Left with nothing
Predicted Accident
"You can't even sing, how can you even call yourself an idol?" his classmate mocked.
"I can! I can; I can; I can!" Taemin insisted with anger and hurt written in his eyes.
"Oh~! Sure you can," the mocking continued. "What were your lines again?"
"Probably some adlibs," another classmate answered before the both burst into laughter.
"No it's-!" Taemin started but was interrupted by his bullies.
"Can you even believe what the idols in our country are coming to? They don't have to even be able to sing to be called a lead singer. I think I lost all faith in our country's entertainment industry," the boy tsked and clicked his tongue in annoyance while shaking his head in disappointment. Taemin felt his heart clutching at the words but he spilled no tears. He wouldn't. Not for people like this.
"At least I achieved something in my life, unlike you," Taemin spat and marched off.
He went to his hyung in hope for help - the hyung that gave him his first vocal lesson; in hope that he could find something. Encouragement, comfort, something that he could hold onto. But the words that escaped his hyungs lips were things he'd rather never hear.
"You've got to accept reality, Taemin. Do you really think you can sing?" Jinki's voice asked in a cold manner. "You're just dragging us all down. You're only in the team because you can dance. That's all there is to it, maknae."
"But, hyung... Hyung, you said... You were the one who said that I deserved to get some guidance, and... And that if I practice hard enough, I would succeed one day... You were the one who told me, hyung," Taemin pleaded for some reassurance, his eyes glistening in tears.
"Now that you went through those practices, I just reconfirmed that you can't do it. You're just not made for singing, Taemin. Just accept the fact that you are but just a dancer; you will never be one of us," Jinki replied, his eyes as cold as his words.
"No," Taemin choked out shakily. "I don't believe you, hyung!" Taemin pushed his way out of the leader's room and stumbled into another member's room.
"Shouldn't you knock?" the main singer asked.
"Hyung," Taemin sobbed. "Hyung, tell me... Tell me I'm not dragging this team down... Tell me that I will be able to sing on stage with all of you in the future."
"You are singing on stage with all of us, right now aren't you?" Jonghyun replied, bringing Taemin's hopes up. "And that is exactly what drags us down. You should stop singing all together." Taemin felt crashed; as if someone just rammed his face with a metal bat.
"You're... You're lying... Right, hyung? You're joking..." Taemin choked out in despair. Taemin shook his head in disbelief when his fellow member just went back to reading whatever notes he had before him, as if Taemin was not breaking just before him. Taemin dashed out the room again, seeking for some reconfirmation. He now knew the truth - the truth that he couldn't sing. That he was not a true singer.
"Hyung...?" Taemin called out meekly at the member who would pamper him - the one that he could seek comfort from. "Key umma..."
"Yes, my baby?" Taemin tilted his lips upwards, feeling the warmth he needed from 's voice. He shuffled his feet towards the other, and finally found himself in the comfort of the elder's arms.
"Hyung, do you think I am dragging the team down?" Taemin choked out. Kibum stopped the rhythmic comfort patting on the younger's hair. Taemin lifted his head up to look at Kibum frowning. "Hyung...?" he choked out shakily. Finally, Kibum shook his head and Taemin could almost cry from relief.
"No, Taemin. Your dancing is the best in the team, isn't it?" Kibum gave him a heart-warming smile. Taemin small smile turned into a grimace. He didn't just want to be able to dance now. He had bigger dreams. He wanted to sing like the rest of them. He wanted to be a true blue idol that can both sing and dance.
"What about singing, hyung? Can I sing side by side all of you? They gave me the title of a lead singer, so I can sing... right?" Taemin asked pleadingly. Kibum lost his smile and heaved a heavy sigh.
"Sometimes, baby, there are things on earth that only certain people can do. Singing just isn't your forte, Taemin," Kibum explained. Taemin pushed himself out of the elder's pitying embrace violently and stood up.
"Hyung, you're telling me that I can't sing. I can't sing, is that it? What if one day I happen to not be able to dance? Will I be worthless then?" Taemin screeched. Kibum softened his eyes, shooting Taemin pitiful gazes, but it did nothing to lessen the sharp blades cutting into Taemin's heart with his next word.
"Yes."
"I can't believe you," Taemin whimpered, tears falling off his chin now. "I can't believe any of you!" Taemin shouted, cupping his ears and shaking his head while he ran out of the room. He slammed right smack into Minho when he pulled their main door open. The second youngest held his arms to stop his escape and Taemin just let himself crumble into his hyung's arms.
"Hyung," Taemin hiccupped in sobs. "Hyung, hyung, hyung," Taemin took in a deep breath in attempt to calm his erratic heart.
"Hyung, please... Even if you are the only one, please tell me that you believe in me. Please tell me you think that if I practice hard enough I will be able to sing well," Taemin was practically begging for the answers now.
"Taemin, in this industry, you can stay as long as you can dance. Just like how I'm depending on rapping. You don't have to worry about it," Minho answered instead.
"I want to sing, hyung!" Taemin screamed. "I am the lead singer, I want to sing! Am I just that worthless if I can't dance?! Is that how all of you see me?!"
"Taemin, when the day comes that you can't dance, do you really think the company will still keep you?" Minho questioned. "Just accept that this is how it is. Dancing is your lifeline."
"Dancing is my... lifeline...? I... I'm... I'm nothing without dance... I... I'm nothing...?" Taemin choked out in whimpers.
"I'm nothing... Nothing without dance," Taemin breathed out in a barely audible whisper, his throat dry and scratchy, making his voice come out hoarse and raw. His long bangs sticking on his sweaty forehead and goose bumps upon even inch of his skin. His hands were clammy with perspiration and the pain against his hip growing more and more evident by the second. Taemin opened his eyes from the nightmare and strained his eyes to look at his casted thigh.
I'm just worthless now. He smirked a bitter smile, his eyes twitching in a grimace. I'm left with nothing. Just nothing.
Aug 9, 2013 14:34:49
Just to clarify, this whole chapter has been a dream (except the last 2 paragraphs when he woke up.
I know it's short, but this was the chapter that I was deciding whether or not to omit. And well, it's here in the end.
I think you can expect maybe one more chapter soon (just before I leave) so till then... Ciaos
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