Onew nodded off to an uncomfortable sleep, his head hanging off sloppily without support. His body leaned forward and with the feeling of falling, he jumped awake again. He shook the sleep out of his head and blinked his eyes repeatedly. Still, in less than a minute, he was falling asleep again. Shaken awake by his position once again, he grunted in annoyance at himself and let out a wide yawn. He glanced down at Taemin to see the younger still asleep from the medication. The hand that held on to Taemin's was clammy with perspiration but Jinki was unwilling to let go. He released his fingers to take a short breather before quickly tightening them back upon Taemin's now warm hand. He leaned his elbow over the sheets and laid his head down upon both their hands. Letting out another yawn, he slipped his eyes shut with their fingers interlocked. His other arm hung off his shoulder, resting on his lap and his legs tugged under the seat. It wasn't the best position to be sleeping in but he had to keep his promise. He even managed to bargain with the doctor to stay beyond the visiting hours just this once just to be able to keep his promise. But now, well into the night at 3am with nothing to do but watch Taemin sleep, Jinki couldn't hold his lids open much longer. On other days where they had practice overnights, he managed to stay awake only because his body had something to focus on doing; now, he was just bored out of his wits. It didn't take him long to fall asleep once his head had the support it needed. He tugged at the borrowed blanket and pulled it over his head to block out any source of light around. He clipped one end under his elbow and tugged the other tightly around his body with his injured arm. He laid his arm upon his lap and let the blanket hold between his limbs. Satisfied with the warm comfort that his blanket gave, and the lack of light hitting his eyes, he snuggled himself deeper into his fingers as he evened out his breathing.

So when Taemin woke up later that morning, the first thing he saw was of Onew curled up under the blanket, sleeping quietly on his bedside. His hair was covered under the sheets but Taemin could catch just portions of the elder's face from where the sheets had slipped off. His thick dark eyebrows nested in a frown even in his sleep, and his short eyelashes perked up from his closed eyes. Usually the elder would hold up a smile in front of people. It was a habit he had since young to make sure others could feel some joy just by looking at him. So much that sometimes even he didn't know when he was really genuinely smiling. As long as he knew there was someone watching him, a smile would immediately grace his features. But now, in his sleep, Taemin could see the stress piling up on his leader's shoulders. As selfish as it may seem, Taemin was assured by Jinki's pressure. Somehow it meant that saving the leader's life actually meant something. For one, he wouldn't sacrifice his own life, his whole career, and his entire passion for just some random person; and Jinki was definitely one person he would throw aside those for. Just with Jinki's comforting presence, Taemin felt that it was worth it. He knew he wouldn't forgive himself if the leader had been the one caught up in the situation that he had visualized. He knew that the team would fall apart without Jinki around; even without anyone telling him so, he just knew. And for Jinki, he would have to stay strong. That Onew had blamed himself over and over again for the injuries that Taemin incurred was one thing, but that he was still keeping his worries to himself despite the high pressure in the team was another. Taemin have watched Onew break down and cry countless of time; and yet, the other members has never seen that side of their usual cheery leader. Maybe it was because they were friends long before they were team mates, and they both saw the worst that they could have each done in their trainee days and yet never judged one another; or maybe because they each had the same humour and the same thought flow; or simply because Taemin just happened to be the one who was there when Jinki needed someone to listen. Whatever the reason was, the eldest and the youngest ended up being each other's confidant. Taemin somehow knew that Jinki was in need of a friend right now; because he too needed Jinki to stay by his side and just assure him with his presence. Even with the lack of his voice, the elder's presence somehow made up for it. Living in the dorms since 15, he pretty much lived the same amount of time as compared to with his own family - since he couldn't remember his toddler days. The team is as much of a family to him as his real ones are. There may not be the presence of a proper hierarchy where someone orders another for things; and they may not respect the age differences as much as other teams do; but this way, they each had an equal amount of responsibilities towards upholding this makeshift family of theirs. The oldest hardly acts like the oldest and the youngest doesn't seem like the youngest; the umma whines and doesn't clean up, the sporty one doesn't want to get out of bed; and the narcissistic one don't take up the proposed solo schedules. Yet, it is little things like these managed to hold the individualized personalities into one. They had their good sides, and their bad. Being forced into a team to work towards their success, they knew all the good and the bad of each member make use of the good to promote the team, and accept the bad as their charm.

Holding a team like this together hadn't been an easy feat. When Taemin was still young, a mere boy in his mid-teens, he gained much of his strength from the team. From the closest to his age, Minho, who took care of him like a hyung would for his dongseang and adored him like the most lovable person on earth even though Taemin knew that his short temper was not easy to tolerate. Kibum, who took care of him like a mum would, cooking for him in the wee hours of the night, handling his picky tastes and his careless nature. Jonghyun, who would always stick up for any member of the group, who was everyone's best friend regardless of their age; he took Taemin as an equal despite his young debut. And Jinki, taking care of the minute details like another manager towards the team; getting his favourite food, handling his messily sprawled notes, making sure he has his meals on time. In turn, Taemin was a good listening ear. He was good at keeping secrets. What had been said between the team wouldn't be leaked out to the public through him in any manner. He wasn't vengeful; even if his own secret had managed to leak out on accident, he never paid back the deed by starting another rumour. SHINee was his family, his support. The days he was down, and the days he was vexed, the members were always around - and it wasn't merely because they were forced in a close proximity, but because they cared. Just like how Jonghyun tried to talk him out of his negative thoughts - although failing miserably - and Jinki managing to make him feel slight hope. He knew that the members cared deeply about him but couldn't help but feel worse knowing that they do.

People have expectations of others. There couldn't possibly be unconditional love. Parents disown their children everywhere; what more was to be expected of mere business associates? Taemin knew very clearly what was expected of him from the team - to dance and sing, to entertain and uphold a clear image, to live up to the SHINee reputation, to be an idol people look up to. Whatever the members were doing now may be from guilt and pity, but he knew that when the day comes that he lets them down too many times, they too would get frustrated with him. When that day comes, he would be abandoned. He would continue being one of their best friends, maybe, but they would start to drift. He wouldn't know their inside stories, and wouldn't have little incidences that mean a lot when put together. Taemin stared at Jinki's forlorn features and felt a sad smile creeping up in his heart - even though he couldn't express it properly on his face.

The team had 5 people - an odd number - if he was gone, maybe they would be happier. When they grouped up, there was always one that was left out. Jinki, acting as the leader and hyung, took the responsibility upon himself to stand aside for the others to pair up. If he left the group, Onew would finally have a partner in all the activities. Onew probably wanted him gone as well now that the chance arose.

Jonghyun must be angry that he took all the lines, even some of the high notes. Jonghyun must have felt that the lime light of the singing representative had shifted and is unhappy that he had stolen that position. He must have been pissed knowing that he joined the immortal song program as well. Now he thought about, maybe Onew was angry for that too. Maybe Onew as the lead singer was hoping for more lines but he stole them. If he was gone, Jonghyun would get his lines back, his singing will gain more recognition, he would be the proper main again.
 

Kibum was a bit of everything. He sings, he dance and he raps. Since the beginning, he had been singing and dancing; and have been given much recognition for being the Almighty one. But Taemin knows that Kibum felt inferior in dance compared to him. Kibum will never have to feel that way again because Taemin might never be able to compete with the elder ever again. Kibum must have been unhappy knowing that even though he had a good fashion sense, Taemin could easily pull any ridiculous outfit that he put on and still look good without even trying. But Kibum would never have to feel that way again because Taemin might never go out in the streets either. Kibum must have been pissed that they lost so much time finding his carelessly misplaced objects; but he might never be able to stay with the group again.

Minho couldn't have possibly liked his short temper. He always teased Taemin about his odd moments, but now Taemin really saw them as the truth buried in Minho's heart. Minho knew how much he hated being called cute; the second youngest must have constantly reminded him time and again that he was cute just to piss him off. Taemin felt like an idiot having laughed through all those moments. Minho must want him gone as well. Sharing his raps with Kibum must be bad enough, but now he was taking some rap parts as well. Minho never got to have any spotlight in dancing. He was always told to consult Taemin in regards to the dances even though Taemin was younger. He must have felt embarrassed. He must have wished that Taemin wasn't there at all.

The door burst open and the shift manager marched in angrily, breathing out through his nose like a dragon. Taemin lifted his eyes to look tiredly at the manager. The elder took notice of his gaze and locked eyes with him.

"Morning Taemin," he greeted, though his voice was strained in suppressed anger. "I'm just need to get Onew. We have a schedule to match later and he was supposed to meet us earlier. His phone is turned off and I had to come here to get him." The manager rolled his eyes in annoyance, placing a hand on Onew's shoulder and shaking it as he finished his sentence. Onew blinked his eyes open and stretched his arms out tiredly. He glanced around in confusion until the manager started nagging at him. Taemin could only stare at the manager blankly.

All the managers had problems with him. He lost his passport multiple times just as they were already in the airport, making them panic like crazy in order to catch the flight. He loses the production properties and the managers had to be responsible for looking for the items. He always has some slip of the tongue and the managers had to be the one to make sure the scene was cut out. The managers can retain more of their black hair if he was gone. The rest of the team were more responsible other than Onew falling once in a while and he knew the managers could handle that. With the rest of the team, the managers would have an easier time. They probably wished him gone as well and to stop bothering the other members as well. That is probably the real reason for picking Jinki up… away from him. Or maybe Jinki asked for reinforcement to get him out of there.

"I'm glad you got to see me before I left. I didn't want to break my promise," Onew smiled gently; and Taemin frowned, convincing himself that the elder was faking. "I need to go now, and I don't know when I'll be back again. Just don't talk for the next few days. The doctor said it will get better soon. Again, I'm sorry, but please stay strong. I want to see you better again. You've heard from Kibum, isn't that right? Amusement parks, presents, I'll get you anything you want as long as you get better. I love you, Taemin." Jinki leaned down to place a rare kiss on the back of his hand which was still warmly in the elder's and other on his forehead. The firm hold on his hand loosens and fresh cold air wrapped around his palm immediately. While Onew and the manager left the ward with a last farewell, Taemin stared after them before landing his eyes back on his still warm hand.

Onew hyung wants me gone. Amusement park and presents, are those like a severance package? He doesn't even want to visit. He doesn't even make the effort to tell me he will be back. Instead he says he don't know when he will be back... Probably never. He told me not to talk. He didn't even ask how I felt after the operation. Oh right, because he doesn't want me to talk. Yea. He probably means like forever? So I wouldn't have to sing ever again; so I wouldn't steal his lines again. Taemin rolled his eyes, more to hide the hurt than to express annoyance. His heart rate picked up at the now settled thoughts and tears stung his eyes again. To think that he always considered them as his family; but all they wanted was for him to be gone. Yea, that was probably how all of them felt about him. And now with this accident, they will finally get their wish fulfilled. 

Jul 6, 2013 22:42:43

I had a real lack of motivation for a real long time. I couldn't even complete any of my ontae fics. I started many though... All new stories but having little loopholes with a lack of motivation to complete any; luckily I didn't upload any of them from the start. So yea; one month later and I finally updated. So sorry about that. I know I've been writing about Jinki like tons more than the others; I'll try and remind myself to write more on the others from now.