyun squeezed out a small sad smile in response.

Apr 5, 2013 22:37:30

I'm sure most of you have read/heard about Jonghyun's accident 4 days ago on 1st April 2013; I thought of this fic immediately after reading about the accident. Luckily it was minor accident; I don't know how many hearts would be broken if anything that I wrote in this fic actually took place. It actually scares me so much more after Jonghyun's accident because I can see it possibly happening. Yea, I'm writing this fic but I'm scaring myself; ironic. Before his accident, I did not truly think that it could happen; but after the accident... I just wonder what would happen if it really took place. It's absolutely heartbreaking. Well, thankfully, news came up today that he has done the surgery and is recovering well. I hope he gets well soon; and his birthday is just a few days away too T_T. Since I doubt I would do another update by then, here's a advance Happy Birthday to our lovely Jonghyun ♥